The Power Of Sobriety Thread (POST!) (was F.I.S.T#3)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Lost a rather long post. The second time that had happened. This site will randomly sign me out. On me this time...fool me once, etc...
Serenity...for me, it is only present to the degree that I have my ego in check, am non-judgemental, and follow the rule after my 61 cents. I saw serenity in action at a meeting last night where a 33-year sober man told an 11-month young chip receiver that it is his words and actions that help him stay sober. Trust me, Chub said that from his heart and meant every word. That's the humility that I seek.
Think I'll strive for humility, remain teachable and accept everything to the degree that I am able today. If I do that, I have a good shot at some of that there Serenity that Courage mentioned - and, for sure, be further away from my next drink.
Gotta run - busy man/horse day.
Serenity...for me, it is only present to the degree that I have my ego in check, am non-judgemental, and follow the rule after my 61 cents. I saw serenity in action at a meeting last night where a 33-year sober man told an 11-month young chip receiver that it is his words and actions that help him stay sober. Trust me, Chub said that from his heart and meant every word. That's the humility that I seek.
Think I'll strive for humility, remain teachable and accept everything to the degree that I am able today. If I do that, I have a good shot at some of that there Serenity that Courage mentioned - and, for sure, be further away from my next drink.
Gotta run - busy man/horse day.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
Carlos, sometimes it's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am. 
I kid, I kid. Actually, I think I'm sometimes a little too humble. I've always had self-esteem issues, going back to when I was a small child. I guess that's one reason why alcohol was so inviting. It gave me that extra boost of confidence, until it stopped working and we all know how that ends up. I think I'm getting better at it these days, but it will most likely always be a work in progress. I think my daily gratitude helps keep things in perspective. I also have a bit of a cynical streak, which was 10x as bad when I was actively addicted to alcohol. I used to go to some very dark places and I still glimpse the shadows from time to time. Thankfully, the positive side of me seems to be dominant these days. I call that serenity.
Have a great day, gang!
I kid, I kid. Actually, I think I'm sometimes a little too humble. I've always had self-esteem issues, going back to when I was a small child. I guess that's one reason why alcohol was so inviting. It gave me that extra boost of confidence, until it stopped working and we all know how that ends up. I think I'm getting better at it these days, but it will most likely always be a work in progress. I think my daily gratitude helps keep things in perspective. I also have a bit of a cynical streak, which was 10x as bad when I was actively addicted to alcohol. I used to go to some very dark places and I still glimpse the shadows from time to time. Thankfully, the positive side of me seems to be dominant these days. I call that serenity.Have a great day, gang!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
I can totally relate FBL. I loved the confidence that alcohol provided me, at least in the beginning. I also was the king of sarcasm in my time, but sobriety has led me to think twice before opening my mouth. That side of me has receded into the background more and the newer, more optimistic me is more front and center now.
Best wishes for a good day all!
Best wishes for a good day all!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Hola folks of POST
I was dang awake at 5:30 after being awake til well past midnight. Thank you uppage of medication.
Hopefully the moods will level out and the anxiety ease up.
Some sad news for me yesterday, which in the grand scheme seems small but it is a sentimental ( can't find the word I am looking for) thing, I am losing my doctor of the past few years. She has been such an integral part of my recovery and seen the absolute worst of my insanity and still shown me nothing but kindness and support. She is going to the next city further south and into Women's Midlife Health, which she seems excited to be doing and I think will be well suited for with her gentle nature. I am happy for her, I gave her a big hug and to my dismay but not surprise, I started to cry.
I accepted it right away, these things of change, no matter how big or small are going to happen. I can feel the loss without falling apart and carry forth the gratitude for her part in my journey. I don't care how many times the people who have supported me and even carried me at times thus far say I did this myself; I could have never done it without them and this I learned the hard way. I looked long and hard for the amount and kind of support I have found here, and I am eternally grateful that I have found all these angels in my life here.
Gah, early morning crocodile tears.
Here I am always drawn back to our safe little corner and cour, I feel ya my dear. This is my little safe haven where I can be all of myself instead of carrying the crap that weighs me down, I can put it all here. I get understanding and support. I walk away feeling lighter and so much gratitude that this place just quietly exists, with such good people, like you guys, and all the others all over the place on here but being able to stand in this corner and just be authentic me and not give a rat's toots fart, is truly a gift. You all are an inspiration to me, for what you guys bring to the table. We keep what we have by giving it away. I never really understood that until this year.
Life is getting better every day.
for being here.
Anyways, let me just cover up my bleeding heart for now.
A short story, a close call and a lesson learned:
Pj, I really apologize if this is triggering, please do not read if so, it has to do with a fire.
It doesnt seem like such a big deal now. My neighbor's garbage can was set on fire. The fire department came and put it out. It was a fairly big/high fire according to my other neighbors, the bin had been quite full at the time so I imagine that's why the ruffians picked their bin to light. Mine had only one bag of garbage.
This was about 1:30 in the morning and I was asleep. What woke me was the sound of them spraying out the fire, I was soon to learn. My house on has windows to see out the front and back, so I quickly looked out my windor and saw billowing smoke and red. I panicked. I grabbed clothes and threw them on as fast as I could, thoughts racing through my head. What was on fire? was it something on our side of the property? Was it my neighbour's house? A vehicle? Were they ok, etc. Million thoughts running through my head. I went to my side door which was near where the fire was, and saw the fireman outside my door, but at that point the fire was put out.
Very little damage was done and no one was hurt. The bins of course melted into a big smelly blob of plastic glued to the ground. The tree above got a bit of damage. We both live in home that have these rock stucko walls which I think would be very hard to catch fire from the outside in.
I talked to my other neighbours and of course they were totally calm. haha. What do you expect in this little city, really. It's a rough place to live and weekends people get up to a lot of no good here. My vehicle and yard get gone through fairly often.
So, not really a big deal and nothing I hardly thought of the next day beyond talking to my neighbour who had to clean up this mess when we came back from church.
But that night after the fire, I paced for a bit, adrenaline surging, heart racing and I could not shake the panic no matter how exhausted I was. I had run out of smokes. I was smacked SO HARD with the thought of, "go get drink now. Must calm down. My head screamed it. It seemed natural. Get out, get smokes, hit offsale, open that beer or cooler, have a breather, maybe go to the casino, burn a 20, have a drink there and get lost in the crowd and step out of the insanity and panic in my head.
I was absolutely gobsmacked at where this came from. It seemed like an intense response that was just a totally autopilot panic react or run situation.
I think because of that it triggered some things in me and my mind ran rampant trying to shut down withe thoughts I was being bombarded with.
I refused to leave my house other than to talk to my neighbours. I laid in bed. I told myself no. I rationalized with myself against it. I laughed at myself. I breathed through it. I could not even play the tape beyond getting the drink so I gave that up. I told myself it was a thought not a thing. I eventually made the decision to climb into bed and play some games on my phone and drifted off to sleep.
I had been by myself that night and I was already running on adrenaline infused autopilot. I even remember thinking. Get something to drink. Calm down. Who cares. Seriously one instance does not ruin all this time and work.
One small pivotal moment that would have turned into a monumental internal disaster for me.
I managed to slip in some prayers. Somewhere. I know I did.
The next morning, my little one came home and we went to church and I don't think I thought about it much during the day. The thoughts were gone. I heard the things I needed to hear.
We went to the water park later on in the day for a couple hours and it was a lovely time, so much fun and nice and sunburnt, oops.
Went to a meeting that night and I spoke of it, and I realized how fortunate I was in a lot of ways. I came away unscathed. I also came away knowing I had put some safeguards in place and they had got me through what in my mind, was a crisis. My safety had felt shattered, but really I was fine. I went on to have a normal day after.
A year ago I would have drank myself blind. It was the natural thing to do right?
Anywho. It was a good lesson for me. To always be prepared. I feel like I have a firm commitment to my daily maintenance and the struggle and cravings are rarely there, somewhat in times of high stress.
But dealing with crisis management, I need to revisit my recovery plan.
Pj I have the utmost respect for your struggle and journey. I really can't imagine what you have walked through after the tiny mess I walked into that night. You are an inspiration to me on so many levels.
I always think of how we are all survivors on so many levels no matter what our life circumstances were or are. And I think having humility is part of the place of gratitude that we strive to live in. Every time I learn something from someone else, from an experience I live, from something I am told, I feel humbled for these gifts given to me which I once thought I never deserved nor would I ever get.
It's deeper than not drinking or using. But living life as loud and large and the best we can, knowing our place in this universe is a gift with a time limit and one we are allowed to be as we choose in our lives. I love giving to others the wisdom I have learned, the love and support I have received. I can't keep what I have been given or grown inside myself without sharing it with others. I think that's humility too. No worse, no better than anyone. But having many gifts to share.
“You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”
~Max Ehrrman
Anyways, and blaaahdeeblah blah blah. Thanks if ya read this far, you deserve an award
SG, I am really sorry about your relationship with your oldest.
I can relate very much. My oldest daughter is turning 13 this month coming up. I have spoken to her once in a year and a half, and I don't see that changing any time soon. I am very grateful for the wonderful relationships I have with my two youngest. Still, it feels like a good chunk of my heart has broken off and fallen away. So much love, hope and support to you.
4 & 10 left here... I have a new AA sponsor that I am going to be working the steps with restarting step for and my NA sponsor and I are starting the steps from the beginning. I think it will make a huge difference. I get that it's a lot of self-help and healing now.
still no cigarettes and no craving for them except slightly before bed. Absolutely no drinking here.
I was dang awake at 5:30 after being awake til well past midnight. Thank you uppage of medication.
Hopefully the moods will level out and the anxiety ease up.
Some sad news for me yesterday, which in the grand scheme seems small but it is a sentimental ( can't find the word I am looking for) thing, I am losing my doctor of the past few years. She has been such an integral part of my recovery and seen the absolute worst of my insanity and still shown me nothing but kindness and support. She is going to the next city further south and into Women's Midlife Health, which she seems excited to be doing and I think will be well suited for with her gentle nature. I am happy for her, I gave her a big hug and to my dismay but not surprise, I started to cry.
I accepted it right away, these things of change, no matter how big or small are going to happen. I can feel the loss without falling apart and carry forth the gratitude for her part in my journey. I don't care how many times the people who have supported me and even carried me at times thus far say I did this myself; I could have never done it without them and this I learned the hard way. I looked long and hard for the amount and kind of support I have found here, and I am eternally grateful that I have found all these angels in my life here.
Gah, early morning crocodile tears.
Here I am always drawn back to our safe little corner and cour, I feel ya my dear. This is my little safe haven where I can be all of myself instead of carrying the crap that weighs me down, I can put it all here. I get understanding and support. I walk away feeling lighter and so much gratitude that this place just quietly exists, with such good people, like you guys, and all the others all over the place on here but being able to stand in this corner and just be authentic me and not give a rat's toots fart, is truly a gift. You all are an inspiration to me, for what you guys bring to the table. We keep what we have by giving it away. I never really understood that until this year.
Life is getting better every day.
for being here. Anyways, let me just cover up my bleeding heart for now.
A short story, a close call and a lesson learned:
Pj, I really apologize if this is triggering, please do not read if so, it has to do with a fire.
It doesnt seem like such a big deal now. My neighbor's garbage can was set on fire. The fire department came and put it out. It was a fairly big/high fire according to my other neighbors, the bin had been quite full at the time so I imagine that's why the ruffians picked their bin to light. Mine had only one bag of garbage.
This was about 1:30 in the morning and I was asleep. What woke me was the sound of them spraying out the fire, I was soon to learn. My house on has windows to see out the front and back, so I quickly looked out my windor and saw billowing smoke and red. I panicked. I grabbed clothes and threw them on as fast as I could, thoughts racing through my head. What was on fire? was it something on our side of the property? Was it my neighbour's house? A vehicle? Were they ok, etc. Million thoughts running through my head. I went to my side door which was near where the fire was, and saw the fireman outside my door, but at that point the fire was put out.
Very little damage was done and no one was hurt. The bins of course melted into a big smelly blob of plastic glued to the ground. The tree above got a bit of damage. We both live in home that have these rock stucko walls which I think would be very hard to catch fire from the outside in.
I talked to my other neighbours and of course they were totally calm. haha. What do you expect in this little city, really. It's a rough place to live and weekends people get up to a lot of no good here. My vehicle and yard get gone through fairly often.
So, not really a big deal and nothing I hardly thought of the next day beyond talking to my neighbour who had to clean up this mess when we came back from church.
But that night after the fire, I paced for a bit, adrenaline surging, heart racing and I could not shake the panic no matter how exhausted I was. I had run out of smokes. I was smacked SO HARD with the thought of, "go get drink now. Must calm down. My head screamed it. It seemed natural. Get out, get smokes, hit offsale, open that beer or cooler, have a breather, maybe go to the casino, burn a 20, have a drink there and get lost in the crowd and step out of the insanity and panic in my head.
I was absolutely gobsmacked at where this came from. It seemed like an intense response that was just a totally autopilot panic react or run situation.
I think because of that it triggered some things in me and my mind ran rampant trying to shut down withe thoughts I was being bombarded with.
I refused to leave my house other than to talk to my neighbours. I laid in bed. I told myself no. I rationalized with myself against it. I laughed at myself. I breathed through it. I could not even play the tape beyond getting the drink so I gave that up. I told myself it was a thought not a thing. I eventually made the decision to climb into bed and play some games on my phone and drifted off to sleep.
I had been by myself that night and I was already running on adrenaline infused autopilot. I even remember thinking. Get something to drink. Calm down. Who cares. Seriously one instance does not ruin all this time and work.
One small pivotal moment that would have turned into a monumental internal disaster for me.
I managed to slip in some prayers. Somewhere. I know I did.
The next morning, my little one came home and we went to church and I don't think I thought about it much during the day. The thoughts were gone. I heard the things I needed to hear.
We went to the water park later on in the day for a couple hours and it was a lovely time, so much fun and nice and sunburnt, oops.
Went to a meeting that night and I spoke of it, and I realized how fortunate I was in a lot of ways. I came away unscathed. I also came away knowing I had put some safeguards in place and they had got me through what in my mind, was a crisis. My safety had felt shattered, but really I was fine. I went on to have a normal day after.
A year ago I would have drank myself blind. It was the natural thing to do right?
Anywho. It was a good lesson for me. To always be prepared. I feel like I have a firm commitment to my daily maintenance and the struggle and cravings are rarely there, somewhat in times of high stress.
But dealing with crisis management, I need to revisit my recovery plan.
Pj I have the utmost respect for your struggle and journey. I really can't imagine what you have walked through after the tiny mess I walked into that night. You are an inspiration to me on so many levels.
I always think of how we are all survivors on so many levels no matter what our life circumstances were or are. And I think having humility is part of the place of gratitude that we strive to live in. Every time I learn something from someone else, from an experience I live, from something I am told, I feel humbled for these gifts given to me which I once thought I never deserved nor would I ever get.
It's deeper than not drinking or using. But living life as loud and large and the best we can, knowing our place in this universe is a gift with a time limit and one we are allowed to be as we choose in our lives. I love giving to others the wisdom I have learned, the love and support I have received. I can't keep what I have been given or grown inside myself without sharing it with others. I think that's humility too. No worse, no better than anyone. But having many gifts to share.
“You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”
~Max Ehrrman
Anyways, and blaaahdeeblah blah blah. Thanks if ya read this far, you deserve an award
SG, I am really sorry about your relationship with your oldest.
I can relate very much. My oldest daughter is turning 13 this month coming up. I have spoken to her once in a year and a half, and I don't see that changing any time soon. I am very grateful for the wonderful relationships I have with my two youngest. Still, it feels like a good chunk of my heart has broken off and fallen away. So much love, hope and support to you.
4 & 10 left here... I have a new AA sponsor that I am going to be working the steps with restarting step for and my NA sponsor and I are starting the steps from the beginning. I think it will make a huge difference. I get that it's a lot of self-help and healing now.
still no cigarettes and no craving for them except slightly before bed. Absolutely no drinking here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,672
Delz- my frying was just my body- not the house. The fibreglass splint was open - like a plaster cast cut in half- so it held my arm in a sling, made of fibreglass hinged elbow. When I blacked out- the ciggie fell into the open cradle- and eventually the splint caught fire and turned molten- burning down around my right arm- the whole width- plus of course the chest and back. I was in an upright position. So at least I do know the home was not damaged. The fire story does not worry me that much. The hallucinatins and NDE's from the burns unit were actually worse- as far as I remember. My family were not home and the neighbours heard me screaming.
Actually the other night at a spiritual meeting the chair 9with 3 minutes left on the clock) asked if any one had a burning desire to share. WELL- how could I resist such a perfect Segway? I understand now- that if it was not a fire..it would have been a bus..or a bad fall and a head injury. M
Actually the other night at a spiritual meeting the chair 9with 3 minutes left on the clock) asked if any one had a burning desire to share. WELL- how could I resist such a perfect Segway? I understand now- that if it was not a fire..it would have been a bus..or a bad fall and a head injury. M
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,672
damn post just posted itself?? ..My path to fatal destruction was inevitable. And since my family disowned me from that day, like you I am moved by the help professional friends have offered me. From the young lady who came and saw me when I was living in a boarding house- and stuck by me. Even helping me move from that sh.ithole to the recovery place- first stage I am in now on her day off. She left her parents in the city. She was very worried about my safety.. Or the hospital social worker who gave me an old mobile- as mine had been stolen- in that same house, and made the initial contact with this recovery program, gave me taxi and food vouchers..... My (now) counsellor assessed me when I was 2 weeks out of a coma, nearly 2 years ago. I distinctly remember him. And many others. I have learnt a great deal about treating ALL who provide services with humans with respect and patience and empathy...they are usually never the reason for things being slow or getting stuffed up. My sponsor -who approached me at that meeting 14 months ago, cold and wet- dressed in dishevelled clothes, a month sober....all people who saved my life all over again. Have just finished sending another bout of thanks messages for a few of them.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
I'm practically -- but not quite 
-- speechless in front of these amazing posts.
Del, I'm glad you didn't drink. You're a person w/a vivid spirit, and I think that's going to make your inner battles a little fierce. Remember all those things about Wonder Woman - you're stronger than you know, even stronger than you can imagine, and you're part goddess. So keep winning those battles.
PJ, thank you for being here. Your words and example help me.
I'm fond of this little crew. May we all be good & well today
-- speechless in front of these amazing posts. Del, I'm glad you didn't drink. You're a person w/a vivid spirit, and I think that's going to make your inner battles a little fierce. Remember all those things about Wonder Woman - you're stronger than you know, even stronger than you can imagine, and you're part goddess. So keep winning those battles.
PJ, thank you for being here. Your words and example help me.
I'm fond of this little crew. May we all be good & well today
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Pj I'm glad my story didn't cause any distress. I love how you are open about what happened and yet you have always managed to keep your sense of humour.
One day I want to come visit you, and we shall paint and laugh together.
If I ever think of it and figure it out, I will post a picture of a drum that I made, started with stretching and tying the hide over the hoop, drying and sanding the hide, then painting it, and then giving a tobacco offering before we cut down our own branch to whittle the sticks to make our drumsticks. I painted it to represent the different teachings of the medicine wheel. It is one of my most favorite pieces. My artistic talents really got a chance to shine through during treatment.
Courage, you flatter me too much I think and you're Wonder Woman too.
We're all a little SuperHero here aren't we?
I may have painted a more intense picture than I meant to haha,
I am a person who tends to feel things very intensely when they are emotions like fear, panic, passion, grief. The joy and the love and happiness does not come so swiftly, it's there but yep I am a fighter inside. And I always have the great dialogue that runs through my head and you all are the unfortunate audience to that storyline often.
Chalk it up to a punch in the diaphragm in the end.
I always think those reminders are there for a reason. I went to 3 meetings in a row this weekend which I needed.
I am trying to figure out my calendar for the next two months and my eyeballs just keep crossing. I am utterly flummoxed. Time for nap number two?
One day I want to come visit you, and we shall paint and laugh together.
If I ever think of it and figure it out, I will post a picture of a drum that I made, started with stretching and tying the hide over the hoop, drying and sanding the hide, then painting it, and then giving a tobacco offering before we cut down our own branch to whittle the sticks to make our drumsticks. I painted it to represent the different teachings of the medicine wheel. It is one of my most favorite pieces. My artistic talents really got a chance to shine through during treatment.
Courage, you flatter me too much I think and you're Wonder Woman too.
We're all a little SuperHero here aren't we?
I may have painted a more intense picture than I meant to haha,
I am a person who tends to feel things very intensely when they are emotions like fear, panic, passion, grief. The joy and the love and happiness does not come so swiftly, it's there but yep I am a fighter inside. And I always have the great dialogue that runs through my head and you all are the unfortunate audience to that storyline often.
Chalk it up to a punch in the diaphragm in the end.
I always think those reminders are there for a reason. I went to 3 meetings in a row this weekend which I needed.
I am trying to figure out my calendar for the next two months and my eyeballs just keep crossing. I am utterly flummoxed. Time for nap number two?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,672
Delz- our combined forces have occupied this page. I re-read your post. I have the Desiderata on the inside of my front door. When ever I pass it- I just randomly read out something from it. Some in AA go by the big book- I go by the Des. Even yesterf\day- at a meeting there was a very annoying guy- a real Frank Burns. He even came to the meeting with a neckerchief dramatically covering half his face- like an outlaw. I always TRY to listen and learn from others. I listened to him, remembered Mx E. and learnt that if I avoided this loud and vexing person, no judgement call, in my mind's eye would be necessary.
I have looked into drums as a vent meditation. Not much luck and need 2 B careful because one of the counsellors here does this as a hobby and lives in the city- as I do. I love art. The passion, motivation and purpose of a work inspires me more than a pretty image. My latest avatar tells that. Same with words. And history.
I have looked into drums as a vent meditation. Not much luck and need 2 B careful because one of the counsellors here does this as a hobby and lives in the city- as I do. I love art. The passion, motivation and purpose of a work inspires me more than a pretty image. My latest avatar tells that. Same with words. And history.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
What an amazing outpouring, Del and PJ.
PJ - I agree that addiction's end game is destruction. If not burns, then a fall or an accident - or jail, institutionalization, or death.
Del - We can't necessarily control our minds' or bodies' reactions to stress, but you showed us how you mobilized your tools to deal with it.
Serenity. Like others here, I was always so dark and angry and cynical. I never knew how to find serenity until I embraced a program of recovery. I thought it was simply not achievable for me. However I find that doing my best, doing what's right, and being thorough go a long way towards serenity.
Be well everyone!
PJ - I agree that addiction's end game is destruction. If not burns, then a fall or an accident - or jail, institutionalization, or death.
Del - We can't necessarily control our minds' or bodies' reactions to stress, but you showed us how you mobilized your tools to deal with it.
Serenity. Like others here, I was always so dark and angry and cynical. I never knew how to find serenity until I embraced a program of recovery. I thought it was simply not achievable for me. However I find that doing my best, doing what's right, and being thorough go a long way towards serenity.
Be well everyone!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
You are certainly balancing a lot of work projects at once FBL! You deserve to take a day off this weekend!
Beautiful morning here, with temps in the 50's. Think I might pack up the bike and go for a ride this morning.
But first, a cup of coffee.
Beautiful morning here, with temps in the 50's. Think I might pack up the bike and go for a ride this morning.
But first, a cup of coffee.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
So many power machines here!! You guys rock!
Me, I am struggling to turn myself around today.
I am overtired and have let my ex affect me in regards to my visit with my son.
He's once again painted me as the bad guy. It's a legitimate reason and one he handled like a complete ass hole.
I'm just going to keep on turning it over.
I know this feeling well, the darkness before the dawn.
I want to see my son. I broke his heart yesterday and there was little I could do about it at the time. My ex had painted me into a corner.
I found some alternatives, now it's just dealing with the ass hole to agree upon the changes.
I am so, so frustrated, outraged, pissed off that this guy can violate court order after court order and just keep getting away with it. And then treat me like crap when he feels like it.
Whatever, this too shall pass..
No point in drinking over it. Pouring fuel on the fire never solves anything.
Me, I am struggling to turn myself around today.
I am overtired and have let my ex affect me in regards to my visit with my son.
He's once again painted me as the bad guy. It's a legitimate reason and one he handled like a complete ass hole.
I'm just going to keep on turning it over.
I know this feeling well, the darkness before the dawn.
I want to see my son. I broke his heart yesterday and there was little I could do about it at the time. My ex had painted me into a corner.
I found some alternatives, now it's just dealing with the ass hole to agree upon the changes.
I am so, so frustrated, outraged, pissed off that this guy can violate court order after court order and just keep getting away with it. And then treat me like crap when he feels like it.
Whatever, this too shall pass..
No point in drinking over it. Pouring fuel on the fire never solves anything.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Del, just saw your post. It sounds like a wave of anger is justified, but I seem to remember the Steps say that alcoholics can't afford even justified anger. If your son knows you love him and care for his own good, and you're working to be there when he needs you, his disappointment on this occasion will pass. You must focus on the long game.
My new computer has arrived. My software is re-installed. My internet works again. My office computer has been repaired. *Nothing* was lost with major fails of both my systems, thanks to the tech people at work and saving everything in the cloud. I'm feeling almost myself again.
I had a meeting with the big cheese about whether I should apply for promotion. He says, oh, just keep working all the time and "producing" and we'll float the idea in 9 months, maybe. That's the life. *And* I found out after-the-fact that he would have treated me to a splash-out lunch, if I'd given him the least bit of encouragement. Instead, I say, how about a BLT at the corner diner?
Be sober
My new computer has arrived. My software is re-installed. My internet works again. My office computer has been repaired. *Nothing* was lost with major fails of both my systems, thanks to the tech people at work and saving everything in the cloud. I'm feeling almost myself again.
I had a meeting with the big cheese about whether I should apply for promotion. He says, oh, just keep working all the time and "producing" and we'll float the idea in 9 months, maybe. That's the life. *And* I found out after-the-fact that he would have treated me to a splash-out lunch, if I'd given him the least bit of encouragement. Instead, I say, how about a BLT at the corner diner?
Be sober
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I'm glad you're up and running again, Cour. Sorry the promotion is being postponed for now.
Del, I am so sorry about your ex withholding your son from you. I hope he will relent and go along with your alternatives.
Del, I am so sorry about your ex withholding your son from you. I hope he will relent and go along with your alternatives.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Not postponed, actually -- we can only "go up" at one time of the year, anyway. Just more hoops. More little chances to fail, instead of one giant one.
I going to get out in the sunshine and let my bright side in!
I going to get out in the sunshine and let my bright side in!
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