Can we start over again?
 

I'm really tired of drinking, but need help to stop.

I feel I've messed around with this recovery thing for too long now, but have no where else to go with my life, so I'm wondering if you will help me get sober for real this time. I need another chance to make this work in my life and need your support. I'm sorry for all the false starts, only to drink again and would like to make Halloween, today, my new recovery date. Can I count on your support? Hopefully you have not tired too much from my constant relaspes and are willing to give me one more try.

What do you think?

..as a friend..can i say that you inspire me..
..booze,no booze..booze...no booze..
..it will go on..but it's your choice...not mine..

..so stop your whinging...Ozy

you know you have mine dallas, in for a penny, in for a pound=)

I am just starting my recovery process over today too, not because I drank, but because I think its a journey of beginnings and new discoveries, so I will start today with you, no drinks for me on this day!

I am not drinking today either! It will actually be the first Halloween that I can remember that I did not drink. My son and I have a tradition that we order a pizza and watch Finding Nemo and 8 crazy nights...we have done this for years. And or course while he ate candy I drank. But not tonight.

im here.thought about AA?

See my post on your thread from last night:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

Love and hugs,

Hey Firestorm, keep it simple. Try to stay in the day. We all know its hard. I can see the pain in your post. Healing is never fast.

I think it's a great day to start your recovery. My new date is Oct. 29. Let's make them stick.

A good suggestion would be to
get rid of anything and everything
associated with alcohol.

Taking all alcohol from your home
and throw them out. No souviners.

Recovery meant for me, staying
far away from clubs and bars which
alcohol freely flows.

All those so called friends that I
made there could still be there,
however im not.

Stay away from people places
and things dealing with alcohol
so there wont be any temptation.

Grab a hold of someone in recovery
and let them guide you.

Those with many yrs recovery
know what to do and staying sober
for long persiods of time can
be done.

Follow their suggestions and
breathe.

One Day AT A Time.

Hi,

Early recovery is challenging. Each day brings strength and courage to keep fighting...

Never give up the fight to live a sober life...

You can do this, I know you can do this...

Sandy, I know this may sound crazy, but I really don't know what caused me to drink. I can be determined not to drink today, then 30 seconds later hop in my jeep and go to the bar, totally forgetting my commitment not to drink today. It's insane, that's all I can tell ya. Just plain sick, twisted thinking. It's like I need to reprogram my mind, cause it's so unpredictable and yet predictable when it comes to drinking, I think the reason I drink, even when I don't want to, is that I'm just sick inside, if that makes any sense. When people talk of healing, I don't even know where to begin. I don't really know what needs healing inside me, maybe everything inside me is all screwed up? Seems logical, yet healing the unseen is hard to grasp for me. I'm a "hands on" kinda guy, so if I can't see it, it's hard for me to fix it. When I think of emotions, I think of cake mix in a bowl, just a glob of ****, that in the right hands can make an excellent cake, but in my hands, just gets spilled on the counter, oozes off onto the floor, then gets tracked around the house for a few days till the dog licks it up, lol. To say, "I don't know" may seem like a copout to some, but really I don't know what motivates me or anyone to do something that is harmful to oneself. It's an enigma to me.

I'm going on the one-hour plan today, just taking it an hour at a time and not drinking. It's worked for a couple hours now, and to be honest, I really don't want a drink today. It's when I feel good that I'm most at risk, but I feel like hell today, so maybe that's a good thing.

Thanks all.

firestorm,

i'm on the hour-at-a-time plan today, but i'm doing it in 15 minute increments, and trying to stay distracted.

i think what's messed up is the "mental obsession" that has taken over our thinking... and i don't have the answers. i'm just letting you know that i'm right here with you.

We can start over Dallas.... As many times as you need to. We'll be right here.

Your last post in this thread... You are very good at expressing yourself... You describe alcoholism so well....

Have you read the big book yet?

Mark

Hi Mark,

Thanks for your reply and support.

About the Big Book, yes, I've read it. I even downloaded it to my cpu so I can reference it anytime, but it's learning how to implement the steps into my life or myself into the steps that baffles me. I know the mantra, "Don't drink, go to a meeting", but I tend to complicate things by trying to recover in a few days, and want to be "well" immediately, but it hasn't worked so far. In fact, I think I've become so confused that I'm even sicker than before. When I say I'm lost, well, that's not just an easy out, it's the truth. Why, when I know all that I know about AA, the BB, and recovery in general, would I delude myself into thinking that I'm different, is it ego, grandiosity, or just stubbornness? Maybe a combo meal of all the above?

Here's the real delimma, drinking lost it's attraction to me long ago, now I do it to just shut my mind down so that I feel somewhat normal. Isn't that strange? Why do I get drunk to feel "normal"? It's like I only feel normal when I can not feel. The less I feel, the more normal I feel, it's like putting my mind on autopilot to hell, but at least it stops the thoughts from swirling like a hoard of bats in my head. Maybe I really need therapy, but I tried that and found the results to be less than desirable, plus I have preconceived obstacles to therapy, which I will refrain from listing at this time. All I can say is that when I drink, even though I know it is killing me, making my life miserable, the trade off of not-thinking is a reward, till I sober up, then the mind starts again, then I drink again, round and round it goes. Till today. I really want off this merry-go-round, so I'm here, trying to stay focused till my meetings tonight. I hope I can muster the courage to go and show my face again. I'm going to make a necklace out of all these white chips they keep giving me, lol.

Thanks Mark, and to all.

Welcome back.

i had depended on drugs and alcohol to do for me what i could not do for myself for a very long time.
Now i let God have the authority to help me when i need it most (whether i realize i need it or not!).

Surrender to win and learn to let go.
It'll be worth it for the rest of your life!

yeah, that sounds about right, just like i remember it, the way it was for me. You're talking good sense, just want you to know that, so keep on it.

have a good meeting, Dallas.

:)

way to work it, Oz. good journey. :)