Erratic

Morning x
great to hear ur feeling better snitch and good to see u also. omg your bunny marley sounds adorable. your story was so funny about ur neighbour lol what i would do having a bunny sleeping with me that would be wonderful!. On your eating that will come i hope and least ur trying x

Me im just getting really fed up now with the lockdown, i really want to get to the gym or even riding, i know that it will work and kick the poison to the kerb. When i have drank i have reduced it alot as i am finding that specially with vodka is im feeling sick and cant drink the amount i was doing even 2wks ago but i know its still to much, im still working the cards and have downloaded and printed a gratitude and wellness template which is daily, so i am trying to get into new habits. On the zoom meetings i have flagged in going, its just not the same as going to a meeting so i have found it hard to go to them, im sry snitch. Maybe i should try the evening one, but having husband in same room its bit off putting if u understand. i know all excuses and i know i would be welcomed back. Will have a good think today about how to push myself forward in going to them, but will see. sry i guess im making alot of excuses. actually maybe next month will be my month as hey ladies and gent it will be 3 years!!!!! for you!! you all have come along way xx which i think you are all awsome which again makes me think i am lucky to be still around u, as its another year and i havent made it yet! least i said yet! as im still trying and doing. suppose this morning im reflecting and thoughtfull or i guess mindfull which bloody hell thats a new one for me lol guess my cards and wellness is doing its job lol.

anway happy mother days to you both and hope u have a lovely day as u both deserve it x cant wait to hear from viper on whats going on with him xx

Erratic

Oh daisy i forgot to add i just bought 3 clipboard folders lol for my prints!!! i cant stop buying stationary and folders and stuff lol ive become addicted to it lol.

snitch

Morning peeps. Day 3 for food abstinance. Well crap food abstinance not all food obviously lol.

I am off ao a f2f AA meeting in a but si wanted to check in and say hi !

Erratic you will always be welcomed back onto the meeting. There are loads of newcomers coming on. I have no desire to drink at all today, the thought makes me feel sick. This time 3 years ago I was in the madness and I never ever want ti gi back there again which is why I will always continue to go to AA meetings and work the programme. It is my design for living now. I will always be a part of SR too , I am so grateful I found this site it is bloody awesome and once again, thanks to Dee and Anna and all the others who do service here.

Plans for today .. AA f2f and I will walk there and back to get in some exercise and fresh air, I am popping to see an AA friend for a cuppa after, then i need to go to pets ar home to pick up some bits for bunny and come home and *attempt* to put his hutch up. Reviews said it was a 2 man job but I'll give it a go. Then I am sure it will be tine for school pick up !

I know that Viper is in Ecuador! Good on him. And I am going to pester him to get his scrawny butt on here to give us an update lol.

P.s I have no idea if his butt is scrawny or not lol!

Erratic

afternoon x
thanks snitch and you be right i will be welcomed back, never made it today, i just went back to bed. hope u got ur bunny cage up x

Daisybelle

Hi Aprils

I just needed a few days out but I'm back again as per usual. Good to see you've been posting.

I hope your daughter's feeling better now Erratic and I hope you had a lovely mother's day. I think we're all sick and tired now of Lockdown, but hopefully we don't have much longer to go now, I understand you not feeling comfortable in the Zoom meeting with your husband being in the same room, I think I would have to go up in the bedroom to do them, be a shame to give them up all together.
Good for you buying 3 clipboard folders, just what you needed, lol. I would have bought them too.

So glad your Covid test was negative Suze, I did read that on F.B and I saw the pics of your beautiful bunny too, he is gorgeous and he loves your piggies doesn't he? So funny about your neighbour, lol.
Glad you've been in touch with Viper, but hmmm this....
P.s I have no idea if his butt is scrawny or not lol!
Errmm, is there something you need to be telling us, lol?

I'm off back to bed now.

lots of love to you all

Keep safe. xx

Erratic

morning x
good to see u daisy luv x
daughter? there is always something going on, least it takes her mind away from whats been going on. the little ones had bad temps and was unwell through sunday and monday so they couldnt go to nursery, so ended up daughter couldnt go back to work I havent heard from her this morn to know whats happening this morn.

I never went to meeting yesterday morn, i may try to go this morn, my mood swings are all over the place and im in negative mood with it. alcohol councillor phoned yesterday and told him how my health is declining with the drink,but i cant be bothered in doing what he asks and that is to speak to the GP, cant be arsed im afraid, hense me saying im in a negative mood just now still. sry for being so negative.

i will leave it there as im not in the right mood and i think i better go do my cards and do my chart thingy i printed off. so even when i say im negative i am still trying xx

daisy not long till u get ur kitten? snitch so love your bunny wish i was allowed to have a furbaby, but nope x

Daisybelle

Good to see you too Erratic, sorry your grandsons have been poorly, your daughter has had her work cut out. I hope they are all much better now. I know you're feeling negative but it's good that you did at least tell your councillor how you are feeling, I understand that you can't be bothered speaking to your G.P, just wondering if you could possibly fill an online form in and explain that way how you're feeling, I find it so much easier to write it all down rather that speak to someone in person.
20 April is when I can get my kitty, when he's 8 weeks old, I wonder how my Lulu cat will take to him.

I've been worrying about my bestie Mandy, who's been in hospital for over a week now, she was actually diagnosed with motor neurone disease just 12 days ago and then 2 days after that she was rushed in with gall bladder problems and they were going to operate next day but they still haven't, there's been lots of issues because she has only got the use of one arm now and the hospital are putting a care package in place so that she can go home. She'll have to have her op at a later date as a more specialised team will need to carry it out. My heart breaks for her.
Then today Mr D has been told he's got folate/vit B anaemia and apparently it's a common after affect of having Covid, he's falling apart bit by bit, no wonder he's so tired all the time.

Anyway, that's enough of the doom and gloom. I'm off to peruse.

lots of love to you all.

xxx

Erratic

morning x
really sry to hear about ur friend and also mr D x you have alot of worries on your plate hun, i myself should feel grateful that im not that to bad and to stop feeling negative.
little izzy is really unwell, even with calpol he has very high temp and he isnt eating and started to be sick daughter said in a message last night. told her she needs to get advice from nhs 24 x havent heard from her again early this morn yet. so will see how things are.

from looking at ur times your up daisy, looks like ur not having best of sleeps, you must be tired hun xx
hope u are better snitch x and cant wait to hear from viper.
going to leave it there for now, will be thinking of you all xx

Erratic

just thought would update, little izzy had to go into hospital this lunchtime. so will find out whats happening when daughter gets back intouch x poor wee mite he hasnt had easy start x he was also going to see a specialist to see if he had asthma as for past 11 wks hes been coughing and weezing so what ever he has now is not helping.

will check in again when find out more x

Erratic

morning x
little one got home last night with some spray to help his throat so he can drink and eat, unsure what it is, either chest infection or just virus, was diffrence of what they thought it was with the doctors, but least wasnt covid x
anyway was just quick check in before i go to work.
here thinking of you all and hope u have nice day x

Erratic

guess its me myself and i

here thinking of you all x oh izzy has started it looks like picking up a little.

have good day x

snitch

Morning, Dee, Daisy and Erratic and also you Viper wherever you are ♥️

I'm so sorry to hear about Mandy, Daisy. I don't know anyone who has motor neurons disease but what a horrible illness. There are so many things that can happen to us as humans so today I am very grateful that I do have my health. It isn't something i tend to put on my gratitude list, its something I can really take for granted but not anymore, it will be top of the list. I also pray Mr DB will improve soon when he gets his vitamins etc. I'm feeling better myself but still ha e a lingering cough but I think it's on it's way out now as didnt spend half as much time during the night last night coughing. My sleep has been really affected hopefully a better night tonight.

I bet you cant wait to get your new little kitten! I love all my little furballs they bring me so much joy and I love giving them a safe home and happy life although I am a bit concerned aviut my Guinea pigs as they are all a bit, ahem, chunky. I really dont understand why?? Theyvare meant to have access to unlimited hay and I give them fresh veg twice a day. They also have pellets which I top up daily but as there are 4 of them I dont think I am overfeeding them. Maybe they need more exercise but even if I put them in the garden they all (waddle) off to a safe space and stay there. I'll get on my Guinea forum later and ask for some advice . I dont want to give them obesity. !

Hi Erratic, I think I may have guessed what your daughter went through recently and I hope she is doing ok and glad to hear your grandson is doing better. How are you?

Ok so I have been having a bit of an e optional rollercoaster recently and I have made the decision to step back from AA. There are many things I absolutely love about the programme but for too long a time now, I have not been very happy with some aspects and I feel that it is having a negative impact on my life. I have not taken this decision lightly but I feel in my gut and in my heart it is the right thing to do. I am not having thoughts of drinking, or having any kind of notion that I may be able to drink again. I know I am alcoholic and that my brain was addicted to alcohol and that that can never be reversed and that is ok. I accept that and I have no desire to drink. What I have a problem with is being told my thinking is screwed up, I am not normal, every thought I have is down to my alcoholism and that I am an inherently flawed person. It is affecting me big time and I feel that I need to move forward now. I think some of my AA fellows are already planning my funeral lol. They think to leave AA is to die. Well, it is if people go back out drinking but I have no intention of doing that. They dont know what wonderful support I have right here.

So that's me. But you know me, I could be back next week haha. I am going to concentrate more onmoving in the today rather than keep harping on about the past . I will still practice the steps in my life as I love the spiritual side of the programme and would love to enhance my spiritual side.

So expect to see me around here more often.

Love my little Aprilers and this whole forum, I feel bless to have found it.

♥️🙏

Daisybelle

Hi Aprils, I'm here at last, I've had a lot going on this last week or so, but I'm well, I'm sober and I'm happy for the most part. I hope that you are all good and well too.
The doctor has prescribed Mr D some folate supplement which hopefully should be in with the pharmacist today, the sooner he gets on them the better.
My daughter messaged me last night to tell me that there is Covid on Mandy's ward, so that's not good news at all, she did have her 1st jab just before she went into hospital so I'm hoping she has at least a little protection. She's soooo vulnerable though, I pray that she doesn't catch it. Goodness knows how long she will have to stay in there now.

I'm sorry about Izzy Erratic, your daughter really has had her hands full, thank goodness he's started to pick up, fingers and everything crossed that he continues to improve, bless him. I hope you are ok too and still enjoying working on your cards. No, I've not been sleeping too well, I spend too much time thinking about things that I can't do a thing about, especially at silly o clock in the morning!
I had a horrible nightmare the other night, I dreamt that I was walking through town in the dark and there was a man walking right behind me and as I quickened my footsteps so did he, I could feel him breathing on the back of my neck. There was a bus stopped nearby so I jumped on it and sat on the long seat near the door, the next minute the man jumped on and tried to pull me off the bus by my arm. I clawed and clawed at his hand, then the next minute Mr D was shouting out at me, ( swearing lol) I had only raked his back and almost drew blood. !!!!! Good thing he didn't need to go to the doctors and take his top off, lol.

Hi Suze, Motor Neurone disease is the disease that Professor Stephen Hawking had, there is absolutely no cure for it and it takes everything away from you apart from the brain. At the moment Mandy has lost the use of both legs and her right arm since Christmas. It's just horrendous, she is only 64 and the kindest most caring person you could ever wish to meet.
Definitely looking forward to getting my new kitty, I don't know what my current cat Lulu will make of him, I'll have to introduce them slowly. I love seeing the pics of your little piggies, they are so cute, they look healthy and happy to me.
If you feel the need to step back from A.A for a while then that's what you need to do. If you change your mind at any point you know that you'll be welcomed back with open arms.

See you all later

Loads of love xxx.

snitch

I am so upset right now.

I just spoke to my sponsor and she was lovely. She said she respected my decision and that she would always be there for me either as a sponsor or as a friend.

Just now , someone I considered a friend in AA called me and the conversation took a wrong turn. She basically accused me of being selfish because I wasn't staying to carry the message to other alcoholics, that it was disease talking and then she said she had already practically buried me in her head! I mean, what the hell. Im so so upset. Thank God I have SR and I have also found a great facebook site called life after 12 step programmes.

Just trying to calm down.

Daisybelle

(( Suze)) and breathe. Honestly you just can't please everybody all the time. You've done what is best for you at this moment in time, you were honest and upfront about it, you weren't completely happy with what you were doing, you've given it a lot of thought and you've decided to take a step back. What is selfish about that? Nothing at all. Stop worrying, if your 'friend' can't handle your decision that really isn't your problem. Enjoy your life. xxx

Hope everything is ok for you Erratic. xx

lot of love xxx

Erratic

wow morning lovely ladies x

not sure if i can offer any proper feed back on what ur going through snitch luv, you have to do whats best for you, i am the same thinking when it comes to AA but i do keep trying and from what i have learnt from when i did the path is im not going to feel bad about having problems with drink but i will do this when i can change my thinking, not sure if i can explain properly on what i mean. I think you are doing great, so dont please let other people make you beat up yourself or doubt what your thinking and feeling. My problem with AA is only about the god thing and the praying, which at the moment its kind of got out of hand on the whatsapp group which makes me steer away, but i am hoping to join back to the meetings and just use the meeting as a point to listen and take what i need and learn, does that sound selfish? sry if it does. As you also snitch SR is the main place just now and i have also a FB group i have started to try post, as usual as i think u all know me, i find it hard to reach out and ask for help, but hey im still pushing ahead x hope i never muddled up ur brain on this reply to you lol snitch, i think your great and ur not the first person to leave AA and still be sober xx

Daisy you seem to be going through alot hun, and not being able to sleep wont be helping, but also sounds like when sleeping is your not getting proper sleep with having bad dreams also hun, you have defo alot on your plate and mind x always here either messenger or here if you need to talk xx
On izzy, he is up and down again just now, so daughter will give it till monday and see how he goes over weekend if to get checked out again, poor wee big guy xx
On me, when im not working i have been doing the cards and grattitude wellness thingy template i printed off, have to restart again this morn. On the drinking i have actually reduced my amount this past week and hoping to go into AF days without getting any major withdrawels, the sicky feeling is still there when i drink so that has helped me reduce considerably which im actually chuffed with myself. Im still finding it hard to reach out before i drink though so still a work in progress. So here hoping for a AF day which im pushing myself hard and not going to give myself permission to drink, instead i have a sticky toffee pudding sitting in fridge to eat.

Oh im sry i got it wrong, its 4years you all been sober for!!!!! i cant count or im in limbo or denial that ive sprouted so much **** about giving up for 4 years!!!!! lol oh and im getting my hair done on the 10th! at last!!!! and hoping i think end of april that gyms and riding will be opened also! x

Oh on Mr D daisy, soon as starts to take tablets he will feel much better xx i have double anemia which was iron and b12 which is his b12 levels ok? that makes u really really fatigued and sick xx so i know what he is going through so i wish him well and stop beating him up at night xxx lol jk

so much of not got much to say or feedback eh. oh where is our viper and hey where are u dee hope ur ok also xxxxx

yup this is defo long one for me, been up since 4-30 which comes i guess when not really numbing my body with booze xxx

Daisybelle

Good morning everyone, happy Saturday. I've not really got much news as I've not been anywhere, but that's ok. I've heard that there is Covid on Mandy's ward, so that's really worrying. I'm in touch with her everyday and she said she had a Covid test yesterday but other than that there doesn't seem to be any panic on the ward.

Hi Erratic, that is certainly a long post from you, lol. You're right in what you said to Suze, you have to do what's right for you. A.A isn't for everyone but if she changes her mind and decides to go back, she'll be welcomed. S.R is my main ( only) support and so far so good. You were right the 1st time by the way, it's 3 years next month, lol, though with this Covid thing and Lockdown it's easy to get mixed up as all the days seem to blend into one.
I hope Izzy improves over the weekend, poor little thing, it's horrible seeing them poorly.
Keep on reducing your drink, it's a step in the right direction and I'm glad it's making you feel sick, ( I mean that in the nicest possible way) lol. Don't ever give up and keep on doing your cards and wellness thing, it's good to keep your mind occupied.
I'm desperate to get my hair done, it's half way down my back now and I keep trapping it in bed, lol, our hairdresser's don't open until 12th though.
Mr D picked up his tablets yesterday so he's started them and hopefully he'll soon be feeling better. I suffer from iron deficiency too, mainly due to my U.C and at one point I was sent to hospital for an urgent blood transfusion, so I do understand how tired he feels.
Stop beating him up, lol, lol, he was screaming like a banshee.
I hope you manage to get a power nap at some point during the day. Lots of love. Mxxx

Thinking about you Suze, sending love. xxxx

Thinking about you too Dee, I hope everything is okay and you are just having a well deserved break.

Hope all is good with you too Viper, wherever you are and whatever you're up to.

Lots of love to you all.

Stay safe. xxx

snitch

Afternoon,

Yeh where is Dee? Hope you are good Dee and just having a wel earned break. Thinking of you.

I'm at Home on sofa about to watch a film. My first day away from AA and it feels good. I feel a sense of freedom. It's hard to explain. I will always be grateful to AA. Along with SR it saved my life. I can't say anything bad about it except that I am stagnating and need to move on.

Awww poor Izzy. Saying lots of prayers for him Erratic. Hope Mr DB starts feeling the benefits from his tablets soon Daisy. My hair is awful too! I have one huge grey streak at the front. ! I look like a skunk haha.

I've also taken a step back from my crazy friend and I feel so much relief! I am starting to think about myself and my needs. Aa teaches us to think of others which is great but somewhere along the line I lost a sense of my wants and needs and they are important, as long as I am not sh##ting on anyone else.

So todaSoI remove toxic Nd draining people from my life and am making no apologies for it!

right, now what to watch???

Xx

Daisybelle

Hi again, I've just had a bath, got my jammies on and I'm watching the voice, well Mr D has it on and I keep looking and listening. We went and made a socially distance visit to Loki the kitten this afternoon, he's coming on, I can't have him until 20 April when he's 8 weeks old, it seems like ages away.

You're sounding nice and chilled out tonight Suze, I'm glad you're not stressing over your crazy friend. Enjoy the weekend.

Hope you're okay Erratic.

I'm off to catch up on my other threads so goodnight, sleep well. xx

Pics of Loki today aged 25 days.

Erratic

Morning x
sry never got back on yesterday, poor izzy has nasty ear infection now aswell, so doctors have given him antibiotics now to try fight the infections.
great to hear from u snitch really good that ur feeling more relaxed x
oh my loki is looking good and sweet i could totally eat him up lol yeah time seems to be ages away, but hey it will come just like getting ur hair done xx lol
im just waiting to hear from daughter to see how little one is this morning,i think she is having a lay in as nights have been really bad and she had to work since izzy came home last wed, but other half was looking after him. so both of em will be knackered.

will check in later again when i can xx
here thinking of you all xx have good morning x