Thanks to everyone for responding and offering support and guidance.
I have a ton of work to do. Recovery is not easy, I've tried to stop drinking a thousand times, so I've decided not to do that anymore. Instead, I'm going to work hard on learning how to live without alcohol. If I become involved in learning how to live without booze, then the emphasis is not on the booze, instead it's on learning how to live, which may seem like a play on words, but it's a mindset change for me. I'm tired of trying to resist the drink, I always give in when I do that, so I'm giving up that fight. I want to learn how to live as healthy a life as I possibly can from today forward, and I did ok today, I didn't drink any booze at all, went to an AA meeting even though I didn't want to go, then came home and stuffed myself with dinner, (ouch), and now I feel like an old cat with a full belly, ready to go to bed and try to learn something new tomorrow. Day three was easier than the last two, and I feel a bit more grateful today, so I hope I can stay the course tomorrow.
Thanks again for all of the help you've extended to me. If you care enough to help me, then maybe I can learn enough from you to help myself, and then pass it along.
One day at a time,
Dallas