Evening everyone.
I am just about to go to bed, it's been a busy day. I went to my home group AA meeting this morning, then went and got my nails done and then straight to another AA meeting where I picked up my 6 month chip. I listened to an AA speaker on you tube last night talking about Emotional Sobriety. It was pretty amazing and I would recommend it. You don't need to be in AA to benefit nor even an alcoholic. I identified so much, the speaker talked about dependancy on how other people view us or feel about us to make us feel good about ourselves and how to overcome that and to overcome self hatred and self loathing and to accept ourselves and be kind to ourselves. I so needed to hear that. Definitely have a listen if you can.
On Saturday, I dropped my daughter off to her daddy's before I went to work . He didn't say hello or goodbye to me. He barely acknowledged me. As he walked back inside, I sat in my car and I just let my feelings flow through me. Pain. I felt such emotional pain it was like a physical blow to the stomach. I took a few deep breaths and I said the Serenity Prayer. God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change my ex. I cannot change his behaviour towards me. I accept that today. The courage to change the things I can. Well, I CAN change my attitude and how I react to him. Do I get angry and uptight and resentful (which may very likely lead me back to a drink?) Or do I accept that this is just how he is and for my part act with dignity and grace? Not that long ago, I would have thought he was being that way to me because that was all I deserved. That I was just a worthless piece of ****, not worthy of an hello or goodbye. But today I realise that that just isn't true. How he acts is on him. How I act is on me. When I shared this with my sponsor she suggested I listen to the tape I mentioned and I am so glad I did. I did feel pain. But it was just a feeling and it passed. I don't need to pick up a drink on my feelings today.
I hope everyone is doing good. Erratic, how are you feeling love? X x