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Bingeing before detox

Old 04-25-2013, 03:13 PM
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Originally Posted by ClearLight View Post

Something to consider is that next chase could be death.

I hope the detox works for you. Good luck.
Exactly my point. I've done my days as a junkie, pre kids. I still think about those drugs everyday but do not wish to go back there. There is only destruction.
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Old 04-25-2013, 03:14 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post

Thanks, I misunderstood what you meant by the illegal drug reference. You also mentioned that "I'm snorting Valium hourly, taking codeine like lollies" - is that also only at night when your husband is home? Or during the day with the kids too? Even if you don't feel that it's doing anyting to you it is - you just don't realize it. And it's completely unsafe for you to be caring for children on your own in that condition.
I use alot of Valium during the dag yes. I even wake at night for it
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Old 04-25-2013, 03:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
I use alot of Valium during the dag yes. I even wake at night for it
If that's the case, and you are home alone with children entrusted in your care ( or driving the other ones around ) I see only 2 options

1. Find someone else to take care of your kids.

2. Stop taking so much valium.

And since you can't seem to do number 2, I beg of you to find a way to make number one happen. This isn't about you anymore - it's about the safety of young children. There has to be someone from your church that can come help you.
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Old 04-25-2013, 03:25 PM
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It's the weekend tomorrow then hubby has holidays because he put a nail through his foot and then I'm off to rehab. I'll be with friends at the kids school all of today for cross country. All will gr ok.
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Old 04-25-2013, 03:28 PM
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I mean detox not rehab
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Old 04-25-2013, 03:39 PM
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Sometimes we think no one knows when really everyone does.
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Old 04-25-2013, 03:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Elisabeth888 View Post
Sometimes we think no one knows when really everyone does.
Yes I know. I just said that to a friend. I was trying to find a new profile pic for FB and in evey single photo I look so high:/(
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Old 04-25-2013, 05:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
I'm not addicted to alcohol but to Valium. I started off with a 7.5mg a day prescription which is now a 60mg prescription. Though sometimes I take more and was getting away with gojng in earlier for my scripts. My drs know its too dangerous to stop giving it to me but have now put me on 2-3 day pickup from chemist and I'm off to hospital detox next week.

You say it is a 60 mg prescription, but you are doing more than that right?
Doesn't matter if the scripts r legal or not, if you are abusing them then you are endangering yourself and most importantly those kids. If you were my neighbor i would have you arrested if I saw you drive anywhere with those children. I know you have an illness but you really are taking this so lightly it makes me ill. Those children, someone needs to protect those children. I can hardly even read these posts , so I won't. I just hope they, you don't die before u get into detox. Playing Russian Roulette with ur own kids.
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Old 04-25-2013, 05:28 PM
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MLC, whenever someone talks to you about your children you insist they are okay and then come up with reasons/excuses to explain that they are fine and will be fine. They can't be fine. You are taking drugs all day and all night. You owe it to your children to find someone responsible to look after them. You can make the decision to help yourself or not but your children need to be cared for.
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Old 04-25-2013, 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by deeker View Post

You say it is a 60 mg prescription, but you are doing more than that right?
Doesn't matter if the scripts r legal or not, if you are abusing them then you are endangering yourself and most importantly those kids. If you were my neighbor i would have you arrested if I saw you drive anywhere with those children. I know you have an illness but you really are taking this so lightly it makes me ill. Those children, someone needs to protect those children. I can hardly even read these posts , so I won't. I just hope they, you don't die before u get into detox. Playing Russian Roulette with ur own kids.
Deeker, I don't know why you hate me so much. I am just coming here being honest. If I make you ill please don't read. I make myself I'll enough and hate myself enough.

Not once in my life have I drunk driven. Not ever.

I am sticking to my 60mg a day now apart from my binge which started this post.

I am not taking this lightly at all. I am just posting my thoughts and feelings and stuff ups because I am pretty sure most people here can relate.

My kids mean the world to me. I am getting clean and sober for them even though I would
Rather die. Especially knowing my **** ups make people ill. Noone can make me hate myself more than how I am ruining every bodies lives around me.

They have a wonderful dad who has never been an addict. I wish I was like him.
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Old 04-25-2013, 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
MLC, whenever someone talks to you about your children you insist they are okay and then come up with reasons/excuses to explain that they are fine and will be fine. They can't be fine. You are taking drugs all day and all night. You owe it to your children to find someone responsible to look after them. You can make the decision to help yourself or not but your children need to be cared for.
They are being looked after. I won't give anymore reasons or excuses as to why, I just seem to **** people off. My kids are my world, I am crying thinking that anyone would think I was endangering them. I can guarantee is child safety came around we would be fine.

I just had to tell my daughters teacher when I was there for reading groups this morning that I had to go away for two weeks, I nearly could not contain my emotion. I can't bear the thought. I have ****** everythjbg up I know it.
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Old 04-25-2013, 06:48 PM
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Noone hates you MLC.

Everyones worried about your kids - including you, I know - but honestly? sometimes what you post here doesn't even make sense.

It makes me wonder how in touch you are with reality and how you are on a day to day basis, let alone how you'd be in a crisis.

Kids deserve a responsible adult.
I know you want to be that.

If your addiction is making that difficult right now, you need to make alternative arrangements, even this close to detox.

D
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Old 04-25-2013, 06:50 PM
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I will stop posting. I wish I was perfect like the rest. Once I get clean I have to deal with this eating disorder which will kill me faster than any drug. Is everyone angry at me for that too?? I have struggled and tried for 16 years to get rid of it and I just can't. Now I can't stop crying. I'm so scared and without my kids I would be dead. They have all that I have to give them at the moment.
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Old 04-25-2013, 06:55 PM
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Noone wants you to leave either.

I know you love your kids. Thats very much apparent to me.

but MLC, when we're high - we're high.
Our faculties are impaired.

when you say you're not endangering your kids, it makes my head spin.

The fact nothing bad has happened is great - but it's down to luck not good management, yeah?

If people are being frustrated it's because we've been here at this point of the conversation before.

I've no wish to upset you further, but I wanted to explain that people do actually have your best interests at heart, as well as your kids.

I do wish you and your family well.

D
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Old 04-25-2013, 06:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Noone hates you MLC.

Everyones worried about your kids - including you, I know - but honestly? sometimes what you post here doesn't even make sense.

It makes me wonder how in touch you are with reality and how you are on a day to day basis, let alone how you'd be in a crisis.

Kids deserve a responsible adult.
I know you want to be that.

If your addiction is making that difficult right now, you need to make alternative arrangements, even this close to detox.

D
Had to go to the dr to get a new script this morning and i was alreasy in withdrawls javihg nothing since Yesterday. that was probably the most dangeous drive i have done inwas shaking so mich. Today I had reading at school (walking distance) have had 20mg Valium, 20mg codeine. I am cleaning the house, going back to school in 2 hours to watch them hopefully win cross country and then my husband will be home until I go to detox.

All is fine. When I had my binge my husband was home and kids in bed.
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:03 PM
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No one is angry with you. We all want you to get better and wish you well. You have a long and difficult road ahead of you. If your kids mean the world to you, and I'm sure they do, you will go to any lengths to get better. Just focus on one day at a time and one problem at a time. Get clean first and then worry about your eating disorder. When you go to detox just be honest and take all the help you can get. None of us got clean without help from some source. You are young and can have a full and happy life. Ask God for help. Good luck.
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Noone wants you to leave either.

I know you love your kids. Thats very much apparent to me.

but MLC, when we're high - we're high.
Our faculties are impaired.

when you say you're not endangering your kids, it makes my head spin.

The fact nothing bad has happened is great - but it's down to luck not good management, yeah?

If people are being frustrated it's because we've been here at this point of the conversation before.

I've no wish to upset you further, but I wanted to explain that people do actually have your best interests at heart, as well as your kids.

I do wish you and your family well.

D
Thanks for the well wishes. All will be good.

I throught this forum was gojng to really help me at first but now I can't stop crying and hating on myself even more. And some people will just not accept that I CANNOT go to meetings. There are none. I can try and invent one but I'm probably not in the beat headspace yet
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:22 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post

Not once in my life have I drunk driven. Not ever.

Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
. that was probably the most dangeous drive i have done inwas shaking so mich.

Say what?
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Sally3127 View Post
No one is angry with you. We all want you to get better and wish you well. You have a long and difficult road ahead of you. If your kids mean the world to you, and I'm sure they do, you will go to any lengths to get better. Just focus on one day at a time and one problem at a time. Get clean first and then worry about your eating disorder. When you go to detox just be honest and take all the help you can get. None of us got clean without help from some source. You are young and can have a full and happy life. Ask God for help. Good luck.
It's just that the eating disorder is a major driving factor in my relapse. I nearly
Had a stroke last time I threw up
So managed to give up but went back to drugs. They work together.
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Old 04-25-2013, 07:23 PM
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Originally Posted by RevivingOphelia View Post

Say what?
What
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