You've hurt someone's feelings, from your drunkeness. Next time you may not be so lucky. You might PHYSICALLY hurt someone. You may kill them or send them to a hospital. Driving drunk. Having to work really HARD at controlling your drinking. Doing and saying things, that are out of character, while drunk and it constantly happens DOES NOT sound like controlled drinking to me.
You know what I told myself, in the beginning, when I was trying to stop smoking crack?
I told myself I could control it. I'd buy ONLY an 8 ball and smoke a little every day. You know how that turned out? I'd smoke the whole 8 ball in less than a couple hours, get another one, and another one....Until I got sick.
Or I'd say I'd get only a "40". And I would. Each 1/2 hour.
I'd tell myself that, just because I spent ALL of my money on crack one day, I was OK because I went two weeks without smoking crack. I was "controlling" my usage.
Yeah. Anyway, there is NO control when you're doing things you don't approve of, when you're not using, and still going out to use anyway. Don't experiment anymore. Stop drinking now. This is a suggestion. You do with it as you see fit.
You've got to WANT it for yourself. To WANT TO QUIT. That would be a great thing for YOU, any INNOCENT people on the road, and your best friend. But most of all, for YOU.