Venuscat, hope things get better for you ...
Crois- great analogy. My trouble is that my av is already trying to twist it up As an expectation that I will mess up and its part of the process. That was fine maybe a few years ago, but my lease is up on that. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with this up an down routine.
Leshar- I know you have gone through a lot but you sound like you are in a good place right now.
Ladybug, our pattern is just so similar, I know we have been saying that for a while now. From the 7-10 day cycle, to sneaking drinks, to knowing we will be even better mothers without it, to hating the next day feeling maybe even more than the actual drinking. I started again yesterday too, so once again we can do this new month together. So glad we are both here
So .. I am taking it one month at a time. You all know that I want "forever" but the concept of a sober November seems so much more manageable right now. This will be my first thanksgiving without my father. I can either face that and feel all that I feel and get through it, or I can drown it in alcohol, only making it all that much worse. My dad struggled with alcohol too, and pretty badly the the last two years of his life, and I know he wants to see me succeed. I know he is watching over me and I want to make him proud.
I should go before the tears start flowing here at work ! I will say it again, I'm sooo happy to be back and so grateful for each of you...