Class of March 2016 Support Thread Part 5
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ
Posts: 3,458
Janeeb, sorry you had a moment of weakness. I hate that voice that tells me "I deserve it". When that happens, I try and tell myself "I deserve what? To put some poison in my body and kill some brain cells? To impair my ability to think, walk and talk clearly? To lose the entire next day (maybe two!) dealing with a hangover?" Etc.
It's not always easy, and I'd be lying if I said I always win this argument - but I've never been wrong about it.
It's nice to see everyone continuing to post here and sharing their ups and downs. You are all inspirational in your own unique way. Thanks for being here!
It's not always easy, and I'd be lying if I said I always win this argument - but I've never been wrong about it.
It's nice to see everyone continuing to post here and sharing their ups and downs. You are all inspirational in your own unique way. Thanks for being here!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Day 5. Feeling better today. Things really are kind out of whack for me. I am just now concluding that much of it is related to stress, built up energy with no where to go. Overdoing it with drinking is a way for me blow some of that off. I also notice that I am grazing when it comes to eating. Only when I am home, not when I'm traveling. I need to incorporate daily exercise into my life to start to work through the stress. I have also noticed that things I used to do for fun no longer give me that same feeling of release. I hope that will come back after a bit of time. I am also thinking of seeking counseling. This really is a journey. The path I've taken has been round about with lots of switch backs. I don't want that anymore.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Hi everyone, day 12 here. Sorry Casey forgot in my last post to mention why I chose username and Avatar; my username is from the Bruce Springsteen song 'One Step Up', and it sort of goes with recovery 'one step at a time' and all that! My avatar is from The Shawshank Redemption movie and is the picture of the main character as he escapes from prison- again after the hell of alcohol addiction it felt appropriate as it held me prisoner for years....
Going to that meeting later, feeling ok about it, if my ex happens to be there I'll be civil and friendly. Living wells the best revenge!!!
Good to see you on here Janeeb, that feeling of 'reward with drink' is ingrained in me, it'll take time for our minds to rewire and seek other more healthier rewards, stick with it and keep posting here, this class is great and you'll get tons of support here as we've all been there- that's why we're here.
Well done on day5 rah and great to hear you're feeling better- my journey in recovery has had many set backs but Im not giving up hope that this time will be 'the one', hope it is for you too.
Going to that meeting later, feeling ok about it, if my ex happens to be there I'll be civil and friendly. Living wells the best revenge!!!
Good to see you on here Janeeb, that feeling of 'reward with drink' is ingrained in me, it'll take time for our minds to rewire and seek other more healthier rewards, stick with it and keep posting here, this class is great and you'll get tons of support here as we've all been there- that's why we're here.
Well done on day5 rah and great to hear you're feeling better- my journey in recovery has had many set backs but Im not giving up hope that this time will be 'the one', hope it is for you too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 34
Hey everyone, day 8 for me. Halfway to my PB after taking my recovery seriously. I really miss coming on here, been so shattered looking after my niece and nephew and also trying to fight the AV that i've only just had a chance to log on. On top of my work!
I hope everyone is o.k and really wanna hear from everyone!
I hope everyone is o.k and really wanna hear from everyone!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 16
It's Day 20 for me! So grateful to be sober (and not hungover) this morning. I am still waiting for the anxiety to subside. I'm waking at 3:00 am, then spending the next few hours in pure dread. Between the stress of work and the stress of staying sober and having little other coping skills outside of insobriety... I'm shocked that I've made to today. So proud of myself. So NOT proud of my mind games.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Good morning everyone. I looked at my sobriety calculator and I've been counting wrong. (I added a day). I actually only have a week today, not 8 days but I'll take it. :-)
I am committing to not drinking for another 24 hours!
***JANEEB*** I know exactly how you feel because I was there exactly one week ago. Try writing down (in detail) exactly how bad you feel write now either in you iphone notes (if you have an iphone) or on paper or whatever. *ALSO "think through the drink" on paper like I did below.
For example: (this is a version of my story when I drink missing a few gross details). OH and I didn't add the nights that I ended up passed out in a bar bathroom, the middle of a street, my front yard or in the ER etc. :-(
1. Have a huge craving
2. Buy alcohol but can't look the store clerk in the eye because I know he knows I have a problem.
3. Pour it in the "tall cup with a lid and straw" (or whatever) and drink it really fast (5-6 beers in 1 hour) in my car! (Like a loser!)
4. Light cigarettes & chain smoke while calling & texting random people & trying to figure out my "story". Should I tell my husband & kids I was "shopping" again? I always go "shopping" & never come home with any bags!
5. Look around because I'm already getting paranoid.
6. I am also already starting to feel pissed at myself but say "what the heck...I drank...may as well enjoy it!" (Yeah...like I EVER enjoy it!) Feel sad when I see people out biking, jogging, playing with kids, walking dog etc. on a beautiful day & I'm drinking poison all alone. :-(
7. Don't eat all day but keep drinking
8. Decide to drive to a bar & go in by myself...like a loser. (Did I mention I DO have friends? I just can't drink alcoholically with them so alcohol becomes my best friend).
9. Sit in bar & drink more all alone trying to figure out what to say to my husband (or whoever)
10. Get my bar bill and its $50 because I bought shots for some random strangers that I met & probably annoyed while talking to.
11. Start feeling sick because I haven't eaten since the day before (and drank about 10 drinks in 4 hours!!!) so I drive home very carefully and paranoid that I will see police. (I am ashamed of this!!! I could kill someone!) :-( :-( :-(
12. I get home (luckily so far but it's just a matter of time before I get a DUI if I drink again!) and quickly change my clothes so no one will smell the alcohol & cigarette smoke.
13. Hide in my bathroom & vomit or try to force myself to.
14. Lay down in bed & feel sooo sick & hate myself again! Suicidal thoughts creep in again. (That only happens when I drink)
15. I don't fix dinner for my family because I'm too drunk & sick and I probably missed one of their sporting events or something. (MORE GUILT!)
16. I lie & say I have the flu but I know they "know"
17. Guilt. shame. Remorse.
18. Self hatred!
19. I can't sleep but I'm too sick to do anything but lay down.
20. I finally fall asleep but wake up several times throughout the night sweating, pounding headache & hungry because I haven't eaten in hours!
21. Nightmares!
22. I'm so tired but can't sleep
23. I feel so fat & bloated and can't breathe from chain smoking while I drank (I only smoke when I drink). My liver feels like it hurts.
24. I doze off again.
25. I wake up in the morning & feel like death warmed over. It seems like a nightmare.
26. I can't believe I did it again! I missed so many things, spent tons of money, risked my health, hurt my family....for WHAT?!?
27. The anxiety & deep depression & hopelessness sets in.
28. I can't get out of bed. I waste another day.
29. I cry and can't look in the mirror
30. I hate myself
31. I swear I will never drink again.....and on and on.....I beg God to help me get out of that hell....
*this version is actually a lot less graphic than the version I have for "myself". Yesterday I had a huge craving & read the paragraph about how I felt when I was hungover last week & read my "think through the drink" journal entry (like above) and let me tell you....my craving immediately went away & it was a STRONG one!!!
Give this tool a try! I will use it over & over if I have to! I have a quick forgetter!!! My AV lies! I need to keep the truth on paper!
Have a great day everyone...I need to get some stuff done around here. :-)
I am committing to not drinking for another 24 hours!
***JANEEB*** I know exactly how you feel because I was there exactly one week ago. Try writing down (in detail) exactly how bad you feel write now either in you iphone notes (if you have an iphone) or on paper or whatever. *ALSO "think through the drink" on paper like I did below.
For example: (this is a version of my story when I drink missing a few gross details). OH and I didn't add the nights that I ended up passed out in a bar bathroom, the middle of a street, my front yard or in the ER etc. :-(
1. Have a huge craving
2. Buy alcohol but can't look the store clerk in the eye because I know he knows I have a problem.
3. Pour it in the "tall cup with a lid and straw" (or whatever) and drink it really fast (5-6 beers in 1 hour) in my car! (Like a loser!)
4. Light cigarettes & chain smoke while calling & texting random people & trying to figure out my "story". Should I tell my husband & kids I was "shopping" again? I always go "shopping" & never come home with any bags!
5. Look around because I'm already getting paranoid.
6. I am also already starting to feel pissed at myself but say "what the heck...I drank...may as well enjoy it!" (Yeah...like I EVER enjoy it!) Feel sad when I see people out biking, jogging, playing with kids, walking dog etc. on a beautiful day & I'm drinking poison all alone. :-(
7. Don't eat all day but keep drinking
8. Decide to drive to a bar & go in by myself...like a loser. (Did I mention I DO have friends? I just can't drink alcoholically with them so alcohol becomes my best friend).
9. Sit in bar & drink more all alone trying to figure out what to say to my husband (or whoever)
10. Get my bar bill and its $50 because I bought shots for some random strangers that I met & probably annoyed while talking to.
11. Start feeling sick because I haven't eaten since the day before (and drank about 10 drinks in 4 hours!!!) so I drive home very carefully and paranoid that I will see police. (I am ashamed of this!!! I could kill someone!) :-( :-( :-(
12. I get home (luckily so far but it's just a matter of time before I get a DUI if I drink again!) and quickly change my clothes so no one will smell the alcohol & cigarette smoke.
13. Hide in my bathroom & vomit or try to force myself to.
14. Lay down in bed & feel sooo sick & hate myself again! Suicidal thoughts creep in again. (That only happens when I drink)
15. I don't fix dinner for my family because I'm too drunk & sick and I probably missed one of their sporting events or something. (MORE GUILT!)
16. I lie & say I have the flu but I know they "know"
17. Guilt. shame. Remorse.
18. Self hatred!
19. I can't sleep but I'm too sick to do anything but lay down.
20. I finally fall asleep but wake up several times throughout the night sweating, pounding headache & hungry because I haven't eaten in hours!
21. Nightmares!
22. I'm so tired but can't sleep
23. I feel so fat & bloated and can't breathe from chain smoking while I drank (I only smoke when I drink). My liver feels like it hurts.
24. I doze off again.
25. I wake up in the morning & feel like death warmed over. It seems like a nightmare.
26. I can't believe I did it again! I missed so many things, spent tons of money, risked my health, hurt my family....for WHAT?!?
27. The anxiety & deep depression & hopelessness sets in.
28. I can't get out of bed. I waste another day.
29. I cry and can't look in the mirror
30. I hate myself
31. I swear I will never drink again.....and on and on.....I beg God to help me get out of that hell....
*this version is actually a lot less graphic than the version I have for "myself". Yesterday I had a huge craving & read the paragraph about how I felt when I was hungover last week & read my "think through the drink" journal entry (like above) and let me tell you....my craving immediately went away & it was a STRONG one!!!
Give this tool a try! I will use it over & over if I have to! I have a quick forgetter!!! My AV lies! I need to keep the truth on paper!
Have a great day everyone...I need to get some stuff done around here. :-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Checking in - have a great day everyone! Feeling good and sober on this Wednesday!
Will talk more later. No one has been in my office all week. Am sure I'll be on a lot today. For now, have to get some work done.
Have a blessed day!!
Will talk more later. No one has been in my office all week. Am sure I'll be on a lot today. For now, have to get some work done.
Have a blessed day!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 124
Kiki ... Thanking you for that post doesnt really come close ! That is amazing I will take some time this evening to write mine down I am so grateful to you for sharing this and I hope that I am where you are this time next week 🙏👍
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by janeeb 
Kiki ... Thanking you for that post doesnt really come close ! That is amazing I will take some time this evening to write mine down I am so grateful to you for sharing this and I hope that I am where you are this time next week dde4fddc4d
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
WHAT STAGE ARE YOU IN?
I'm somewhere between the end of Stage 1 and the middle of Stage 2.
My sponsor...who has 39 years of sobriety and has seen dozens of people die of alcoholism told me that if I don't stop drinking that one day (soon) I will wake up and the disease will have progressed so far that it will no longer be a choice and the next stop will be death. I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with her but it's SCARY!!!
***The 3 Stages of Alcoholism****
http://www.the-alcoholism-guide.org/...sm-stages.html
P.S. Sorry to be "Debbie Downer" with my posts today but I'm scared of this disease killing me or someone else. My husbands family just lost a friend to this disease last Monday & she was young & beautiful....3 kids too. :-( I've also lost 5 friends to alcoholism in 4 years. 1 male. 5 females. Ages 24-46.
#AlcoholKills
#Don'tPlayRussianRoulletteWithYourLife
#WeCanDoThis
#24hours
#WeAreStrong
I will try to be more positive in my next post. :-)
#Reality
I'm somewhere between the end of Stage 1 and the middle of Stage 2.
My sponsor...who has 39 years of sobriety and has seen dozens of people die of alcoholism told me that if I don't stop drinking that one day (soon) I will wake up and the disease will have progressed so far that it will no longer be a choice and the next stop will be death. I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with her but it's SCARY!!!
***The 3 Stages of Alcoholism****
http://www.the-alcoholism-guide.org/...sm-stages.html
P.S. Sorry to be "Debbie Downer" with my posts today but I'm scared of this disease killing me or someone else. My husbands family just lost a friend to this disease last Monday & she was young & beautiful....3 kids too. :-( I've also lost 5 friends to alcoholism in 4 years. 1 male. 5 females. Ages 24-46.
#AlcoholKills
#Don'tPlayRussianRoulletteWithYourLife
#WeCanDoThis
#24hours
#WeAreStrong
I will try to be more positive in my next post. :-)
#Reality
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Kiki, thanks for the link. I answered the way I was drinking last October. End stage, obviously. Thankfully, and because of this group, I seem to be past that. I'm not even sure if I would have answered those questions honestly if I were still drinking. I was lying to myself as much as everyone else.
Abnormally normal
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 306
Hello.
20 days today. I'm all over the place mentally, but on the upside, hopeful and optimism are in there as well. I've been here on SR before and it's been a couple of years since I've posted, but I found my way back, and it feels great.
Grateful for another sober day.
20 days today. I'm all over the place mentally, but on the upside, hopeful and optimism are in there as well. I've been here on SR before and it's been a couple of years since I've posted, but I found my way back, and it feels great.
Grateful for another sober day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,191
Originally Posted by KiKi0615
I'm sorry you are struggling BBG. Have you added any additional tools to your recovery plan?
Now I just have to make myself do it when my AV acts up!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
It's the beginning of day 18 for me. In a row! Including nights and weekends!
I'm off work until Friday evening. Only definite plan for today is to go to the mall and return a couple of items that have been sitting on top of my dresser for weeks now. Yuck. I hate the mall. Think I'm going to cook spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. I haven't made meatballs in a long time and was craving them yesterday. But I'm also craving some kind of fresh fish and that'd definitely be the healthier option.
Congrats on starting week number three today, Fabela. You are doing so great. Rule 62 is an old AA joke. It's an informal rule that many AA groups have added after all the long-winded and serious steps and traditions of AA and it states, "Don't take yourself so damn seriously." Important for us to remember sometimes. This recovery business is life or death of course but life can also still be fun in sobriety. Rule 62 is a reminder of that. And yes, the Big Book is just another way of referring to the basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous. The book is simply titled Alcoholics Anonymous so "The Big Book" has become its alternate title over the years as it makes it easier to understand if someone is talking about the book or the group. Ha en fin dag to you too!
Simple but beautiful username story, PeacefulRain. I live in West Texas and it seldom rains here too. I sometimes wish I was born in the Pacific Northwest.
Sorry you decided to take that first drink, Janeeb. Doesn't sound like it solved any of the issues you were having in that fight with your husband. Hope that next time those thoughts of drinking come that you'll pause for just a moment and come on these forums and ask for some help. Give yourself a chance to not drink. Hang in there--day one is better than day zero, you're back on the right path.
Happy to see you check in as always, ManInTheArena. Those are some wise words about thinking that first drink thru before you take it.
I think adding both regular exercise and counseling to your recovery plan are amazing ideas, rah555. Take some action on both fronts today! I bet just doing that will put you in a much better frame of mind. Congrats on day 5!
I'll have to check out that Bruce song, 1stepup. He's so prolific that it's not ringing a bell with me right now. Very cool choice of avatar. Your line about living well as revenge reminded me of some of the best advice I've ever been given in an AA meeting. Someone once told me that if I'm holding a grudge against another person that what I need to do is start praying for that person instead of praying for myself. Do this every day and eventually those thoughts of revenge will go away. I've really only used this tip on one person in my life, but it most definitely worked after a week or so of praying for them to lead a happy and fulfilling life. I stopped dwelling on the wrong this person had done me and was able to move forward with focusing on my own well-being. Just an idea that popped in my head after reading your post. Hope your meeting is a good one.
Congrats on starting week 2, whatalaska. That's great news, so glad you were able to check in.
Day 20 is amazing, NotLuke. Maybe a recovery group or some kind of counseling or therapy would give you the means of relieving that stress and help you continue moving forward. Couldn't hurt to try.
No such thing as "only" a week sober, KiKi. A week is amazing! So glad you're back on the right track. I'm sure we can all identify with that detailed list of the consequences of taking that first drink. Thanks for sharing that wonderful tool! And I was definitely firmly well into the second stage with one toe dipped into stage 3 as described in your link.
Enjoy your empty office, Bobbieka. Congrats on another sober start of your day!
Glad you're back with us, beerbgone. What's the plan this time when those thoughts of drinking first hit? What are you going to do to deal with the triggers in your life? Obviously drinking isn't working for you, so what are you going to do differently this time?
How are you doing today, azure808? I started singing the "Colombo" theme when your name popped up just now.
Welcome to the Class of March 2016, simplyfab! Congrats on 20 days. Hope you'll become a regular participant here. Building some accountability to others and myself here has been a huge part of my recovery plan this time.
Think I responded to everyone who's been in here this morning. Well, except Dee. Huge thanks as always for your omnipresent guiding hand and great advice and example of the rewards of sobriety.
Would love to hear from anyone who hasn't posted yet this morning. Hope immri is doing better in Australia. Would also love to hear from Mish from that side of the world. Also missing morning check-ins from Ladybug2, forabetterlife, ChickChick, Surrender2win, Angie247, clearlyheaded, GoingNowhere, jesshonesty, Renew12, Jemma44, Kwhite, samantha14, PeacefulRain, JustQuit2016, Applekat, Pixie30f, Thirteenth, FacingFuture, ItsJustMe89, Pelagic263, Keets, pams, LostLilly, joe1987, Gardengirl80 and mystified. Every single one of you has posted in "Part 5" of this class thread over the last few days. While many of you did check in yesterday at some point, I hope you'll do so again today. We're stronger together!
I'm sure some of you gloss over this since I type it so often, but I'm going to say it again anyways because I need to hear it--you really don't have to take that first drink today no matter what is going on in your life. And as long as you don't take that first drink then you don't have to worry about the second or third or tenth one.
Wishing everyone a safe and sober Wednesday (or Thursday for our upside down Australian members)! Stay strong, stay sober!
I'm off work until Friday evening. Only definite plan for today is to go to the mall and return a couple of items that have been sitting on top of my dresser for weeks now. Yuck. I hate the mall. Think I'm going to cook spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. I haven't made meatballs in a long time and was craving them yesterday. But I'm also craving some kind of fresh fish and that'd definitely be the healthier option.
Congrats on starting week number three today, Fabela. You are doing so great. Rule 62 is an old AA joke. It's an informal rule that many AA groups have added after all the long-winded and serious steps and traditions of AA and it states, "Don't take yourself so damn seriously." Important for us to remember sometimes. This recovery business is life or death of course but life can also still be fun in sobriety. Rule 62 is a reminder of that. And yes, the Big Book is just another way of referring to the basic text of Alcoholics Anonymous. The book is simply titled Alcoholics Anonymous so "The Big Book" has become its alternate title over the years as it makes it easier to understand if someone is talking about the book or the group. Ha en fin dag to you too!
Simple but beautiful username story, PeacefulRain. I live in West Texas and it seldom rains here too. I sometimes wish I was born in the Pacific Northwest.
Sorry you decided to take that first drink, Janeeb. Doesn't sound like it solved any of the issues you were having in that fight with your husband. Hope that next time those thoughts of drinking come that you'll pause for just a moment and come on these forums and ask for some help. Give yourself a chance to not drink. Hang in there--day one is better than day zero, you're back on the right path.
Happy to see you check in as always, ManInTheArena. Those are some wise words about thinking that first drink thru before you take it.
I think adding both regular exercise and counseling to your recovery plan are amazing ideas, rah555. Take some action on both fronts today! I bet just doing that will put you in a much better frame of mind. Congrats on day 5!
I'll have to check out that Bruce song, 1stepup. He's so prolific that it's not ringing a bell with me right now. Very cool choice of avatar. Your line about living well as revenge reminded me of some of the best advice I've ever been given in an AA meeting. Someone once told me that if I'm holding a grudge against another person that what I need to do is start praying for that person instead of praying for myself. Do this every day and eventually those thoughts of revenge will go away. I've really only used this tip on one person in my life, but it most definitely worked after a week or so of praying for them to lead a happy and fulfilling life. I stopped dwelling on the wrong this person had done me and was able to move forward with focusing on my own well-being. Just an idea that popped in my head after reading your post. Hope your meeting is a good one.
Congrats on starting week 2, whatalaska. That's great news, so glad you were able to check in.
Day 20 is amazing, NotLuke. Maybe a recovery group or some kind of counseling or therapy would give you the means of relieving that stress and help you continue moving forward. Couldn't hurt to try.
No such thing as "only" a week sober, KiKi. A week is amazing! So glad you're back on the right track. I'm sure we can all identify with that detailed list of the consequences of taking that first drink. Thanks for sharing that wonderful tool! And I was definitely firmly well into the second stage with one toe dipped into stage 3 as described in your link.
Enjoy your empty office, Bobbieka. Congrats on another sober start of your day!
Glad you're back with us, beerbgone. What's the plan this time when those thoughts of drinking first hit? What are you going to do to deal with the triggers in your life? Obviously drinking isn't working for you, so what are you going to do differently this time?
How are you doing today, azure808? I started singing the "Colombo" theme when your name popped up just now.
Welcome to the Class of March 2016, simplyfab! Congrats on 20 days. Hope you'll become a regular participant here. Building some accountability to others and myself here has been a huge part of my recovery plan this time.
Think I responded to everyone who's been in here this morning. Well, except Dee. Huge thanks as always for your omnipresent guiding hand and great advice and example of the rewards of sobriety.
Would love to hear from anyone who hasn't posted yet this morning. Hope immri is doing better in Australia. Would also love to hear from Mish from that side of the world. Also missing morning check-ins from Ladybug2, forabetterlife, ChickChick, Surrender2win, Angie247, clearlyheaded, GoingNowhere, jesshonesty, Renew12, Jemma44, Kwhite, samantha14, PeacefulRain, JustQuit2016, Applekat, Pixie30f, Thirteenth, FacingFuture, ItsJustMe89, Pelagic263, Keets, pams, LostLilly, joe1987, Gardengirl80 and mystified. Every single one of you has posted in "Part 5" of this class thread over the last few days. While many of you did check in yesterday at some point, I hope you'll do so again today. We're stronger together!
I'm sure some of you gloss over this since I type it so often, but I'm going to say it again anyways because I need to hear it--you really don't have to take that first drink today no matter what is going on in your life. And as long as you don't take that first drink then you don't have to worry about the second or third or tenth one.
Wishing everyone a safe and sober Wednesday (or Thursday for our upside down Australian members)! Stay strong, stay sober!
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