KiKi0615

Oh my gosh!!! I just woke up! I slept for 12 hours! I'm gonna get the class list out in a second.

3 weeks today for me. I still have ALOT of work to do though....

I'm so proud of how well everyone is doing! We are saving our lives!!!

learntofly

Good morning everybody! I'm glad to hear that so many of you are staying strong! I'm still struggling a lot with exhaustion. The first couple weeks I was sober, I felt alive and refreshed, and now I feel like I can barely get out of bed. My eyelids are just so heavy! I've heard from a few people that this is normal and that my brain is healing itself, so I hope that's the case. I've also started taking 5htp for my depression, so I'm going to see if that makes things any better.

Going to my parents' house for dinner tonight. My dad has been sober for 27 years, and he has been my hugest supporter all my life. Strangely, he is the last major person in my life that I need to talk to about this, but I'm getting anxiety. My brain is telling me that I just want to pretend like everything is normal and to forget about the fact that I'm an alcoholic, because at this moment, I don't feel like talking about it.

I got perfect grades all throughout school and college, and people expected things of me. I've always been so hard on myself. I've struggled with not feeling like I'm good enough all my life, and admitting that I don't have control over my life has been so difficult and makes me feel like I'm worthless as a person, like I'm not living up to the standards that everyone else expected of me (and that I expected of myself). Sorry to be a downer today guys; I'm just feeling sad.

I know that things will get better. I try to keep telling myself that nobody is perfect and that all I have to do is be a better person than I was yesterday. Some days, it's just very hard to be positive. On a good note, I'm 43 days sober today, and I haven't really been experiencing any cravings. Somehow this time, my whole mind has shifted. I've totally resigned myself to the fact that I can't drink normally. I've tried that countless times and have failed every time. Alcohol is just something that I can't have in my life, and if I continue to use it, I will lose everything. It's that simple! No going back!

Hope that you all have a safe and sober Sunday! =)

KiKi0615

Good Morning class!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Sunday December 6, 2015! Have a great sober day! :-)

We are STRONGER TOGETHER!!!

*Canguy -28 days
*HealthyGoals -21 days
*Me (KiKi) -21 days
*Patricia -working her butt off! :-)
*StrangeAngel-working her butt off too!!! :-)
*Pams -21 days
*GoldenSands -22 days
*CurlyGirl -31 days
*KeepNitreal -28 days
*BlackBirdFly -22 days
*Noolan -17 days
*SwimKim - 12 days
*MeShelly -22 days
*Thumbelina -37 days
*WalkTheLine-16 days
*Supertired -11 days
*Max74 -36 days
*DariaM -16 days
*ForeverFuzzy -17 days
*Jemma44 -28 days
*Blondsober -14 days
*Snowvelvet -32 days
*GoldCoastGirl -15 days
*Badger257 -22 days
*Odelle -15 days
*Tufty13 -35 days
*TryinginTexas - 22 days
*Onetimeless -30 days
*Chicklet -12 days
*Dallow - 14 days
*Learntofly -43 days
*Faithfulandfree - 8 day
*Tootsiesdad -28 days
*SoberMarathon -14 days
*Introspectator- 21 days
*RedAndy -22 days
*Rah555 -13 days
>Alphonse -19 days
*amitranjan04 -12 days
*ultradad -16 days
>got2stopnow -14 days
*Fabat50 -29 days
*Enfinthechange -9 days
*SilentCinemaFan -9 days
*VanillaChaiTea -9 days
*Deniselarkin -9 days
*Augusta1893 -9 days
*Determined82 -9 Days
*Mish - 9 days
*Missy7 -9 days
*Paul37 -8 days
*Tatersalad -9 days
*FacingFuture-? days
*IronPhoenix -? days
*Beautifulpines -not counting days :-)

*REMEMBER-all we REALLY have is TODAY...this 24 hours. It's not a race. There is no shame in starting over as long as we NEVER GIVE UP!!! There is no graduation; just a wonderful journey into the happiness and amazing life we all deserve...

TryingInTexas

Thanks Kiki for keeping that awesome scoreboard going for us

Keepnitreal

Sorry you're having such a struggle. I think once the daily withdrawals subside the deeper issues start popping up and the depression/anxiety becomes the next demon to slay.
Yesterday I had a party to go to and I had myself so worked up that I thought I was going to lose it. (Actually did lose it according to hubby) Once I got there the reality was nothing compared to what I had done to myself beforehand, and today I feel so relieved and upbeat. I think once you sit down with your dad it will likely leave you feeling a lot better!
It looks like you have set very high expectations for yourself, I get that! Getting sober has given you the freedom to heal and excel. Try not to be so hard on yourself and look for what makes YOU happy. The people who love you likely want your happiness above anything!
The expectations of others is just added pressure that we put on ourselves and might even be a bit scewed at this point in recovery.
I hope the 5HTP helps a bit. Hang in there.

Congrats on 30 days OneTimeLess!!!!!

KiKi0615

Craving!!! I knew it was still "waiting"!

My husband pissed me off & I am very angry. I just want to say "F you" and go get wasted!

I'm so angry and crying. I can't stand him sometimes. He's so much easier to handle drunk.

I'm so angry & sad....

I know drinking would cause more pain tomorrow but it would numb everything for a few hours.....

:-(

Keepnitreal

Deep breaths Kiki. It will pass. Take a walk if you can.


KIR

Odelle

Hang in there Kiki, it took years of conditioning to make this our turn to escape, it's going to take a lot longer than 30 days to undo it! Just remember, one is too many and 10 never enough. It never stops at one, it only reengages the ACTIVE AV. Time to beat your two mile run?

TryingInTexas

I hid so well from my wife, and she was such a look-the-other-way enabler, that this whole 22-day journey has been pretty much a solo trip. She thinks it's great that I am "taking a break" from drinking. I think that is her way of saying she is proud without having to admit that I had/have a problem. Although sometimes I think she is a little irritated if I don't have wine when people come over.I guess I haven't exactly been forthcoming either. Anyway that is just part of what Dee calls be the 99 different people is you notice stuff like this and don't just drink over it.

I am sleeping like a stone. Get irritable more easily. Great workouts. Creativity at work hasn't suffered one whit (so much for the whole wine as inspiration thing).

Saw an empty Bud Lite bottle laying on the grass by the track this morning. Metaphor for a lot of things going on right not I think

Sorry for the long post but you know how it is when your mind starts racing

patricia68

Mine is throwing a tantrum over Christmas shopping...I just went for a walk. Take a deep breath Kiki.

Chicklet

Good day Class!

I thought today was day 11 for me but the list shows day 12 - thanks KiKi for the great news!!

I am doing well but feeling alone in my struggle when not on SR..my BF isn't very supportive and downright miserable these days. I'm trying to not let it get to me but it kinda is

Anyhow, on with the day, stay sober all and have a great day

Chicklet

Hang in there Kiki, whatever you do don't drink, you will regret it because you are doing so well! Hugs!

KiKi0615

@KIR: thanks, I took your advice & went up to my bedroom and took deep breaths. It really helped!

@Odelle: you're right...alcohol has been my "coping mechanism" for a long time...it's gonna take a while to change it. I don't run but I "power walk". As soon as I eat lunch I'm going on a 5 mile walk.

@Patricia: I'm still taking deep breaths as I type this. My craving only lasted a few minutes and was more of a "thought" I think. Anger is VERY dangerous for me & so is disappointment. I just want to escape from myself when I feel those emotions. Stems back to my childhood. :-( I need to work in that!!!

@Chicklet: yep! I have you down for 12 days. Great job! And you're so right...if I drink I will regret it! I may have another drink (or drunk) in me but I'm not sure I have another recovery. I don't think I can go through another "week 1" again. It was torture and has gotten sooooo much better after 21 days.

Thank you everyone! I DID make it but I find it scary that when I got angry the FIRST thing I wanted to do was drink poison! It's like saying to my husband "F you! I will drink and hurt ME!"

My husband is not a bad guy. I think my drinking and behavior over the past couple years has just hurt our marriage. We need counseling but I'm holding off on that for a little bit. I need to work on ME first. I start counseling for ME next week.

Praying, breathing & the support of you guys while locked in my room got me through. I will not drink to day! F-YOU AV!!!

canguy

Morning ppl

Monday morning. Day 28. 4 weeks.

Wanting to type that is what kept me going through a grey flat weekend. For the first time in a month I wanted to drink to dissolve the day. Instead just accepted the feelings and sat through them. None of it lasts. Have been thinking that drinking is a learned response to a psychic discomfort. You learn that alcohol can quickly and temporarily erase.....one effect is then a low tolerance for any form of mental discomfort.

Okay...new week. Weeks have a routine and degree of social contact which makes them easier than the weekends at the moment.

Have a good sober day all......don't be too hard on those husband guys, okay?

patricia68

Anger is one of my biggest triggers. I don't know how to deal with it in a healthy way. Since I met my husband I had to repress that anger, I can't let it all out...or the neighbors might end up calling 911...so for many years the solution was a pill or a drink...or both.

Supertired

It's so apparent reading through everyone's posts the progress being made. A lot of self reflection , and learning going on.
Inspiring stuff guys
Glad to be a novemberite ( albeit just barely for me.)

tatersalad

Just checking in. Still riding the sober train on the close of day 9.
Reading all the post and want to say "hang tough" Kiki. It sounds like you are going through some rough waters with the husband but i can only assume that alcohol was the fat kid in the pool that made the waves in the first place.
Sounds like you have a plan......... stick with it.
Good night everyone

ultradad

So, ended up drinking this weekend, sucks! No real reason, stress...life, just any and everything! I actually drank before work, been having some real stress issues with work and just thought a couple of beers would help, drank one more beer after work and went to bed. drank 4 beer the next day and went to bed, drank maybe 5 yesterday after running a 28 miles and then went to bed...so the crazy thing is I didn't get "Drunk" which is normally what I would do, but the depression, anxiety and old fears came back with a vengeance, I even had serious nightmares the last two night, something I've never really experienced! My wife, who only drinks if I drink, drank with me last night and ended up throwing up...she all but begged me to please get our lives back to the way it was when I was sober for 14 months.

I don't really know what to do, my resolve is set, but it seems every two weeks or so I cave at the least little thing...only by Gods' grace I ended up sober this weekend, but I know that day will soon be here when I blackout and make a fool of myself again if I continue, plus I've never felt the fear and paranoia I've felt the last couple of days, not sure if that's a progression of the disease or what, but I MUST quit! Don't really wanna do AA again and SR really helped me last time so I'm recommitting, threw out all the alcohol in the house and my wife and I both have made the commitment to stop. Thanks for all your support and continued prayers. I guess I'll move over to the December thread after tonight, but wanted to share here first. All the best to you all!

patricia68

Anxiety was on and off today, but a little better than yesterday.

We decorated the tree, first time in years that I did the Christmas decoration on lemon water. I have to admit that it was hard to face all the emotions, the bittersweet memories, missing my family, wanting to punch my husband in the nose, more bittersweet memories...but I did it. Just a big glass of lemon water.

The Holidays are not really my favorite time, at least not in the way we celebrate in my house...but I have an 8 year old boy that is the reason I get up every morning...the reason I fake a smile and pretend it's the most wonderful time of the year.

rah555

I don't think you need to move to the December class. We are all on this journey together. We will all have ups and downs.