DitzyDandelion

Aww thank you for that. I know I am being silly anyway who gets all sad over someone you know can cheat and lie easily. I am surely worth more than that. I would always wonder is he doing the same to me wouldn't I.

KeyofC

OK I am pretty sure I joined the wrong group, but it's ok..I am in a lot of them and might as well join this one too..
Sobriety date:July 20,2015
Day 25! I am already talking to a lot of you so hello in this group too!
Feeling more positive with each day. I do still deal with the ups and downs and have trigger moments. I am still dealing with life issues and underlying issues of why of course. I am just so happy each day I wake up sober and alcohol free that I can't even express it right. It makes me get through the times I do wish I could have a drink. I am just so grateful for it.
Happy Friday and I hope those having a hard time that the day gets a little better for you. Hash it out..that's why you're here!

tokidoki

KeyofC,

You haven't joined the wrong group. We're happy you're here. Congratulations on 25 days!

Cbf123

Hello KeyofC, welcome to the class!

Cbf123

Hello KeyofC, welcome to the class!

alreadyinuse

I don't think you're being silly DD, I think you're being real, you need to go through all this to come out the other side more with lessons learned. We're forever learning lessons!
Aggghhh I can't scroll back to welcome the new member! Sorrrrrrrrrry, I think it's KC.
Pooped again, siesta time! X

alreadyinuse

KeyofC! Ola, relatively new here too. I was dizzy joining classes before I found this one!

Upwardspiral

Another exhausting day at work that brought up thoughts of "rewarding" myself with getting obliterated. It's easy enough to recognize the euphoric recall happening, and to know that it's patently false. What I want to happen when I drink a beer is not what actually happens. It makes me sad for a second and then I'm grateful to have recognized it, and to already be putting it behind me. Approaching the one month mark next week and I know I need to be on my guard, as I've never made it past this point before. I have never had the resolve to do so before, though, and I believe in myself this time.

letitgo

Up, I hear ya. Been a long week and a hot day here.
Why not partake in a few? Isn't awkward having a voice in your head questioning the other voice in your head. I almost feel like it's multiple personality sydrome. Sober vs. AV.

Nice job kicking the AV to the curb. You have bigger and better things to do. Get that month and you will feel great!!!

Upwardspiral

Thanks letitgo. Yeah, it does feel like two different personalities battling it out, and I have definitely felt that frightening sensation if being helpless to stop the AV in its tracks. But that was before I discovered this amazing forum and began learning so many tools and terms, like AV, to help me keep things in perspective.

Here's to many months to come and
thanks for the support!

BobBFree33

Welcome keyofc. I hear you too Up. Good job not partaking of the “reward” that keeps on giving.

I was supposed to go out with my work group tonight supposedly for Margaritias. They all knew I would be drinking tea. But, it got cancelled as our, MY, network got electronically destroyed by a remote engineer. I’ll spare you the tech talk, so basically this itty bitty config file that tells the internet how to work went “poof” and our whole office was hosed. So I had to stay late to help fix it.

Even after I left I was still writing crap up at 7pm and feeling stressed. Just for the briefest second I thought of a run to the store but I turned it around. It really hit me that to cope with this and fix stuff I need all my marbles and I can’t think when drunk. So I’m making that turn in my thinking where I realize that alcohol will only hurt my ability to deal with stress, not help. And it did. I feel great. The techies were cursing and blaming and hating but I was cool as a cucumber and I was not faking it.

End of sober day 42. Good night and good morning folks.

alreadyinuse

Good Morning!
Well done Up & Let for upping and letting it go! Bloody AV temptress, kick her to the kerb. Bob too, it's such a great feeling when you look back at a craving/thought and see how you handled things better.

Closing in now on my 48 hours of me...it's been so relaxing. Feeling more repaired health wise but could honestly do with a week! I walked 2 6k trails yesterday & an hour of very slow yoga, I might give my legs a rest today! Stunning scenery here in the south of Ireland. Especially enjoyable when you get sun too!

Mind yourselves, will check in from home later, not back to work till Tuesday but 13 year old is missing his Mum so time to put that cap on!

Day 33 ~ :-)

BringingBackB

Morning

Upward Spiral and Letitgo - the AV battling against the true you definitely feels like multiple personalities for me as well. In Allen Carr's book, he labels it 'alcoholic schizophrenia', I can see what he's getting at.

Day 31 here. Not too much planned. We are going for a family meal this evening which should be nice. Country pub but nobody will be drinking and everyone there knows ive quit so not worried about that at all. The food there is great so that's more than enough excitement for me. I think I'll also watch the football match at 3. My beloved Newcastle United are playing Swansea!

forabetterlife

Welcome Keyof C!

I totally get the multiple personalities thing. When I am in the middle of a craving, it's like nothing makes more sense to me than drinking and when the sober (smart) me talks the AV me out of it, AV is mad and full of resentment. But before you know it sober (smart) me pushes AV out of the way again, and I'm relieved and grateful to be sober.

It also applies to me in the middle of a drinking cycle versus sober me. When I am in a drinking cycle, I almost taunt the idea of being organized, exercising, journaling, SR, or anything "good for me". It's all about getting my responsibilities done and out of the way so I can drink.

I was worried about last night but my stepmother stayed longer than I expected and we took the dogs for a 3.5 mile walk so by the time we got back and she left it was after 8 and I was out of my danger zone! Slept almost 10 hours again.

I feel strong but I have my moments. I recognize that alot of my desire to drink comes from what has developed into kind of a unhealthy thrill where I just say forget it all to trying so hard at everything. I still manage to get things done when I'm in a drinking cycle, but it's just the bare minimum. Sober me expects a lot of myself and with that comes alot of pressure. I need to learn to not have everything so black and white.

Anyway, today is day 7 for me. I am so grateful for the feeling of relief over the end of my relationship rather than the pain I felt every time we broke up over the years. I haven't contacted him in a week and I have no intentions to..ever again. There is simply nothing to say. Sad that I spent over ten years holding on by a thread for the most part, but I'm trying to just learn the lessons from it that maybe I should have learned years ago. Better late than never I guess.

Hope everyone has a great Saturday

KeyofC

Day 26
I am usually an upbeat person that likes to help others and try to give an inspiring thought or quote. Must be the musical artistic side of me.
Today, right now, I am fighting this horrible crappy feeling of hurt and anger. I have posted like crazy trying to get it out. I am still thinking of things I am grateful for and I am so glad to be alcohol free, but this feeling, sucks.

forabetterlife

Key... We all have those times and when you are in the midst of it there sometimes seems to be no end, no solution, no relief. My mother used to always remind me "this too shall pass". It doesn't solve your problems but it always did pass, somehow, and reminding myself of that helps.

letitgo

KeyofC,

It's weird because I have had several feelings lately. Up and down. I have recognized them for what they are. They won't kill me. I really believe feelings are similar to cravings. They will pass. Kind of like a storm front that is coming through. We can react to them or just watch and wait for them to go.

I feel excited 1 day, depressed the next, nothing the following day or sometimes all those in the same day. Ride the wave and journal it out. Journaling has helped me. If you feel crappy it's better to get out and do stuff. No sense in dwelling. Also review your gratitude list and add to it. Have a great day!!

kittycat3

Hey all,
Happy sober weekend to all. I just want to share that I felt some shame last night when my coworker who saw me wasted last month made some teasing comments to me about it. He has kept his word in not telling other colleagues (thank goodness) but when he had a moment at a social event with nobody else within earshot he teased me a little about it. He's not a malicious person, he thinks he's being funny. I am working hard on not beating myself up for something I cannot change. I am even trying little tricks like remembering the times I've seen someone wasted and thinking about how long that memory stuck with me....not very long.
Keeping my head high, as long as I don't drink I know I won't be that wasted person again.
I downloaded the book called Blackout - I think someone here posted a link to an article on it earlier in the thread - and I heard Terry Gross interviewing her on NPR. So far very relatable....
Hugs to all.

BobBFree33

Late start to sober day 43. kittycat I still feel a little sting of things I said and did while drunk. But its been a few years since the worst of it and its kind-of woven into the fabric of the past. I did it and that's that.

letitgo that emotional roller coaster seems to come and go for me. I still think its our brain figuring out how to BE in the world without it being hit by a hammer on a regular basis.

I'm out pulling weeds/vines/ivy again today. Looking forward to fall when it is not so stinkin hot.

Have a good 'ern fellow July'ers!

KDBnSLC

2 weeks today and 10 pounds lighter!