Class of April 2016 Part 7
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Florida
Posts: 136
Day 119, Congratz everyone on reaching and making new milestones. We are all rocking!!!
Well I had a pretty good weekend, My Mom and sister’s family was in town. Meaning we were all at the beach. The weather was great, the ocean was calm, water was clear and warm and the sun was well burning everyone. Lol It was hot! We had a great time, no drama. I enjoyed sending time with my mom, sister and family. This was all before the storm that hit us after they went home. Lol
I am feeling pretty good, went to a follow up with doc and I don’t have any more blood in my urine. I am still not where I should be, but I am feeling much better with every day that passes. My head, still not there. My mind still gets me to feel bad about myself sometime. Stupid things I did or said while I was drinking or just the stupid act of drinking. I have done or said things I can’t take back. I have started to say sorry to the persons I hurt, at least some of them. Still working on this. What was I thinking when I was drinking? I feel like kicking myself. How stupid I was. Well this is what I am dealing with now, but anything is better than drinking. Working on being a better husband, father, man. May God lead me and help me thru this.
Well I had a pretty good weekend, My Mom and sister’s family was in town. Meaning we were all at the beach. The weather was great, the ocean was calm, water was clear and warm and the sun was well burning everyone. Lol It was hot! We had a great time, no drama. I enjoyed sending time with my mom, sister and family. This was all before the storm that hit us after they went home. Lol
I am feeling pretty good, went to a follow up with doc and I don’t have any more blood in my urine. I am still not where I should be, but I am feeling much better with every day that passes. My head, still not there. My mind still gets me to feel bad about myself sometime. Stupid things I did or said while I was drinking or just the stupid act of drinking. I have done or said things I can’t take back. I have started to say sorry to the persons I hurt, at least some of them. Still working on this. What was I thinking when I was drinking? I feel like kicking myself. How stupid I was. Well this is what I am dealing with now, but anything is better than drinking. Working on being a better husband, father, man. May God lead me and help me thru this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Kopfan- you are right it is hard to quit. It is hard to give up something you relied upon for so long. I went into a liquor store today because they have a deli counter. It made me upset at my stomach just being in there. I think that is a good sign.
Dickensen- I am glad you had a nice trip! Last time I drinked it was because I thought I could handle one or two. I am glad I learned that I can't.
The water aerobics class was cancelled because of the parade in town and all the festivities. I did swim laps.
Dickensen- I am glad you had a nice trip! Last time I drinked it was because I thought I could handle one or two. I am glad I learned that I can't.
The water aerobics class was cancelled because of the parade in town and all the festivities. I did swim laps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Josec- I love the beach! It sounds like you had a great weekend. I am glad your kidneys are better.
Anytime your AV tries to bring up the past to make you feel bad about yourself give yourself positive affirmations. Something like "Yes I did do that but now I am working on things and spending quality time with my wife and family" "that was the old me...I don't do that anymore" It helps and remember everyone has made mistakes....no one is perfect.
Anytime your AV tries to bring up the past to make you feel bad about yourself give yourself positive affirmations. Something like "Yes I did do that but now I am working on things and spending quality time with my wife and family" "that was the old me...I don't do that anymore" It helps and remember everyone has made mistakes....no one is perfect.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
I got my haircut. I went in and I was just going to get a trim and then I told her to cut it all off! It is short but it feels great! I haven't wore my hair short in YEARS! Definitely a nice change! 
I hope everyone else is having a nice day too.
I hope everyone else is having a nice day too.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Yes congrats Dickensen and suzie!!!
I'm nearing 4 months too, not yet not yet
it feels great to be sober! I still get those past flashbacks too, sometimes so intense I can feel flushed with embarrassment and shame. But I take deep breaths and remember I'm not that person anymore. She's gone and new improved version is here
I'm nearing 4 months too, not yet not yet
it feels great to be sober! I still get those past flashbacks too, sometimes so intense I can feel flushed with embarrassment and shame. But I take deep breaths and remember I'm not that person anymore. She's gone and new improved version is here
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
Hi Everyone. Happy Sat. It's been a busy week so I was reading back over the posts and it struck me how much more positive and optimistic we are sounding. Sure, there's some bad days, and anxiety mixed in, and some very real struggles continuing, but just overall the mood is a positive one. It really does make me wonder, why in the hell would we go back?
And then I also saw a couple of posts with folks commenting about getting really tired of even thinking about drinking or not drinking anymore. I agree, but also have other thoughts about it as well. So on the agree side--yes, I actually find that there are periods of hours that pass by and I don't think about drinking at all. Doesn't even come into my mind. And when it does, that craving is not there. And that makes me very happy, and that's the way I always want it to be. But on the other side, as I'm reading around the boards I'm seeing people relapse after 6 months, 1 years, even a few years, and then it's right back to where they were before. And quite honestly, that scares me to death. Because the idea of going back to where I was just 4 short months ago horrifies me. I know, I believe in my heart, that I can NEVER have even just one drink ever again. Sitting here writing this not only do I believe that, but I honestly don't want to....I've actively stopped romanticizing the past before my relationship,with drinking got out of hand.
But I can't stop wondering why those folks with long periods of sobriety relapsed. How confident were they that they would never drink again? How much were they pleased with their sober lives? How many of them knew in their heart that one drink would be all it took to lose it all? And then they drank. Why?
And that's when I wonder if they reached the point where they were not actively thinking about drinking or not drinking, in essence they had moved on, and if that contributed in any way to taking that first drink? In other words, with the vigilance down, was it easier to relapse? I have no idea. I just wonder about it because I am sincerely afraid that no matter how strong I feel today, I might somehow "forget" and it could happen.
I'm sure the "old timers" look at us with our 4 months and our confidence, and while they are proud of us, they see how extremely fragile we still are. Because they've seen what can happen to people with the best of intentions when they let their guard down. I don't know, I'm curious what Dee and some of our other visitors from the class of April 2015 think.
Anyway, wishing you all the best today. I've got a meeting, then, soccer, then packing. My team at work delivered a major project last night, involving an overnight downtime and cutover. Yesterday was crazy and stressful leading up to that then I listened in to a few status calls overnight (not complaining because there were plenty of folks up all night
, so sure I will crash later this afternoon. Hugs to all.
And then I also saw a couple of posts with folks commenting about getting really tired of even thinking about drinking or not drinking anymore. I agree, but also have other thoughts about it as well. So on the agree side--yes, I actually find that there are periods of hours that pass by and I don't think about drinking at all. Doesn't even come into my mind. And when it does, that craving is not there. And that makes me very happy, and that's the way I always want it to be. But on the other side, as I'm reading around the boards I'm seeing people relapse after 6 months, 1 years, even a few years, and then it's right back to where they were before. And quite honestly, that scares me to death. Because the idea of going back to where I was just 4 short months ago horrifies me. I know, I believe in my heart, that I can NEVER have even just one drink ever again. Sitting here writing this not only do I believe that, but I honestly don't want to....I've actively stopped romanticizing the past before my relationship,with drinking got out of hand.
But I can't stop wondering why those folks with long periods of sobriety relapsed. How confident were they that they would never drink again? How much were they pleased with their sober lives? How many of them knew in their heart that one drink would be all it took to lose it all? And then they drank. Why?
And that's when I wonder if they reached the point where they were not actively thinking about drinking or not drinking, in essence they had moved on, and if that contributed in any way to taking that first drink? In other words, with the vigilance down, was it easier to relapse? I have no idea. I just wonder about it because I am sincerely afraid that no matter how strong I feel today, I might somehow "forget" and it could happen.
I'm sure the "old timers" look at us with our 4 months and our confidence, and while they are proud of us, they see how extremely fragile we still are. Because they've seen what can happen to people with the best of intentions when they let their guard down. I don't know, I'm curious what Dee and some of our other visitors from the class of April 2015 think.
Anyway, wishing you all the best today. I've got a meeting, then, soccer, then packing. My team at work delivered a major project last night, involving an overnight downtime and cutover. Yesterday was crazy and stressful leading up to that then I listened in to a few status calls overnight (not complaining because there were plenty of folks up all night
, so sure I will crash later this afternoon. Hugs to all.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Good morning!
Ring- I like your avatar.
Kopfan- It is a beautiful day here also. I am thankful I can enjoy it too!!
Suzie- you bring up some good questions. I see people relapsing a lot too and I wonder the samething. I have left SR before because I thought I didn't need it and it was doing me worse being reminded of drinking everyday. That never ends well.
I hope you get some rest today.
I made steel cut oats in the crockpot!! yum. I don't have any plans for today. I think I will go to the gym soon. It's gorgeous outside. I probably should find a walking trail somewhere.
Ring- I like your avatar.
Kopfan- It is a beautiful day here also. I am thankful I can enjoy it too!!
Suzie- you bring up some good questions. I see people relapsing a lot too and I wonder the samething. I have left SR before because I thought I didn't need it and it was doing me worse being reminded of drinking everyday. That never ends well.
I hope you get some rest today.
I made steel cut oats in the crockpot!! yum. I don't have any plans for today. I think I will go to the gym soon. It's gorgeous outside. I probably should find a walking trail somewhere.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Hi guys!
Suzie nice post. You raise some good questions and I think none of us are completely immune from a future slip. But living one day at a time, not drinking one day at a time, is the answer for me.
I know in my past, when I drank after periods of sobriety, it was planned. I made conscious efforts to plan the slip and ignored my inner self telling me it was a bad idea. I think it all comes down to acceptance. As long as we fully accept we cannot drink EVER, we will not drink.
It doesn't mean I didn't get a wistful flashback of how tasty a beer would be last night when my friend ordered one - but it passed quickly ! and I'm so grateful that today I feel amazing isnt it awesome to think we never have to be hungover again??? Except for sleep deprivation hangovers, suzie
Happy Saturday all!!
Suzie nice post. You raise some good questions and I think none of us are completely immune from a future slip. But living one day at a time, not drinking one day at a time, is the answer for me.
I know in my past, when I drank after periods of sobriety, it was planned. I made conscious efforts to plan the slip and ignored my inner self telling me it was a bad idea. I think it all comes down to acceptance. As long as we fully accept we cannot drink EVER, we will not drink.
It doesn't mean I didn't get a wistful flashback of how tasty a beer would be last night when my friend ordered one - but it passed quickly ! and I'm so grateful that today I feel amazing
isnt it awesome to think we never have to be hungover again??? Except for sleep deprivation hangovers, suzieHappy Saturday all!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Florida
Posts: 136
Hello All,
I too have but some thought into why after so long not drinking can you fall back into the pit. I am guessing you forget how bad it was after some time. That's why I think this group of us is so important. By posting here we remember and support each other to continue being sober. We rocking !!! Go Team !!!
Well today I am a pool salt system repair man. I have my hat on and going to repair a board that the cap fried on it. $10 for part instead of $385 for board and labor. lol. Enjoy your weekend all.
I too have but some thought into why after so long not drinking can you fall back into the pit. I am guessing you forget how bad it was after some time. That's why I think this group of us is so important. By posting here we remember and support each other to continue being sober. We rocking !!! Go Team !!!
Well today I am a pool salt system repair man. I have my hat on and going to repair a board that the cap fried on it. $10 for part instead of $385 for board and labor. lol. Enjoy your weekend all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
I drank yesterday, I just couldn't escape the feeling of anxiety and depression, I think it's time to take an antidepressant even though I don't want to, the urge came on so strong! Goodbye to my 3 months
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Hi Winslow-
No matter what you didn't lose those three months. You learned a lot from them and you came right back here. I hope you talk to your Dr. if you feel you need too.
We have all been there.
I hope you feel okay today. Take it easy.
No matter what you didn't lose those three months. You learned a lot from them and you came right back here. I hope you talk to your Dr. if you feel you need too.
We have all been there.
I hope you feel okay today. Take it easy.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
I did something similar Winslow 2 months ago. I made up my mind I could drink to take the edge off...(I was feeling restless) and then I drink 6 days. The days have added back up though and I feel stronger. You will too.
Josec- good job saving that expensive repair cost.
I think I am going to run to the store. It is too pretty to be inside.
The days have added back up though and I feel stronger. You will too. Josec- good job saving that expensive repair cost.
I think I am going to run to the store. It is too pretty to be inside.
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