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Pissed off my friend, need help!

Old 11-10-2009, 11:43 AM
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Pissed off my friend, need help!

Okay... I'm back.

And I've cocked up big time.

After coming here before, I did try hard, and I did do better... I've had nights out where I've only been mildly drunk, or even tipsy.
Even had a night out where I drove, had 2 shandys right at the start of the night, then just drank soft drinks the rest of the night, and another time I just didn't drink at all

So I CAN drink without being ridiculously drunk.

However, unfortunately these nights are still vastly outnumbered by the nights that I AM way beyond the point of control.

Anyway, the reason I'm here now...

On Sunday night I was out, and got to this absurdly drunken point, where again I remember next to nothing about the night, just little patches scattered throughout... and none of them good

I did a few stupid things, but most not too bad to get hung up on.

However, I was massive, massive **** to this girl I was with, who is my best friend, and I can't even explain how much I would never want to upset her.
Basically, and most of this is just from what I've been told since I don't remember it, I was pulling her away or having a go at her anytime she tried to speak to guys I didn't know, or even a few times when they just looked at her!

I was being over-protective, way over-protective, and although it came from a good place, it didn't come out that way. But I took it too far, and thats why. And not only that, but I was non-stop texting her while I wasn't with her, and some of those messages were pretty rude

She was massively pissed off at me, and one of my hazy memories of the night was a vague recollection of her slapping me, which she told me that she had (and fully deserved, no complaints there)

I've tried apologising, and she says it's fine, but it doesn't sound convincing. She's not happy with me. She told me after that she'd had a **** night and wish she'd not even gone. I asked how much of that was my fault and she said I'd definetely made a big contribution.

I again tried apologising today, and to explain myself, and she said it's fine and don't worry... but also said she'd never go on a night out with me ever again. It doesn't help though that I could barely even get out the words I wanted to say... been running it through in my head all day the things I need to say to her, then got on the phone and I was talking gibberish and couldn't finish a sentence!

I feel like ****. I don't know what to do. She doesn't seem normal with me, and to be honest I can't blame her. I think we'll be fine in the long run, maybe I just need to give it time... but I don't like that as she's my best friend and we speak all the time. It's been 2 days and I'm already missing getting random messages from her. If I text her, she does tend to reply after a while, but its short and blunt...

I don't know what to do. I need to fix this.

See, problem is, and the reason I've come here to spill my guts out, is because in the past, yeah I've done lots of stupid things when I'm drunk, but they've only ever effected me.

This time I've hurt someone else. And probably the person in the whole world I'd least want to upset! I feel like ****, and feel so guilty and pathetic and confused, and have a big ball of just bleh in the pit of my stomach.

How do I fix this?

Maybe I'm in the wrong place, because my problem isn't so much the drinking, because I can control it... but I have to work REALLY hard to do that... but it's result of my drinking... So obviously the drinking is a problem
But thats not the problem I'm trying to solve right now! Argh!
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by curiousfox View Post

Maybe I'm in the wrong place, because my problem isn't so much the drinking, because I can control it... but I have to work REALLY hard to do that... but it's result of my drinking... So obviously the drinking is a problem
But thats not the problem I'm trying to solve right now! Argh!
No, you may very well be in the right place, just for all the wrong reasons. Keep posting and reading and you'll find out why.

Back off from your friend, give her some space. Let things move at her pace, not yours.

Mark
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:54 AM
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so you've been hospitalized 2x because of drinking, blackout often when you drink, treated your 'best friend' like **** when you're drunk, spending an unknown amount of energy on trying to "control" your drinking.. only sometimes successfully, feel out of control a LOT of the times when you drink.. and your problem isn' t so much about drinking?

Stick around.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:00 PM
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I've not driven drunk, ever... never would.

And the times I've really tried hard (yes putting a lot of energy in), I have been successful. But its that I don't always try.

But anyway, just so that last part of my post isn't misconstrued...

I have a problem with drinking, I get that.... all I meant was thats not what I'm trying to solve right now... Im trying to work out how to fix things with my friend.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:02 PM
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The obvious drinking problem aside, my best advise is to leave your friend alone for a while. I know when I'm pistoff at someone, I just get madder if they keep bugging me about it. She needs some time away from you, so, my best advice is to let her have that time.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:04 PM
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You've hurt someone's feelings, from your drunkeness. Next time you may not be so lucky. You might PHYSICALLY hurt someone. You may kill them or send them to a hospital. Driving drunk. Having to work really HARD at controlling your drinking. Doing and saying things, that are out of character, while drunk and it constantly happens DOES NOT sound like controlled drinking to me.
You know what I told myself, in the beginning, when I was trying to stop smoking crack?
I told myself I could control it. I'd buy ONLY an 8 ball and smoke a little every day. You know how that turned out? I'd smoke the whole 8 ball in less than a couple hours, get another one, and another one....Until I got sick.
Or I'd say I'd get only a "40". And I would. Each 1/2 hour.
I'd tell myself that, just because I spent ALL of my money on crack one day, I was OK because I went two weeks without smoking crack. I was "controlling" my usage.
Yeah. Anyway, there is NO control when you're doing things you don't approve of, when you're not using, and still going out to use anyway. Don't experiment anymore. Stop drinking now. This is a suggestion. You do with it as you see fit.
You've got to WANT it for yourself. To WANT TO QUIT. That would be a great thing for YOU, any INNOCENT people on the road, and your best friend. But most of all, for YOU.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:07 PM
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re: the drunk driving.. I posted that prior to reading more thoroughly that yes you drove after drinking, but didn't feel it impaired you as you followed your drinks with soda. Sorry bout that, fixed my original post to reflect that thought.

That's obviously you're choice if you're here more for friendship advice than anything to do with a drinking problem you're not wanting any help with. I dunno, in my opinion if I had a friend with a drinking problem that treated me horribly when he drank, I might be amenable to continuing a friendship with said friend if he began living in a way that guaranteed it wouldn't happen again.. like no more getting drunk/drinking.. or something along those lines.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:30 PM
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You say you can control your drinking, yet you can't control yourself when you're drinking. I'm sorry, but I have to point that out whether it's why you came here or not.

As for your friend, I'm with the above who also mentioned it. I would let it go, leave her alone. You crossed a line with her and I know for me, to continue to push the issue would only aggravate me more. HTH's!
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:35 PM
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Originally Posted by curiousfox View Post
How do I fix this?

Maybe I'm in the wrong place, because my problem isn't so much the drinking, because I can control it... but I have to work REALLY hard to do that... but it's result of my drinking... So obviously the drinking is a problem
But thats not the problem I'm trying to solve right now! Argh!
It needs to be the problem you're trying to solve. This other thing with your friend is a symptom of the real problem and a distraction from the real issue, it seems.
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Old 11-10-2009, 12:42 PM
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Originally Posted by curiousfox View Post
Okay... I'm back.
Maybe I'm in the wrong place, because my problem isn't so much the drinking, because I can control it. So obviously the drinking is a problem
But thats not the problem I'm trying to solve right now! Argh!
Yes, maybe you are in the wrong place. There are a lot of websites that will give you advice on your relationship problems, maybe you should go there, and stop whining here.

This website is called "Sober Recovery"
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:06 PM
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"""I have a problem with drinking, I get that.... all I meant was thats not what I'm trying to solve right now... Im trying to work out how to fix things with my friend...."""

maybe if you confront the problem you woudnt have a reason to sweep up the consequences it.
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:40 PM
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Originally Posted by sailorjohn View Post
Yes, maybe you are in the wrong place. There are a lot of websites that will give you advice on your relationship problems, maybe you should go there, and stop whining here.

This website is called "Sober Recovery"
Much more succinctly stated.
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:44 PM
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No offense, but for some reason I found this topic hilarious!
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted by curiousfox View Post
I've not driven drunk, ever...

Same here! I sure could walk drunk, though. I've never had a license.




Welcome back to SR. I hope you stick around for a while.
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:57 PM
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The people in my life that I pissed off were more ready to accept my apology once, I admitted to my problem with alcohol, and knew I was doing something about that problem.

As the first problem with alcohol caused my problem hurting people I loved.
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Old 11-10-2009, 01:59 PM
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I f*cked up a really intimate friendship (it was not romantic) because of my behavior induced by drinking. It's taken me a long time to accept that she doesn't want anything to do with me. It was all my fault...at the time I put my blinders on and justified my own bad behavior by blaming it on her.

I hope she's doing well now and I wish her the best...and I wish I could find a way to say I'm sorry...but I don't think I can apologize for that. It would come out wrong...I don’t think she would believe me…and so I leave her alone. The best I can do is stay sober and take care of myself.

If you care about this girl, please leave her alone.
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Old 11-10-2009, 02:02 PM
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When you only have problems when there is alcohol involved, by deduction what could be the problem?
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Old 11-10-2009, 02:14 PM
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Originally Posted by curiousfox View Post
I've not driven drunk, ever... never would.

And the times I've really tried hard (yes putting a lot of energy in), I have been successful. But its that I don't always try.

But anyway, just so that last part of my post isn't misconstrued...

I have a problem with drinking, I get that.... all I meant was thats not what I'm trying to solve right now... Im trying to work out how to fix things with my friend.
Oh, I missed that part. Ok, you've never driven drunk (that you admit to or remember. We're addicts and we know how we all operate, so forgive me if I do not believe you, totally).
I am not attacking you, but trying to understand why you are here, at SR, if you are not interested in stopping your drinking problem. I have to agree with the others, there are forums and information out there, on the internet for relationship problems. If all you are interested in is fixing your relationship, then maybe you are not in the right place. I say maybe, because maybe you DO want to stop drinking and you're introducing your problem with your friend as the "front" or "cover". When you are ready to stop drinking and letting yourself commit this foolish behavior, and admit the real problem is the drinking, we're here for you.
As for the friend, I don't blame her for wanting some space or just blowing you off with a "it's fine". You're letting your drinking problem get in the way of a beautiful relationship. Once you no longer allow that to happen, maybe she will forgive you and things will come around, in time.
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Old 11-10-2009, 03:04 PM
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Sound pretty simple to me. You want to be able to drink booze but not act like a total tw*t who has no control over the amount he drinks and his actions in which he will not be able to rember the following morning.

It don't work like that mate. You canny have it both ways. How do I know? because I was the same. I wanted to be able to drink and take drugs but i didn't want all of the Sh*t thats comes with it. I used to be able to laugh about all the drunken antics and drugged up mayhem but then it began to wear thin on people and on me and I became embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

I learned to finally surrender and get off the crazy train and quit drinking totally. there is no care-free, chiiled out drinking with me. That simply doesn't exist for me beacuase i am an alcoholic.
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Old 11-10-2009, 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted by sailorjohn View Post
Yes, maybe you are in the wrong place. There are a lot of websites that will give you advice on your relationship problems, maybe you should go there, and stop whining here.

This website is called "Sober Recovery"
Ok, when I first read this I thought "geez sailor, you're a jerk"... and I thought the same thing when I read Smacked's second of your comment.

Well that was a few hours ago, and I have come around to your opinion.

You're right. Any possible advice I have to give to Curious on this starts with "first, stop drinking"

It's clear Curious has not hit bottom hard enough to do that.

So, Curious, I second SailorJohn and Smacked as well.

But, when (not if) you hit bottom and are ready to stop drinking, this site will be here for you and you will be welcomed with open arms

-Goat
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