Originally Posted by
venuscat 
I truly believe you (or me or anyone) need to make the decision to not allow this to destroy you anymore. Ultimately, anger and bitterness towards anyone else only ends up destroying the person who is angry and bitter.
In my case, with my sister who threw me out of her life forever in February (told me I am the evil who destroyed her life)....it was hard. It is still hard, and it still hurts.
BUT....I refuse to let her impact my life anymore. It was destroying my self-esteem. I just keep wishing her well in my mind every time I start getting upset again. I am trying to let go with love. It is helping me.
There's nothing quite like the feeling of betrayal. Just sort of cuts you to the core. Same goes with situations where you don't get proper closure. I know what you're saying about having to make a conscious decision to switch the focus of your thoughts so they don't consume you. In my case this person is out living their life and I'm the one stuck ruminating and stewing, and it really only hurts me. It is extremely hard for me to wish this person well, though.
My experience with emotions like this is that I seem to have a delayed response. When an incident like this first happens, I feel a bit numb initially, like my "I don't have time for this" survival mode kicks in. And then months or even sometimes years will go by, and I will suddenly start to feel ALL the emotions related to it. That is what is happening now, I think. I know it's important for me to feel the anger and whatever else, so it's good that it's happening I guess. I'm just trying to not get consumed in the process. Still so much for me to learn about feeling emotions and knowing when/how to release them in a healthy way.
I have deleted the account I had created to cyber-spy on this person. My job needs to be focusing on creating the life I want and feeling contentment with that rather than directing my thoughts to someone who doesn't deserve any of my headspace.