Can we start over again?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Thanks keithj,
I know that you've written from the heart, as i do, so I appreciate your candor and suggestions. I too have seen people like me in the meetings, and I've seen alot of others too. I've tried the sponsor deal a couple times, but when you talk of a spiritual awakening, how am I, a skeptic by heart, to know when I'm talking with someone who has had a spiritual awakening, or just some oldtimer with alot of years who thinks that it's his right to prey on newcomers, ask them to buy meals for them, talk down to them like they are the dumbest people on the planet, and insult the hell out of them/me. I don't care if they have twenty, thirty, a hundred years without a drink, it seems to me that someone coming from a spiritual awakening would have more respect for his fellow man, especially an old drunk who was just like him at one time. I've encountered people who assigned me a sponsor on my first night in the group, and he told me to call every day, so I did for a while, but I stopped because I always got his answering machine, and he never called back. I never even got to know the guy, but after a few weeks of not returning my calls, then I said enough is enough and didn't go back. I don't know about him, but I was taught that's it's rude not to return someones call, and I would think that would be especially important if you're dealing with a drunk who's counting on you to help him not drink today.
It's my impression that by thoroughly doing the steps, with a sponsor, that a person can address the mistakes made, set them right to the best of their ability, then experience a spiritual awakening as you describe, but how do you do that if the sponsor you find doesn't care to spend time with you to address these concerns. I may be in an area where good sponsorship is tough to find, but I do know my experience has not been very good in finding someone who takes you through the steps as a guide and helps you deal with the concerns that arise as you attempt to do so. Some people think every excuse is not based on reality, that when someone says "I had a flat tire", oh that's just an excuse, but the reality is that tires do go flat, and some sponsors aren't worth the time just because of time in AA meetings. I don't mind someone who's tough, and calls me on my bs, but he better be real, I want to see that he has something I want or I'm not interested. If he does, then I'm willing to do whatever I can to rid myself of this affliction, for I've wasted too many years trying to find my way in life and staying drunk doesn't work.
Five years ago, I tried AA for real, did all the steps through 9 with a guy, but I didn't feel any spiritual awakening, I just cleaned up some debts, made alot of amends and tried to help others, but was still lost, but I didn't know it, and the real problem is that I just don't know how to have faith in something I can't see, in respect to turning my life over to Him/Her/It. That's my truth. The sponsor I had went back out, and I have no idea where he is today. I hope he's sober. I know I'm not even close.
I'm here looking for answers, or I wouldn't be here. Thanks for your help. I'll keep looking till I find the help I need.
I know that you've written from the heart, as i do, so I appreciate your candor and suggestions. I too have seen people like me in the meetings, and I've seen alot of others too. I've tried the sponsor deal a couple times, but when you talk of a spiritual awakening, how am I, a skeptic by heart, to know when I'm talking with someone who has had a spiritual awakening, or just some oldtimer with alot of years who thinks that it's his right to prey on newcomers, ask them to buy meals for them, talk down to them like they are the dumbest people on the planet, and insult the hell out of them/me. I don't care if they have twenty, thirty, a hundred years without a drink, it seems to me that someone coming from a spiritual awakening would have more respect for his fellow man, especially an old drunk who was just like him at one time. I've encountered people who assigned me a sponsor on my first night in the group, and he told me to call every day, so I did for a while, but I stopped because I always got his answering machine, and he never called back. I never even got to know the guy, but after a few weeks of not returning my calls, then I said enough is enough and didn't go back. I don't know about him, but I was taught that's it's rude not to return someones call, and I would think that would be especially important if you're dealing with a drunk who's counting on you to help him not drink today.
It's my impression that by thoroughly doing the steps, with a sponsor, that a person can address the mistakes made, set them right to the best of their ability, then experience a spiritual awakening as you describe, but how do you do that if the sponsor you find doesn't care to spend time with you to address these concerns. I may be in an area where good sponsorship is tough to find, but I do know my experience has not been very good in finding someone who takes you through the steps as a guide and helps you deal with the concerns that arise as you attempt to do so. Some people think every excuse is not based on reality, that when someone says "I had a flat tire", oh that's just an excuse, but the reality is that tires do go flat, and some sponsors aren't worth the time just because of time in AA meetings. I don't mind someone who's tough, and calls me on my bs, but he better be real, I want to see that he has something I want or I'm not interested. If he does, then I'm willing to do whatever I can to rid myself of this affliction, for I've wasted too many years trying to find my way in life and staying drunk doesn't work.
Five years ago, I tried AA for real, did all the steps through 9 with a guy, but I didn't feel any spiritual awakening, I just cleaned up some debts, made alot of amends and tried to help others, but was still lost, but I didn't know it, and the real problem is that I just don't know how to have faith in something I can't see, in respect to turning my life over to Him/Her/It. That's my truth. The sponsor I had went back out, and I have no idea where he is today. I hope he's sober. I know I'm not even close.
I'm here looking for answers, or I wouldn't be here. Thanks for your help. I'll keep looking till I find the help I need.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Des Plaines, IL.
Posts: 8
What do you think?
It sounds like a letter you want to give to your ex-wife. Your need to express. Whatever it might be, I hear your pain. We are in this together.
Just know the results from drinking which is the headaches. That helped me because I don't want them. Evertime I drink, I would drink until I pass out with a hangover and a nasty headache, I'm sure you don't want that so hang in there my friend.
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
"30 seconds later I hop in the jeep" and off to fee the Demon! I did the exact same thing except I did in my mustang, before that my Audi and before that my Mazda. The obession of the mind observation prominent in aa literature and culture nailed me on the head and fit me to a t. I've found counting alcohol related body scars and remembering the time I drove and shouldn't have breaks the cycle for me. It's also a short term technique or strategy as opposed to doing the necessary re wiring that a good program leads to. Maybe try some kind of thought exercise to break the cycle. It is habit forming in a good way. Best of luck and keek posting! One day at a time eventually adds up to something better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Dallas, Listen closely to what Keith said. You drink because you're an alcoholic. Like you, I had long gone past the point where I enjoyed drinking. I have no fond memories of drinking. My drinking had turned into a nightmare. It had stopped being fun long before I stopped.
You said you tried AA for real 5 years ago. You don't "try" AA, you do AA. You don't download the Big Book and study the steps. You do the steps. This is not a game that you play, it's a life that you lead. Get back to AA. And don't worry about the white chips. I've got more than a can of Pringles. And this time find a sponsor that has what you want and won't take your b.s. And when you go to meetings, listen. I've never been to one where I didn't hear something that's helped me. And like Keith and a lot of others, I've never finished doing the steps. They're part of my life and that's how I stay sober.
You'll find a lot of advice and support here. But you've been given the answer. The help you need is in AA. Stop the pity party and start working on your recovery.
You said you tried AA for real 5 years ago. You don't "try" AA, you do AA. You don't download the Big Book and study the steps. You do the steps. This is not a game that you play, it's a life that you lead. Get back to AA. And don't worry about the white chips. I've got more than a can of Pringles. And this time find a sponsor that has what you want and won't take your b.s. And when you go to meetings, listen. I've never been to one where I didn't hear something that's helped me. And like Keith and a lot of others, I've never finished doing the steps. They're part of my life and that's how I stay sober.
You'll find a lot of advice and support here. But you've been given the answer. The help you need is in AA. Stop the pity party and start working on your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Thank you for your willingness, Dallas.
Well, that's a good point. One good tip off is that they speak about it with no reservations. The other good tip off is that it shouts from them without them saying a word. My first sponsor made me only one promise. He promised to tell me the truth whether I wanted to hear it or not.
If I were in your shoes, knowing what I know now, I would look for someone carrying a Big Book. I'd probably try a closed meeting. I'd look for someone that consistently shared about powerlessness, surrender, higher power, the steps, program of action, and a spiritual awakening. I'd look for someone that didn't mince words or try to soft sell the program. I'd find someone that said my only hope was a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps, and that was confident the book contained the directions for doing that.
My home group is a little off the beaten path, small in size (8-25 people), not terribly popular with the mainstream AA crowd. In that room, there are 6-7 guys that are interchangeable for me as far as sponsorship. I would trust any of them to take me through the steps. Some of them I like better than others, but it doesn't matter. All of them are active in the steps on a daily basis. The guy who took me through the steps my first time I didn't like very much. He intimidated me, I thought he was self-righteous and arrogant. But he knew how this thing works.
Dallas, if nobody jumps out to you, I would ask. I would walk into a meeting and say that I was looking for someone who has had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps to show me the directions in the Big Book. If you mention the book, it will scare off most of the people that talk a good game, but haven't touched that book in years. Say you want to take the steps, by the book, as serious as it gets. Or, I would call the local AA hotline and ask the same thing. At least around my area, the guys who volunteer for the hotline are pretty serious, and if not, they know who to put you in touch with.
Your description of previous sponsorship is rather sickening. If a guy can't call you back or doesn't have time for you, he's not the right guy. With guys I sponsor, it is essential that we sit down one-on-one, face to face on a very regular basis.
Yes, to some extent, that's how it works. But more. It's not just that 9th step. It's all the steps. One simple idea building off the previous simple idea.
It starts with surrender. If I'm not powerless, I don't need a higher power. Don't forget, Dallas, that I came into AA as a staunch atheist. My sponsor didn't care in the least what I believed. We focused on my actions.
I don't know what happened 5 years ago. Hard to say, but it sort of sounds like you jumped into amends without having a real experience with the prior steps. And really, it's best to forget about it. I don't stay sober on yesterday's experience anyway.
Some people, Dallas, whether on this forum or in person, I latch on to because I can feel that desperation. I know what that feels like. I'll help in any way I can.
Originally Posted by firestorm090 
how am I, a skeptic by heart, to know when I'm talking with someone who has had a spiritual awakening,
If I were in your shoes, knowing what I know now, I would look for someone carrying a Big Book. I'd probably try a closed meeting. I'd look for someone that consistently shared about powerlessness, surrender, higher power, the steps, program of action, and a spiritual awakening. I'd look for someone that didn't mince words or try to soft sell the program. I'd find someone that said my only hope was a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps, and that was confident the book contained the directions for doing that.
My home group is a little off the beaten path, small in size (8-25 people), not terribly popular with the mainstream AA crowd. In that room, there are 6-7 guys that are interchangeable for me as far as sponsorship. I would trust any of them to take me through the steps. Some of them I like better than others, but it doesn't matter. All of them are active in the steps on a daily basis. The guy who took me through the steps my first time I didn't like very much. He intimidated me, I thought he was self-righteous and arrogant. But he knew how this thing works.
Dallas, if nobody jumps out to you, I would ask. I would walk into a meeting and say that I was looking for someone who has had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps to show me the directions in the Big Book. If you mention the book, it will scare off most of the people that talk a good game, but haven't touched that book in years. Say you want to take the steps, by the book, as serious as it gets. Or, I would call the local AA hotline and ask the same thing. At least around my area, the guys who volunteer for the hotline are pretty serious, and if not, they know who to put you in touch with.
Your description of previous sponsorship is rather sickening. If a guy can't call you back or doesn't have time for you, he's not the right guy. With guys I sponsor, it is essential that we sit down one-on-one, face to face on a very regular basis.
Originally Posted by firestorm090
It's my impression that by thoroughly doing the steps, with a sponsor, that a person can address the mistakes made, set them right to the best of their ability, then experience a spiritual awakening as you describe,
It starts with surrender. If I'm not powerless, I don't need a higher power. Don't forget, Dallas, that I came into AA as a staunch atheist. My sponsor didn't care in the least what I believed. We focused on my actions.
I don't know what happened 5 years ago. Hard to say, but it sort of sounds like you jumped into amends without having a real experience with the prior steps. And really, it's best to forget about it. I don't stay sober on yesterday's experience anyway.
Some people, Dallas, whether on this forum or in person, I latch on to because I can feel that desperation. I know what that feels like. I'll help in any way I can.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 8
Dear firestorm,
One day at a time. I only have 7 days yeah!, I haven't had that in 4 yrs and then I never got to 30 days in 30 yrs. Don't waste another minute of your life to alcohol, Your life will disappear before your eyes unless you stop, I'm there for you.
One day at a time. I only have 7 days yeah!, I haven't had that in 4 yrs and then I never got to 30 days in 30 yrs. Don't waste another minute of your life to alcohol, Your life will disappear before your eyes unless you stop, I'm there for you.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Welcome to SR, Bark 
FS, I just noticed I hadn't chimed in on this one. You know you got my support. Let's do this sober thing till it don't matter that I got a week more than you... and we can laugh about these days...
Keep it rolling along, and along, and along,
TB
FS, I just noticed I hadn't chimed in on this one. You know you got my support. Let's do this sober thing till it don't matter that I got a week more than you... and we can laugh about these days...
Keep it rolling along, and along, and along,
TB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Thanks to everyone for responding and offering support and guidance.
I have a ton of work to do. Recovery is not easy, I've tried to stop drinking a thousand times, so I've decided not to do that anymore. Instead, I'm going to work hard on learning how to live without alcohol. If I become involved in learning how to live without booze, then the emphasis is not on the booze, instead it's on learning how to live, which may seem like a play on words, but it's a mindset change for me. I'm tired of trying to resist the drink, I always give in when I do that, so I'm giving up that fight. I want to learn how to live as healthy a life as I possibly can from today forward, and I did ok today, I didn't drink any booze at all, went to an AA meeting even though I didn't want to go, then came home and stuffed myself with dinner, (ouch), and now I feel like an old cat with a full belly, ready to go to bed and try to learn something new tomorrow. Day three was easier than the last two, and I feel a bit more grateful today, so I hope I can stay the course tomorrow.
Thanks again for all of the help you've extended to me. If you care enough to help me, then maybe I can learn enough from you to help myself, and then pass it along.
One day at a time,
Dallas
I have a ton of work to do. Recovery is not easy, I've tried to stop drinking a thousand times, so I've decided not to do that anymore. Instead, I'm going to work hard on learning how to live without alcohol. If I become involved in learning how to live without booze, then the emphasis is not on the booze, instead it's on learning how to live, which may seem like a play on words, but it's a mindset change for me. I'm tired of trying to resist the drink, I always give in when I do that, so I'm giving up that fight. I want to learn how to live as healthy a life as I possibly can from today forward, and I did ok today, I didn't drink any booze at all, went to an AA meeting even though I didn't want to go, then came home and stuffed myself with dinner, (ouch), and now I feel like an old cat with a full belly, ready to go to bed and try to learn something new tomorrow. Day three was easier than the last two, and I feel a bit more grateful today, so I hope I can stay the course tomorrow.
Thanks again for all of the help you've extended to me. If you care enough to help me, then maybe I can learn enough from you to help myself, and then pass it along.
One day at a time,
Dallas
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
My recovery started the day I finally stopped trying not to drink...and just...didn't drink anymore.
I found all the energy I spent fighting myself was then freed up.... to help me start building a new life...
I think you're on the right track there D.
D
I found all the energy I spent fighting myself was then freed up.... to help me start building a new life...
I think you're on the right track there D.
D
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Originally Posted by firestorm090
Instead, I'm going to work hard on learning how to live without alcohol. If I become involved in learning how to live without booze, then the emphasis is not on the booze, instead it's on learning how to live, which may seem like a play on words, but it's a mindset change for me..
I'm tired of trying to resist the drink, I always give in when I do that, so I'm giving up that fight.
I just hate it when I get that idea popped into my head, it's a hard thing to get out of my head.
Forward, sober,
TB
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2
i understand what u mean, when u have tryd and tryd to kick the habbit ... and now u want to for good , and so do i . im trying to recover from abusing roxy 30's and oxy 80's for about a year..the withdrws are so unbeatabel .. that i feel and thank i cant beat it , every time i try i find my self finding the money to get just one more .. .then ill stop using .. i need help on starting this new way of life , because iv found out that i cant do it alone .. so if there is anyone that can relate please do ,
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Hey Dallas, I'm with all of those that are pushing for you to do the steps and work with a sponsor. Commit yourself and be willing to do the work. I have total faith in all of that. I know it probably seems easier to do it "your" way but I ask you, how can so many people that claim the same thing over and over to you be wrong?
At least give it a shot. I know if it weren't for the steps and my applying them in my life everyday and having a sponsor, I don't think I would have made it through my first year even after getting out of 10 months of rehab.
Good Luck!!!
At least give it a shot. I know if it weren't for the steps and my applying them in my life everyday and having a sponsor, I don't think I would have made it through my first year even after getting out of 10 months of rehab.
Good Luck!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
Hi some1saveme,
Welcome to SR. Glad to see you posting and reaching out for help. Oxys, booze, food, sex, gambling, they're all the same to me, addiction, pure and simple. We need help, which is not easy to ask for, in fact it's the hardest thing for me. You can do this!!! Keep asking for help and keep trying. Maybe call Na, Narcotics Anonymous, and see if you can find some help near where you live. Stay close to SR, don't give up, and post your concerns so that others can respond to you personally.
Welcome!!
Welcome to SR. Glad to see you posting and reaching out for help. Oxys, booze, food, sex, gambling, they're all the same to me, addiction, pure and simple. We need help, which is not easy to ask for, in fact it's the hardest thing for me. You can do this!!! Keep asking for help and keep trying. Maybe call Na, Narcotics Anonymous, and see if you can find some help near where you live. Stay close to SR, don't give up, and post your concerns so that others can respond to you personally.
Welcome!!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Originally Posted by firestorm090
Instead, I'm going to work hard on learning how to live without alcohol. If I become involved in learning how to live without booze, then the emphasis is not on the booze, instead it's on learning how to live, which may seem like a play on words, but it's a mindset change for me.
I find that I am doing my best development in recovery by having a personalized addiction treatment plan. Having a combination of in person support, recovery tools and SoberRecovery is helping me in so many ways that I cant list them all.
Keep going forward in your recovery!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Traveling in Europe
Posts: 415
Hey Dallas its great to hear you have got a few days now. It is important to have the right attitude. Good to hear you went to a meeting. I gotta say I wouldn't look for some manic 12th stepper myself... look for someone with some serenity who has some time and is ready to take you through the work... Good luck and yeah we can start over--every new day
Clayton
Clayton
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