letitgo

Happy Monday all!! I have been hitting the aa meetings. Good stuff. Better then being lonely.
I do have a coworker out here now also but i would be embarrassed to tell him i am going to AA. Dont want that info leaked at work. Anyways i cant get the meting website to work so on Saturday i went to a meeting at a rehab. But it was a rehab meeting not the aa meeting. Funny i almost ended up lock in rehab the meeting was informative.
Anyway if i have to spend more time looking for meetings then that keeps me from drinking and gives me a sense of purpose so be it.
Has anyone seen Dee around?
Take care all

forabetterlife

Sw: I have been working on a plan. The "plan" always seemed ambiguous to me and I didn't know where to start. But yesterday, in desperation, I told myself there are no "rules" it's just a plan for staying sober - what I commit to, why I'm doing it, and what to do when times get tough. I will share later this evening when I have more time.
Resolute - thank you also, I love the idea that one day - like you - I will say- it took me xxx long to finally get it. Because that suggests I WILL finally get it,'something I've been doubting for a while. I know I can have day one or a full week - but can I make it stick... These drinking episodes are just a plain waste of my time.

Snoozy, you have such a dear, sweet way with words. Glad you are here as well. It can be such a struggle, but we both know the longer we are a way from it, the easier and better it gets.

I has a typical deep, sound, dream filled day one nights sleep. I'm one of the lucky ones where sobriety makes me sleep like a baby and drinking totally robs me of the precious quality sleep I need. Just another Benefit for me, and probably one of my favorites. Busy week ahead at work, which is all the better to get me through this first week.
I feel good, but I know that can change in a heartbeat. So glad to see all of your names and to be able to share with my July friends

venuscat

Dee had a fall, and he is recovering. I miss him too.

You inspire me let...I am lonely too...I need to go to meetings. ♥

venuscat

(((forabetterlife))) ♥

So good to see you!!!

Croissant

Sorry Venus, I meant to acknowledge way, way back that I'm sorry to hear about your job. Try not to be disheartened. Bob and I did that walk last year. Not fun. Hugs honey.xx

FABL, I must say. The fear of forever and not ever "getting" that mysterious, elusive feeling of contentment scared me too. Then I realised, you don't start a sport, say golf, expecting a hole in one straight off, or an Olympic gold medal the minute you dip your toe in the pool. I realised I didn't have to "get it" straight away, but what was more important was diligently trying to do better, to know better from my mistakes and falls. And like everyone said, we are here, no matter what. That makes all the difference.

venuscat

Crois sweetheart ~ You have no idea how vulnerable I am feeling tonight.
I am so glad you're here. So nice to know you and Snooz are close by...it makes a big difference to me being on my own. ♥

Ladybug2

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry I haven't been posting. I come here everyday and read your posts, but just haven't felt like saying much. I, like FABL, am really struggling to get off of this miserable roller coaster. I can't seem to make it past 7-10 days and I am feeling really defeated and sad. I want a sober life so much, but can't seem to get it right. I'm not giving up, though. and am praying November is my month. Day 2 today and I am so grateful for all of you. Thank you for bearing with me. xxx

SnoozyQ

Hi everyone

Ladybug I'm so glad you checked in to say hi sweetheart. It's ok ,it really is.
We all know how hard you are trying .

I'm glad you come each day to read even if you don't feel like posting , I get it!
How is Abby & your older daughter? Did you do the Halloween thingy ?
I'm sending you a huge virtual hug, I'm so happy to see you post, now I can go to sleep smiling.

You are always missed even when it's only a few days xx

Soberwolf

Ladybug are you working a plan know you always have us stick close to us Ladybug in this together

Good job Fabl I believe a plan is so vital to recovery

Really sorry you feel like this Venus stick close too lean on us

Hi Croiss I had a look at my paperwork online its goals & recording what I do how I feel how I react & stuff I think this therapist is going to do CBT for depression as there was stuff in there about that Mrs Sw is printing if off for later so I have just been jotting on A4

Hi Snooz, Leigh & Leshar, Bob, D, NJ Kitty & Let

My neice asked me to read her essay & one of her assignments this morning it was awesome I know I'm byist being her uncle but it was really that good she said one of them are rubbish I said coulda fooled me as I found it excellent

I told her I felt like crying as I was really that proud soppy but honest

Put up the new blinds we were putting off done on it alone & was really calm I was done quickly and done a good job

Spk later guys

Ladybug2

Thank you so much Snoozy. My girls are doing great and we had a fun Halloween taking them trick or treating. I look at their precious faces and just feel so sad that not even my love for them can keep me away from this awful beast. I think I've really underestimated how serious and dangerous this disease can be.

Croissant

Aww Venus. Keep strong. Things do pass. Not easy when they are happening. That's for sure..xx

Oh Ladybug! I was thinking about you the other day, because I've been worried. And for a moment, I had a flash, like I can't explain it. I just knew things were getting serious. I said it out loud. (Sorry, I sound like a nut job)...but I said, "oh no, it's getting serious". Not that I didn't think your drinking wasnt before, but I realised that perhaps you were in that place where I'd been long ago where I was in so deep, and to the point of sneaking drinks - but I couldn't quite accept (accept isn't the right word, but I struggled) that I had something that could kill me. And I was able to still convince my fiancé that it was controllable, I could stop. I was just being rebellious.

The thing is, I wasn't being rebellious. I actually couldn't stop.

Leshar

Dear FABL, I am happy to see you posting in our group again. Stay close!
Dear Ladybug, I was thinking about you yesterday and was worried. I'm glad you've checked in.
To both dear ladies, please don't give up. I knew for at least a decade that my drinking was abnormal. It took me two slips after I joined SR to realize that yes I am an alcoholic and that henceforth, I don't drink. It does get better. I've had a very rough time this last while, but I feel better and am happy to allow myself to be optimistic once more. You will both get there!
Venuscat, I'm sorry about your job. I do get the lonely feeling. I'm glad for all of you here. My one single girlfriend just got engaged. I'm happy for her of course, but I'm seeing a lot less of her.

Ladybug2

Thank you, Croissant and Leshar, for your thoughtful words and advice. I cannot figure out why this is so hard this time around. I have more motivation then ever (a new baby etc) yet I can't seem to get past a week or so without giving in to my AV. I know I need to start reaching out for help when I am struggling. Isolating is just giving my AV more power.

Ladybug2

SW, thank you as well for your support. My "plan" obviously hasn't been working so time to work on a new one. First step is staying close to here and asking for help when I am struggling. I want what you all have - I really, really do.

Leshar

You will get there, dear Ladybug!

SoberLeigh

Hugs to you, dear sweet venuscat.

SoberLeigh

I am so happy to hear from you, Ladybug.

There is absolutely nothing easy about beating alcoholism. For the longest time, I truly thought that I would never get it right. Thousands of Day 1s had convinced me that I was a hopeless case.

Have you ever considered AVRT; it seems to have helped many people.

forabetterlife

Venuscat, hope things get better for you ...

Crois- great analogy. My trouble is that my av is already trying to twist it up As an expectation that I will mess up and its part of the process. That was fine maybe a few years ago, but my lease is up on that. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with this up an down routine.

Leshar- I know you have gone through a lot but you sound like you are in a good place right now.

Ladybug, our pattern is just so similar, I know we have been saying that for a while now. From the 7-10 day cycle, to sneaking drinks, to knowing we will be even better mothers without it, to hating the next day feeling maybe even more than the actual drinking. I started again yesterday too, so once again we can do this new month together. So glad we are both here

So .. I am taking it one month at a time. You all know that I want "forever" but the concept of a sober November seems so much more manageable right now. This will be my first thanksgiving without my father. I can either face that and feel all that I feel and get through it, or I can drown it in alcohol, only making it all that much worse. My dad struggled with alcohol too, and pretty badly the the last two years of his life, and I know he wants to see me succeed. I know he is watching over me and I want to make him proud.

I should go before the tears start flowing here at work ! I will say it again, I'm sooo happy to be back and so grateful for each of you...

Croissant

SoberLeigh

I am so glad that you are back, fabl; we have missed you.