Erratic

Afternoon x daisy, daughter had a go at him when he came home from work and went to bed, im unsure myself about how im keeping my mouth shut,but i am. just having a moment to myself just now, well scrap that, partner just brought little one through ffs. well im back home on sat, will miss daughter and little ones, but dam there will be no way that i will keep my trap shut if i dont go home soon.
anyway day 5, did have some fleeting thoughts of the demon, but hey its not going to happen. see what brings tomo as partner has day off, lets see how long he sleep or what he does for little ones tomo.

sry for the moan x

Daisybelle

Good evening Aprils, I hope you're all having the best weekend you can. All okay here, not really got any news other than I had the first part of the Covid vaccination this morning. It went well, it was all very organised and I'm fine, my arm is a little bit sore now but nothing major.

Love to all of you, keep warm and stay safe.

Have a good weekend Dee. x

xxx

Erratic

morning everyone x i got home last night and had cup of tea and went straight to bed, was totally knackered. so i have done 7days AF and hoping to keep going while at home. will get back into AA meetings and doing my cards, and will prob do some work which i have for the 30day AF experiement, so will be be doing that tomo morning x

thats good that u got ur first vaccine daisy x also good that nothing much is going on, hope your sleeping better xx
hope your ok also snitch xxx here thinking of you all today as i have plenty time and not chasing after the gsonds which im missing aswell as daughter again lol. nvm back to a diffrent kind of normal.

catch u all later xx have good sunday xx

Dee74

Welcome home erratic

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Erratic

thanks dee hun x hope your ok also x

snitch

Hi all quick check in. I'm not feeling my best today. Just a bit down in the dumps. Fed up of the weather, was a bit poor me poor me on valentines yesterday cos It would be nice to have someone special in my life, and also my mum has been struggling. But I am not allowing myself to sit in self pity and trying not to sit in fear. Practicing gratitude for what I have and turning to my HP for the courage to deal with my feelings around my mum. I am so sad that she is having to go through this and I feel so powerless to help her but I won't drink and I am sober and I can be there for her even if it is only on video chat.

I woke up with a but of a sore and sticky eye today and also eaten crap which has really affected me badly as I havent been eating It. I honestly didnt even enjoy it that much so that's good as it will seem less tempting next time.

Off to bed. Hoping to be in a more upbeat mood tomorrow.

I hope you are all ok.

Lots of love

Dee74

I think you're doing great considering, but I hope better times are ahead Snitch

all good here thanks erratic

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snitch

Awww thanks Dee 🤗 I guess this is living life on life's terms and experiencing human emotions as they are supposed to be experienced without numbing with alcohol. I am grateful to be waking up hangover free and ready for a new day.

Morning everyone , happy Tuesday xx

Erratic

morning all x
sry to hear your feeling down and not feeling good snitch, also sry to hear about ur mum x hope u are better today, sry couldnt make the meeting, hub wanted to watch tv before his work so wouldnt of felt comfortable with him watching tv and me doing my meeting, nvm will be there tomo x

day 9 for me just away to do my cards and that x
here thinking of you all x have good day if you can xx

Viperidae

Hi folks, I’m getting kicked out

I haven’t done too much with myself since I got to my sister’s house and I think I really got buried in my routine and just staying in my comfort zone ...

And she’s fed up with me and wants me out. There were some hints along the way and I even knew they’d prefer I not live here long in an ideal world but had no clue I was playing with fire to this extant. Clueless again. You don’t have to be actively drinking to be in total denial. I guess that’s where AA would have helped but COVID. Like I wanted a sponsor, and I’m lonely, but no in person meetings since all of this with my dad dying. I need to be around people not online.

I felt as though, with my health conditions, I was surviving. That’s it. I blew my chance at school this fall by not following through to become a health coach which would pay enough to get me out of this **** show of public benefits, at least. Could have turned into anything. You never regret something you have done ya know?? I could go now but I was being offered financial help with it. Not cheap.

I had that failure in Brazil way back, and came back here because of health issues but I don’t regret trying.

I am pretty low on myself right now. I’ve been seeing the therapist A LOT. 4 times this week! He has reasons that he sees as valid that I haven’t done anything. My benefits restrict me. My anxiety stops me doing anything. My health conditions. I mean I did the chores here and went the extra mile to make people happy, but not to leave, and that’s all they really wanted I guess.

I left in the dead of night with my bags packed and it was freezing cold and snowy. I slept in hotels for nights but then they were worried and wanted me to return, but the circumstances and timeline are punishing here. It’s like ‘oookkkk you didn’t get the hint so you got 2 weeks during COVID and freezing weather (plus no money) to get the ^^^^ out. Pffffffffffffff.... I just sighed in real life.

Therapist knows my sister well and tells me she’s ‘scapegoating.’ She always does and always will. When I’m gone she’ll move on to the next person to attack. She considers herself “homeless” if I am in the house. Really... homeless???

Ya see, their kids just left. Suddenly they should be alone here but I’m here in the house.

Honestly her and her husband need their house the reasons, or right or wrong are rrelevant.

I can rent a ****** room and just survive or do some other things. We are looking at options. When my dad was here I had a ton of options. That’s over.

I have done an amazing job on my health this winter though. I have used diet I learned, and I’ve been at the gym or going for long walks in snowstorms. Normally at this time of year I would be an invalid. I made sure that did not happen.

I’ve been calling old friends, but no one is in a position to help. It’s embarrassing I’ll tell you that.

Somehow I am keeping it together though. I have no idea how I haven’t just shattered under the pressure. No idea. I’m a tough bastard I guess. Tougher than I knew.

I’ll check in soon and I love you guys.

VIPER

Dee74

wishing you well in finding a permanent place to live and a job/school deal Viper

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Daisybelle

Good morning lovely April people, I made it here at last. Happy Friday to you all and I hope everyone is well. All is good with me, it's half term, no home schooling so I have been taking g.son for walks over the meadow's with his little dog ( it's his dad's dog really) and to a near deserted skate park with his scooter for him to let some steam off. I did a bit of dog sitting for the first half of the week, much to my little cat's disgust, my wayward son has another new job and had to go away for 3 days training and no one but me would take the dog. He's a good little dog, a Jack Sausage, he's a cross between and Jack Russell and a Dashound, apart from he dug two big holes in my borders in the garden. Mr D is allergic to dogs, so it was quite difficult at times, I kept him ( the dog) in the back garden and in the kitchen but had to take him to his own home every night, then pick him up first thing in the morning.

Good to see you Erratic and I bet it seems ages ago now that you were at your daughter's, you must be missing them all like crazy. I hope your daughter was much better by the time you had to go home. Sounds like you've been doing really well with your A.F days, have you managed to keep it up?

I'm sorry you've been feeling so down Suze and I hope you're feeling better today. You've had a lot on your plate. How has your work gone at home? I find having builders in quite stressful. I hope your mum is continuing to stay stable, she has a lot of people looking out for her.

I hope all is okay with you Dee.

Good to see you back posting Viper, just wish you had better news to tell us. I hope everything works out for you. Take care.

Lots of love to you all.

Keep safe. xxx

Dee74

All good here DB
Have a good weekend
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Daisybelle

Thank you Dee, have a good weekend yourself. x

Lots of love to you all. xxx

Erratic

morning x

sry to hear about whats happening with you viper, also good though to hear from u hun xx
daisy i did 10 days AF and then just been on a binge, so hoping to start again today, i also joined the weekenders thread so i have some other place to read posts and maybe post on. good to see you also hun x love that ur looking after the dog also x

Just going to leave it there as im in one of my moods and not here but else where i feel im speaking to myself so feeling like the invisable woman again, its prob me, as im not really reaching out or engaging i guess. nvm i will get my head together x

Dee74

I hope you have a good weekend erratic - beat that 10 days

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Daisybelle

Erratic, 10 days is good, I think that's the longest you've gone for a long time. Your next challenge is to beat it, I know you can. The weekender's thread is a good one, my lovely friend Mags runs it and I post on it now and again. I'll try and make more of an effort on there if you'll be there too. Oh my goodness, I often feel like the invisible woman, more often than you could imagine.

Erratic will beat that 20 days Dee, we know she can do it.

Hope you're okay Suze, thinking about you. xxx

I'm off to peruse, so lots of love to you all.

Keep safe xxx

Dee74

Trying to get served at the deli counter in my wheelchair makes me feel invisible too...just gotta make some noise

hellz yeah

Hope you are doing ok too Suze

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Erratic

morning x
right ur both on for going for 10 or 20 days, this is my day 1 due to i had bad day yesterday, but something good came out of it, somone from the meeting i go to and i reached out there is she phoned me and dam was good to hear someone else story and found alot of simliar stuff. i know i should of reached out on the weekenders thread also, but i will be there today, even i just get 1 day AF at the weekend this week, next i will join properly again. sry if im not really making much sense, my brain is bit overwhelmed with things at the moment. was hoping to get lay in but ended up waking early x

hope ur ok viper and snitch, sent u message snitch xxx hope you all have good day, will be back later x going to do my cards to see whats on for today lol xx

thanks dee also hun xxxx

Daisybelle

Ha ha I can imagine Dee, you've just go to keep on making that noise if that's what it takes. x

You're making perfect sense Erratic, you just need to get out of the habit of turning every bad day into an even worse day by drinking, because as you know, drinking doesn't make it better, all the problems are still there and worse when you sober up again.
It's so good that someone reached out to you, someone to actually talk to, you can hopefully help each other. Next time you feel the urge to drink try checking in here and airing all your frustrations with us, you can rant and rage as much as you like, none of us will judge, we will listen and we might be able to help.

Have a good day, or the best one you can at least, I think we're all a bit cabin feverishy now.

Lots of love

Keep safe. xxx