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Class of September 2015 Part 3

Old 09-21-2015, 08:25 AM
  # 101 (permalink)  
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Happy monday everyone ( I certainly hope its mon...)
Keep up the good fight xo
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Old 09-21-2015, 08:49 AM
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Originally Posted by matilda123 View Post
I think days like that are very common in early sobriety, at least for me. Your body and spirit are recovering from something pretty traumatic and it takes energy and time.

I think that one of the biggest gifts of sobriety--and biggest challenges--really listening to our bodies and inner selves and giving it what it wants and needs, vs. drowning those wants and needs in alcohol. For so many years I've used alcohol to "shut off" feelings or as a reward for working myself ragged. Listening to what we need -- even if is a day in our pjs watching movies-- is important for self care and sobriety.

You are doing great!
Thank you Matilda I decided to do some laundry so at least I did something today. I'm also going to bathe my little boy later on.
I completely related to wanting to 'shut off feelings'; something I've done for years. It's like those feelings smother me and when I have that first glass of wine, it feels like I can finally breathe again... until the next morning when I then have a whole new set of horrible feelings (e.g. guilt, regret, self-hate...) to deal with on top of all the others

Thanks again.
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Old 09-21-2015, 08:55 AM
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Originally Posted by DailyDuchess View Post
Iíve been sober for 24 hours, I never drink on weekdays so Iím feeling fine at the moment.

Itís my birthday on Friday and my family has organised a huge family dinner, Iím normally the life and soul of the party until I black out and say something to upset someone.

Iím not ready to tell them that Iíve decided to stop drinking, but theyíll know that something is Ďupí with me if Iím not chugging on a bottle of wine.

I donít know whether to cancel and hide away or to face this first battle with the determination that I am not going to drink.
Gosh, that's tough so early on in your recovery. I faced a similar situation early on in my recovery the last time I quit so I chose to be the designated driver as I knew nobody would question my not drinking then.

If you don't feel strong enough though, I'd go with cancelling. You're not hiding away; you're taking care of yourself x
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Old 09-21-2015, 09:06 AM
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Welcome to all the new members! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, be kind to yourself and don't worry if you do nothing but the bare minimum to get through those first few days. As long as you are getting through them sober, that is all that matters.
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Old 09-21-2015, 09:21 AM
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Morning all. Day 4 and I feel well. Glad to not be hungover at work.

Fricka, I was sorry to read your tale. I hope you can find some peace over it.

Good to see a few new folks. Welcome.

Dutchess, I get your problem. I've found that at social events most people don't care if you just say "I'm not drinking tonight" or say you have some thing early in the morning. I don't know your social circle, but that has worked for me in the past.

Was reminded that sobriety does not fix everything. Blew up a bit at my 7 year old this morning as we were trying to get off (it is my job to get the kids up and ready and we need to be out the door at X time and they never are). I finally had them in the car and she starts the bathroom break call. I was able to apologize later before I dropped her off. She says it's okay but doesn't change how bad I feel about it. The sad thing is if I was hungover I'd probably just have shrugged it off (nice excuse to be a few more minutes late).

Oh well. Won't drink today. Good wishes all.
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Old 09-21-2015, 09:26 AM
  # 106 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Cloel View Post
Thanks Juno. When I wasn't drinking (heavily) we had such a lovely relationship. We've both been through so much together. I don't want to screw that up. He's such an affectionate, caring kid and I've been truly blessed having such a sweet child. He doesn't deserve the [email protected] I put him through with alcohol. He's already been through so much in his short life




You can do it! I hope the appointment goes well.
Hi cloel
Welcome. I am a single widowed mom so I know the pressure of parenting alone. No doubt our drinking is horrible for our Childs emotional development. Children of alcoholics often develop anxiety and low self esteem....not to mention anger issues. Sounds like he's pretty young but if you get concerned there is always therapy for him and Alateen as he grows older. Can really help.
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Old 09-21-2015, 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted by CaliButterfly View Post
Fricka, please don't beat yourself up over your actions and the reason for your late husband's passing. You couldn't save his body, nobody could. I had a profound experience after my father died last November that proved in my mind that a soul lives on. He knows all of your thoughts and feelings, your guilt, your remorse, and he forgives all of it. He is at peace now, and you should be too. Forgive yourself and let the past go. I truly believe he would want that for you. Hugs....
Thanks caliB. I do hope he's in a better place. He didn't deserve his fate. Cancer sucks.
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Old 09-21-2015, 09:32 AM
  # 108 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by DailyDuchess View Post
Iíve been sober for 24 hours, I never drink on weekdays so Iím feeling fine at the moment.

Itís my birthday on Friday and my family has organised a huge family dinner, Iím normally the life and soul of the party until I black out and say something to upset someone.

Iím not ready to tell them that Iíve decided to stop drinking, but theyíll know that something is Ďupí with me if Iím not chugging on a bottle of wine.

I donít know whether to cancel and hide away or to face this first battle with the determination that I am not going to drink.
I can't tell you what you need to do. But if you're not going to cancel, or tell them what you're battling with, have a solid plan on how to stay sober,K?
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Old 09-21-2015, 09:40 AM
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Welcome, duchess! And happy early birthday--what a gift you're giving yourself.

When I got sober the last time, I found I needed to sometimes pass up events that would put me in temptation's path. That wasn't always easy; some of those events were ones I really wanted to attend. But until my sober muscles get stronger, best to take a pass.

You mentioned you are the life of the party, but also that your drinking sometimes made you say things to your family that you regretted. I bet they already suspect you have a problem with alcohol. Those closest to us often already know even if we haven't said anything. Could you tell them and gain their support for your recovery?

Regardless, it is your birthday after all. Maybe you could plan an alternative celebration, one that doesn't involve drinking?
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Old 09-21-2015, 10:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
Hi cloel
Welcome. I am a single widowed mom so I know the pressure of parenting alone. No doubt our drinking is horrible for our Childs emotional development. Children of alcoholics often develop anxiety and low self esteem....not to mention anger issues. Sounds like he's pretty young but if you get concerned there is always therapy for him and Alateen as he grows older. Can really help.
Thank you Frickaflip He and I left a violent, abusive 'home' last year. He's getting some help with that and I have made them aware of my battle with alcohol and how he says it makes him feel. I want him to feel safe after everything he's been through - and he did until I started drinking heavily again during the summer.
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Old 09-21-2015, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
Thanks caliB. I do hope he's in a better place. He didn't deserve his fate. Cancer sucks.
Yes, it does. My 14 yr old son lost his dad to lung cancer 4 years ago after only 2 months from diagnosis. We were divorced at the time, so my loss was minimal, but it was gut-wrenching to see him go through the grief process. Another good reason for me to quit drinking & smoking. I couldn't leave him without a parent, and I adore him.
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Old 09-21-2015, 10:51 AM
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Congrats on the marriage Cali! I wish you the best.
I love your quote Matilda - "listening to our bodies" is so important. I am at day 24 and still have headaches almost daily. I try to take it easy as much as I can.
Welcome Duchess! I agree with Cloel, you might want to cancel Friday.

I am starting a yoga class tonight - my first. I've wanted to take one for soooo long, but I couldn't - it would interfere with my wine-time. Now, I am taking advantage of my new sobriety!!!
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Old 09-21-2015, 11:10 AM
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Originally Posted by DailyDuchess View Post
Iíve been sober for 24 hours, I never drink on weekdays so Iím feeling fine at the moment.

Itís my birthday on Friday and my family has organised a huge family dinner, Iím normally the life and soul of the party until I black out and say something to upset someone.

Iím not ready to tell them that Iíve decided to stop drinking, but theyíll know that something is Ďupí with me if Iím not chugging on a bottle of wine.

I donít know whether to cancel and hide away or to face this first battle with the determination that I am not going to drink.
Hi DailyDuchess. That's a tough call, especially since it's your birthday and the dinner is in your honor. I was faced with a similar situation last year (pre-relapse). When folks questioned me on why I wasn't drinking, I muttered something about taking medication. Other folks here recommend to simply say, "No thank you", or "I'm good" or something similar. If you feel strong enough to go and do not want to tell them yet, perhaps a similar excuse will work. However, if you feel the temptation will be too much, I wholeheartedly recommend cancelling. Good Luck -
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Old 09-21-2015, 11:14 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear about your ex-husband Cali, and that your dear son had to lose him at such a young age I'm ashamed to say I am a smoker but I think I'll deal with one addiction at a time for now. I hope your son is doing OK now?

Good luck with the yoga class CapeGirl. I hope you enjoy it
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Old 09-21-2015, 11:29 AM
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Yes, my son is much better, thanks Cloel. I just quit smoking July 6th and vape now instead. Felt sooo guilty treating my body so poorly knowing my son's fear, especially since we're very close. I see the light in his eyes now, and it makes my sobriety much more precious. And it helps that he & his new stepdad get along really well. He's happier every day....
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Old 09-21-2015, 11:37 AM
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That's fantastic Cali! I'm delighted for both of you
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Old 09-21-2015, 12:30 PM
  # 117 (permalink)  
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Hey Septemberers!
Just dropping by to read what you guys been up to...Listen, all the things you're feeling, you're not alone--good to know. It will pass. Some it'll pass sooner than others, but it will pass. Everyone is different as in healing is different. I am at 63 (still very young in recovery) and I still have days that are trying. I am learning to how to cope better. I am learning to know when I feel the signs coming on to stress, worry, loneliness, etc. It's very important I pay attention because I am very susceptible to depression. I don't like being in that dungeon at all. I try very hard to stay on top of my emotions. Daily life will happen, how I react to it is my part.
I know some of you are struggling, but there are great people here in SR. Reach out..someone will be there for you to try to help you the best they can. They certainly have me. For me acceptance was the biggest key. Once I got that part some of the pieces were allowed to fall into place.
((Hug)) to all of you!! I hope you find happiness and peace soon...each small win adds up to the ending tally! Keep on keeping on..one day at a time!

PS Just my opinion of course.
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Old 09-21-2015, 12:47 PM
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Thank you KeyofC, that's helpful and reassuring to read
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Old 09-21-2015, 12:50 PM
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Duchess, I know it's tough but you will be glad you didn't drink when all is said and done. I mostly drink alone but there are certain social events and people that I know it would be really really hard to say no to drinking.

Cali, so sorry for your little boy. You are doing the best you can for him by not drinking, I'm sure you know that.

My work day is over and I'm sitting here at my desk about to leave and I just know it will be a tough night. I woke up feeling "off" and I still do. I know exercise will help so I will force myself to, even though I really want a bottle of wine and/or just to sit around and feel sorry for myself. Neither are very good choices, so exercise it is.
No pink cloud today, that's for sure.
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Old 09-21-2015, 01:06 PM
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You guys inspire me the most
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