Neverthought

27 d.os.!

taplow

Hi Linners, I'm often like that with no desire to drink. It's effortless and then I suddenly change and it can be for any reason. It's not like another voice within me; it is me. Right now I don't see any point in drinking. What's all the fuss? I don't think I ever win a battle. There's no battle I just change my mind and there's nothing to stop me.
Nice to see everyone doing so well, getting over early frustrations that can make drinking seem maybe not such a bad idea.
Also I think I could do with reading some Epictetus.

I'm on Day 2. No problems for me. I'll read a bit, eat a bit, wander about and watch the Arsenal match tonight. Not much of a life, but it'll do I suppose.
I am pretty tired of late though - went to the doctor a few weeks ago. I've got low ferritin which is what stores iron in the body so I've learned. I think it's mostly in the liver - I don't know what I'm talking about. I've had more blood tests for why this is - thyroid, liver function, uncle Tom Cobbley etc and I'll find out on Wednesday.
Anyway, keep up the good work all.

Linners820

The learning new coping skills part is hard! I am by nature a creature of habit, and stubborn as they come. I have been slowly working on untangling stuff with my therapist and still struggle so much with being able to sit with uncomfortable emotions rather than pouring alcohol over them.

I feel like I have weeks where I make a lot of progress and actually start to practice the new skills we've been talking about, and then I revert to my old behavior and feel defeated. One step forward, two steps back. I had a really good streak going this past week. Spent time out in nature with my dog, sent out a few resumes, cooked, connected with friends. I enjoyed the feeling of waking up knowing I didn't do anything to embarrass myself the night before. I'm going to get back to that place again.

venuscat

Maybe instead of 'sitting with the feelings' (I sure could never do that), try something else....a new activity.....gym or maybe squash or basketball, or something you can do on your own like jogging or swimming....I could never sit with the feelings, as I said. I needed to change the channel. And then my head started to want what my body and brain feel good....exercise.....it was fun, and it always works for me....I always sort out whatever is bothering me or bringing me down almost magically.

Just a thought.

Linners820

Yup, it switches on a dime for me too. The thoughts creep in and before I know what's happening, drinking seems like the best idea ever and all the horrible memories/consequences of the last time I got drunk are nowhere to be found. Or if I do remember, I'll tell myself "it won't get THAT bad, I won't drink THAT much." And sometimes, it's true. I stick to a normal limit, have a couple drinks and don't want any more and that's the end of it. And other times...well, forget it. I'm on a mission to feel everything and nothing at the same time, it seems.

I had low ferritin a couple years ago as well. Along with low B12. Alcohol depletes these as I'm sure you know. I have been taking a very expensive whole-food vitamin with good amounts of both since, and my recent bloodwork was much improved.

Linners820

Yeah, Venus. So much of this comes down to replacing old habits with new, healthy ones. My brain needs much re-training. Last week I took my dog on several long walks and the exercise and fresh air really helped my mind. I do actually belong to a gym but as of late I'm really just donating to them, as I haven't managed to get myself in there in a long time. I'd love to get to the point where exercising when I'm upset comes as automatically as drinking seems to.

venuscat

For sure, it takes time to re-train our brains. s

Citrus

Good morning all.

Linners, I'm sorry you drank. So glad you are right back here with us. I am also very likely to drink after I've gotten done with something like a trip or a hard weekend. It is just ridiculous how that little AV works. A plan for handling those times is huge for me. And most of my plan is to have a cup of tea and just go to bed when those feelings start. Along with not stopping to grab booze on the way home (so hard!). Stick close in the up coming days and be gentle with yourself today.

Linners820

There was a post here recently about dealing with anger and how to let it go...this is something I'm struggling with too. I'm still trying to work through my feelings of anger regarding something that happened months ago. The situation is over and done with, but these feelings of anger and resentment keep popping up. Add alcohol to the mix, and next thing I know I'm looking up this person on social media and spying on their account. For the sole purpose of torturing myself, apparently. I only become more angry, and have sent some unsavory messages. This has happened several times recently when I've drank. I've definitely said everything that needed to be said, but it's like I insist on picking away at this scab and not letting it heal.

What is happening now in this person's life is none of my business, and I'm pretty disappointed in myself for behaving this way. But I just don't know what to do with the anger and resentment.

venuscat

I truly believe you (or me or anyone) need to make the decision to not allow this to destroy you anymore. Ultimately, anger and bitterness towards anyone else only ends up destroying the person who is angry and bitter.

In my case, with my sister who threw me out of her life forever in February (told me I am the evil who destroyed her life)....it was hard. It is still hard, and it still hurts.

BUT....I refuse to let her impact my life anymore. It was destroying my self-esteem. I just keep wishing her well in my mind every time I start getting upset again. I am trying to let go with love. It is helping me.

Linners820

There's nothing quite like the feeling of betrayal. Just sort of cuts you to the core. Same goes with situations where you don't get proper closure. I know what you're saying about having to make a conscious decision to switch the focus of your thoughts so they don't consume you. In my case this person is out living their life and I'm the one stuck ruminating and stewing, and it really only hurts me. It is extremely hard for me to wish this person well, though.

My experience with emotions like this is that I seem to have a delayed response. When an incident like this first happens, I feel a bit numb initially, like my "I don't have time for this" survival mode kicks in. And then months or even sometimes years will go by, and I will suddenly start to feel ALL the emotions related to it. That is what is happening now, I think. I know it's important for me to feel the anger and whatever else, so it's good that it's happening I guess. I'm just trying to not get consumed in the process. Still so much for me to learn about feeling emotions and knowing when/how to release them in a healthy way.

I have deleted the account I had created to cyber-spy on this person. My job needs to be focusing on creating the life I want and feeling contentment with that rather than directing my thoughts to someone who doesn't deserve any of my headspace.

Dascha

Hi guys!!!

Quick check in...23 days today!

loulou1981

Hi all, new to this thread. Day 16 for me. 👋

Query.....Is it normal to still have night sweats?? How long should I expect them to last?
Sleep itself is ok but last night was bloody awful & it's cold here in the UK & I always sleep with the window open, think my hubbie wondered what he was sleeping next to, it was awful!!!🙈

Citrus

Checking in for the afternoon. Feeling good about not drinking tonight even though it is my normal witching hour right now.

Loulou, from my experiences in stretches of sobriety the night sweats can last for quite a while. I've found that a hot epsom salt and essential oil bath that I sweat in right before bed seems to get that sweating out of the way before sleeping. It is a gross feeling but good to know that our bodies are getting those toxins out.

Citrus

Patterson congrats on 23 days!! You will be to a month before you know it!

Dee74

I'm glad you're back Linners. I don't think talk of failing is ever particularly useful and I don't think it's a case of being smart or dumb - for me it was being prepared as against not being prepared. If I wasn't ready for those turn on a dime moments I had no defence against them....

if I was ready and had a plan - which could be as simple and basic as posting here instead of drinking - then I gave myself a fighting chance?

D

Misc72

Just saying hi!

LuluBread

Day 14.

MagnumCat

This probably doesn't have anything to do with sobriety and you can all ignore this. I just need to get it out. My husband says he doesn't want our family to be so dysfunctional anymore. I told him that I'm doing what I can (starting a one year IOP on Monday) and that he needs to do his part. It takes two to fight! He doesn't think that he has a part. He wants me to write him a list of what I want him to change. I told him that I can't change him. He needs to figure out his part and do what he needs to do. I've told him a hundred times what I think needs to be changed, but I guess he doesn't hear me. I think he needs to go to his own counselling. A week ago I asked him to give me a chance to go through my counselling before we made any decisions. He thinks I should be perfect now, although he doesn't trust a thing I do. He seems to be giving up before he gives me a chance. Any suggestions??

Zura

I don't have any suggestions I'm sorry. You have my very deep sympathy though. I personally have found it very difficult to initiate change on my own in any relationship or family situation, as we are individually only one part of the dynamic. The only advice i would give is hang on to your sobriety no matter the circumstances and work on yourself as that is the only part you can control, particularly if you are newly sober....sorry i am not much help. Everything improves with sobriety i'm told so you've got a lot of improvements to look forward to that may have amazing flow on effects to all your life challenges.