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Bingeing before detox

Old 04-25-2013, 07:23 PM
  # 81 (permalink)  
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Hi MidlifeCrisis

No one hates you, how could I ever hate a fellow Januarian?
While we understand that until you go to detox, you need to maintain or you could get some serious seizures with benzos, we are all very concerned about you posting about a "last" binge and some possible denial.
We all have walked in your shoes to some extent, for us addicts, when we are in active addiction Denial is truly a river in Egypt and unfortunately denial can be deadly.
Please stick around and read people's stories then go to detox. I truly look forward to you coming back clean and sober and in recovery.
I wish you health and happiness (hey, don't roll your eyes but it works if you work it) and it is right around the corner.
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Carlotta View Post
Hi MidlifeCrisis

No one hates you, how could I ever hate a fellow Januarian?
While we understand that until you go to detox, you need to maintain or you could get some serious seizures with benzos, we are all very concerned about you posting about a "last" binge and some possible denial.
We all have walked in your shoes to some extent, for us addicts, when we are in active addiction Denial is truly a river in Egypt and unfortunately denial can be deadly.
Please stick around and read people's stories then go to detox. I truly look forward to you coming back clean and sober and in recovery.
I wish you health and happiness (hey, don't roll your eyes but it work if you work it) and it is right around the corner.
I had just had my last binge when I posted (obviously by reading the nonsensical
Post.). All will be well.

This all just runs so deep , I'm just in tears. Normally
I can't cry on Valium but today I can:
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
What
In the first post, you wrote that you never drove drunk...in the second post I quoted, you admitted to driving impaired. Regardless of substance, you were a danger on the road.

So, now you are endangering others as well?
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:29 PM
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Originally Posted by RevivingOphelia View Post

In the first post, you wrote that you never drove drunk...in the second post I quoted, you admitted to driving impaired. Regardless of substance, you were a danger on the road.

So, now you are endangering others as well?
When I drove this morning I was in withdrawals because I had no Valium or codeine. I was stone cold sober.
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:32 PM
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Hi Mid I've not posted to you bfore but have been following. You must be terrified right now. How about thinking of all the good things you'll be looking forward to after this is all over it might help u to relax a little.

Imagine yourself in the future with your kids and what you'd like to be able to do?
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:38 PM
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MLC - I can relate to your fears and nail-biting as you try to get through the next few days until the detox. So many of us can. I for one - like many on this site, not just you - have relapsed several times in recent years and am drinking currently, smack in the middle of addiction ambivalence.

HOWEVER: I do agree with Dee and others on the utter blanket of denial - or spin - you keep putting on how fine your kids and home life are. I used to work in Child Protection (Victorian government) a lot of years ago. I can guarantee you that - even if your kids appear to at least be clean, fed, going to school etc - a couple of visits and interviews by a child protection worker and / or community policing squad members would or SHOULD zone in on the fact that you've been overdosing on seriously high levels of prescription drugs.

Abusing prescription drugs - before, during or after a detox, irregardless - means that you ARE STILL a 'junkie'. A junkie is certainly not confined to those who do illegal drugs, including heroin, which you have admitted you're seriously drawn back to.

I'm also weirded out big-time by your tales of your 'ex-junkie pastor' and the fact that your husband as you say works with people in the er, 'welfare system' to put it broadly.
If your husband was too worn out by it all, with work and coming home to a zonked out wife and 5 kids, then I guess that makes sense: until you remind yourself that he KNOWS what danger he's been allowing his own kids to be in. And this pastor???? WTF? If he's a. had experience with the mindset of a junkie himself and b. is a church elder as it were, in a small community, HE should have had the moral gumption to call child protection himself.

Whilst I do have enormous sympathy for your plight, having read / followed all your various posts these past several months: I'm hearing the voice, sometimes garbled and sometimes not, of a 40 yr old (?) still living in the head space of today's numerous narcissistic Gen Y'ers or teenagers. Please, MLC, do keep on posting before detox. But think hard about how it REALLY will be for you after that mere two weeks, when you're back home. In other words, consider deeply if you are TRULY DEEPLY committed to getting completely clean of substances including booze (hello? you've NEVER DRIVING DRUNK but sure as hell when stoned off your scone on drugs). And the eating disorder? Yes, a terrible psychological condition....just as terrible and hard to shake as all the other conditions about 90% of us alkies and druggies have to contend with in recovery, relapse, recovery, relapse....recovery.

I would never normally say this on a site like SR or to anyone (though people have had to say it to me, so count me in): but Get a Grip, love.
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:46 PM
  # 87 (permalink)  
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Coming at it from a different point of view, the cocktail you're taking is sort of dangerous.

Granted that codeine is a weak opiate (although lethal overdoses aren't unheard of) and that a bottle of wine won't give you alcohol poisoning, however:

- alcohol potentiates opiates (quite a bit in fact, I've seen it happening)
- benzos potentiate alcohol (from what I've heard, never tried or observed)
- benzos and opiates both cause some amount of respiratory depression

Get my point...
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:00 PM
  # 88 (permalink)  
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My current post will no doubt overlap with others (as I see my last one did), but I'll chuck this in anyway.

I've often thought about your frustrations about living so far from meetings, which you often said were once extremely helpful / important for you. Indeed, I seem to recall posting to you about that thing of living in the bush, several weeks ago I think.

[Deep breath here:] MLC, our lives are quite different, in that I'm on my own, with long grown adult kids (neither of whom speak to me, I should add...think about that and don't imagine it could never happen to you). But, after my first 'proper' rehab stint - as opposed to just a ten day detox a couple of years beforehand: I had to make the extremely difficult decision to pack up my home, leave the country town (medium size) that I'd lived in for ten years, and move back to Melbourne. Well, the outer suburbs cause I couldn't afford anywhere closer in.

But the reason I moved was purely in order to be much closer to meetings, and lots of them plus close access to my rehab's outpatient groups. Yes, I've relapsed along the way, have not become a meetings / programme zealot (but that's purely just me), and have a patchy at best record of outpatients' groups.

My point though is: even given - in fact, especially given - the fact you and your hubby and kids live somewhere with virtually no support for addicts.......when you return home from detox, a mere two weeks.....??????????? [Fill in the blanks]. And I'm not counting your pastor as an appropriate means of post-detox / ongoing rehab type support. It sounds to me like he's more an enabler for whatever his own reasons are.

Anyway, a big call, to consider actually upping stumps and moving the family. But if you don't???? What then? What hope is there, really?
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Trubbled View Post
Hi Mid I've not posted to you bfore but have been following. You must be terrified right now. How about thinking of all the good things you'll be looking forward to after this is all over it might help u to relax a little.

Imagine yourself in the future with your kids and what you'd like to be able to do?
I'm trying there's so much work ahead tho. We have has a good life. I've just stuffed up since last year/(. We will get there. I have just had this awful ed monkey on my back. Thanks
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:12 PM
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Originally Posted by bemyself View Post
MLC - I can relate to your fears and nail-biting as you try to get through the next few days until the detox. So many of us can. I for one - like many on this site, not just you - have relapsed several times in recent years and am drinking currently, smack in the middle of addiction ambivalence.

HOWEVER: I do agree with Dee and others on the utter blanket of denial - or spin - you keep putting on how fine your kids and home life are. I used to work in Child Protection (Victorian government) a lot of years ago. I can guarantee you that - even if your kids appear to at least be clean, fed, going to school etc - a couple of visits and interviews by a child protection worker and / or community policing squad members would or SHOULD zone in on the fact that you've been overdosing on seriously high levels of prescription drugs.

Abusing prescription drugs - before, during or after a detox, irregardless - means that you ARE STILL a 'junkie'. A junkie is certainly not confined to those who do illegal drugs, including heroin, which you have admitted you're seriously drawn back to.

I'm also weirded out big-time by your tales of your 'ex-junkie pastor' and the fact that your husband as you say works with people in the er, 'welfare system' to put it broadly.
If your husband was too worn out by it all, with work and coming home to a zonked out wife and 5 kids, then I guess that makes sense: until you remind yourself that he KNOWS what danger he's been allowing his own kids to be in. And this pastor???? WTF? If he's a. had experience with the mindset of a junkie himself and b. is a church elder as it were, in a small community, HE should have had the moral gumption to call child protection himself.

Whilst I do have enormous sympathy for your plight, having read / followed all your various posts these past several months: I'm hearing the voice, sometimes garbled and sometimes not, of a 40 yr old (?) still living in the head space of today's numerous narcissistic Gen Y'ers or teenagers. Please, MLC, do keep on posting before detox. But think hard about how it REALLY will be for you after that mere two weeks, when you're back home. In other words, consider deeply if you are TRULY DEEPLY committed to getting completely clean of substances including booze (hello? you've NEVER DRIVING DRUNK but sure as hell when stoned off your scone on drugs). And the eating disorder? Yes, a terrible psychological condition....just as terrible and hard to shake as all the other conditions about 90% of us alkies and druggies have to contend with in recovery, relapse, recovery, relapse....recovery.

I would never normally say this on a site like SR or to anyone (though people have had to say it to me, so count me in): but Get a Grip, love.
I'm 35 and have been trying to get a grip since I was sexually abused at 7. Thanks. I'll try to go find that grip ASAP.

My husband works closely with child protection also.

Wow, I am really
Quite offended by your post. My husband and pastor and his wife have stood by me when others haven't and have made sure pie kids are ok. How can you judge them when you don't know them? Why are you being so sarcastic about my husbands job? He daily deals with people who are very violent criminals, domestic violence, drugs. He goes the extra mile as does my pastor
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:14 PM
  # 91 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Someguy23 View Post
Coming at it from a different point of view, the cocktail you're taking is sort of dangerous.

Granted that codeine is a weak opiate (although lethal overdoses aren't unheard of) and that a bottle of wine won't give you alcohol poisoning, however:

- alcohol potentiates opiates (quite a bit in fact, I've seen it happening)
- benzos potentiate alcohol (from what I've heard, never tried or observed)
- benzos and opiates both cause some amount of respiratory depression

Get my point...
Yes I know. I'm in no denial that I am extremely stupid.
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:16 PM
  # 92 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by bemyself View Post
My current post will no doubt overlap with others (as I see my last one did), but I'll chuck this in anyway.

I've often thought about your frustrations about living so far from meetings, which you often said were once extremely helpful / important for you. Indeed, I seem to recall posting to you about that thing of living in the bush, several weeks ago I think.

[Deep breath here:] MLC, our lives are quite different, in that I'm on my own, with long grown adult kids (neither of whom speak to me, I should add...think about that and don't imagine it could never happen to you). But, after my first 'proper' rehab stint - as opposed to just a ten day detox a couple of years beforehand: I had to make the extremely difficult decision to pack up my home, leave the country town (medium size) that I'd lived in for ten years, and move back to Melbourne. Well, the outer suburbs cause I couldn't afford anywhere closer in.

But the reason I moved was purely in order to be much closer to meetings, and lots of them plus close access to my rehab's outpatient groups. Yes, I've relapsed along the way, have not become a meetings / programme zealot (but that's purely just me), and have a patchy at best record of outpatients' groups.

My point though is: even given - in fact, especially given - the fact you and your hubby and kids live somewhere with virtually no support for addicts.......when you return home from detox, a mere two weeks.....??????????? [Fill in the blanks]. And I'm not counting your pastor as an appropriate means of post-detox / ongoing rehab type support. It sounds to me like he's more an enabler for whatever his own reasons are.

Anyway, a big call, to consider actually upping stumps and moving the family. But if you don't???? What then? What hope is there, really?
We cannot move. Believe me I hate this place. It could take 5 years to sell our house and I have a 5 year contract on a dream job. My husband has 3 years on his. People stay clean without meetings.

Why do you say my pastor is an enabler??????
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:21 PM
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I have just had this awful ed monkey
I can understand, having been both anorexic and bullimic. Maybe I'm not supposed to talk about it in this forum (not sure) so I'll just say it quick that it was a very simple comment another person who was recovered ed said to me. That what she did was decided that if she binged then she would just live with the consequences. It wasn't long before she stopped because the consequences were not THAT bad. It's almost impossible to eat enough in one day to really gain a lb and if you keep down what you eat, then you just don't feel the need to binge again. Thats just a very simplified explanation and it's not an instant "cure" and maybe some people need more intense therapy for it but it worked for me.

The main thing right now is you just do your best to keep yourself together until you get to that detox and then you can work on the rest of it, one thing at a time one minute at a time if you have to.
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:28 PM
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mid, no one hates you. deeker is a very caring person as is everyone here. what the problem is YOU ARE THICK HEADED! guess how we( at least me and deeker) know that?because we are too!! how did the message get through to us?? pretty friggin brutal at times. but ya know, it was them poeple that got brutal with me that stuck when i was in denial. them poeple that were babying me? they woulda buried me.
now,no, you may not have ever drove drunk, but do you really think that driving with all them prescription drugs is legal? do you realy think you arent jeopardizing others while doin it? if you say yes its legal or no ya didnt jeopardize anyone, then i highly suggest goin back a while through your theads and read your posts. when you were clean, you agreed.

IMO, the eating disorder isnt the driving factor. its the addiction. you are an addict. thats why you are doin it.




when you get clean and get some time under your belt, you wil know the pain we are feeling by reading your posts. it hurts. we want to see you get clean, but yer pretty darn thick headed.

ya got some prayers out to ya from this end of the monitor.
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:29 PM
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MLC, I know that you know I meant the Get a Grip remark in the light of your IMMEDIATE AND FUTURE life.

Sorry I got your age wrong by 5 years, and yeah, I had terrible shite happening around your age in my own life. Most of my life, it seems....I'm now 57. When I was 7, my violent alcoholic father was in jail. And my mother pleaded with the authorities to not send him back home. this was in the early 1960s, when there was no child protection, no help for single mothers, very little help for alcoholics etc. Nor for those who'd been sexually abused or for those with eating disorders (neither of which had even been recognised).

Now, there is. Heaps of it. Maybe not perfect, but by jeez, a million times better than then.

And your husband's connections with child protection, which I figured he'd have from your posts. None of us know really what goes on between you, but I've long had a hunch that he himself could do with some help. Just as the kids do too. It's as if you have your whole family kind of captive to your problems and addictions.

I truly hope - given your screen name, midlife crisis - that your two weeks in detox will give you some space to re-think, start to realise how your own awful inner suffering does need to begin healing.

I read and reflect a lot about our inner tasks, as we age. You're at that point right now. I wish you well.
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Old 04-25-2013, 08:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
Deeker, I don't know why you hate me so much. I am just coming here being honest. If I make you ill please don't read. I make myself I'll enough and hate myself enough.

.
I don't hate you, I have no reason to hate you. The children if you are not gonna protect them who is?
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Old 04-25-2013, 09:25 PM
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I wouldn't go into a bar and try to have a rational conversation with a person under the influence, not sure why I am doing it here with someone who is under the influence. Just gave away my peace. So not worth it.

Wish you the best I look forward to your return when you are thinking more clearly, and then you will understand what all the fuss is about. God Bless! Gonna have to put you and those children in God's hands.
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Old 04-25-2013, 09:32 PM
  # 98 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
Thanks for the well wishes. All will be good.

I throught this forum was gojng to really help me at first but now I can't stop crying and hating on myself even more. And some people will just not accept that I CANNOT go to meetings. There are none. I can try and invent one but I'm probably not in the beat headspace yet
This forum has helped you in so many ways. You are going to detox/rehab. That is how this forum has helped. Please do take care of yourself.
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Old 04-25-2013, 09:34 PM
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Lets keep it constructive.
We help - thats what we do.

I know people are upset, but lets post to MLC, not for ourselves, ok?

D
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Old 04-25-2013, 09:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
Yeah. Stupid thread. Feel just great this morning.

Not the kind of wild and crazy binge people might be thinking. Cooked a nice meal for our new youth pastor and wife, put kids to bed, my husband and pastor had one beer, I had 17 Valium, several codeines and a bottle of wine. Just sat there quietly fading into oblivion.

That's my binge.
If that's NOT wild and crazy, I don't know what is. I know more than one person who died mixing pills and alcohol.
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