Thanks Venus. I do have hope; it's just hard to see it sometimes.

Just had a long conversation with my wife, planning practicalities. We've got a plan for September. Her key issue is that we 'are not in a relationship' at that point (that's actually impossible as parents, but I get her point that we won't be in a marriage relationship). She also does not want to agree to reviewing at six months, she would prefer it was permanent. That's not practical at this point, and I've been very clear that I'd rather leave the door open. So that's up in the air.

The plans look not too bad (in the circumstances!!). If I get the job I've applied for I'll live away (it's in another area) Mon-Fri then home for weekends (and we'll cross living arrangements for weekends nearer the time). If I don't get it we'll get a room nearby and take it in turns living there, two/three days at a time, the other times being at home. Review after six months.

None of this is ideal as a) I worry about the impact on the kids, b) I simply don't want to separate from her!, and c) I'm worried about telling other people. More than anything else I don't want the relationship to end, I'm desperate to work it out in whatever way we can. But in terms of rolling with the punches, and having a plan to protect my sobriety and mental health - I can imagine it