Class of April 2016 Part 7
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
HI winslow- yes I am still camping and I will be for the next several weeks. The bugs are bad....I think it must be the time of year. But I am having a nice time.
I am sorry to hear you drink but I am glad you are back on here. I hope you think about making a solid plan so you can break the cycle. I have had a lot of day ones so I know how discouraging they can be. Have you ever been to any type of meetings? I never have but they help a lot of people. I am sure having that support in real life is very helpful. (((Hugs)))
I am sorry to hear you drink but I am glad you are back on here. I hope you think about making a solid plan so you can break the cycle. I have had a lot of day ones so I know how discouraging they can be. Have you ever been to any type of meetings? I never have but they help a lot of people. I am sure having that support in real life is very helpful. (((Hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Oh no Winslow, what happened?
Just had a lovely dinner with friends to celebrate a bday. I had some of that broken record pity for me feeling when a couple of my friends talked about a night out last weekend - I wasn't invited. I know they didn't ask me because they were getting smashed - and I know I wouldn't have wanted to go even if they did invite me, and besides I had other and better plans that night! But I still can start to feel sorry for myself, i.e. I am "left out" because I don't drink.
Even typing that out I can see its ridiculous and not personal. I didn't let it get me down for more than a few moments and now I have perspective. I'm grateful for my sobriety and for filling my time with rewarding and real connections, sans booze.
Yay!
Great news suzie! I just donated to the leukemia foundation through work. A coworker lost his sister to the disease when he was just a kid. Glad to give to an important cause!
Just had a lovely dinner with friends to celebrate a bday. I had some of that broken record pity for me feeling when a couple of my friends talked about a night out last weekend - I wasn't invited. I know they didn't ask me because they were getting smashed - and I know I wouldn't have wanted to go even if they did invite me, and besides I had other and better plans that night! But I still can start to feel sorry for myself, i.e. I am "left out" because I don't drink.
Even typing that out I can see its ridiculous and not personal. I didn't let it get me down for more than a few moments and now I have perspective. I'm grateful for my sobriety and for filling my time with rewarding and real connections, sans booze.
Yay!
Great news suzie! I just donated to the leukemia foundation through work. A coworker lost his sister to the disease when he was just a kid. Glad to give to an important cause!
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Allentown PA
Posts: 6
Hey everyone.
I just can't make sense of anything. I feel like i'm in a nightmare that I can't wake up from. Between not being able to find a psychiatrist and the recent police brutality shootings. I'm just like what is the point?! It's bad enough that my personal life is ****, but the outside world is even worse. I posted on my snap that on the one hand we have to go about our lives and find some happiness in all this chaos and tragedy, but I don't know how to do that! I just can't go about my "life" and pretend everything is all peachy keen. ESPECIALLY since it effects me and my brother (We're still not talking). I'm just so tired of feeling like this. I feel like i'm suffocating. I wake up every. Single. Day CONSUMED with feelings of dread. I'm wasting away in my room and so is my mom. I talk to to her and she just stares at me. I get mad at her for letting herself go. I'm mad at that the TPTB put me in this ****** situation alone AGAIN. Was me almost dying from the stress of taking care of my bedridden mother in 2009-2010 not enough?! Was seeing my grandparents die slow painful deaths not enough? HS? Watching my brother's life implode? Why am I exhausted at 31? I think about the future and I don't see myself making it. I don't think people really understand how emotionally draining it is to be a caregiver without any support. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'm just always on alert mode. I'm constantly trying to get her to eat better, and quit smoking and she just doesn't. Listen. But what is the solution?! There is no solution! I literally just have to watch her decline because I can't force her to do any of these things. And nobody gets it! I told the therapist last week about my situation, and she asked me if I ENJOYED being a caregiver. What?! I just can't. I'm tired always having to explain ****. What is so hard to comprehend?!?!?!?! My mom is literally going down the same. Exact. Road as my grandmother and I don't know how to deal with it! Who wants to see their mother in a ******' wheelchair?! What is there to enjoy?!?!?
I didn't ask for crippling anxiety and depression. I've been at war with myself since I was 16. I never thought in a million years I would end up like this. I need help. I need someone with a inkling of compassion to LISTEN. To really listen and not just throw random meds at me. But I can't get that kind of help. How do you fight something you can't control? I miss NYC so much. I hate it here. Being here just adds to the feeling of being trapped. It's so dark and desolate. I want to go back to the city. I wouldn't have this problem if I still lived there. I dunno anymore. I'm beyond the point of desperation. But you know? So what? Who am I? There's millions of people suffering in this world. I'm nobody special. In the grand scheme of things I don't matter. My life doesn't matter. I don't even know why i'm venting. Strangers on the internet can't help me.
I'm sorry about your relapse Winslow. I wish I had some words of encouragement, but i'm useless in that department right now.
I just can't make sense of anything. I feel like i'm in a nightmare that I can't wake up from. Between not being able to find a psychiatrist and the recent police brutality shootings. I'm just like what is the point?! It's bad enough that my personal life is ****, but the outside world is even worse. I posted on my snap that on the one hand we have to go about our lives and find some happiness in all this chaos and tragedy, but I don't know how to do that! I just can't go about my "life" and pretend everything is all peachy keen. ESPECIALLY since it effects me and my brother (We're still not talking). I'm just so tired of feeling like this. I feel like i'm suffocating. I wake up every. Single. Day CONSUMED with feelings of dread. I'm wasting away in my room and so is my mom. I talk to to her and she just stares at me. I get mad at her for letting herself go. I'm mad at that the TPTB put me in this ****** situation alone AGAIN. Was me almost dying from the stress of taking care of my bedridden mother in 2009-2010 not enough?! Was seeing my grandparents die slow painful deaths not enough? HS? Watching my brother's life implode? Why am I exhausted at 31? I think about the future and I don't see myself making it. I don't think people really understand how emotionally draining it is to be a caregiver without any support. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'm just always on alert mode. I'm constantly trying to get her to eat better, and quit smoking and she just doesn't. Listen. But what is the solution?! There is no solution! I literally just have to watch her decline because I can't force her to do any of these things. And nobody gets it! I told the therapist last week about my situation, and she asked me if I ENJOYED being a caregiver. What?! I just can't. I'm tired always having to explain ****. What is so hard to comprehend?!?!?!?! My mom is literally going down the same. Exact. Road as my grandmother and I don't know how to deal with it! Who wants to see their mother in a ******' wheelchair?! What is there to enjoy?!?!?
I didn't ask for crippling anxiety and depression. I've been at war with myself since I was 16. I never thought in a million years I would end up like this. I need help. I need someone with a inkling of compassion to LISTEN. To really listen and not just throw random meds at me. But I can't get that kind of help. How do you fight something you can't control? I miss NYC so much. I hate it here. Being here just adds to the feeling of being trapped. It's so dark and desolate. I want to go back to the city. I wouldn't have this problem if I still lived there. I dunno anymore. I'm beyond the point of desperation. But you know? So what? Who am I? There's millions of people suffering in this world. I'm nobody special. In the grand scheme of things I don't matter. My life doesn't matter. I don't even know why i'm venting. Strangers on the internet can't help me.
I'm sorry about your relapse Winslow. I wish I had some words of encouragement, but i'm useless in that department right now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm really sorry things are so rough Tati.
We're not exactly strangers on the internet tho - we do care.
I really think if you could get some help caring for your mom it might be a little respite for you. Not much maybe in the big scheme of things but it'd be a start.
There must be community groups that could help you there?
D
We're not exactly strangers on the internet tho - we do care.
I really think if you could get some help caring for your mom it might be a little respite for you. Not much maybe in the big scheme of things but it'd be a start.
There must be community groups that could help you there?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
Tati, if you don't mind, could you let me know the name of your city? PM if more comfortable,with that. It's not much but I'd like to do some,googling this weekend on potential resources there. It's not much, and you've probably already done it, but maybe a fresh set of eyes would help? Anyway, totally up to you but I'd be happy to do some research.
We do care about you, really.
We do care about you, really.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Hugs Tati. I wish I had something to say that could fix it. I can only say that I've felt similar feelings, i.e. What is the point, I don't matter, I'm alone, and I had to keep trying different things to get different results. I started going to AA, which I did not want to do, AT ALL. It was scary as h E double hockey sticks to show up to that first meeting. But after my last binge I literally wanted to die, I thought I just can't do this anymore, so I knew I had to take drastic action. At that meeting I took a risk and raised my hand to ask for a sponsor. I got her phone number and started meeting with her and sharing my story and life with her. I have no doubt my sponsor has kept me in the program and literally kept me sober. I also ask for other phone numbers, I get phone lists (available at every meeting) and when things get bad, I call other people and see how they are doing. It's scary to do that too but I am always encouraged by the response. People in AA have been there, they really have, and they want to help.
My life isn't perfect now but I'm no longer feeling so alone and hopeless. Going to meetings, even when I don't want to, keeps me in check. I see so many people who have been through the ringer and somehow manage to deal and even thrive. People who have lost homes, families, jobs, everything, do get sober and find a way to handle life on life's terms. It's inspiring.
I know I've suggested AA before and I'm not sure if you've tried or not. I'm not saying it's the only way but it's what has worked for me. Can you try to get to a meeting and just give it a few times before you close the door on that option? What do you have to lose?
My life isn't perfect now but I'm no longer feeling so alone and hopeless. Going to meetings, even when I don't want to, keeps me in check. I see so many people who have been through the ringer and somehow manage to deal and even thrive. People who have lost homes, families, jobs, everything, do get sober and find a way to handle life on life's terms. It's inspiring.
I know I've suggested AA before and I'm not sure if you've tried or not. I'm not saying it's the only way but it's what has worked for me. Can you try to get to a meeting and just give it a few times before you close the door on that option? What do you have to lose?
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Tati- we do all care about you and want the best for you. I wish we could take the pain away from you.
Is today your primary care doctor appointment? I hope you go and tell the Dr. how you are feeling about the depression and everything.
I don't think you liked the therapist (I could be wrong) but I hope you keep going to see her too. Give her time to learn who you are.
Also the AA meetings that kitty suggested sounds like a great idea. It would give you a chance to meet some friends who have been through hard things too. Maybe even some other care givers!! Never know.
Maybe reach out to your brother if it is bothering you too. Life is uncertain for all of us. You are right this world is crazy. Upside down is right side up. We can't control it we can only control how we react to it.
And like Kopfan said drinking won't help!
I know you know that.
I hope you take a walk today and maybe go to the park and get some sunshine. That always helps. It's not a cure all but sometimes we need a change of scenery for a little bit.
Also start focusing on things you can control instead of things you can't. That always helps me.
Is today your primary care doctor appointment? I hope you go and tell the Dr. how you are feeling about the depression and everything.
I don't think you liked the therapist (I could be wrong) but I hope you keep going to see her too. Give her time to learn who you are.
Also the AA meetings that kitty suggested sounds like a great idea. It would give you a chance to meet some friends who have been through hard things too. Maybe even some other care givers!! Never know.
Maybe reach out to your brother if it is bothering you too. Life is uncertain for all of us. You are right this world is crazy. Upside down is right side up. We can't control it we can only control how we react to it.
And like Kopfan said drinking won't help!
I know you know that.
I hope you take a walk today and maybe go to the park and get some sunshine. That always helps. It's not a cure all but sometimes we need a change of scenery for a little bit.
Also start focusing on things you can control instead of things you can't. That always helps me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Hey all, well I've thought about this and decided that I'm not gonna post on this thread anymore cuz I think it's unfair to all of you who are working hard on staying sober while I've gone off and drank not once, twice but three times since we all quit,it's not fair to call myself part of the April class with all of that mess,I wish you all the best and I will keep reading up on your progress, I care about you all! Thanks for everything
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
winslow- I hope you keep posting on here! You have been part of this group since the beginning and will always be part of the group.
all we have is today!! we are all the same only one drink away from a slip.
hope everyone has a nice evening. I had a good day. I am super tired and I have a busy day tomorrow.
all we have is today!! we are all the same only one drink away from a slip.
hope everyone has a nice evening. I had a good day. I am super tired and I have a busy day tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 473
Morning Everyone!
Winslow, I feel that a big mistake I made when I came here was continually changing groups whenever I drank again.
When you resolve to get sober again you need to fight more, get more tools to help, get more assistance. Starting over won't help.
Try posting in the "One year and under" group as well, plenty of people there have just a few days and are going through exactly the same thing.
But of course the main thing is that you come back to SR.
Have a great day everyone.
Winslow, I feel that a big mistake I made when I came here was continually changing groups whenever I drank again.
When you resolve to get sober again you need to fight more, get more tools to help, get more assistance. Starting over won't help.
Try posting in the "One year and under" group as well, plenty of people there have just a few days and are going through exactly the same thing.
But of course the main thing is that you come back to SR.
Have a great day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Good morning!!
I have poison ivy on my neck!! Ugh! I caught it from the wind I guess... I only walked in the grass while camping. Blah!
Hope everyone has a great day.
Hang in there Winslow, Tati, and the rest of the class!
I have poison ivy on my neck!! Ugh! I caught it from the wind I guess... I only walked in the grass while camping. Blah!
Hope everyone has a great day.
Hang in there Winslow, Tati, and the rest of the class!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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