Class of March 2020 Part 3
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Well done on 30 days Tink and 5 weeks Freedom.
I had hardly any sleep last night and a long sad day
Had a tragedy, we lost our little cat, I found him dead just outside the door last night, it’s just devastating, he wasn’t quite 6 months old. Too sad. Too much loss the last few years
The AV tried desperately to get me to buy a couple of bottles of wine to drown my sorrows. It didn’t even bother to try with one bottle, it went straight for 2. I very nearly caved in, but I reminded myself how depressed I got from my last bout of drinking that ended on 1st March. Day 1 on 2nd March was awful, I was extremely depressed and anxious and thought everything was futile. As sad as I am, I don’t want to go back to that dark place in my head. Plus I remembered the awful smell of wine breath that I noticed on a lady recently. That must be what I used to smell like, yuk. I don’t want to breathe those fumes over anyone.
So I’m really sad but I’m sober. And going to bed, hopefully to catch up on sleep. Night night x
I had hardly any sleep last night and a long sad day
Had a tragedy, we lost our little cat, I found him dead just outside the door last night, it’s just devastating, he wasn’t quite 6 months old. Too sad. Too much loss the last few years
The AV tried desperately to get me to buy a couple of bottles of wine to drown my sorrows. It didn’t even bother to try with one bottle, it went straight for 2. I very nearly caved in, but I reminded myself how depressed I got from my last bout of drinking that ended on 1st March. Day 1 on 2nd March was awful, I was extremely depressed and anxious and thought everything was futile. As sad as I am, I don’t want to go back to that dark place in my head. Plus I remembered the awful smell of wine breath that I noticed on a lady recently. That must be what I used to smell like, yuk. I don’t want to breathe those fumes over anyone.
So I’m really sad but I’m sober. And going to bed, hopefully to catch up on sleep. Night night x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,527
I wrote to you in another thread already..... (((((Willow))))) ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I lost my first cat the same way, when I was 9 years old, at Phillip Island.
Just so awful. I am so so sorry honey. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
I lost my first cat the same way, when I was 9 years old, at Phillip Island.
Just so awful. I am so so sorry honey. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,527
Congrats Tink, and go FF!!!
And Be.....you are a very wise man.
I see you being able to help many other people on this journey.
And I still am holding onto faith that your wife will re-open her heart.
And just so impressed with your attitude and ability to see such truth.
And Be.....you are a very wise man.
I see you being able to help many other people on this journey.
And I still am holding onto faith that your wife will re-open her heart.
And just so impressed with your attitude and ability to see such truth.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by venuscat 
Congrats Tink, and go FF!!!
And Be.....you are a very wise man.
I see you being able to help many other people on this journey.
And I still am holding onto faith that your wife will re-open her heart.
And just so impressed with your attitude and ability to see such truth.
And Be.....you are a very wise man.
I see you being able to help many other people on this journey.
And I still am holding onto faith that your wife will re-open her heart.
And just so impressed with your attitude and ability to see such truth.
Thanks Venus, that means a lot, even if I think I'm too late to save that I hold dearest.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I just feel like screaming in anger and frustration at where I've landed up, even if the process I am now in is clearly one that is good for me
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,527
I understand the desire and need to scream in frustration. 
s
I want to tell you a story about a man called John who I met in AA many years ago. He was just amazing...I loved listening to him. I knew he had been in prison, but I didn't know what for.
One day (and I can still see in my mind's eye where he was sitting in the room, and where I was sitting.....we were in a circle) he told his story.
Just like many of us, his drinking was progressive, and just like many of us, he got completely blind one day and decided to drive to the bottle shop for more.
He didn't see his kid playing behind the car.
I know that is a horrible thing to tell you, but what I learned about John was that he survived what I think is the worst price anyone could ever pay for drinking. He got sober in jail and started an AA group. In all of the years (quite a lot) that he was inside, he helped other men find lasting sobriety.
After jail he started a mechanic's shop and hired ex-cons in AA.
He made me truly see and believe that anything is possible in this life. Things I could not even have imagined.
sI want to tell you a story about a man called John who I met in AA many years ago. He was just amazing...I loved listening to him. I knew he had been in prison, but I didn't know what for.
One day (and I can still see in my mind's eye where he was sitting in the room, and where I was sitting.....we were in a circle) he told his story.
Just like many of us, his drinking was progressive, and just like many of us, he got completely blind one day and decided to drive to the bottle shop for more.
He didn't see his kid playing behind the car.
I know that is a horrible thing to tell you, but what I learned about John was that he survived what I think is the worst price anyone could ever pay for drinking. He got sober in jail and started an AA group. In all of the years (quite a lot) that he was inside, he helped other men find lasting sobriety.
After jail he started a mechanic's shop and hired ex-cons in AA.
He made me truly see and believe that anything is possible in this life. Things I could not even have imagined.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Thanks Venus. I do have hope; it's just hard to see it sometimes.
Just had a long conversation with my wife, planning practicalities. We've got a plan for September. Her key issue is that we 'are not in a relationship' at that point (that's actually impossible as parents, but I get her point that we won't be in a marriage relationship). She also does not want to agree to reviewing at six months, she would prefer it was permanent. That's not practical at this point, and I've been very clear that I'd rather leave the door open. So that's up in the air.
The plans look not too bad (in the circumstances!!). If I get the job I've applied for I'll live away (it's in another area) Mon-Fri then home for weekends (and we'll cross living arrangements for weekends nearer the time). If I don't get it we'll get a room nearby and take it in turns living there, two/three days at a time, the other times being at home. Review after six months.
None of this is ideal as a) I worry about the impact on the kids, b) I simply don't want to separate from her!, and c) I'm worried about telling other people. More than anything else I don't want the relationship to end, I'm desperate to work it out in whatever way we can. But in terms of rolling with the punches, and having a plan to protect my sobriety and mental health - I can imagine it
Just had a long conversation with my wife, planning practicalities. We've got a plan for September. Her key issue is that we 'are not in a relationship' at that point (that's actually impossible as parents, but I get her point that we won't be in a marriage relationship). She also does not want to agree to reviewing at six months, she would prefer it was permanent. That's not practical at this point, and I've been very clear that I'd rather leave the door open. So that's up in the air.
The plans look not too bad (in the circumstances!!). If I get the job I've applied for I'll live away (it's in another area) Mon-Fri then home for weekends (and we'll cross living arrangements for weekends nearer the time). If I don't get it we'll get a room nearby and take it in turns living there, two/three days at a time, the other times being at home. Review after six months.
None of this is ideal as a) I worry about the impact on the kids, b) I simply don't want to separate from her!, and c) I'm worried about telling other people. More than anything else I don't want the relationship to end, I'm desperate to work it out in whatever way we can. But in terms of rolling with the punches, and having a plan to protect my sobriety and mental health - I can imagine it
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Dont give up yet Be, I'm with venus on this in that i think hearts can mend given time and with all the changes you are making trust can be re built, maybe your wife just needs to be sure that the changes are for the long term.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by Tinkerbeau
Dont give up yet Be, I'm with venus on this in that i think hearts can mend given time and with all the changes you are making trust can be re built, maybe your wife just needs to be sure that the changes are for the long term.
How are you this evening? Lovely stars out tonight! Congrats on 30 days btw
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,254
Originally Posted by Be123
I hope you are right Tink. It's hard because she's so adamant and it seems hopeless. But I wonder if I am turning a corner (pink cloud descending on to me??) as I am sure I'll survive whatever happens, and maybe even come out stronger/happy etc - and definitely sober.
How are you this evening? Lovely stars out tonight! Congrats on 30 days btw
I'm good thanks felt calm again today. Yeah they are and the Sunset was absolutely beautiful tonight, it's so nice to be in a present place to see and notice things.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,527
That's no pink cloud dear Be, just faith. And belief in yourself, because you know you are not going back to that dark place. s xx
Love you Tink....off to see if I can see the sunset.
s xx
s xxLove you Tink....off to see if I can see the sunset.
s xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,329
Willow, sorry to hear about your kitty, I would be devastated too. Take care of yourself. BE, you reasons not wanting to separate we’re my exact ones, in that order. I was embarrassed and ashamed to tell others and really worried about my kids. Luckily we ended up back together but the kids handled the separation really well.
I told a friend a few weeks ago that I decided to quit drinking. His response was, “your kidding”, not “good for you”. I have texted him a few times since with no response, so I have to wonder about that. He is a big time craft beer drinker and dabbles in the hard stuff as well. I am not sure he is an alcoholic but I have my suspicions now. We haven’t lived within 1000 miles of each other in over 10 years.
I told a friend a few weeks ago that I decided to quit drinking. His response was, “your kidding”, not “good for you”. I have texted him a few times since with no response, so I have to wonder about that. He is a big time craft beer drinker and dabbles in the hard stuff as well. I am not sure he is an alcoholic but I have my suspicions now. We haven’t lived within 1000 miles of each other in over 10 years.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,329
Originally Posted by Willow68
Thanks Bil.
One of my friends was like that when I told her I stopped drinking. Incredulous and couldn’t believe it. She was also really annoyed that she’d lost her drinking buddy
One of my friends was like that when I told her I stopped drinking. Incredulous and couldn’t believe it. She was also really annoyed that she’d lost her drinking buddy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 4,800
Well I made it through yesterday despite my AV. Day 34 now. Just back from a run. Part of living a balanced life - SMART Topic 4.
I think a big problem with me is my days are so empty and drinking seems like an easy way to fill time. Going to try and do a lot of activities today and keep busy. The devil makes work for idle thumbs.
I think a big problem with me is my days are so empty and drinking seems like an easy way to fill time. Going to try and do a lot of activities today and keep busy. The devil makes work for idle thumbs.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
