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preparing to quit- advice

Old 01-09-2010, 03:01 AM
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preparing to quit- advice

hi there
the other thread I started has got rather long so thought i would ask for specific advice on a new thread.
I am planning to stop alcohol on Mon. This week I have not had much to drink anyway but from Mon I am going to cut it out all together.
My partner is supportive.
Having alcohol in the house is not an issue for me as last time I quit I had a cupboard full and if I was desperate for a drink I have a 24 hr store 5 min away.
Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to get in the right mind set, help me succeed.
I wonderd if anyone has written anything e.g list of why they should not drink that they can refer to if tempted
Is there anything else i could do ?
I know people felt that long term goal setting is not great , so I am this time going for "one day at a time" (though that always reminds me of that dreadful song "one day at a time sweet jesus" LOL)
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Old 01-09-2010, 04:42 AM
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hi daph

hey, why not stop today?

the mind set,

want it more then anything else.

good wishes daph
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Old 01-09-2010, 04:53 AM
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I read somewhere that identifying a day and sticking to it allows you 2 mentally prepare
bit like smoking
Yah lot of folk telling me on hear forget the mind set stop and the mind set will follow
least am very committed 2 stop Mon
I hate failing at anything so will do my damdest
Hey love the user name!!
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:05 AM
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This link is about de toxing ....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

That is important before you worry about how
to suceed at long term sobriety....IMO

Glad you decided to quit...

I'm closeing the other thread for you.
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:05 AM
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I would suggest reading some of the threads in secular recovery and possibly check out some of the smart worksheets.

I'm not totally familiar with smart, but I believe there are excersises in smart that might appeal to you in helping with a "mind-set".
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Old 01-09-2010, 05:37 AM
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I agree with Rusty, today is a good day to stop.

As for preparation, I would ask you what changes you plan to make in your life?
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Old 01-09-2010, 06:03 AM
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I did do the quitting worksheet that you mentioned. It is from SMART and there should be a link around here somewhere. It is the CBA ( cost benefit analysis).
Basically it is a list of what is good about not drinking and what is good about drinking and as long as the good about non drinking list outweighs the bad it is easier to quit.
This is the only tool that I use along with SR for moral support.
My wife is very supportive too. She said if you don't quit you can get out. Her tough love worked on me and for that I am thankful 99.42% percent of the time.
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Old 01-09-2010, 07:37 AM
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Hi Daphne.....some ideas for you.

1. Set a date, mark it on the calender.

2. Move booze out of sight in the house, so you are not seeing it every time you go to make a cup of tea.

3. Buy a notebook and make a journal. Write every day, focus on health, symptoms, cravings, emotions etc.

4. In social situations tell people you have given up drink for the time being to see if it helps your health. Tell them it is hard so you would rather not talk about it and make a big deal about it if that helps you.

5. Make a list of soft drinks you can have when out, so have some variety and choose different each time.

6. Make an honest list of the times you are likely to drink and then list something you can do different to avoid temptation. Do this now, do not wait until it happens.

7. Partner is supportive; that's great. Tell him what help you need, particularly if he is still drinking. Tell him if you need to talk, if you prefer not to talk about it, if you prefer he drank when you were not around, if you prefer that he did not offer you a drink.

8. Make a list of at least 10 things you can quickly and easily when you feel the urge to drink. Put it on the fridge and tell your partner you welcome him to pass it to you if he sees you waivering - e.g. have a soak in a bubble bath, go for a 15 minute walk, catch up on a favourite TV programme, read a book you want to read rather than something you have to read, rent a DVD, commit to 15 minutes here on this site, have your partner massage your feet for 10 minutes (he said he would support you , have sex either with him or alone, spend 15 minutes tackling a task in the house you have been putting off, phone a friend, etc etc. I am sure you can thing of a list of at least 10 things which are easily accessible.

9. The money you save on booze each week do something indulgent that you wouldn't normally do like pay for a massage or a beauty treatment at a salon.

10.....or save the money and put it towards something you would never ever dream of buying like an expensive designer bag or shoes.

11. If you always sit on the same place on the sofa with a drink in your hand, then sit somewhere else.

12. Have different soft drinks or hot drinks at home to try out - ones you don't normally have as a substitute liquid.

13. Completely change your routine of your chill out time after work e.g. treat yourself to some good beauty products from a salon and have a new routine of taking off your make up and looking after your skin, soak in a bath, have a hot shower, do some exercise, relaxation, meditation. Anything but make sure it is different and it is rewarding.

14. Change your drive home from work. What we do habitually becomes automatic. I would guess most times you don't even remember the drive. So change the route, change the CD, change the radio station, have silence.

15. Do something different at weekends. Turn down some social occassions if you need to. Maybe you and the partner go away to a nice hotel, have a nice meal, go for long walks. You actually may find that you enjoy it just as much at your social nights out.

16. Check out the local paper and choose a film each week that you want to go and see at the cinema. Make it a regular night. Or two - perhaps he chooses one, then you the next film.

17. Look in the local paper for what else is going on. Take a chance and do something completely different.

18. Make a point of cooking some different evening meals so you change your habits.

19. Sit in a different seat when you eat your evening meal.

20. Spend an evening or two a week sitting with your partner just talking. No telly, no music, just sitting on the sofa looking at each just an talking and connecting.

21. Ask your partner what you can do for him. Do it once a week, twice, maybe every day. Just do something which is purely for him and nothing about you and what you want or need.

I shall stop there as the last one will lead me to talking about doing a programme and I know that is not where you are at right now but the point of all of this is that "if nothing changes, nothing changes", so you have to do something different than the last time you quit drinking.
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Old 01-09-2010, 10:08 AM
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I found out that getting and maintaining sobriety is a skill that I can learn. That's why I stick with what works for me. SMART Recovery has a host of tools (skills) that have taught me how to be the agent of change rather some external force or whatever the other recovery camp uses to get the same results I get. Its I do the work, I get the results...and so far the results of having a empowering personalized addiction treatment plan have been lifesaving as well as personally very rewarding.

The mindset that has helped me the most is one of; patience, persistence and perseverance. Its a mindset that helped from being a bottom dwelling hopelessness chronic alcoholic/drug addict into a functioning member of the human race.
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Old 01-09-2010, 10:30 AM
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There are a lot of people out there who have successfully remained sober for years and have a life beyond their wildest dreams...in AA...hindsight is a great thing but logically speaking one would go to a person with long term sobriety and who seems happy, joyous and free, and ask them how they did it...like if i was wanting to set up my own business i would ask the advice of someone who successfully ran their own business for 20 years turning the profit i wanted to and had everything that i wanted, not someone who has just set up a business or has 3 failed businesses to their name but is every hopeful that the next one will work or someone who is thinking about it and has some great ideas but hasn't quite managed to start yet...in the business world that would be insane?! I would apply the same to getting sober, that's my experience and suggestion.
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Old 01-09-2010, 11:34 AM
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Originally Posted by intention View Post
Hi Daphne.....some ideas for you.

1. Set a date, mark it on the calender.

2. Move booze out of sight in the house, so you are not seeing it every time you go to make a cup of tea.

3. Buy a notebook and make a journal. Write every day, focus on health, symptoms, cravings, emotions etc.

4. In social situations tell people you have given up drink for the time being to see if it helps your health. Tell them it is hard so you would rather not talk about it and make a big deal about it if that helps you.

5. Make a list of soft drinks you can have when out, so have some variety and choose different each time.

6. Make an honest list of the times you are likely to drink and then list something you can do different to avoid temptation. Do this now, do not wait until it happens.

7. Partner is supportive; that's great. Tell him what help you need, particularly if he is still drinking. Tell him if you need to talk, if you prefer not to talk about it, if you prefer he drank when you were not around, if you prefer that he did not offer you a drink.

8. Make a list of at least 10 things you can quickly and easily when you feel the urge to drink. Put it on the fridge and tell your partner you welcome him to pass it to you if he sees you waivering - e.g. have a soak in a bubble bath, go for a 15 minute walk, catch up on a favourite TV programme, read a book you want to read rather than something you have to read, rent a DVD, commit to 15 minutes here on this site, have your partner massage your feet for 10 minutes (he said he would support you , have sex either with him or alone, spend 15 minutes tackling a task in the house you have been putting off, phone a friend, etc etc. I am sure you can thing of a list of at least 10 things which are easily accessible.

9. The money you save on booze each week do something indulgent that you wouldn't normally do like pay for a massage or a beauty treatment at a salon.

10.....or save the money and put it towards something you would never ever dream of buying like an expensive designer bag or shoes.

11. If you always sit on the same place on the sofa with a drink in your hand, then sit somewhere else.

12. Have different soft drinks or hot drinks at home to try out - ones you don't normally have as a substitute liquid.

13. Completely change your routine of your chill out time after work e.g. treat yourself to some good beauty products from a salon and have a new routine of taking off your make up and looking after your skin, soak in a bath, have a hot shower, do some exercise, relaxation, meditation. Anything but make sure it is different and it is rewarding.

14. Change your drive home from work. What we do habitually becomes automatic. I would guess most times you don't even remember the drive. So change the route, change the CD, change the radio station, have silence.

15. Do something different at weekends. Turn down some social occassions if you need to. Maybe you and the partner go away to a nice hotel, have a nice meal, go for long walks. You actually may find that you enjoy it just as much at your social nights out.

16. Check out the local paper and choose a film each week that you want to go and see at the cinema. Make it a regular night. Or two - perhaps he chooses one, then you the next film.

17. Look in the local paper for what else is going on. Take a chance and do something completely different.

18. Make a point of cooking some different evening meals so you change your habits.

19. Sit in a different seat when you eat your evening meal.

20. Spend an evening or two a week sitting with your partner just talking. No telly, no music, just sitting on the sofa looking at each just an talking and connecting.

21. Ask your partner what you can do for him. Do it once a week, twice, maybe every day. Just do something which is purely for him and nothing about you and what you want or need.

I shall stop there as the last one will lead me to talking about doing a programme and I know that is not where you are at right now but the point of all of this is that "if nothing changes, nothing changes", so you have to do something different than the last time you quit drinking.
Thank you so so so MUCH
this is awesome list and has given me more motivation..... great stuff
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Old 01-09-2010, 11:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I agree with Rusty, today is a good day to stop.

As for preparation, I would ask you what changes you plan to make in your life?
what changes?
changing the routine of my day , doing more exercise, eating/cooking healthy , watching my favorite films, reading even more......the pile of books I got 4 Xmas!
Prob I have is my life is good, I already cook ,bake with kids, do arts with kids, walk, see friends , socialise, go to the theatre, read, visit historic sites, eat at good restaurants, travel, write and research
I am really happy with my life and my relationships now. The only thing I need to remove is the toxin of alcohol for health reasons
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Old 01-09-2010, 12:31 PM
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Setting a stop date and planning my own recovery sounded like a good idea for a long time. But I couldn't seem to find a way to take the emminent "resume date" off the calendar. The day that always got the best of me.

I thought there were external forces causing me to drink. So I kept trying to re-arrange life to suit myself. No matter how far ahead and perfectly I arranged everything, I kept finding an excuse. So that didn't work either.

When I gave up on all of that and focused my efforts on the 12-step process, I gave the miracle a chance to happen.

Looking back, if I could have planned my own recovery, I would have recovered long before I did. I can't even tell you my sobriety date. I planned so many that I finally quit planning. One thing I've learned, when I quit planning, then God's plan has a chance.
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Old 01-09-2010, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by Stereosteveo View Post
Setting a stop date and planning my own recovery sounded like a good idea for a long time. But I couldn't seem to find a way to take the emminent "resume date" off the calendar. The day that always got the best of me.

I thought there were external forces causing me to drink. So I kept trying to re-arrange life to suit myself. No matter how far ahead and perfectly I arranged everything, I kept finding an excuse. So that didn't work either.

When I gave up on all of that and focused my efforts on the 12-step process, I gave the miracle a chance to happen.

Looking back, if I could have planned my own recovery, I would have recovered long before I did. I can't even tell you my sobriety date. I planned so many that I finally quit planning. One thing I've learned, when I quit planning, then God's plan has a chance.
Sorry all that talk of "miracles" and "god's plan " is so not appropriate
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Old 01-09-2010, 11:42 PM
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daphne, I told myself for many years that I had a great life, I was married, have a great son, had a good job, involved in many of my son's activities, had tons of friends, went on many adventures with my family to different state parks, had lots of things I enjoyed. Only one problem, I had been an addict and alcoholic since I was a teenager. All the activities and material things in the world weren't enough . . . I had to medicate. Soon, I went through my second divorce, the friends stopped calling, I lost interest in most activities, kept losing job after job and my son went to live with his father.

You said that the only reason you've planned to stop drinking is for medical reasons. I'm confused here. Is everything in your life that wonderful except for medical issues? I'm not being a smarta$$, just wanting you to consider what I brought up.

As far as miracles and talk of God being inappropriate: In the 25 years that I tried to stop using, I didn't want to hear one word about miracles or God. I felt that if God truly cared about me, I wouldn't be an addict or alcoholic or have all the problems that I did. Once I surrendered to the fact that I don't have it all together and there is a Higher Power out there, someone or something greater than myself, things began to change.

I can't quote any scriptures from the Bible, I don't walk around trying to convert people, but for this addict and alcoholic, if I didn't turn my will and life over to the care of God, I would have been dead many years ago. IMO, if you want to stop drinking for good, you need to have an open mind. Please don't disregard suggestions that people who take the time to share with you, especially people who have been where you are and can happily say that they are in Recovering from this disease of addiction.

God Bless,
Judy
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Old 01-10-2010, 11:50 AM
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Hi there
Yes my life is really happy. My alcohol has never taken over its supplemented my life. Sorry if that seems hard to believe. The more I read posts here the more I realise I am so lucky, I have REAL friends and a great life.
Have been through the traumas of life with the support of my 6 best friends. Including really hard losses. We are all different. Drink does not bind us. Infact one is tee total one rarely drinks and only 2 of us really love our booze. I KNOW 100% they will be with me what ever happens as we have been through so much and more importantly out relationship is not defined by drink.
There are many many on this forum posting how happy their lives are sober, how joyous it is , how wonderful, now they are sober. You could equally question if it such a wonderful life why would you need to go on about it? You would not need to make the statement so strongly if you had inner contentment
I have just had a fantastic day trip today in the city of edinburgh, Its a gorgeous place we looked at the architecture, leanred about the history, saw some art, had a great meal and YES we drank in a few of the characterful bars and chatted to some interesting people.
We did not need a drink to enjoy this. that is the difference I am happy without drink and happy with it.
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Old 01-10-2010, 12:13 PM
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Daphne - I just read this post #16 and not any of the others here and so forgive me. My question is WHY are you even on a sober recovery site. Its for people that are addicted to things. You obviously have no problem with drinking from what this post indicates. Do you have a loved one that is addicted to something and that is why you are here? Just confused. Sorry.

BTW - I am totally not saying you cannot be here because that would not be right. I just am honestly asking why and there is no underlying meaning in this question.
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Old 01-10-2010, 12:15 PM
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Good to know you can be happy without drinking.

That's certainly true for me too.
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Old 01-10-2010, 12:30 PM
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Daphne, I've tried to offer advice/support, but I, too am wondering why you are here if you are so happy and alcohol is not a problem, but a plus, in your life?
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Old 01-10-2010, 12:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Horselover View Post
Daphne - I just read this post #16 and not any of the others here and so forgive me. My question is WHY are you even on a sober recovery site. Its for people that are addicted to things. You obviously have no problem with drinking from what this post indicates. Do you have a loved one that is addicted to something and that is why you are here? Just confused. Sorry.

BTW - I am totally not saying you cannot be here because that would not be right. I just am honestly asking why and there is no underlying meaning in this question.
I was told to stop drinking by medical staff. I did for a while but find it hard as I said drinking enhances my life and is a well established habit , have debated with me and others whether this is dependency or addiction
The post about being " happy "annoyed me , so my response to it was probably not measured enough sorry
I think you responded on my other thread so take it this response by you is sarcy/tounge in cheek , better to be upfront and honest with people don;t you think
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