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The Power Of Sobriety Thread (POST!) (was F.I.S.T#3)

Old 06-21-2017, 12:59 PM
  # 161 (permalink)  
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I have no idea what you guys are talking about but I liked it anyways.

FBL congrats, that is AWESOME!! 8 years!!

Courage you are so funny.
I really liked the solitude of the farm, but towards the end of living there it was awful how much blind panic someone driving onto our yard or knocking on our door caused. I would literally hit the floor and crawl to a room where I knew no one could look in and see me.
This wasn't just because of the drinking, I really don't think it would have been much different sober. I had had our van repossessed one morning after the kids went to school.
I was glad that it had happened down our grid road, where no one was there to see ( my van had slid partway off the road because it was muddy and was stuck there). It rates right up there as one of the most awful experiences I think I've ever had. It was a long, tearful walk of shame back to the farm house down that muddy road.
I think that's probably when my drinking started to get really bad. I was in so much fear that they would come and take more things away. Threaten me. Sue me. Arrest me. Being so drunk or even going through cold turkey detoxes was so much better than the fear I felt living out those days semi-drunk or sober.

Anyways, It's different now. I don't fear so much people knocking on my door and I just block creditors that call. I think I've rationalized with myself that they're not going to arrest me for my debts, lol. I still screen calls and don't answer unknown numbers. but my anxiety levels have gone down considerably. Even if they did end up taking the farm too.

The AC guy finally came. It was not the end of the world and the kids played outside nicely. They are coming back tomorrow to hopefully finish, I pulled most of the pool stuff out but they can work around the rest of it.
The thing I dislike the most is that I know the residential tenancies act inside and out, as I was a tenant for a decade and a landlord for I don't know, 3 or 4 years I can't remember now. Of 2 different properties. So I know what they are doing wrong. They are required to give me 24 hours notice to come into the premises. Would be bloody nice if they'd do that just ONCE. But no, they give a number of hours notice only.
I should just say something already, but again I just fear confrontation and and the fact that this is not MY home so I don't want to give them reason to evict me. I know logically they won't, I'm a model tenant which is hard to come by in this city. Or anywhere really. But all this stuff from the past sticks with me. I have kept things good here, I would like to keep it that way.
I just want my privacy and I have very little of it here, between my landlords popping in and out and being attached to one neighbour and squished in beside the other. That's one thing I really miss is having privacy without having to be holed up in my house.

Rambling again... I'm sick today so I feel like one big cotton ball from the neck up.
My body has just had enough, I'm tired and need rest. I'm poking along at what I need to do to not have to do so much on my days off.

Not going to drink today though.
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Old 06-21-2017, 02:10 PM
  # 162 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Delizadee View Post
I have no idea what you guys are talking about but I liked it anyways.
Don't worry, Del--I also like The Red Green Show!

I'm glad things weren't as chaotic as you feared with the arrival of the A/C guy. With most things we're uncertain about, the anticipation is far worse than the actual event.

You've developed a very good sober mindset; you've come a long, long way from where you were before. But as more months and years add up, you'll grow even stronger and more at peace with yourself.

The fear you now have will die away considerably. You will become able to set fair boundaries for yourself without being agitated by it. Without becoming overly self-important, you will come to realize that you're at least as good and valid as everyone else in the world.

Setting boundaries does not have to be aggressive--confrontations can be very gentle.

But if you're comfortable enough now, you don't need to force yourself to be more assertive: you'll find that with more and more accrued sobriety you'll treat yourself with greater and greater kindness and dignity--and you won't fear disaster if you need to bring someone a gentle correction.

Much of our maturity comes just naturally with continued sobriety.
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Old 06-21-2017, 04:56 PM
  # 163 (permalink)  
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Beautifully said, Gilmer!

Del, you have come a long way. Keep on keeping on a day at a time!
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Old 06-21-2017, 06:46 PM
  # 164 (permalink)  
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Fbl - Congrats on 8 years!! Thanks for continuing to inspire us by sharing your experience and encouragement.

Del - Its nice to see you have the faith that you will be ok. I think it's a sign you are settling into your sober skin.

Carlos - Looks like you are having a very productive trip up North.

Courage - How's summer treating you?

SG - You sound like a Type A overachiever, with the checklist you got through on your "day off." I can relate!!

Gilmer -Situstions that used to baffle me have become a lot easier for me.

For me, it's more than sobriety; I spent a lot of years drinking very little but stuck in a web of trouble. For me, it's from working on recovery every single day.

I'm guilty of putting down my phone mid post and my train of thought or the draft of the post..... Don't equate my absence with being too busy to work on recovery. I'm here reading, or looking at a thought of the day, or talking to a friend in recovery. I'm making a gratitude list or seeing what gift that day I can attribute to recovery. Every so often I even remember to try to turn over my will to a power greater than myself t(hat area is still a little nebulous to me).

I promised myself I'd post before I drifted off to sleep with an unsent post. Here goes....
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Old 06-21-2017, 09:01 PM
  # 165 (permalink)  
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It's just turned 8 years for FBL on my clock, & time for me to P.O.S.T. my congratulations with all the Power Of my Sober Teetotaling heart --



--from your corn-flaky comrade --
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Old 06-22-2017, 03:33 AM
  # 166 (permalink)  
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Thanks everyone for the kind words. In some ways, today means more to me than my physical birthday. To celebrate, I have a date with the dentist for a new filling! Made the appointment weeks ago, not remembering what today was. Oh well, still beats drinking!

Have a great day, gang!
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Old 06-22-2017, 05:30 AM
  # 167 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FormerBeerLover View Post
To celebrate, I have a date with the dentist for a new filling! Oh well, still beats drinking!
Haha, yes, even a double root canal would top picking up.

Congrats again, FBL!

No drankin here today either.
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Old 06-22-2017, 06:15 AM
  # 168 (permalink)  
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Glad things are going well enough for you Carlos!

Congrats again FBL on your eight years. You have just done a second Presidential term sober. Good luck with the dentist!

Working until midnight tonight on my "Monday" back. I might try to get some of the lawn cut before I head in.

Have a great day all!
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Old 06-22-2017, 06:53 AM
  # 169 (permalink)  
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Congratulations on the actual day, FBL! Good luck at the dentist!
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Old 06-22-2017, 08:02 AM
  # 170 (permalink)  
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FBL, if you tell the dentist you're celebrating an anniversary today, maybe s/he'll give you a lolly

PJ, where are you?

Here are a few inchoate thoughts -- I've been unbugged by drinking obsessions and most other worries for a bit, but distracted ... yesterday on a long long bus ride I realized the distraction was emotion. Snarkbunny isn't really used to it. I'm feeling love for my son and husband and gratitude that I haven't lost either of them, and fear in there too, and sadness over many things I've done & seen & people in my family who lived (and died) more miserably than they might have because of drink and drugs.

The long bus ride passed through places where I might have been, but can't be sure, and don't know with whom.

My mother once told me that if she could change everything, she'd never touch a drop of alcohol. I can't remember ever seeing her having fun. People lead such sad and bad lives.

It all amounts to gratitude for this second chance at a real life. I have to take care of it -- it's probably kind of fragile and certainly precious.
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Old 06-22-2017, 08:13 AM
  # 171 (permalink)  
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I hear you.
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Old 06-22-2017, 08:19 AM
  # 172 (permalink)  
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For you, FBL

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Old 06-22-2017, 09:38 AM
  # 173 (permalink)  
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This calls for a

You guys blow me away.

I've seen Pj, and tom around.. at least my brain says so anyways.

FBL you have been sober for more than a quarter of my life.
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Old 06-22-2017, 09:48 AM
  # 174 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by courage2 View Post

It all amounts to gratitude for this second chance at a real life. I have to take care of it -- it's probably kind of fragile and certainly precious.
This beautifully sums up our current journeys. We have all shown amazing strength and determination in overcoming our addictions and giving ourselves one more chance at living life. Yet it is extremely fragile. We are one bad mood, one bad decision away from tumbling back into the dark morass from which we pulled ourselves out of. There really is no guarantee that any of us would survive a fall. Mostly, I realize how precious and fragile this is, but at times I am complacent and take it for granted. Remember always to nurture, embrace and enjoy this second chance to make the most of our remaining time on this planet.
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Old 06-22-2017, 09:54 AM
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Just got back from the dentist. It wasn't even a full-blown filling. He gave me the option of numbing me up as he just had to do "a little drilling"...I told him to drill away and if it hurt too much I'd just punch him in the face. Luckily (for both of us) it only hurt a little bit.

Thanks for all the kind words today. I'm truly grateful for all the support over the years. I'm sure I'd be dead by now if I had kept going.
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Old 06-22-2017, 11:05 PM
  # 176 (permalink)  
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Just got home from a long night at work. On the way out, I overheard a few of the younger crew commenting about having a few drinks when they get home. That certainly used to be me, for most of my life. I am so glad that I have more than that to look forward to each day.

Pleasant dreams all!
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Old 06-23-2017, 03:27 AM
  # 177 (permalink)  
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Happy Friday to all the Posties!
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Old 06-23-2017, 03:54 AM
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Happy Friday back!

I hope everyone starts the day from a solid sober base. With a clean slate of emotional equilibrium.

After that--who knows? All hell may break loose! But we can all work to bring our minds back to that original equilibrium.
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Old 06-23-2017, 06:27 AM
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I love your idea of emotional equilibrium Gilmer! I never really thought of sobriety that way. We start the day grounded, then walk that metaphoric tight rope as our lives throw all kinds of things at us to knock us down.

Here's to maintaining " Emotional Equilibrium" all day long!
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Old 06-23-2017, 12:17 PM
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Within a half hour of writing those words, I had a big test!

I panicked for five minutes and my brain was frozen.

Then I began to write down exactly what was bothering me--and my brain began loosening up.

I think what I was doing was teasing the problems apart from the resulting emotions, and the panic dissolved.
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