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Pissed off my friend, need help!

Old 11-10-2009, 04:22 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
Sound pretty simple to me. You want to be able to drink booze but not act like a total tw*t who has no control over the amount he drinks and his actions in which he will not be able to rember the following morning.

It don't work like that mate. You canny have it both ways. How do I know? because I was the same. I wanted to be able to drink and take drugs but i didn't want all of the Sh*t thats comes with it. I used to be able to laugh about all the drunken antics and drugged up mayhem but then it began to wear thin on people and on me and I became embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

I learned to finally surrender and get off the crazy train and quit drinking totally. there is no care-free, chiiled out drinking with me. That simply doesn't exist for me beacuase i am an alcoholic.
Thanks, thats a really helpful reply

And thanks to the rest of you as well... I realised I was just kind of unloading, wanted to get some stuff off my chest to be honest, and knew this was a place where people would be critical of me, and thats what I wanted I think!

I do need to think about not drinking though... at least, taking more responsibility for my actions rather than "sorry, I was just really drunk"... I've even been apologising to other people this evening that I feel could have been annoyed by me whilst drunk, and have said that my drinking is no excuse for my behaviour, because I know I do these kinds of things when I am that drunk.

Thanks

Still not sure how to fix things with my friend though lol. But at least feel a bit better in myself. Maybe I'll try to explain my alcohol problem to her... I think she's the one I really need to apologise to properly and tell her that being drunk is no excuse, and promise her it will never happen again. Hell, maybe I should show her this!
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Old 11-10-2009, 04:41 PM
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Hi again curiousfox

I'd made so many apologies over the years, they became meaningless for a lot of my friends and family.

The only way I found to really repair my relationships was put my money where my mouth was and make sure I didn't screw up like that again -ever.

I dealt with my alcohol problem, I stopped drinking - and my relationships are better for it.

I didn't stop for my loved ones tho - that was a nice bonus...but I stopped for me.

Everythings better for it.

Give it some serious thought, CF.
D
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Old 11-10-2009, 04:59 PM
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I agree with all of the above.

In my opinion, your problem is with alcohol. The relationship problems are a result of alcohol and stopping drinking will fix those problems.
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:27 PM
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I don't know what to do.

Stick with that controlled drinking program of yours.......seems to work sooooooooooo well!
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Old 11-10-2009, 11:42 PM
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Ditto to 51anna.

I don't drink today and somehow, I never have to make those apologies anymore.
I don't hurt the ones I love. I don't embarrass the friends I hang out with.
I don't have to feel that shame today. And it feels good.
Oh yeah, and people WANT to hang out with me today.

This is all because I surrendered to the fact that once I drank, I could not predict or often control the outcome. I got sick and tired of paying the consequences. I admitted to my inner most self that I was an alcoholic.

Let us know when you are ready.
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Old 11-11-2009, 12:20 AM
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i for one still remember the bs fantasy world i lived in.

took me years to finally see that the elephant in the room was booze

im relunctant to throw stones because of the huge glass house i once built for myself.

mate........the elephant in the room is booze......
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Old 11-11-2009, 04:33 AM
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CF your attempt at an "I never" is so typical of many of us before getting on board with this recovery decision. If you continue on your course, you will eventually get around to all the things that you have never done while under the influence. Please don't go there for your own sake. Please keep posting. We will keep listening and supporting. John in Oklahoma
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Old 11-11-2009, 05:09 AM
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Someone suggested giving my friend a card to say sorry, and I've actually written a note to go inside the card to her.

I'm not sure how to actually give it to her, or even if I actually should, because I think maybe I should just give her time and space, and stop bringing up the issue. I think it's possible to apologise to much, and make a bigger issue of the situation than it already is!

But in the note, I've told her again how sorry I am, and that if I could take back that night I would. I said I can't use being drunk as an excuse, because I know what happens when I'm drunk. I promised her that it will never, ever happen again, and I don't want her to feel like she can't have a night out with me, so promise that I will never be drunk around her again, not even 1 drink.

Said she's the last person in the world I would want to hurt, and it's killing me to think I've upset her.
Said I need to make things right, because I need her to forgive me, because she's too important to me for things not to be good between us.


I don't know whether I should give her that, because I'm thinking I do need to give her time. Also, I definetely don't want to give it to her as a letter because she's had a few of those from other people lately! So if I do give it, it goes in an apology card.
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Old 11-11-2009, 05:47 AM
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I think an apology card may be a good idea.
I said this before in your other thread but I don't know if you read it si I will say it again.
To me it sounds like you have feelings for your friend that are deeper than just friendship feelings and you are jealous when she talks to other men and this makes you angry and you take your anger out on her.
If this is a possibility you should consider trying to clarify your feelings toward her and see where you want to go from there.
It is possible that she is worrying about the same thing.
You are right it isn't always about the drinking.

If you are feeling jealous it is a good idea to not be drinking around her since the drinking will most definitely bring out your anger and frustration in these situations so it is the only way you can be sure it will not happen again.
Good luck.
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Old 11-11-2009, 05:50 AM
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The card idea is nice. I'm one who suggested you give her time, but if you really want to send the card, can you just mail it? That way, she will get it and read it in her own time without you standing there waiting for a reaction. After sending the card, I'd just not contact her again and leave the ball in her court. I know that not knowing what a person is thinking can drive you nuts, but, in this instance, if you want to preserve this friendship, I would suggest that you allow her to deal with this in her own way.
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Old 11-11-2009, 05:51 AM
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Maybe you're right.

A bit confused to be honest. When I tried to apologise the other day, I sent her a text saying I think part of it was that I was jealous. She replied and asked why I was jealous. I told her that I liked that we'd spending a lot more time together lately and speaking a lot more, and that I think I was just being an idiot and didn't want her to go off with someone else.

She asked me what I was trying to get at, I said I didn't know what I meant, and she didn't reply after that.
I said pretty much the same on the phone to her yesterday and she said "you really have got a way with words, you need to think about what you're saying"

I'm scared to make things worse! lol
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Old 11-11-2009, 06:07 AM
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You did the right thing to remain vague while you figure out your feelings.
I would think hard and twice before telling her if your feelings are turning romantic towards her since if she does not feel the same this could ruin your friendship.
Take her advice and think about what you are saying and what the consequences will be before you say it.
If you have romantic feelings towards her look for clues that she feels the same before you say anything.
I have been in your position a long time ago and I made the mistake of revealing my feelings and losing her as a friend so I am not giving any advice. I am just saying be careful and sure of what you want to say.
Good luck.
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Old 11-11-2009, 06:41 AM
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Ahhh...the next day. It's the price you have to pay. And it blows.

I don't miss it. At all.

Good luck to you. I hope you figure it all out soon. xxoxox
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Old 11-11-2009, 04:06 PM
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Okay, I finally explained myself properly to my friend.

Explained that I'd been having these confusing feelings for her, and when I was drunk it got the better off me. Explained it all, told her I won't drink around her in future because I don't want her not to come out with me, and I think we're more or less all good now

I certainly feel much better. Hopefully I can finally get a goodnight's sleep now!
Cheers for the help people. I'll look at the drinking issue.
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Old 11-11-2009, 04:54 PM
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Many "looked" at their drinking issue untill it was too late and they had nothing left to live for. They "looked" at their drinking issue right through destroying everything and everyone in their lives that meant something to them. They "looked" at their drinking issue when they were sitting in prison, institution or a coffin.

Sounds harsh I know but that is the reality if you are an alcoholic. I used to be like that, clearing out one mess i had gotten myself into through drinking and when the guilt/shame had started to lift I was ready to deserve my drinking again. Only to make a bigger mess the next time.

I have to do more than merely "look" at my drinking issue. I had to admit to myself that i am an alcoholic and that I do not want to really be remembered as a drunk at the age of 23. Thus i have to make sure i never take that first drink.

All The best. Untill the next drunken escapade.
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Old 11-11-2009, 05:16 PM
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You can think about not drinking and that approach will be just as successful as cutting back on the amount you drink or the beverage. Thinking is for philosophers. You're an alcoholic. Stop with the thinking. Wanna make nice with your friend? Shut up and show her! Get to AA. You need a program that works, and your's can't even get out of the starting gate.

And stop with the pity party. You screwed up and it's no ones fault but yours. If you really like the life you're leading right now (and it doesn't sound as if you're having a very good year) then keep up what you're doing. If you really want to change, get to AA and stay there. It ain't gonna be easy, but it sure works if you stay with it. So it all comes down to a choice, doesn't it? Which choice are you going to make?
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Old 11-11-2009, 05:20 PM
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joedris, thx!!! for the straight talk.......this IS a disease.
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Old 11-13-2009, 05:54 PM
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it is crystal clear that the situation with your good good friend is symptomatic of your drinking problem. you know how to fix things with her? get your butt on the wagon, go to an a.a. meeting and get a sponsor and do what he tells you to, and when you make some progress, you will know what to do (with her) and you will do it. don't miss this opportunity; it's obvious you love her
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Old 11-17-2009, 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Bamboozle View Post

I hope she's doing well now and I wish her the best...and I wish I could find a way to say I'm sorry...but I don't think I can apologize for that. It would come out wrong...I don’t think she would believe me…and so I leave her alone.
Bamboozle, if you're still out there, I'd like to ask you to re-consider apologizing to this former friend/Beautiful Person. As a Beautiful Person, she has great capacity to forgive and I'm making a leap here, but she also has a need to hear your amend. And you, sir, have a need to do this as well.

Now, that said, I know it's "made direct amends except when to do so would injure yourself or others" and I admittedly don't know of your situation. But if at all possible, a letter to her might be really good medicine. For both of you
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