Class of April 2016 Part 7
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
Winslow I agree with Midwest. No way are those 3 months gone. I'm glad you came right back and this will make you stronger. I hope you call Mon first thing and get that dr appt. Stay close and let us know how you are doing.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
Originally Posted by Winslow 
I did just see the doctor two weeks ago she prescribed lexapro but I wanted to be completely drug free and do this naturally, I guess it's not gonna work that way, I'm so sad and defeated
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 551
Hi All, Sunday morning here for me 7:30am. Suzie that was a great post it made me realise I did not really know your story so I went and read it just now, Hugs to you, you are pretty amazing lady who has had your fair share of challenges. I too have also been reading a lot around new comers and also those that after some time have relapsed. I also feel like you that I don't want to and do not crave it, but I am keenly aware that it is baffling and cunning so I am on my toes. For me it is break up situations where my emotions get out of control, so taking time away from any significant relationships for a year is my goal and going to therapy to understand my trouble in this area is the best I can do for myself. I tend to always put other people before me and I have realised that this has lead me down the path of not caring about myself and drinking to the point of self abuse. Why not hey, other people were abusing me so it just seemed like me doing it to myself it was deserved. Not anymore, I don't think I deserve it. Kind of like my knew Avatar - Transformation. Hope all have a good Saturday night as I enjoy a lovely crisp Sunday here in Melbourne Australia.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 551
Hi Winslow, stay close and I hope you get some clarity with the doctor. Glad you came back straight away. Last time I relapsed after I year, I vanished and that did me no good at all. I am in a huggy mood, so a hug for you too 
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Lehigh valley PA
Posts: 251
Really great introspective posts from everyone. Winslow this is just a bump in the road. You came right back that's all that matters. Anxiety is a BITCH and not everyone can control it by "natural" means. I'm one of those people. There's nothing wrong with taking meds for a better quality of life.
Well I just got into a HUGE screaming match with my brother. I won't get into the specifics, but I'm just SO tired of my life. I love my brother but he is a piece of ****. My mom is extremely depressed because she just developed severe arthritis in her left hip about a month ago and it's getting worse. It's SO hard to be a caregiver when nobody has your back. I can't even EXPLAIN to people what it's like to watch my mom slowly decline. I watched it happened to my grams. The last few years of her life she suffered immensely. Now the same thing is happening to my mother and there's nothing I can do about it. I beg and plead with her to stop smoking, to eat better, walk around the apartment with her walker and she just brushes me off. You know when my grams passed. I went into the room with her and she just held my grams hand and bawled. When I have to say goodbye to my mom who's gonna be by my side? I rather die first to be spared that moment. My brother had the luxury of not being around for the deaths of my grandparents and when my mom was completely bedridden for a year. I will never forgive him for that year. NEVER. He left me high and dry with my mom AND my gramps who was in his late stages for dementia. He left me alone to PARTY. **** him. He deserves the life he has.
Raylin has not shut up since last night. She's trying to find ways to justify getting smashed. My Xanax is dwindling to. I just want this to be over. I don't wanna live like this anymore. I'm just getting through days and wishing and hoping for a day that will never come. I've done therapy. I've taken meds. I went back to school and worked my ass off and I still ended up failure. What am I living for? I have no friends, no b/f, no kids. My own family takes me for granted. If I wasn't here it wouldn't matter in the least.
Well I just got into a HUGE screaming match with my brother. I won't get into the specifics, but I'm just SO tired of my life. I love my brother but he is a piece of ****. My mom is extremely depressed because she just developed severe arthritis in her left hip about a month ago and it's getting worse. It's SO hard to be a caregiver when nobody has your back. I can't even EXPLAIN to people what it's like to watch my mom slowly decline. I watched it happened to my grams. The last few years of her life she suffered immensely. Now the same thing is happening to my mother and there's nothing I can do about it. I beg and plead with her to stop smoking, to eat better, walk around the apartment with her walker and she just brushes me off. You know when my grams passed. I went into the room with her and she just held my grams hand and bawled. When I have to say goodbye to my mom who's gonna be by my side? I rather die first to be spared that moment. My brother had the luxury of not being around for the deaths of my grandparents and when my mom was completely bedridden for a year. I will never forgive him for that year. NEVER. He left me high and dry with my mom AND my gramps who was in his late stages for dementia. He left me alone to PARTY. **** him. He deserves the life he has.
Raylin has not shut up since last night. She's trying to find ways to justify getting smashed. My Xanax is dwindling to. I just want this to be over. I don't wanna live like this anymore. I'm just getting through days and wishing and hoping for a day that will never come. I've done therapy. I've taken meds. I went back to school and worked my ass off and I still ended up failure. What am I living for? I have no friends, no b/f, no kids. My own family takes me for granted. If I wasn't here it wouldn't matter in the least.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 551
I wish I knew what to say Tati, from what I have witnessed you have a beautiful spirit, I just hope you can one day fly with some of your talents, I see you making something amazing, your own Tati Recipe and selling it at the Farmers market and becoming a sensation!. I am a dreamer, but some of my dreams come true so I will share one with you also. Hugs to you Tati.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 473
Morning Everyone!
Great post Suzie. I caught some of 999 emergency the other day and when I saw the desperate state of some of the alcoholics that persistently trouble the authorities I was kind of amazed that there is no help for these people.
I'm fortunate as are many of us here that we realised the dark hole that was waiting to swallow us up if we kept on drinking. There are so many people that don't even know they can get help here (SR) or on the internet in general or don't have access to it. Without it I would have continued my slow descent into all day every day drinking.
When you see alcoholics in such desperate trouble you really begin to appreciate just what you have done for yourself. For me personally I never considered myself an alcoholic before I came here but clearly I had a problem, because my struggle to free myself from drink has proved it. I never knew I was an alcoholic until I tried to get sober.
Alcohol bends the mind and warps it into something that it was never intended to be. I've come to appreciate just how dangerous it is and society in general has no idea how powerful a drug alcohol is because it is so acceptable to take it. You wouldn't encourage people to start smoking again if you knew they had given it up because it's addictive property is so well known.
Which is why I think relapsing is so easy. It's just so damn acceptable to get off your face and "have a good time". It should be frowned upon and it isn't. Society has created its own monster, and it is not right that those who choose not to drink are looked upon as weird in some way.
George Best is one of the most famous alcoholic examples and I used to think "Well why doesn't he just stop". he was on his second liver or whatever it was. But just how hard can it be to stop when every single one of your mates drinks and your wife drinks and insists on drinking in front of you. Now I have empathy for what he must have been going through. The damage is already done, the brain is made chemically imbalanced. How can you fight yourself when all around you are dancing with the devil?
My wife drinks and when she does its two bottles of wine and that is one of the reasons it took me five years to get here. Going to the shop to get your partners wine IS like dousing yourself in petrol and cavorting with a flame. Countless, endless times I went to the shop with no intention of getting anything for myself and came back with beer because it is easy to do. The brain wants it. let it have it.
George Best was in an impossible position because people laughed at his lack of willpower and didn't understand his situation. There is truly no understanding for the devastation alcohol wreaks on the brain. Ray Wilkins - recently caught for the FOURTH time drinking and driving and admitting in court that he has a problem. The self loathing must be palpable.
Government guidelines are completely wrong. Its not safe to drink. None of this measuring out your units crap is helping anyone. Alcohol is a killer, just a publicly acceptable one. Until society changes its attitude towards alcohol relapsing is always going to be a spectre looming over us all.
Winslow - I feel for you. Last night I came close to having a drink myself at a BBQ I planned on the spur of the moment. I asked my Son if he was going to the shop to get anything to drink and he said no. If he'd have said yes I'd probably be joining you on day one. You just have to start over again. I'll be here willing you on.
Take a look at this mesmerising and poetic ode to alcohol from Richard Burton. He really does make it sound dangerous. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgF1fzCqu-k
Have a great day everyone!
Great post Suzie. I caught some of 999 emergency the other day and when I saw the desperate state of some of the alcoholics that persistently trouble the authorities I was kind of amazed that there is no help for these people.
I'm fortunate as are many of us here that we realised the dark hole that was waiting to swallow us up if we kept on drinking. There are so many people that don't even know they can get help here (SR) or on the internet in general or don't have access to it. Without it I would have continued my slow descent into all day every day drinking.
When you see alcoholics in such desperate trouble you really begin to appreciate just what you have done for yourself. For me personally I never considered myself an alcoholic before I came here but clearly I had a problem, because my struggle to free myself from drink has proved it. I never knew I was an alcoholic until I tried to get sober.
Alcohol bends the mind and warps it into something that it was never intended to be. I've come to appreciate just how dangerous it is and society in general has no idea how powerful a drug alcohol is because it is so acceptable to take it. You wouldn't encourage people to start smoking again if you knew they had given it up because it's addictive property is so well known.
Which is why I think relapsing is so easy. It's just so damn acceptable to get off your face and "have a good time". It should be frowned upon and it isn't. Society has created its own monster, and it is not right that those who choose not to drink are looked upon as weird in some way.
George Best is one of the most famous alcoholic examples and I used to think "Well why doesn't he just stop". he was on his second liver or whatever it was. But just how hard can it be to stop when every single one of your mates drinks and your wife drinks and insists on drinking in front of you. Now I have empathy for what he must have been going through. The damage is already done, the brain is made chemically imbalanced. How can you fight yourself when all around you are dancing with the devil?
My wife drinks and when she does its two bottles of wine and that is one of the reasons it took me five years to get here. Going to the shop to get your partners wine IS like dousing yourself in petrol and cavorting with a flame. Countless, endless times I went to the shop with no intention of getting anything for myself and came back with beer because it is easy to do. The brain wants it. let it have it.
George Best was in an impossible position because people laughed at his lack of willpower and didn't understand his situation. There is truly no understanding for the devastation alcohol wreaks on the brain. Ray Wilkins - recently caught for the FOURTH time drinking and driving and admitting in court that he has a problem. The self loathing must be palpable.
Government guidelines are completely wrong. Its not safe to drink. None of this measuring out your units crap is helping anyone. Alcohol is a killer, just a publicly acceptable one. Until society changes its attitude towards alcohol relapsing is always going to be a spectre looming over us all.
Winslow - I feel for you. Last night I came close to having a drink myself at a BBQ I planned on the spur of the moment. I asked my Son if he was going to the shop to get anything to drink and he said no. If he'd have said yes I'd probably be joining you on day one. You just have to start over again. I'll be here willing you on.
Take a look at this mesmerising and poetic ode to alcohol from Richard Burton. He really does make it sound dangerous. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgF1fzCqu-k
Have a great day everyone!
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
good morning!
Kopfan- I am glad you didn't drink at the bbq. You have worked really hard. It isn't easy to be sober around people who are drinking. I am really lucky this time around because my husband is 4 months sober...so there is no alcohol in the house and he wouldn't be too happy if I brought any in and I don't want too. Things are so much better without it.
I agree with what you said...no units of alcohol are safe. It kills way to many people.
Kopfan- I am glad you didn't drink at the bbq. You have worked really hard. It isn't easy to be sober around people who are drinking. I am really lucky this time around because my husband is 4 months sober...so there is no alcohol in the house and he wouldn't be too happy if I brought any in and I don't want too. Things are so much better without it.
I agree with what you said...no units of alcohol are safe. It kills way to many people.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
Just a quick hello today. Need to get ready for soccer game and then loads of packing etc today as I didn't make much progress yesterday.
Ring, that you for your kind words. They mean a lot.
Tati, continued hugs and positive thoughts for you. I agree with other classmates that you are such a caring soul with so many talents. You are hanging strong in your struggles and we are always here for you to listen.
Winslow, I'm continuing to think about you and hope we hear from you today. Stick with us. You are part of the family.
Ring, that you for your kind words. They mean a lot.
Tati, continued hugs and positive thoughts for you. I agree with other classmates that you are such a caring soul with so many talents. You are hanging strong in your struggles and we are always here for you to listen.
Winslow, I'm continuing to think about you and hope we hear from you today. Stick with us. You are part of the family.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,951
Originally Posted by Winslow
I drank yesterday, I just couldn't escape the feeling of anxiety and depression, I think it's time to take an antidepressant even though I don't want to, the urge came on so strong! Goodbye to my 3 months
Quitting drinking is not an event as much as much as it is a process. Many of us have had slips. Get right back on the wagon and enjoy the benefits of not drinking.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Lehigh valley PA
Posts: 251
Ring that's honestly one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. Thank you and I really do appreciate it. I hope something great like that happens to me to. Thanks Dee, Suzue and Midwest for your kind words also.
So my brother left for NY. He was in rare form. I locked myself in my room the entire time he was here. He still didn't apologize to me. He texted me and my mom some morbid, dramatic, suicidal rhetoric. The argument was SO freakin' stupid. He resents his life so he takes it out on me and my mom. He's very woe is me and I'm like that to, so I can't really judge. He REALLY made me feel like **** though. I cried so hard and long last night I woke up feeling hungover. He stressed me out so much that I had pain in my back radiating down to my legs. He just kept texting me and texting me while he was on the bus complaining how ****** his life is and being disrespectful towards me. I just got to a point where I was like "Bro I'm done talking. I've given you good suggestions on how to better your life and you keep brushing me off. I've exhausted all my thoughts and you obviously don't care what I have to say. Goodnight" and then I blocked his number. We've been through this **** so many times. Like ENOUGH already. I'm so mad that I let him bother me like this. Like dude everyone has ******' struggles! He acts like such a martyr and he has absolutely no self awareness. His issues have NOTHING to do with me and yet he guilt trips me for imaginary ****.
So anyway I'm just sitting in my room deep conditioning hair staring at the wall in a teary daze lol I feel defeated and scared. Today is one of those days where I don't want to be myself. I want someone to hug me and tell me it's okay Tatianna. I care about you and you matter and I got your back. You will overcome all this. Sometimes you just need reassurance you know? Anyway I'm gonna start my laundry and bake some cookies. I hope everyone is having a better day then me.
So my brother left for NY. He was in rare form. I locked myself in my room the entire time he was here. He still didn't apologize to me. He texted me and my mom some morbid, dramatic, suicidal rhetoric. The argument was SO freakin' stupid. He resents his life so he takes it out on me and my mom. He's very woe is me and I'm like that to, so I can't really judge. He REALLY made me feel like **** though. I cried so hard and long last night I woke up feeling hungover. He stressed me out so much that I had pain in my back radiating down to my legs. He just kept texting me and texting me while he was on the bus complaining how ****** his life is and being disrespectful towards me. I just got to a point where I was like "Bro I'm done talking. I've given you good suggestions on how to better your life and you keep brushing me off. I've exhausted all my thoughts and you obviously don't care what I have to say. Goodnight" and then I blocked his number. We've been through this **** so many times. Like ENOUGH already. I'm so mad that I let him bother me like this. Like dude everyone has ******' struggles! He acts like such a martyr and he has absolutely no self awareness. His issues have NOTHING to do with me and yet he guilt trips me for imaginary ****.
So anyway I'm just sitting in my room deep conditioning hair staring at the wall in a teary daze lol I feel defeated and scared. Today is one of those days where I don't want to be myself. I want someone to hug me and tell me it's okay Tatianna. I care about you and you matter and I got your back. You will overcome all this. Sometimes you just need reassurance you know? Anyway I'm gonna start my laundry and bake some cookies. I hope everyone is having a better day then me.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Lehigh valley PA
Posts: 251
Thanks Dee ☺️ I SERIOUSLY just contemplated drinking mouth wash just now 💀🎃 I've gone off the deep end.
Midwest I baked almond flour coconut, cranberry, chocolate chip, walnut cookies earlier. I kind of came up with the recipe myself. I haven't tried them yet (no appetite) but they look really good 🙌🏾
Midwest I baked almond flour coconut, cranberry, chocolate chip, walnut cookies earlier. I kind of came up with the recipe myself. I haven't tried them yet (no appetite) but they look really good 🙌🏾
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