bluesymusey

Daisybelle

12.05

Good afternoon Aprils and I hope you've all had a good, sober weekend. Mine was okay apart from I had a major row with my wayward son yesterday morning, honestly I can't do right for doing wrong where he's concerned. My daugher and her little family took his son, my live in g.son. to a water park for the day, he had the most amazing time but when they brought him back home to me at about 18.30 he was beyond tired, he'd been falling asleep in the car on the way home and was struggling to keep his eyes open. I phoned my son to tell him that he was back and that I would give him something to eat then take him over to him as Saturday is his night for having him, he said that seeing as he was so tired he may as well stay over at mine and I agreed with him and said I'd take him over to him first thing Sunday morning. He slept till 8. a.m and then got up, I made him some breakfast and he got washed and dressed. It was about 9.15 and we were just ready to leave the house when I got an extremely irate call from my son telling me that I wasn't being fair and he hardly gets to see his son etc, etc, it was all my fault. Well, I saw red, it's been brewing for a long time and I let him have it with both barrels, told him a few things he didn't want to know, things like how the situation of me having his child wasn't my choice, that he didn't even want me in his childs life at the beginning of the year, how I knew that he'd had me banned from helping in school, how mean he is, that I've had his child now for 2 months and he hasn't parted with a penny towards his care, I went off like a rocket. Not proud of that, but he needed a few home truths. Anyway I took my g.son to him, I didn't argue with his dad in front of him, I would never do that, I just kissed him and told him to have a lovely time. Then I was bombarded with texts, in the end I replied telling him that the conversation was over, I'd said what I wanted to say, end of! I was proud of that bit.
Anyway I picked my g,son up again last night and took him to school as norm this morning, then I'm texts from his dad as though nothing has happened, asking me where the best place is buy such and such a thing and telling me he's taking him to rugby next Sunday!! I'm just keeping my replies polite but as short as poss.
Right then, rant over.

Thanks Dee, my day was good, apart from the morning bit. I hope your day was good.

Hi Kelley, I'm sorry you're feeling a bit out of sorts, it probably is a reaction from thanksgiving and all the sugary stuff you'e eaten but I'm sure you're not alone there, it will pass. I'm struggling too with sugar, I was doing really well until weekend, I bought a big bag of sweets for the g.children and I've eaten 90% of them! Starting afresh from today....again ( how familiar does that sound?) Prepping your food is a good start, so is writing your journal, you know what to do, you will do it. xx

Hi Nichole, great to see you as always and I know how hard it is, but don't ever give up trying. Can you possibly post every day, it does help you to keep on track. It has to be worth a try. You are worth more than being drunk every day. xx

Glad you managed to get some Christmas shopping done Suze and I don't envy your colleagues with the hangovers either.
Another holiday, hmmm, one on my own, on a desert island, with a pile of books sounds very tempting.

Glad you're okay Viper, it's been very cold here in the U.K too, bitterly cold even. Like you, I'm not good in the cold.
Glad you got yourself some bargains in the black Friday sale, I don't bother with it myself, unless maybe there is something that I really need.
I do indeed have the details of your trip, but I'm not going to steel your thunder by telling the others about it, you can tell them when you're ready. All I'm going to say is that you are changing your life round and going to be living the dream. It's normal to be anxious but it will all be worth it, it could be the making of you.
Wow, that's a bit of a saving on the medication lol. Glad it's working too.

Got to go, I'm going to watch a swimming gala at school.
Back later. Love to you all. xx

Thought for the day......

"Take a deep breath. No matter how hard things seem right now, you can and will get through this."

Erratic

Afternoon all xx

Hope u are all ok? i noticed some of you have posted and i have read them this morn. I will properly respond when my head is not to fried. I am thinking of you all xx

Dee74

all good here thanks Erratic
D

kgirl41

I LOVE this post

kgirl41

I'm proud of you Daisy I try to keep the peace with my daughter for the sake of Thalo but there are times I just want to give her some of her own truths. It's so difficult to watch our children struggle with life. But you just have to let them do what their going to do and set boundaries to protect our hearts. That's what I'm learning with my daughter anyway.

Today was a much better day. I got up and started reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace again. I didn't work out, too tired, but I did pack a healthy breakfast and lunch and I ate well today. I was productive at work and when I got home I ate and did some chores. Tomorrow I'll get up again and hopefully get my body moving but even if not I just want to get back to working on being clean and sober...mind, body and spirit.
Hi Vipe, Erratic, Suze, bluesy and Nichole Hope you all are well!

Erratic

Morn all xx

good to see u kgirl x

Well what can i say? i had bad closing up on sat night but boss told me to just go home and come fresh in the morn, which i did and i got everything balanced that morn. I did a 13hr shift on that sunday and i actually enjoyed it and i closed up much better than night before. bad thing was i ended up having a drink sunday after work which was later in the evening than normal for me. sry my head is still fried from so not sure if i am making sense in my writing. I was off yesterday for day off and i am off today and tomo which is good as i am trying to get rested for my next shifts. I am doing thurs and fri all day which will be 14 hr shift on both days so will be exhausted again but thats ok as the boss is giving me weekend off. I know that i am doing stupid hrs and i need to learn to say no, so i am using these days off and will see at weekend if i have made the right choice in working there.

anyway enough of that. Hope u all are ok and again i am thinking and reading all u posts x maybe later today my head might be up for responding to u all x if not you are still all in my thoughts xx

hugs daisy, snitch,viper,nichole,strawberry,kgirl, bluesy xxx

snitch

Morning everyone,

Woken in my own bed and just having a cup of tea and then off to my AA meeting. I have only been once in 2 weeks but it's ok, I have been doing lots of AA reading and praying and feel really connected to my HP. We have a whatsapp group with the guys and girls from my home meeting and it is great. It's funny mainly but the support is huge. I love it, I truly feel blessed to have found such a bunch of wonderful caring people who have been or are going through what I have and I feel the same about you guys here. Feeling v grateful this morning. 😊😊

So, I did my first flight as a passenger without any alcohol!!! I had water, tomato juice and tea and honestly I only had one or 2 very slight fleeting thoughts of a drink. Which is nothing short of a miracle for an alcoholic like me!!! I was very lucky to travel first class so managed to sleep all the way home and I woke up feeling 100x better than if I had been drinking. I checked my roster and they have given me 2 more Washington's back to back hahahahaha. I didn't have to do a mad supermarket sweep around target after all! Oh well, can't wait to go back. A guy from my crew went and bought all this laundry detergent that smells soooo divine so gonna go and get all of that! It's the little things hahahaha....

Blusey, I loved your post. ❣

Daisy, wow good for you sticking up for yourself.

Erratic, awww I am sorry you drank. Look after yourself today 🤗

Vipe, it all sounds so exciting!! Remember FEAR... is False Evidence Appearing Real. You can do this!

Hey Kgirl, well done. I was good yesterday then started on a couple of christmas choccies last night oops but am not gonna be hard on myself today just gonna get straight back on it.

Hi Dee!

Also hi Nichole and Strawberry, Donny and Rowlands if you guys are reading. Hope you re all ok.

Better get up ahhhhh

snitch

By the way... I am 7 months sober.

Sorry, I don't want to sound all mushy but I am truly so so grateful. Grateful for all of you. Grateful to AA. Sobriety is giving me my life back and also giving me the chance to change and become someone I might actually be able to like, not someone I hated everyday of my life. To anyone struggling please do not give up. I didn't think I could live without alcohol. Even sadder, I didn't really want to live without alcohol. Now I can't imagine ever going back to drinking that poison ever again. Sobriety is a fight. It isn't easy. But it is worth it.

Much love to you all.

kgirl41

Congrats on 7 months Suze! You have had an amazing journey to get here and I'm so happy to have you as a part of my journey (I'm also 7 months!). You bring such enthusiasm and wonderful wisdom, you are a real blessing.

Hi Erratic, I'm glad Sunday went better for you and I'm sorry you drank. Do you know what triggered you to drink? Think about it and make plans to avoid/eliminate that. Take care of yourself and rest up I know you can do this.

I am back to reading The Naked Mind by Annie Frank. Here is what I read this morning that really resonated with me:

"Shyness and inhibitions are not negative, yet we've been conditioned to think they are. These emotions protect us, helping us to navigate life with grace. It's not a lot of fun to be shy, but it's normal. Everyone feels it. ..When our talkative nature stems from drinking, it's neither thoughtful nor eloquent. Our brains function at a slower pace and we have fewer filters between our thoughts and our mouths. What we talk about is less filtered and less interesting - not a great combination.

I spent years thinking I needed alcohol to be fun and loosen up. All it did was cause me to act dumb and have feelings of embarrassment the following day. I loved reading this today because it reminds me that it's ok to be shy or not super outgoing. That I am actually more enjoyable and more lovable sober. I gained great insight this morning and I am so happy to be back to taking care of me and my well being.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day. Stay strong, stay sober...each of you ARE worth it

snitch

Aww thank you Kgirl and congratulations to you too. I know you are a few days or week or so ahead of me and I am so happy you are part of my journey too 😍😍

snitch

Evening everyone.

I am just about to go to bed, it's been a busy day. I went to my home group AA meeting this morning, then went and got my nails done and then straight to another AA meeting where I picked up my 6 month chip. I listened to an AA speaker on you tube last night talking about Emotional Sobriety. It was pretty amazing and I would recommend it. You don't need to be in AA to benefit nor even an alcoholic. I identified so much, the speaker talked about dependancy on how other people view us or feel about us to make us feel good about ourselves and how to overcome that and to overcome self hatred and self loathing and to accept ourselves and be kind to ourselves. I so needed to hear that. Definitely have a listen if you can.

On Saturday, I dropped my daughter off to her daddy's before I went to work . He didn't say hello or goodbye to me. He barely acknowledged me. As he walked back inside, I sat in my car and I just let my feelings flow through me. Pain. I felt such emotional pain it was like a physical blow to the stomach. I took a few deep breaths and I said the Serenity Prayer. God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change my ex. I cannot change his behaviour towards me. I accept that today. The courage to change the things I can. Well, I CAN change my attitude and how I react to him. Do I get angry and uptight and resentful (which may very likely lead me back to a drink?) Or do I accept that this is just how he is and for my part act with dignity and grace? Not that long ago, I would have thought he was being that way to me because that was all I deserved. That I was just a worthless piece of ****, not worthy of an hello or goodbye. But today I realise that that just isn't true. How he acts is on him. How I act is on me. When I shared this with my sponsor she suggested I listen to the tape I mentioned and I am so glad I did. I did feel pain. But it was just a feeling and it passed. I don't need to pick up a drink on my feelings today.

I hope everyone is doing good. Erratic, how are you feeling love? X x

Dee74

congrats snitch

D

bluesymusey

Hola Aprils!,

Congrats on 7 months Suze & Kgirl! How awesome!

Suze, well done on not drinking on that flight and in first class no less ! Planes are triggering for me too, so I feel ya there and I think it's a huge accomplishment to de-board a plane sober!! . Also happy to hear that you aren't personalizing the behavior of your ex - bravo! What others think of us is none of our business, right? Easier to say that than to really believe it, but with some practice...

Kgirl - I love that book and there are so many great nuggets of info in there! You sound like great! Oh and I'm shy too, one of the reasons I drank. I realize now when I go out that I'm naturally quite social! I think it was 'habit' as well that made me think otherwise.

Daisy, Daisy!! I read your post first thing this morning and had to run out to work but I am very proud of you for reading him a bit of the riot act. He needed to hear it and it was due time!! I'm SO pleased that you didn't keep it in longer just to be diplomatic or avoid the confrontation. You faced it head on and didn't need a drop of liquor to speak your mind or to escape nor to punish yourself for whatever reason. Now you know you are fully capable of all of this and much much more, SOBER! Also, I love how your son then pretends nothing happened, that likely signifies that the message you delivered to him was in fact, received!! Hallelujah! haha!! Bravo Daisy xo

So, I'm on the hunt for another good book. Thinking about reading a Hemingway book - maybe Immovable Feast? Maybe the Lost Weekend by Charles Jackson? I want to read an older book, something classic.

Ok all, I'm off to Zzzzzzzz land!

Love to you all!

xo

snitch

Morning all

Thanks Blusey and Dee 😊

I forgot to say, I too drank because I was so shy. Alcohol gave me (falsely! !) the confidence to be the person I thought I wanted to be. I can't change any of that now, we are all just so fortunate that we have a chance now to find out who our real authentic selves are. Many don't get that chance.

Much love and light to all of you today X X X

Erratic

Morn all xx

congrats snitch and kgirl u both are doing awesome xx

we have bad weather here today, so don't think i am adventuring out much today, just have to remember though to pick up works keys for tomo and friday. trying not to think of how long my hrs are going to be for them both. snitch its just a convenience shop which sells everything x
On my gson willem he got through his first tooth yesterday!

right will leave it there for now, good seeing you all and u all are doing great xx

kgirl41

Suze - I struggle with internalizing how people treat me, too. It's something I have been working on with sobriety as I am learning to accept myself for who I am and it's OK if someone isn't nice or doesn't like me. It's very difficult for a people pleaser like me to swallow that large pill but deep down I know it's true and I cannot continue to allow how others treat me to affect me. Likely they are just going on with their day, the buttheads that they are , with no mind to how they treated us!

I learned of a little exercise that can be very helpful when teaching ourselves to let go, it actually came from this board so maybe you remember seeing it!

I would start to isolate the situation, acknowledge the feelings of anger or frustration (insert relevant emotion here!) and then rather than focus on the perpetrator of the incident, I began to step back and analyze why it made me feel that way. By searching for the answer in my reaction rather than their behavior, I became a lot more introspective and actually learned a lot about myself and where my triggers come from! It takes time though, so it may not work at first - all I can say is give it a try, it really helped me! :-) After all, you can only control your own reactions, not others’ behavior.


I have done this quite a few times and it really does help, plus we begin to learn about our own insecurities which is beneficial as we figure out who our real selves are!

Hi bluesy, erratic, Dee, daisy. Hope you are all well

Daisybelle

14.06

Good afternoon Aprils and as always I hope to find you all happy, healthy and sober. I didn't get chance to check in yesterday, I had a really busy day, I did the usual school run and mum run, then I had to take my little cat Lulu to the vets and have her speyed, poor thing, then I met my friend Karen for lunch, in Marks and Spencer's of all places. Karen and I have been friend since we were 16 and she has no idea that I'm an alcoholic, believe it or not, she thinks I've given up alcohol because of my health issues, I have Ulcerative Colitis, though she's my oldest friend I don't think she would understand, so I just haven't broached the subject with her, maybe one day. We have very different lifestyles, she has what I call a privileged life, money no object, whereas I've had to work hard to keep my head above water. She's lovely though, very down to earth and she's been a good friend to me. We meet every few weeks for a meal and a catch up. Anyway we had a good natter and got some Christmas shopping done too.

We must have crossed posts on Sunday/Monday Bluesey. Don't worry about not posting daily, just post when you can. Actually what you said in your post about committing yourself to post daily would cause you anxiety does make sense because I think that is what is happening to me if I miss a day, I didn't post yesterday and I felt bad so I'm giving myself a good talking to, I have a busy life, as we all do and it's okay for me to miss a day, I'm giving myself permission.
I love the rest of your post and your description of the 'trash bin', what a brilliant way of describing the way it is.

Thank you Kelly, I'm working hard on keeping those boundaries in place, it isn't easy as I'm a bit of a soft touch but I'm refusing to be bullied any more, especially when the bully is my own son.

Hi Erratic, I'm sorry your drank and I hope you managed to get straight back on the wagon again. Wow, 14 hour days, is that even legal? That's an awfully long time to work. Sounds like you're doing well though, see how you feel at the end of the week. Take good care of yourself and don't work too hard.

Right chaps, I'm going to have to go and do the afternoon school run and don't have time right now to finish but I'll be back later and continue from where I left off.

xxx

Viperidae

Erratic

early morn all xx

just a quick post x

viper god i know the feeling when benefits **** happens, hope u get ur call and everything turns out ok! on how many days ur prob up with the rest of them prob near 7 months mark x

good to hear from you daisy x i am sure ur kitty will be ok, maybe she will sulk for a while xx hugs

Right off for these 2 crazy shifts so prob wont be able to check in till sat morn. so all u have a good couple of days and see u when i see u. hugs to all xx