What Anna and Horselover said. BIG TIME.
I didn't start drinking until I was in my 20's. Didn't become a problem until 30's, and I never hit any of the big "yets"....you may be like me, and escape the big, obvious effects - like DUI, jail time, health problems....but you're already full steam ahead on the invisible, easily deniable ones -loss of self-respect, loss of honesty in your life and your marriage, obsession with alcohol. It isn't gonna get better for you until you quit. That's it.
I can't tell you how to want it, but in this case the old saying "fake it till you make it" may be something to consider. Quit now, and hope and pray and work to see that you will "want" it someday soon.