Class of April 2016 Part 7
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Originally Posted by Tati 
Midwest I baked almond flour coconut, cranberry, chocolate chip, walnut cookies earlier. I kind of came up with the recipe myself. I haven't tried them yet (no appetite) but they look really good 🙌🏾
I wish we lived closer to each other. We would go to the market and shop for ingredients for baking. haha.I am glad you blocked your brother for awhile. You had listened to it enough. It's okay to say enough is enough and hopefully he will get out of his moods. You can only control your actions.
I hope you are feeling better today and watch out for your AV. (I forget her name.
)---------------------------------
Yesterday about 10 miles from where I live two ladies were out running after sunrise and they were hit by a drunk driver.
One of the ladies died and the other one is in critical condition. The lady who died leaves behind a husband and a toddler. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Hello all,Midwest, very sorry about the two ladies hit by the drunk driver, it happens here in Vegas all the time and I just think of how selfish drinking is,on my other forum one lady just found her sister dead,she had been mixing anxiety/depression meds with vodka and was found dead on her bedroom floor,they're guessing she had been there for 4 days cuz of the stack of newspapers on the porch, drinking sucks,we think it's only effecting us when we were but look at all of the people suffering out of just these two events,the ones left behind, very sad
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Winslow- that is really sad. 
I hope everyone is having a good day. I went to the gym and jogged & walked. I made chicken fajitas for lunch. I need to clean my bedroom. I have a HUGE pile of clothes were I have been trying them on and throwing them on the floor.
I hope everyone is having a good day. I went to the gym and jogged & walked. I made chicken fajitas for lunch. I need to clean my bedroom. I have a HUGE pile of clothes were I have been trying them on and throwing them on the floor.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,951
Winslow,
I haven't killed anyone but in the course of time I have done some stupid things that caused people a lot of grief. Hopefully, being dried out I will get my act together and make amends. I can already see that my approach to issues is calmer and more logical.
I haven't killed anyone but in the course of time I have done some stupid things that caused people a lot of grief. Hopefully, being dried out I will get my act together and make amends. I can already see that my approach to issues is calmer and more logical.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Lehigh valley PA
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by Midwest1981
They sound great!! I hope your appetite is back today so you can enjoy them. I think not being able to eat is one of the worse feelings. I wish we lived closer to each other. We would go to the market and shop for ingredients for baking. haha.
I am glad you blocked your brother for awhile. You had listened to it enough. It's okay to say enough is enough and hopefully he will get out of his moods. You can only control your actions.
I hope you are feeling better today and watch out for your AV. (I forget her name. )
---------------------------------
Yesterday about 10 miles from where I live two ladies were out running after sunrise and they were hit by a drunk driver. One of the ladies died and the other one is in critical condition. The lady who died leaves behind a husband and a toddler.
I wish we lived closer to each other. We would go to the market and shop for ingredients for baking. haha.I am glad you blocked your brother for awhile. You had listened to it enough. It's okay to say enough is enough and hopefully he will get out of his moods. You can only control your actions.
I hope you are feeling better today and watch out for your AV. (I forget her name.
)---------------------------------
Yesterday about 10 miles from where I live two ladies were out running after sunrise and they were hit by a drunk driver.
One of the ladies died and the other one is in critical condition. The lady who died leaves behind a husband and a toddler. Oh god thats horrible!!! ****. People who drive drunk REALLY irk me, because it's never the driver who gets hurt it's always a innocent bystander. My brother has driven drunk quite a few times and he's so blase about it. It's nauseating. I pray for their families, and I hope the other one pulls through.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Lehigh valley PA
Posts: 251
Originally Posted by Winslow
Hello all,Midwest, very sorry about the two ladies hit by the drunk driver, it happens here in Vegas all the time and I just think of how selfish drinking is,on my other forum one lady just found her sister dead,she had been mixing anxiety/depression meds with vodka and was found dead on her bedroom floor,they're guessing she had been there for 4 days cuz of the stack of newspapers on the porch, drinking sucks,we think it's only effecting us when we were but look at all of the people suffering out of just these two events,the ones left behind, very sad
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Lehigh valley PA
Posts: 251
On a positive note I had a REALLY nice day yesterday. I told my mom I've been sober going on 4 months a few days ago, so to celebrate we spent the day shopping and I bought two BEAUTIFUL wigs. I have really BIG curly hair like Tracee ellis ross. It's kind of my "trademark". Anyway I always wanted to wear my hair straight or get it cut into a bob, but I refuse to damage my hair. It took me YEARS to grow out all my bad dye jobs. ANYWAY I had so much fun messing around with the wigs, and all my snapchat followers and the 3 "friends" I do have all said I looked amazing. It was just a NICE distraction and escape from this ****** weekend I just had because I was really feeling bad about myself. I was in a LEGITIMATE good mood and that was so foreign to me.
I noticed something in the midst of my good mood. Is anyone else like AFRAID of happiness? I felt GUILTY for enjoying myself yesterday. I felt guilty for having fun. Like I didn't deserve to feel like that. I was also scared of it being taken away from me. Like there was still a huge part of me that still had my emotional guard up. like I was telling myself "don't get too happy Tati **** can hit the fan at any time".
Her name is Raylin midwest lol I've been SERIOUSLY contemplating going to culinary school to become a pastry chef. I REALLY enjoy baking. I love the whole process, and I just love working with my hands and CREATING things and seeing the end result. When I bake it really takes my mind off things. I'm under no illusions the culinary school will be easy, and who knows if I'll even be good at it, but It's definitely something I'm interested in. Who knows maybe I could end up back in the west village (my old neighborhood. It's a trendy neighb in lower manhattan) and open up my own bakery, and be the next magnolia (POPULAR bakery in lower manhattan made famous by sex and the city. There's always a line around the block during certain times of the day. Their cakes ARE delicious though. They deserve the hype) That would be so cool. I'm dreamer to ring
lol!! I decided against it Dee, because I've actually drank mouthwash before (Who does that?!?!) and even though I did get a buzz. It also gave me a REALLY bad stomach ache.
I noticed something in the midst of my good mood. Is anyone else like AFRAID of happiness? I felt GUILTY for enjoying myself yesterday. I felt guilty for having fun. Like I didn't deserve to feel like that. I was also scared of it being taken away from me. Like there was still a huge part of me that still had my emotional guard up. like I was telling myself "don't get too happy Tati **** can hit the fan at any time".
Her name is Raylin midwest lol
I've been SERIOUSLY contemplating going to culinary school to become a pastry chef. I REALLY enjoy baking. I love the whole process, and I just love working with my hands and CREATING things and seeing the end result. When I bake it really takes my mind off things. I'm under no illusions the culinary school will be easy, and who knows if I'll even be good at it, but It's definitely something I'm interested in. Who knows maybe I could end up back in the west village (my old neighborhood. It's a trendy neighb in lower manhattan) and open up my own bakery, and be the next magnolia (POPULAR bakery in lower manhattan made famous by sex and the city. There's always a line around the block during certain times of the day. Their cakes ARE delicious though. They deserve the hype) That would be so cool. I'm dreamer to ring lol!! I decided against it Dee, because I've actually drank mouthwash before (Who does that?!?!) and even though I did get a buzz. It also gave me a REALLY bad stomach ache.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 744
Hi everyone. Having a good time on vacation so far. Driving from Vegas to southern CA today. Glad to be escaping the Vegas heat. Whew, Winslow, you weren't kidding. It's hot there! Even worse than Dallas, although at least no humidity. Had a really fun time in Vegas, although I'm glad to be off the Strip today. That many crowds start making me a bit claustrophobic. And Winslow, I hope you are away enough from the Strip that you don't have to deal with that constant exposure to alcohol. It was everywhere, and although I wasn't really triggered, I have to admit it was a bit much. I'm glad I was with my kids 24x7 and not on an adult trip.
I hope everyone doing well.
I hope everyone doing well.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,181
Originally Posted by suzie89
Hi Everyone. Happy Sat. It's been a busy week so I was reading back over the posts and it struck me how much more positive and optimistic we are sounding. Sure, there's some bad days, and anxiety mixed in, and some very real struggles continuing, but just overall the mood is a positive one. It really does make me wonder, why in the hell would we go back?
And then I also saw a couple of posts with folks commenting about getting really tired of even thinking about drinking or not drinking anymore. I agree, but also have other thoughts about it as well. So on the agree side--yes, I actually find that there are periods of hours that pass by and I don't think about drinking at all. Doesn't even come into my mind. And when it does, that craving is not there. And that makes me very happy, and that's the way I always want it to be. But on the other side, as I'm reading around the boards I'm seeing people relapse after 6 months, 1 years, even a few years, and then it's right back to where they were before. And quite honestly, that scares me to death. Because the idea of going back to where I was just 4 short months ago horrifies me. I know, I believe in my heart, that I can NEVER have even just one drink ever again. Sitting here writing this not only do I believe that, but I honestly don't want to....I've actively stopped romanticizing the past before my relationship,with drinking got out of hand.
But I can't stop wondering why those folks with long periods of sobriety relapsed. How confident were they that they would never drink again? How much were they pleased with their sober lives? How many of them knew in their heart that one drink would be all it took to lose it all? And then they drank. Why?
And that's when I wonder if they reached the point where they were not actively thinking about drinking or not drinking, in essence they had moved on, and if that contributed in any way to taking that first drink? In other words, with the vigilance down, was it easier to relapse? I have no idea. I just wonder about it because I am sincerely afraid that no matter how strong I feel today, I might somehow "forget" and it could happen.
I'm sure the "old timers" look at us with our 4 months and our confidence, and while they are proud of us, they see how extremely fragile we still are. Because they've seen what can happen to people with the best of intentions when they let their guard down. I don't know, I'm curious what Dee and some of our other visitors from the class of April 2015 think.
And then I also saw a couple of posts with folks commenting about getting really tired of even thinking about drinking or not drinking anymore. I agree, but also have other thoughts about it as well. So on the agree side--yes, I actually find that there are periods of hours that pass by and I don't think about drinking at all. Doesn't even come into my mind. And when it does, that craving is not there. And that makes me very happy, and that's the way I always want it to be. But on the other side, as I'm reading around the boards I'm seeing people relapse after 6 months, 1 years, even a few years, and then it's right back to where they were before. And quite honestly, that scares me to death. Because the idea of going back to where I was just 4 short months ago horrifies me. I know, I believe in my heart, that I can NEVER have even just one drink ever again. Sitting here writing this not only do I believe that, but I honestly don't want to....I've actively stopped romanticizing the past before my relationship,with drinking got out of hand.
But I can't stop wondering why those folks with long periods of sobriety relapsed. How confident were they that they would never drink again? How much were they pleased with their sober lives? How many of them knew in their heart that one drink would be all it took to lose it all? And then they drank. Why?
And that's when I wonder if they reached the point where they were not actively thinking about drinking or not drinking, in essence they had moved on, and if that contributed in any way to taking that first drink? In other words, with the vigilance down, was it easier to relapse? I have no idea. I just wonder about it because I am sincerely afraid that no matter how strong I feel today, I might somehow "forget" and it could happen.
I'm sure the "old timers" look at us with our 4 months and our confidence, and while they are proud of us, they see how extremely fragile we still are. Because they've seen what can happen to people with the best of intentions when they let their guard down. I don't know, I'm curious what Dee and some of our other visitors from the class of April 2015 think.
I wrote a long reply yesterday only to have SR kick me out and not post. I have been having issues, fortunately, only computer ones.
There probably are several reasons why people go back to alcohol after reaching your stage or longer. We lost two people on our thread late August and early September last year. One had his job eliminated ala Canguy and was trying to start his own business. Another had an unexpected death of a close family member. In times of profound stress, I imagine it's easy to fall back into old habits, and deal with the pain that life sometimes brings by the way we always have-by drinking.
Also, I remember feeling a little blah around the six month period. Complacency crept into my mind a little bit. I had gone into sobriety with the idea that my life would be instantly marvelous once I stopped drinking every day. I think I was a little disappointed to find that I still had problems in my life, it is just that I couldn't drink them away any more. It was a kind of "Is this all there is" thought going through my head.
In all honesty, if I had not read of the amazing struggles of people whom have relapsed and had to fight doubly hard to quit once again, I might have been tempted to try. Even at four months, I forgot the agony that drinking was bringing to my life. I had to constantly replay that tape of my last days drinking over and over in my head. The hangovers, puking, driving drunk, forgetting whole evenings. I never want to go back to that point again.
Our Addictive Voice is always looking for an opening to get us to drink once again. My AV was always telling me how good a job I was doing by not drinking for one month, two months etc. It wanted me , and still does, want me to believe that I am now in control of my drinking and can quit again whenever I want. I remember reading the story of one person here whom lost 13 years of sobriety because she thought is would be ok to have a one glass of wine at a wedding. It took her years to get back sober. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it seems to continue growing within us even if we are not drinking. That seems to be why when people relapse, they end up drinking harder than they were previously. We don't get to reset our body clocks to pre alcoholic days just by abstaining for a while.
You and your fellow April 16ers are still new enough to sobriety that you can still vividly remember the bad times. Fear is a great motivator.
Keep working on your sober toolbox so if life throws a monkey wrench at you, you will respond in kind and silence the AV within. By quitting drinking, you and I and all of us are giving ourselves a second chance at life, a chance to make a difference, be a better spouse, worker, friend, parent and human being. You all have worked hard and gone through quite a hell to get to four months. Only a fellow addict knows the lengths we go to in order to quit.
Make the most of your new life.
Look back but don't stare. Life is unfolding in front of us.
You folks rock!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
Just one word about relapses - they're a part of my addictioN... not my recovery 
I try not to make the task more complex than it is - I will not raise a glass of alcohol to my lips, no matter what.
It's a simple ask that, sometimes, may appear more difficult.
I found some days easier than others - but I have an array of other things, strategies tips and tricks to turn to to get me through whatever might knock me off kilter.
Coincidentally, I posted about this in the alcoholism forum today under 'Relief and Respite'
D
I try not to make the task more complex than it is - I will not raise a glass of alcohol to my lips, no matter what.
It's a simple ask that, sometimes, may appear more difficult.
I found some days easier than others - but I have an array of other things, strategies tips and tricks to turn to to get me through whatever might knock me off kilter.
Coincidentally, I posted about this in the alcoholism forum today under 'Relief and Respite'
D
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