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Old 11-17-2009, 11:07 AM
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Day_23

The last couple of days have been rough. I only take Campral when my cravings are almost unmanageable, and I've only had two such events in the last 23 days. Yesterday, I took three and went to a meeting.

I'm so tired all the time. I've started sleeping 9 - 10 hours a night, and am exhausted all day at work. I drink coffee and tea constantly, but the caffeine doesn't seem to affect me at all. I'm going to see my doctor for some tests. I hate feeling exhausted literally all the time.

My mood is foul. I'm bored and a bit angry, but don't exactly know why. I'm just venting.
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Old 11-17-2009, 11:18 AM
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Getting a check-up from the Dr. is a great idea.

Drinking is just a symptom of alcoholism. For me, the hardest issue has been dealing with my emotions and learning what it means to lead a spiritual life. The program of AA and the 12 Steps has given me that ability. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's a necessity to have a program or plan of action for recovery. Doing it alone, my way, always made me miserable and led me back to the bottle.
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Old 11-17-2009, 11:22 AM
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Thanks, Astro. AA isn't really effective for me. I've worked the steps several times over a 25-year period, and have never really gotten anything out of them. Psychiatry seems a better fit for me, but my next appointment isn't until 12/21. I think I'm just having a down couple of days. Feeling a bit depressed. I'm sure it will pass eventually. Thanks again for the post.
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Old 11-17-2009, 12:06 PM
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I know that I neglected my physical health when I was drinking.

When I began to recovery, I had some catching up to do, to get drs appointments up to date.

Hopefully your dr can give you some answers and congratulations on your sobriety.
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Old 11-17-2009, 12:34 PM
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Hey NS,

Day 18 for me, so I know where you're coming from. This recovery path is tough to tread, but I feel better than 18 days ago.

I get tired, bored, angry and lots of other things these days, and I've fought the temptation to drink with all I've got, and so far I've been lucky. But I know I will drink again if I can't live according to a recovery program, so I'm trying AA again, for the hundredth time, because I've tried every other method I could find, and they didn't work for me. I don't know if and when I will find a spiritual approach to my alcoholism, but I'm trying to have faith that if I do what is suggested, it will work for me. The hardest part, and the reason it hasn't worked for me in the past is because I don't take suggestions well. I try to do things my way, always have and the results are always the same, I go back to the bar and try to control my drinking again. After the first drink, all bets are off. I'm a goner. Listening to others is all fine and dandy, but trying to personalize this AA program in my life is where I trip every time. It has to be personal for me, it has to become part of me, and some days I feel the connection, but on most days I don't. I hate putting forth effort and not seeing instant results, so I become agitated, bored and complacent, even with only a couple of days without a drink. It only takes me five minutes to go to the bar, it's walking distance from my home, so I have to decide everyday whether I want to recover from alcoholism or not, and so far, this go round, I've been able to make the right choice for me for a few days. I can only credit that to my participation at AA meetings, even if I still have a thousand reservations about the program, at least it's helping me today.

When you're in the mix of screwy emotions, why not try another AA meeting. At least it improves your chances of not drinking till you see the doc in December, and who knows, it may work for you this time. Worth a shot anyway.
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Old 11-17-2009, 12:47 PM
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Thanks for that post, Firestorm. I can really relate. I do continue to go to AA meetings almost nightly, although I can barely make it through a whole hour. I usually have to take a break about midway through the meeting and go outside for some fresh air. The AA-speak, the little sayings, the emphasis on a higher power - it just creeps me out. Sorry, I don't mean to malign AA at all - it obviously works for many - I'm just trying to be honest. It creates a dilemma when my way doesn't work, and AA isn't for me. Not sure where to go from here, but I feel like I need to do something more.

I wish there were a Rational Recovery group nearby, but I haven't been able to locate one.
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Old 11-17-2009, 01:38 PM
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Hey again Nightstalker,

I can totally relate to where you're at, I get creeped out sometimes when I go to meetings, and often I can think of several places I'd rather be, but for now, to me it's a lifeline, if you will. I'm the kind of drunk that will do one of two things, either drink or I must do something to not drink, for drinking is my normal behaviour. Drinking is a way of life that I've maintained for decades, all to my detriment, but I know of no other way to live. It really, at this time, doesn't matter what the program really entails, the spiritual solution is still vague and illusive to me, but I know at least while I'm at an AA meeting, I won't drink, nor will I drink if I'm going to one today, for that is just bad form in my book.

I wish there were other suggestions I could recommend, but for the kind of drunk I am, well, there aren't too many options, short of a total lobotomy, that will change me, so AA is it for now. I hope you can find a good place for yourself, and if not, then AA is still there waiting. It's waited years for me. I'm not an enthusiastic AA'er, I'm just a hopeless drunk who's run out of options.
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