The Power Of Sobriety Thread (POST!) (was F.I.S.T#3)
 

continues from

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ession-20.html

D

Thanks for the new thread Dee!

Here I am to break in the new thread!

Thanks, Dee!

New thread...thanks, Dee!

Not much new to report today. I have my annual physical tomorrow afternoon. Already got my test results back and they look good. My doctor always mentions how much healthier I am since I quit drinking. Funny how that works. :)

Have a great day, gang!

pushing to the front of the line....again, Gilly..tsk,tsk...

It's funny. At church buffet dinners, the pastor always says "Ladies first"--and all the women just stand there!

So I don't hesitate to barge right up there and start the line (both me and the pastor's wife--she's not the ultra-demure type either)!

Gilly- proves my point- you are a lady. (Break to soppy Lionel R music)....

The show starts at 0:45:


Will someone who isn't weaning off lists (yeah, right) please note Kung-Powa for next time?

Deliza, check in soon. Don't let the rats devour your deep, good sense.

I read a thread I really shouldn't have and now all I can think about is drinking. :headbange Apparently I should've stayed away from that one but who'da known.

I'm messing around with my meds too and everything is just screwing my up.

I am trying to figure **** out in my head that is either nothing but vindictive and manipulating or utterly impossible and useless.

My counselor is not in today and I'm meeting my sponsor tonight.

Useless frikken judicial system!!!!!

I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to make this better or fix this or make myself feel better.

I hate hearing people rationalize their drinking drinking on this board when I feel so completely out of control and vulnerable and was not even expecting to read something like that along that bent.

Whatever. My row to hoe.
Anxiety and fear give way to futility and depression.
Nothing to do but just coast and live in it for now I guess.
Blah.

1 month until I get my son. And then I fight.

No one needs to know. No one will know. One time won't hurt. You need to take your mind off this.
Back to the old refrain.

Pillows work too as punching bags. :a043:

:grouphug::grouphug:

Thanks Pj,
I'm being an idiot and I know it. Just a child throwing a tantrum and basically stooping to his level. It is what it is I guess.

"Glee and courage your words resonate with me. I am in a funk. Doing the same thing just doing the next right thing. My av is throwing everything it's got at me. It's surrendered to not drinking but it's giving me umpteen other options to sabotage myself and fixate on in an unhealthy way. Why can't I just stick to coffee and smoking? I fantasize about gambling. Relationships I don't need. Smoking weed *what the hell-not my doc and I don't really care for it). Phones and game playing and Netflix. Sleep and slothing in bed.
I'm in full relapse mode and I know it even if I'm sober.
Damn bastard brain wants any out it can get.

Two meetings today and going swimming with the little one. I will except nothing less. I know how to fake it till I make it. I'll get back to where I need to be.
I know running out of my meds and getting back onto them is really affecting my mental and emotional state. I accept it. But I'm not going to let this become a long chapter in my story. This is not where I want to be.
Love and light to you all. You all bring me joy in my rough days.
Much love
Xo Del"

Wise words from a wise lady...

Sorry it took me so long to see this, Del.

If you drank, YOU would know. Once you know the truth, you can try to run from yourself, but you ultimately can't. The sorrow and hopelessness would come back to bite you.

And you know for us it never stays "just one:"

First we have one and stop.

Great! That's a relief!

It worked so well that a week later you have another one, since it worked so well the first time.

Then in a few days you do it again and have more, and so it goes--till you're all the way down the slippery slope and fully enslaved again.

I know you're too smart to fall into the trap, but it doesn't hurt to hear reinforcement of what you know in your heart is true.

Feel free to block the person whose talk affected you. Protect yourself-- this is a vulnerable time for you emotionally.

Finally, you need to build consecutive months of sobriety to maintain a strong position in your custody battle.

Don't sabotage yourself when you are so close!

I know you won't--but a little exhortation can't hurt! :)

SG!

It's good that you posted and aired out the poison in your mind! Exposing it to air and to non-judgmental friends goes a long way towards neutralizing it.

How long has this mood been going on?

We all have good days and bad days as far as wayward thoughts are concerned.

Remember what you told me just the other day: your animal brain is bombarding your rational brain--but the temptations will ultimately be ineffective because your rational mind doesn't want them in your life because they're self-destructive.

Soon your rational brain will stop reeling, regain its bearings, and reject the poisonous foolishness that is currently plaguing you.

Have a good rest of the day with your daughter.

This was actually a quote from Del 3/12/17 that seemed to show her being in a similar state of mind as what she is dealing with currently. Hoping to remind her that if she could make it through the rough patches three months ago, she had the power to do it again!

OH! I thought it sounded familiar!

I'm glad you're OK!

I have both faith and confidence in you Del :)

D

((Del)) -- raging as you are, I can "hear" your determination. Whatever all the triggers that set your alcoholic obsession off -- none of them can get you drunk.

That whole "no one will know" is useless. For every time it works, there's a "why not do it again?" And the voice in the head gets louder & louder. Brain hunger, like what vampires feel. I hate that voice worse than anything else.

There are a lot of parallels between vampirism and alcoholism. A vampire can only get you if you invite him in.