lauraandersen4

LOL Dee... Your post made me laugh but I really think some of these things aren't caused by alcohol. I have tried to stop for given period of time... but I've put limits on it anticipating that limit the entire time (a week...never longer) then I go back to daily drinking promptly patting myself on the back for being able to stay away for a week.

Tyler... when I first came here I downplayed not only the rate/amount of alcohol I drank, but also the impact but I figure now, not many people here know me. I haven't met anyone here in person so what would I gain from continuing playing games.

I'm very black and white and I think as long as I don't fit your stereotypical 'alcoholic' I'm not truly and alcoholic. People share their stories telling me that I don't have to 'live on the streets or lose a job etc as they have"... all that really says to me is back up the train girl! You aren't there yet! I could ride that 'yet' out forever because when I stop for a week, aside from anticipation of the end of the week and an inability to sleep (which I struggle with even without lack of alcohol) any discomfort from stopping is mild to mild-moderate and doesn't impact my life much. I'm only going on 30 and only have been drinking since 21 and only heavily and more daily for the past 3 years. I still ENJOY alcohol. I don't need it to sustain me physically. Many 'alcoholics' from my understanding start YOUNG. That isn't me either. How many 'alcoholics' do you know that started drinking in their early 20s after their neuro circuit was completely developed?

Saphie

I have not been homeless, I have not had a DUI (not for trying though), I have not lost a job or a relationship due to drinking. I count myself very very lucky for that.
Yet I have been drinking heavily for 30 years. And yes through good times and bad times. I would probably still ENJOY alcohol if it wasn't for the fact that I am an alcoholic, maybe that's why I enjoyed it so much.
Maybe yours shakes are nerves, maybe not. Dee made a very good point about certain conditions that are misinterpreted.
My shakes were caused by too much coffee but of course I needed an excuse.
Your family is noticing and questioning your drinking - you yourself are.
I haven't seen a normal drinker questioning their drinking yet, they just take it or leave it.
I couldn't do that. It was all take.
Good luck whatever you decide.

keithj

And many do not. I got drunk maybe 4-5 times in my teens, a couple times a year through mid-20s. By 26-27, it was probably starting to be a problem, noticed I drank more than others, and at inapropriate times. Drank every day, but only a few and only after work. I was still having lots of fun. By age 30, family and friends were advising me to cut down, started having marital trouble from drinking. Made a few half-hearted and unsuccessful attempts to moderate. Right about where you are Laura.

And the next few years it was like somebody took the brakes off entirely. By age 32 I was blacking out most every night, hiding my drinking, drinking in the morning. It just got more and more out of hand from there.

Anna

Hi Laura,

I'm glad you're back!

I'm going to be honest and tell you, that looking at your situation from where I am, you are in denial. As others have said, if you are lying to your husband and hiding things from him, and you're drinking to 'forget', your marriage is not what you think it is.

I hope that you recognize you need to stop drinking (whether or not you label yourself alcoholic) before you begin to lose the things in your life that matter - like your job. If I ever smelled anything resembling alcohol on my dentist, I would be moving heaven and earth to have her professionally disciplined.

Horselover

You are right Laura. You are so not ready. Keep on going. In a word - progressive.

Sugah

I started young, so I was shocked, when I went to rehab, to meet women in their thirties and forties who'd only been drinking three or four years -- yet they were every bit as alcoholic as I am. I sponsor a woman who didn't pick up her first drink until she was forty-one. Three years later, she'd been hospitalized several times, her marriage was ending, her career was out the window (she was a cardiac nurse) and her children were no longer speaking to her. She's been sober for six years now, has remarried, mended her relationship with her children and is now in graduate studies for a new career.

I believe I was born alcoholic. Didn't matter if I picked up in childhood or middle age. Seeing others whose alcoholism didn't manifest until later in life has convinced me.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

ClosetExtrovert

You have to be ready to quit to quit. Maybe you'll need to lose a job or your marriage or get a DUI to be ready. (A lot of us did) So when that happens, you'll know what to do. Good luck to you! xxoxox

Jomey

What Anna and Horselover said. BIG TIME.

I didn't start drinking until I was in my 20's. Didn't become a problem until 30's, and I never hit any of the big "yets"....you may be like me, and escape the big, obvious effects - like DUI, jail time, health problems....but you're already full steam ahead on the invisible, easily deniable ones -loss of self-respect, loss of honesty in your life and your marriage, obsession with alcohol. It isn't gonna get better for you until you quit. That's it.

I can't tell you how to want it, but in this case the old saying "fake it till you make it" may be something to consider. Quit now, and hope and pray and work to see that you will "want" it someday soon.

Tazman53

Laura first things first, put on the hat of honesty!!! Here is a test to help one determine whether they are an alcoholic or not Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You?

Now when you take this test be BRUTALLY honest with yourself when you answer.

Alcoholism is a progessive disease that for most women destroys them far quicker then it does men so keep that in mind when I say the following:

I took this test answering first like was was 18, I firmly scored 4 on it if I had taken it honestly. Now to show the progression of alcoholism I can tell you that by the time I finally hit my bottom at the age of 52 I scored a solid 11 and was nearing getting a perfect score of 12.

If after taking the test honestly, if you determine you are an alcoholic are think you might be........... please see your Dr. and be HONEST with your Dr. as well and see what your Dr. thinks and suggest.

Now here is another suggestion, call your local AA hot line and ask about some "Open" AA meetings you could attend.

"Open" means that ANYONE can attend.

You do not have to say or do a single thing unless you want to. Walk in, grab a cup of coffee if you like, sit all the way in the back and just listen, but listen with an open mind.

BTW I have seen a few folks, men & women, who before a meeting was over bust into tears and share that indeed they were alcoholic and they asked for help in achieving sobriety.

What do you have to lose by going to a meeting? Perhaps a drinking problem?

lauraandersen4

Took this before... scored an 8 - but missing the 4 big ones like getting into trouble (I really only drink at home because I'm broke and massively in debt $250K for school), needing a drink first thing in the AM etc (even if I'm feeling shaky, I wouldn't drink before I had to treat patients).

The blackouts do bother me... and my husband. It's one of the things he hates about me drinking if we do go to a party or something... that I can't remember things that happened often. Unfortunately I have noticed lately I've been having more brownouts from drinking less. After about 4 or 5 I'll have broken memories of the night before like it fades in and out... not a total blackout and I really lose track of time like crazy.

Thank you all for your replies because it does help with understanding... info I can take with me down the road. I have tried some other sites, but found that this one is not only the most active, but the most understanding as well.

PS. I'm not denying a problem. I'm denying a solution. My point is I don't yet want to quit for me... I want to quit for OTHERS.

flutter

I didn't start drinking heavily until my late 20's, early 30's.

I took 'breaks' from alcohol for a month or 2 at a time to delude myself into thinking it was some sort of controlled situation.

I didn't live in a gutter, get a dui, lose my marriage, my job or my kids.

I enjoyed drinking until the last day that I did. Thinking that made a difference in whether or not I had a problem (I like it, I don't need it! HA!!!), kept me drunk for a long time too.

I am every bit an alcoholic as the next one.. and it would have eventually killed me, my job, my marriage.. and almost did, all in one day.

I hung on to anything that could tell me it was ok to keep drinking. Alcoholism is sneaky like that. I even tried to manipulate my therapist into telling me I could at some point drink again. Threw away recovery books after searching through them trying to find something about learning how to moderate, or how to drink again.

That kept me drunk for years and years.. and I missed out on a lot of life.

I feel bad for people as deep in denial as you, Laura. I hope you don't have a reality check that a lot of us did. I have no idea how long you can delude yourself into thinking you have a wonderful marriage when you spend so much time deceiving your husband, but that's your own opinion to form I guess. I had absolutely no idea how good it felt to be completely honest with the man I love, and how amazing it felt to live my entire life with that honesty, purity, and heartfelt intentions. The freedom is remarkable. I really do hope for you that you come out of this better for it and not having lost the things you're taking advantage of in your life. That might sound harsh, but it's just the reality that a lot of us have lived. I hope you don't.

If you want help, there's lots of folks here who have lots of experience in this stuff.

If you want to keep on drinking and 'enjoying' it, I'm sure there's lots of places to do that too.

Take care, Laura.

ANEWAUGUST

Laura...

Until you want to quit for YOU...all of this is truly a moot point.

The only thing I can promise you though, is that if you continue to drink, that decision
won't become any easier.

Wishing you the best....

lauraandersen4

Sorry... probably right though. I don't really know what I was looking for here or hoping to find different from last time. Ah well, maybe soon I'll figure it all out

Thanks again for the replies. Keep it up guys and enjoy.

ANEWAUGUST

No need to say you are sorry.

I know for a long time, I wished I could find a phrase, a solution that would magically convince me I needed to get sober. Never happened.

I had to finally want it...I was sick of my life as I knew it. I too have a wonderful husband, but, was pushing my drinking too far. If I loved him, why couldn't I just quit? Why couldn't I lovingly and happily say, "sure, you want me to stop drinking, then, I won't drink."..or, better yet, why couldn't I do that for my children?

Until I was ready...completely and utterly ready to admit I wanted sobriety..there wasn't anything or anyone that could convince me otherwise.

Just my experience, but, I do know, continuing on the drinking path doesn't get easier, as we are continuing the behavior, which, will continue to irritate our loved ones.

By the Grace of God and the fellowship of AA, today, I am sober.

Thanks for letting me share.

lauraandersen4

I suppose the thing that I find most interesting is that VERY FEW on this site or the others I have been on are your (or I should say my) prototype stereotypical version of an 'alcoholic' or 'addict'. Either it is severely overused in our society or I've been misled and misinformed. Either way, I suppose that isn't the point here, is it?

I seriously think that my deficiency is in the fact that I do know true compulsions and obsessions from my past experience with OCD (at 12 years old consuming 4-5 hours per day or more... my ENTIRE night after school... feeling I had to pray until I had every single word and image in my head perfect so my brother wouldn't carry out his suicidal threats, my mom wouldn't die or get sick etc)... and causing so much stress I wasn't convinced my life was even worth living) I have something so strong to compare it to that nearly anything else seems to pale in comparison for me. Probably not a good thing, but it is what it is. I couldn't stop... no chance until the stress was removed some 5 yrs later (by escape in internet and later alcohol.)

Maybe obsessions and compulsions over alcohol are different and that is why I don't see this the same way... I just don't know.

Dee74

Comparing something to something else doesn't prove much of anything to me, Laura.

I surrounded myself with drunks for years, partly at least so I looked good - I 'wasn't that bad'.

It enabled me to ignore my very real, very damaging problems for a long time.

D

Lenina

Laura,

Hello again! I didn't really start drinking until I was 21. I didn't drink every day, I had good jobs, a nice car, friends. I never lost a job because of drinking. I didn't go to the ER or get arrested.

I would get weeks, months even years between binges. It was the relationship I had with alcohol. I liked getting drunk. That's the bottom line for me. I mostly drank alone.

About the smell: I can smell alcohol on someone fairly easily. It has a strong smell to me. When I was hung over, I couldn't smell it on anyone else.

AA isn't the only way to get sober. I know you've been here before and have read a lot of the posts. The Twelve Steps to me are a business plan for getting sober. I think the principles are a good way to live.

What method spoke to me the best was Rational Recovery. It works for me.

Love,

Lenina

tyler

That sums it up right there. At least you understand where you are at, and know where to go when you are ready. I truly think that deep down, you know you have a problem, you just aren't ready to deal with it yet, and that is OK and your decision only. Just make sure that the rest of the world will go on around you and react to how they perceive you. Your husband and family are already dropping hints about this. But like you said, you can't do it for anyone but yourself. Truly wishing you all the best. Take care.

susanlauren

Laura,
I would suggest an experiment -- try not drinking for a month, two months, six months and see what happens. Does your morning shakiness improve? Is your blood pressure lower? Do you feel better about yourself? Is your relationship with your husband better? Does the tension, the lying, the hiding of your drinking resolve? What changes happen in your life as a result of not drinking? Can you even go a month, two months, six months without a drink? A normal drinker could. What do you have to lose by not drinking for a period of time? You can always go back to drinking again if the experiement of not drinking doesn't work out.

What I used to say to myself was that I could stop drinking anytime I wanted -- I just didn't want to stop. What I finally realized was that I said that to myself because I couldn't stop and I was in denial about it. I only understood that I was out of control with my drinking when I stopped trying to control it. I had all sorts of rules -- and I kept changing the rules as went down the scale. The rules were an attempt to control what couldn't be controlled. There is a saying that makes perfect sense to me now: If you have to control something, it is already out of control.

I hope you are able to learn from the experiences of the folks on this website -- without having to experience the spiraling descent into hell for yourself.
Susan

wichitalineman

Hi Laura,

I just wanted to take a quick moment of your time to relate my story. Like others have posted on this thread, I also did not start drinking young. I started drinking when I was 22. It would have been inconceivable to my teenage self to hear the fact that I would start drinking in my 20s; I was very straightedge throughout my teenage years (minus the hardcore music, yuk yuk). My parents had alcohol problems when I was growing up...

I've never lost a job, never had a DUI (not that I didn't try), never had anything 'really bad' happen as a consequence of my drinking. I did blackout a bunch, unload emotional grief at entirely the wrong times, and lose steam in my educational and personal goals.

I'm 31 now. I had a huge stigma calling myself an alcoholic. I just had to get over it. I know that it is time to get off this crazy train before the whole thing derails. I know I have a problem because I've been spending an significant amount of time thinking about my problem (probably a good sign, no?), I've had others comment (directly and indirectly) about my problem, and I've tried to stop drinking... and failed. Seems pretty clear to me: I have a problem.

I quit on 12/28/2009. A few days into my latest sobriety sojourn I decided to look around and see if I couldn't find some other people who went through what I am going through now. All I can say is what a gift every single contributor to this site is! Reading these stories, the sadness, the tragedies, the hardships, the renewals, the success... is really enough to make me sit back in awe and be so thankful for such an amazing community of people. Everyone reading this: thank you so much. I am so grateful for everyone on this site!

I haven't lost my job, gone to jail, been involved in/responsible for any huge car wrecks... or worse. I am heeding the warning others are providing.

Truly wishing you nothing but the best in everything you do. Thanks for listening.