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Class of November 2015 Part 3

Old 11-25-2015, 07:46 AM
  # 361 (permalink)  
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Hi all. Sorry I haven’t been around and posting much. Most of the time I just don’t want to be bothering you with my issues. Although it’s been a huge help to have somewhere to check in and have that sense of belonging in a way.
I have been sober for 26 days now. Its providing to be such an emotional roller coaster, I am really struggling to cope. The realisation that I had frozen my life for so long in this stinking alcohol camouflage has hit me harder than I expected. I look at myself and all I see is that nothing has really changed over the years, the life has gone on but I have remained the same (a few wrinkles aside that is!). I knew I had to change for a very long time, but it was just so easy to pour a glass and drink over it. Ironically, I’m not even craving the drink anymore; I’m just hoping that these emotions will subside and that I will not end up in a mental institution! It really is so overwhelming. I can now clearly see just how much damage has been done and how much I had concealed by my drinking.
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Old 11-25-2015, 07:49 AM
  # 362 (permalink)  
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Good luck to you all across the pond with Thanksgiving, day 11 for me and glad its not Christmas tomorrow - another month down the line will be a massive help - my plan is to smash the gym for the next month, went Saturday but felt useless and no energy after an awful week in a rather dark place - back there tonight tho after work - worked wonders for 5 weeks prior to the trip / binge from hell to the point where I would have quite easily stayed put and not touched a drop if pulling out of it had been an option - hoping that stage comes back soon and have a feeling the Gym is the best place to sort that out.

Ps.

What's the cider you all refer too ? that's one of my favourite tipples so of course not the same your side as it is ours - I'm guessing just fizzy apple juice you mean?
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:09 AM
  # 363 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Noolan View Post
Day 6.

Well still feeling positive overall. I think my AV is trying to parlay this holiday weekend into a feeling of being left out. It hit me last night as I drove past a bar; however, this is an old trick that I've overcome many times before. Therapy and the breaks I've had prior have allowed me to deal with the personal issues that led me to use. The challenge for me is acceptance and not slowing in building a sober life. I've tried to forge a balance between my old relationships and new ones. I think for awhile during my 9 months off I found a happy balance, but I still never fully embraced sober life.

I still associate vacations, letting loose, and some hobbies to that of alcohol. When I compare and contrast sober me vs intoxicated me, it's clear sober me enjoys said activities much more than intoxicated me. I'm an addict, there's no shame in that even if society says otherwise. I just need to stop thinking as my new life as less than old. All facts of sober me prove otherwise and so I'm going to not let up.

Much love,
Nolan
Such a good point. I got in such a habit of thinking that ANY activity - sex, sleeping in, cleaning the garage, making jam - was more fun or bearable while drinking . . . but as you progress with this evil thing it just makes you worse at everything, and everything is less fun. The fun things are less fun and you screw up the dutious things, and then they pile up along with the guilt.

So I think it's time to clear our eyes and minds and go for it!
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:20 AM
  # 364 (permalink)  
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Congratulations on 26 days, Thumbelina, that is a great accomplishment. Please don’t fret over the lost time, we can’t undo the past but we can alter its course. Every sober day from this point on adds to the memory bank of yesterday/yesteryear’s memories and one day those haunting thoughts of past regrets will be outweighed by pleasant memories of today’s actions.

RedAndy, cider generally is a spiced apple juice concoction (non-alcoholic) that is popular around the holidays. Congratulations on day 11, I’m looking forward to that one!
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Old 11-25-2015, 08:27 AM
  # 365 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by blondsober View Post
Such a good point. I got in such a habit of thinking that ANY activity - sex, sleeping in, cleaning the garage, making jam - was more fun or bearable while drinking . . .
It's true. I got to a point where I couldn't face simple things like making supper without a drink. Everything seemed like an insurmountable obstacle without alcohol. Now I need to learn to get my confidence back and believe that I can go through life sober and it will be ok.
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Old 11-25-2015, 09:11 AM
  # 366 (permalink)  
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Congrats Thumbelina
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Old 11-25-2015, 09:49 AM
  # 367 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Neverthought View Post
Been right there with you man! Glad you're back and ready to give it another shot. That's what I'm doing as well.

And look, you're already 5 days in. I wish I could say that!

Thanks for com'n.
Thanks brother, glad to be here! Keep up the good work, we're in this together!!!
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Old 11-25-2015, 10:45 AM
  # 368 (permalink)  
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The depression lifted a little bit today, but the anxiety is back. My hands are shaky, heart racing, ugh I just can't find peace. I'm feeling exhausted.

I can't give up, I just can't...but I really want to.
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Old 11-25-2015, 10:53 AM
  # 369 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by patricia68 View Post
The depression lifted a little bit today, but the anxiety is back. My hands are shaky, heart racing, ugh I just can't find peace. I'm feeling exhausted.

I can't give up, I just can't...but I really want to.
Don't give-up, it takes a while for the fog to clear and the depression/anxiety to lift! I believe you'll be fine if you just stay connected and DON'T drink! Wishing you much peace!!!
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Old 11-25-2015, 11:30 AM
  # 370 (permalink)  
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Good Afternoon everyone! Just a quick check in on Day 10 Wondering if I will ever be able to stay awake for more than 12 hours at a time. Almost falling asleep in my supper these days. Yikes. Guess it is my body healing itself? Maybe I should be taking some vitamins? Dunno. Hope everyone is having a reasonably good day!
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Old 11-25-2015, 11:31 AM
  # 371 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by patricia68 View Post
Everything seemed like an insurmountable obstacle without alcohol. .
...can relate to that. Last couple of years I've learn't that often things can be surprisingly doable. You can surprise yourself, Patricia. Glad to see your still overcoming this one.....keep going.

Morning class....47 members....that's huge. But good. Kiki, you're doing a great job keeping track.

A happy Thanksgiving to all the US cousins .... do you get the Friday off to make a 4 day break with the weekend? (Somehow I doubt it)

Another day opens here....think it will be okay. Keep busy, go to work, come home and have some time on hobby projects, cook.....but the evening tv is so bad. Maybe get a boxed set of something to work through or something.

Its a quiet life.......but its ok.

Looking for strange angel.......hope your still lurking
Thumbelina....from where the rest of us are.....your leading the way. Hope it will get easier for you, but you are doing so well.

All the best all
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Old 11-25-2015, 12:00 PM
  # 372 (permalink)  
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Night gang
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Old 11-25-2015, 12:32 PM
  # 373 (permalink)  
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I had a close call.

My husband is in a bad mood, we had an argument...my anxiety got out of control, I was shaking, my head spinning, I wanted to throw up.

Then I went for a walk. I stopped at the liquor store. But I didn't get in. I kept walking.

I had all intentions of buying wine, and then I remembered the last night I drank. The shakes, the sweats, the panic attacks...

I know I should be proud of myself for not buying alcohol, but I'm actually mad at myself. I ruined it. I ruined my brain, my mental health, I ruined drinking "normally".

I'm feeling hopeless right now. Everybody says it's going to get better...but when? I've been in this roller coaster for months, years...I don't know what "normal" is anymore...I don't know what peace of mind is anymore...
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Old 11-25-2015, 12:42 PM
  # 374 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Thumbelina View Post
Hi all. Sorry I haven’t been around and posting much. Most of the time I just don’t want to be bothering you with my issues. Although it’s been a huge help to have somewhere to check in and have that sense of belonging in a way.
I have been sober for 26 days now. Its providing to be such an emotional roller coaster, I am really struggling to cope. The realisation that I had frozen my life for so long in this stinking alcohol camouflage has hit me harder than I expected. I look at myself and all I see is that nothing has really changed over the years, the life has gone on but I have remained the same (a few wrinkles aside that is!). I knew I had to change for a very long time, but it was just so easy to pour a glass and drink over it. Ironically, I’m not even craving the drink anymore; I’m just hoping that these emotions will subside and that I will not end up in a mental institution! It really is so overwhelming. I can now clearly see just how much damage has been done and how much I had concealed by my drinking.
Hi thumbelina

we beat ourselves up, body and mind, pretty good for a long time as drinkers. It takes a little time to heal.

I blocked feeling for a long time - when I stopped drinking it was like the dam broke - I had emotion overload...but the 'water' will settle again. Give it time and have faith

As for lives frozen...I've done more in the last 8 years than I did in the previous twenty...we can 'catch up', we can do better, and we can be who we want to be, at long last

Originally Posted by patricia68 View Post
I had a close call.

My husband is in a bad mood, we had an argument...my anxiety got out of control, I was shaking, my head spinning, I wanted to throw up.

Then I went for a walk. I stopped at the liquor store. But I didn't get in. I kept walking.

I had all intentions of buying wine, and then I remembered the last night I drank. The shakes, the sweats, the panic attacks...

I know I should be proud of myself for not buying alcohol, but I'm actually mad at myself. I ruined it. I ruined my brain, my mental health, I ruined drinking "normally".

I'm feeling hopeless right now. Everybody says it's going to get better...but when? I've been in this roller coaster for months, years...I don't know what "normal" is anymore...I don't know what peace of mind is anymore...
I'm really glad you didn't buy anything Patricia.

I don't know about ruining anything tho - I was never really a normal drinker - I always drank to oblivion, or to escape, to hide or to self medicate...the dysfunctional relationship was there right from the start?

I actually am thankful I'm a non drinker now...I genuinely see it as a blessing.

I hope you'll look back one day and say that too

D
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Old 11-25-2015, 12:45 PM
  # 375 (permalink)  
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Welcome back Ultradad
do whatever you have to do - leave no stone unturned

Congrats to everyone hitting a milestone today - and safe journeys to anyone travelling for Thanksgiving

If you haven't read this link yet - do

http://www.cryingoutnow.com/2010/11/...val-guide.html
D
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Old 11-25-2015, 12:49 PM
  # 376 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
the dysfunctional relationship was there right from the start?
Wow...you made me realize that my marriage started to deteriorate once I started to self medicate with prescription medication and alcohol...I always blamed it on the pressure right after my son was born...but that was the exact same time I started to take anxiety medication, and wine maybe a year after that...what a coincidence...
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Old 11-25-2015, 01:08 PM
  # 377 (permalink)  
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Wow I was in the store last night and saw a young lady looking to buy a bottle of gin, and I thought, "that looks good..." (the gin not the young lady, mind you). Even salivated a bit, like Pavlov's dog.

In the past I convinced myself I like gin but let's get real. It tastes awful, and brings all of the other baggage I don't need. So why was that my reaction?

I really don't want to drink. I don't drink. But to be honest, something about this time has put my mind on that path in more than a couple of instances.

Obviously it's going to take some time to get past that almost instinctive reaction.
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:36 PM
  # 378 (permalink)  
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Hey everyone. Just woke up after some much needed sleep. My dreaded Tuesday is officially over! I'll be spending thanksgiving eve back at the hospital. Hoping for some free turkey dinner in the cafeteria... I think they did that last year for employees.

The big T day tomorrow. Dinner at the inlaws where there's a pony keg of ice cold beer on tap. I'm going to bring my own bev. My hubby will most likely be drinking so I'll need to stay sober to drive us home. Sometimes he likes to continue on at home, so I'll have to be firm about saying no to that.

What are your sobriety plans for tomorrow Americans?
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:49 PM
  # 379 (permalink)  
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My sobriety plans for tomorrow? "No thank you" repeated ad nauseum while holding a soda. I, right now, have absolutely no desire for alcohol and yet, that could change in 30 seconds.

Honestly, I've just taken booze off the plans for tomorrow. What I plan to do is watch the macys day parade while making "pilgrim hats" with my daughter then we're off to a noon meal with the man's family followed by an evening meal with my family.

I'm going to have to get rolled home!
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Old 11-25-2015, 02:53 PM
  # 380 (permalink)  
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I'm still here. Didn't drink today. This is so much harder than I could have ever imagined. I can't figure out what I need and how to handle it. Grateful I have no thanksgiving plans tomorrow so staying sober will be much easier. Congrats to all of you and your consecutive days. I'm hoping to get there soon. Double digits would be nice.
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