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Old 01-10-2010, 03:57 PM
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Tears

I've been reading some of the stories in the Family & Friends forum tonight and I came across a sad story and just suddenly burst into tears. What we alcoholics put others through ?!

I'm day 8 sober and last Sunday when I was on my knees, hungover and finally beaten by booze I couldn't cry. I wanted to cry because I felt so much despair and shame and guilt but I just couldn't. Tears have threatened to fall a few times this week but I just haven't been able. Mostly I have felt on a high.

Then tonight this sudden emotional release. When I think of what could have happened, what I could have lost if I carried on drinking........

Anyway I picked up the phone immediately even though it is late here in the UK and I don't like to disturb anyone late. It was good to talk it through. It's ok to feel the feelings without medicating them, isn't it? Thank God I have been saved from this insanity and hell.
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Old 01-10-2010, 04:00 PM
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(((INTENTION))) I cry over things that could have happened too. Our emotions are raw when we get sober. We never dealt much with them before this. Its a whole new ballgame, but I think its the way we were intended to be.

(btw - I LOVE Wayne Dyer's books. Very good quote! )
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Old 01-10-2010, 04:29 PM
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Hi Horselover,

Yes it's raw. It my son that really tears at my heart. He's my baby, he so precious to me, I would do anything to protect him, I want to be the best mum I can be ....but when it comes to alcohol

I absolutely adore Wayne Dyer. I have some of his CD sets and books. The latest one called Excuses Begone I have not got around to listening to even though I have had it months. I keep making excuses, lol. That's alcohol for you - life just seem to be put on hold.


Incidently when he talks about his addictions and particularly giving up alcohol he says he only drank a couple of beers every single day but one day he took his whole family out to dinner and everyone was starving, only to find that they didn't serve beer, so he had to get them all out. That's when he realised how important alcohol was to him. Definitely not a case of how much you drink.
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Old 01-10-2010, 04:35 PM
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Hugs from your northern neighbour intention. At least you are open to feelings now. Im expecting waves of resentment to come on me soon.
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Old 01-10-2010, 04:37 PM
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Only have a minute, but I read Excuses Begone! Beautifully written and very on point. I did know he gave up alcohol, but hadn't heard that story. He's also given up nicotine and caffene and I think - horrors - sweets! He is amazing!
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Old 01-10-2010, 04:37 PM
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That's a good story, Intention, and I love Wayne Dyer too. He's definitely no-nonsense and believes in the spiritual aspect of life, which I love.

I sometimes read in the Friends & Family forum too. It's not so hard for me now, but for a very long time, it was something I just had to avoid. I worked so very hard at the being the best mother and wife that I could be. And, I did a really good job. But, for 3 years, my priorities slipped and alcohol made me unreliable. It was so hard to come to terms with that.
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Old 01-10-2010, 04:44 PM
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I've cried almost everyday of my sobriety. Some are tears of sorrow and regret, but also tears of joy for being sober.

You are just so lucky you have found your sobriety now! That is awesome! And we haven't lost everything! It is a new beginning.

Tate
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Old 01-10-2010, 04:48 PM
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Originally Posted by jaitch View Post
Hugs from your northern neighbour intention. At least you are open to feelings now. Im expecting waves of resentment to come on me soon.
Hi Jaitch, it was really helpful for me to pick up the phone tonight and talk it through with someone who understood. Do you have that for when your resentments hit?
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Old 01-10-2010, 04:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Horselover View Post
Only have a minute, but I read Excuses Begone! Beautifully written and very on point. I did know he gave up alcohol, but hadn't heard that story. He's also given up nicotine and caffene and I think - horrors - sweets! He is amazing!
He is an amazing spiritual person. Just listening to his voice fills me with serenity. I also have that book but have not read it ....too many excuses. Now I am sober it will be good for me to read.
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Old 01-10-2010, 04:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
I sometimes read in the Friends & Family forum too. It's not so hard for me now, but for a very long time, it was something I just had to avoid. I worked so very hard at the being the best mother and wife that I could be. And, I did a really good job. But, for 3 years, my priorities slipped and alcohol made me unreliable. It was so hard to come to terms with that.
Hi Anna,
Yes I had to come away from it tonight. I feel too fragile but it did show me how great this site is - helping everyone through this horrible illness.
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Old 01-10-2010, 04:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Provider View Post
I've cried almost everyday of my sobriety. Some are tears of sorrow and regret, but also tears of joy for being sober.

You are just so lucky you have found your sobriety now! That is awesome! And we haven't lost everything! It is a new beginning.

Tate
Thanks Tate, I have a very good feeling about this new beginning. I also have to remind myself that my last days of drinking were not happy ones. Often I would cry because I didn't want to drink but just couldn't help myself.
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Old 01-10-2010, 05:00 PM
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I too adore Dyer, the play his lectures on my public television station during pledge week, I didn't realize he spoke about addiction!! My favorite quote from him was from a lecture where he was speaking about the fact that he wakes up in the middle of the night,(at the same time every night) but that instead of trying to get back to sleep he gets up and does some of his best writing...
He said, "The morning breeze has secrets to tell you, do not go back to sleep", (I actually think he was quoting someone else... Rumi maybe?)
Anyway, for an insomniac artist like myself this was good advice. Better to rise for awhile and be creative than toss and turn.
I'd like to start reading more from him, do you have suggestions on a book to start with?
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Old 01-10-2010, 05:01 PM
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Originally Posted by intention View Post
Hi Jaitch, it was really helpful for me to pick up the phone tonight and talk it through with someone who understood. Do you have that for when your resentments hit?
I dont at the moment. If it gets too much I will just post here and get to the soonest meeting, there are plenty of meetings in my area.
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Old 01-11-2010, 06:24 AM
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Originally Posted by blackbirdsing View Post
I'd like to start reading more from him, do you have suggestions on a book to start with?
Hi, my reply has ended up being quite detailed so I have put it in a new thread.
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Old 01-11-2010, 06:25 AM
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Originally Posted by jaitch View Post
I dont at the moment. If it gets too much I will just post here and get to the soonest meeting, there are plenty of meetings in my area.
Hi Jaitch,
That's great. I do hope you get the opportunity to get a number or two from people at meetings so that you have have someone to talk to ...or sponsor you. All the best.
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Old 01-11-2010, 07:06 AM
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Here's a little excerpt from "Excuses Begone!"

"If you're not doing well, the ego says that it's someone else's fault. If you're unhappy, unhealthy, indigent, unlucky, fearful, or any other negative descriptor that you can come up with, this is all the fault of something or someone external to yourself. While your highest self happily thrives on humility, the ego is exceptionally proud. Thus, when anything goes wrong, the ego's inclination is to blame someone else and maintain its pride.

Blame pays a colossal dividend, so the ego constructs something to bring it about whenever possible. That's why when you blame the economy, the political party in power, the oil-rich sheiks in Saudi Arabia, or anyone else you can think of, your false self receives a reward."
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Old 01-11-2010, 11:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Horselover View Post
Here's a little excerpt from "Excuses Begone!"

"If you're not doing well, the ego says that it's someone else's fault. If you're unhappy, unhealthy, indigent, unlucky, fearful, or any other negative descriptor that you can come up with, this is all the fault of something or someone external to yourself. While your highest self happily thrives on humility, the ego is exceptionally proud. Thus, when anything goes wrong, the ego's inclination is to blame someone else and maintain its pride.

Blame pays a colossal dividend, so the ego constructs something to bring it about whenever possible. That's why when you blame the economy, the political party in power, the oil-rich sheiks in Saudi Arabia, or anyone else you can think of, your false self receives a reward."
Hi Horselover and thanks,
I must stop making excuses and read that book, . That's very interesting when he talks about blame and the reward - I had never thought of that.
When ego is mentioned, I always remember edging god out.
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Old 01-11-2010, 11:55 AM
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I like that quote and have heard it before. "Edging God Out" = EGO

Oh and yeah! Excuses begone Intention! LOL!
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Old 01-11-2010, 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Horselover View Post
Oh and yeah! Excuses begone Intention! LOL!
Horselover, the thing is (another excuse) Amazon have delivered today Beyond the Influence and Drinking a Love Story and I am really thinking that for my recovery now I should start reading them.

Joking aside I have cancelled my Sky TV movie package subscription today because I have no time to watch them and right now I need to stay focused on what I need to do and enjoy the newfound pleasure of being sober.
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Old 01-11-2010, 12:11 PM
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I can understand that and I am, of course, teasing you just a little.
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