Class of September 2015 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 16
Ugh..... I slipped. Couldn't even make it through day 2. I can't believe I did it. On the way to the grocery store I kept thinking, "wouldn't it be great to post in SR how you were about to buy the alcohol but instead you turned around and went home?" but I didn't.
I don't understand this stupid addiction. What am I waiting for? Complete rock bottom?!! Do I really want to know what that looks like because an educated guess would say that's my child being taken off me. Or me, in a drunk moment, going back to the person who horrifically abused the two of us? Or death? What? What am I waiting for to make me 'ready' to do this??! I know there will never be the perfect moment. It was just easier before I guess
I don't understand this stupid addiction. What am I waiting for? Complete rock bottom?!! Do I really want to know what that looks like because an educated guess would say that's my child being taken off me. Or me, in a drunk moment, going back to the person who horrifically abused the two of us? Or death? What? What am I waiting for to make me 'ready' to do this??! I know there will never be the perfect moment. It was just easier before I guess
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Keyof C
I'm glad you like my posts. Vocal is good I think in recovery. Just put it out there and see what happens...and getting stuff off the chest helps me a lot.
My Mom's side of the family is from Berea KY. I haven't been back since I was a teenager...pretty much all the fam that lived there is dead...there may be some distant cousins but that's about it. My gmom used to play the piano in the Berea Thee-A-ter...that's the way she said it (her parents owned it) during the silent movies. Said the 'hill folk' would come down, drink tons of beer, and roll the bottles down the aisles. Wow, that's an old memory.
I'm glad you like my posts. Vocal is good I think in recovery. Just put it out there and see what happens...and getting stuff off the chest helps me a lot.
My Mom's side of the family is from Berea KY. I haven't been back since I was a teenager...pretty much all the fam that lived there is dead...there may be some distant cousins but that's about it. My gmom used to play the piano in the Berea Thee-A-ter...that's the way she said it (her parents owned it) during the silent movies. Said the 'hill folk' would come down, drink tons of beer, and roll the bottles down the aisles. Wow, that's an old memory.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Cloel
I'm sorry you slipped. I think, because of your son (and you too of course) you need some additional help. Maybe look into counseling, IOP, AA...something to add to your recovery. The truth is, generally alcoholics don't quit for others....that can motivate but the desire to stop has to be organic within the alcoholic. Otherwise it won't stick. I know several people that have lost their children. It is horrible...and worse for the child. Hang in there. You can do this.
I'm sorry you slipped. I think, because of your son (and you too of course) you need some additional help. Maybe look into counseling, IOP, AA...something to add to your recovery. The truth is, generally alcoholics don't quit for others....that can motivate but the desire to stop has to be organic within the alcoholic. Otherwise it won't stick. I know several people that have lost their children. It is horrible...and worse for the child. Hang in there. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
Hi Cloel
I'm sorry you slipped. I think, because of your son (and you too of course) you need some additional help. Maybe look into counseling, IOP, AA...something to add to your recovery. The truth is, generally alcoholics don't quit for others....that can motivate but the desire to stop has to be organic within the alcoholic. Otherwise it won't stick. I know several people that have lost their children. It is horrible...and worse for the child. Hang in there. You can do this.
I'm sorry you slipped. I think, because of your son (and you too of course) you need some additional help. Maybe look into counseling, IOP, AA...something to add to your recovery. The truth is, generally alcoholics don't quit for others....that can motivate but the desire to stop has to be organic within the alcoholic. Otherwise it won't stick. I know several people that have lost their children. It is horrible...and worse for the child. Hang in there. You can do this.
I think I'm only starting to feel the effects of 15 years of physical/emotional/s**ual abuse has had on me. I'm on a waiting list for trauma counselling but it's going to take at least another 9 months before that starts. For now, I feel alcohol is the only way to block it out. Even my child hugging me makes my skin crawl. Sometimes it all feels too much, you know?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 16
I'm meeting with my son's support worker tomorrow and I will tell her everything. With *all* my faults, the one thing I've always been with agencies that are trying to help my son is honest. I tell them everything. The way I look at it is, if I'm not fit for purpose, let somebody who is look after him.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Hi Keyof C
I'm glad you like my posts. Vocal is good I think in recovery. Just put it out there and see what happens...and getting stuff off the chest helps me a lot.
My Mom's side of the family is from Berea KY. I haven't been back since I was a teenager...pretty much all the fam that lived there is dead...there may be some distant cousins but that's about it. My gmom used to play the piano in the Berea Thee-A-ter...that's the way she said it (her parents owned it) during the silent movies. Said the 'hill folk' would come down, drink tons of beer, and roll the bottles down the aisles. Wow, that's an old memory.
I'm glad you like my posts. Vocal is good I think in recovery. Just put it out there and see what happens...and getting stuff off the chest helps me a lot.
My Mom's side of the family is from Berea KY. I haven't been back since I was a teenager...pretty much all the fam that lived there is dead...there may be some distant cousins but that's about it. My gmom used to play the piano in the Berea Thee-A-ter...that's the way she said it (her parents owned it) during the silent movies. Said the 'hill folk' would come down, drink tons of beer, and roll the bottles down the aisles. Wow, that's an old memory.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Posts: 253
Originally Posted by Cloel
Thanks Frikaflip. There's a SMART recovery group that's starting nearby in October, the only problem is their groups are in the evenings and I've nobody to mind my son. I was a HCP for nearly 15 years and that put me off AA.
I think I'm only starting to feel the effects of 15 years of physical/emotional/s**ual abuse has had on me. I'm on a waiting list for trauma counselling but it's going to take at least another 9 months before that starts. For now, I feel alcohol is the only way to block it out. Even my child hugging me makes my skin crawl. Sometimes it all feels too much, you know?
I think I'm only starting to feel the effects of 15 years of physical/emotional/s**ual abuse has had on me. I'm on a waiting list for trauma counselling but it's going to take at least another 9 months before that starts. For now, I feel alcohol is the only way to block it out. Even my child hugging me makes my skin crawl. Sometimes it all feels too much, you know?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 223
Back again
Hi there
I joined sr years ago and it helped me get sober for quite some time. I had a few slips here and there but managed to get back up. This year has been different, "slips" are longer and the sober time between them shorter (I'd say about 3 months).
I'm on day 2, better than yesterday, but this time is one too many times. Need to do something different, maybe go to AA (never thought I'd even consider it), or find a way out of this rut. I've done therapy and have a shrink (I have an anxiety disorder) and they helped, but I'm still struggling 4 years later.
I've been lurking around a few days looking for answers and I don't have it figured out but so appreciate the kindness and honesty of this forum.
I joined sr years ago and it helped me get sober for quite some time. I had a few slips here and there but managed to get back up. This year has been different, "slips" are longer and the sober time between them shorter (I'd say about 3 months).
I'm on day 2, better than yesterday, but this time is one too many times. Need to do something different, maybe go to AA (never thought I'd even consider it), or find a way out of this rut. I've done therapy and have a shrink (I have an anxiety disorder) and they helped, but I'm still struggling 4 years later.
I've been lurking around a few days looking for answers and I don't have it figured out but so appreciate the kindness and honesty of this forum.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by CaliButterfly
Cloel, I am so sorry you are having to battle emotional demons and wait several months just to start counseling for it. Maybe you could look into eBooks on abuse recovery while you're waiting? In the meantime, besides SMART, have you tried AVRT through the Rational Recovery website since you are (like me), not terribly keen on AA?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Sorry you slipped Cloel. Next time post here like you thought initially. You have to recognize a shift in your thoughts and feelings and then do something about it if you want real change. Use the tools available.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 3,805
Welcome Dazee. If you haven't tried AA I highly recommended you do. You can't rule it out unless you give it a shot. I too never thought I'd walk through those doors, but glad I gave it a go. It can only help move you forward.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome Dazee. I'm glad you're here. Yes, I agree. SR is a huge help in maintaining sobriety. SR helped me last year. However, I grew complacent, stopped checking in and subsequently relapsed. Please check in often.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Originally Posted by Arbor
Sorry you slipped Cloel. Next time post here like you thought initially. You have to recognize a shift in your thoughts and feelings and then do something about it if you want real change. Use the tools available.
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