Dee74

I was always unlucky in love Ditzy.

i dunno if any of this will help but...

Looking back I can see a lot of a parallels between my approach to alcohol and to romance.

I had a lot of desperation and neediness on my part mixed with a lot of pride - I was looking for Miss Right but settled again and again for Miss Right there.

There was a lot of toxicity in my relationships.

Getting sober and staying that way helped me to rediscover the real me, and helped me become comfortable in my skin.

When I did meet someone again, I wasn't looking for someone who could fix me or complete me.

That made a lot of difference.

D

Upwardspiral

I like that synopsis, Dee, fits me to a tee too. I'm in me-mode now, as disinterested in dating as in boozing right now.

toadie54

Hey Team!

Got a walk in tonight, knee pain is still an issue but I tolerated it. I really do miss walking every day but my knee just can't handle it.

Got the RV back home and started prepping tonight for our short journey down the Jersey coast to Cape May Friday. It's around an 80 mile trip from home to the campground we stay at.

Will be a sobriety test going away in the RV, always drank as I traveled and when I got set up at a campground...my wife will be with me so I'm sure I'll stay on the right track. More worried about my September solo trip to Maine.

Loafing now watching the NY Yankees on the tube, need a win tonight after 4 losses in a row! Will be soaking my head (and body) in the pool tonight, I jump in every night before going to bed.

Hoping for an infinity of sober day and nights to everyone on SR!

Ladybug2

Hi everyone,

Just checking in after a really good day. Irritability was better today and was able to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather with my girls. Didn't even think about drinking. Wish everyday could be this easy and peaceful. Already anxious about the weekend. Wishing you all a wonderful and sober night.

forabetterlife

Just lost a long post I spent 20 minutes typing. I am so frustrated. Please know that I am here reading and thinking about all of you. Ending day four and feeling emotional, exhausted, and very introspective. It's ok though, it's good for me right now. I find that as much as I love vacations, I do much better in my structure and routine. I feel so much better already but haven't had time to exercise and I've been eating way too much. I will still take this over how I feel after or while drinking any day of the week.....

DD - I did want to say to you that I am ending an 11 year relationship where I spend pretty much the last 9 or 10 just chasing those "happy" times. The rest of it was full of insecure feelings, hurt, disappointment, regret, anxiety and pain. I just kept trying and waiting and hoping. It took me this long to accept that we will never be like that again and honestly, we don't belong together. I hope you spare yourself all that pain and time and just work on yourself, and try to pull back from the situation to gain some clarity. I don't know your whole story, but I can relate and I feel for you ....

Ladybug, sounds like you had a great day, and we both know that thoughts of drinking lessen as we build sober time. I think we are on the same day (4), I like that!

Toadie, your posts make me so homesick! I grew up and lived in Toms River until 2003. Sounds like you live in Ocean County as well.

Ang- you sound so good I am sure that you have so much energy and so many ideas at school now that alcohol and hangovers are off the table. Don't worry about the negativity...stay away and do your thing !

Time for me to go to bed before I lose it all again!

BobBFree33

Finishing up a very busy sober day 40. Over-committed myself today again but I just got tired, no thoughts of drinking or AV talking to me. I didn't really get that stressed either. I'm at a comfortable place in my work now. Not drinking has let my confidence come back and its making everything seem easier.

Toadie have you tried an elipitcal for workouts? Supposed to be easy on the joints. Or a bike?

Ditzy D I really fell for a girl in 2007 and when we broke up that started me back up drinking after being sober a year. Missing her kept me off balance and out of sorts. Even when I was dating other people I still missed her. But I was ignorant of the role alcohol played in slowing my recovery from her. It froze me in place emotionally and I could not move forward.

Don't forget to watch the Perseid meteor shower tonight folks. I plan on wandering outside in my underwear at 3am when i get up to pee. Hope the neighbors aren't up too!

alreadyinuse

What a brilliant image to wake to Bob! Hope you got to see the shower too, I'm normally well versed on these things but too bloody busy that I'm getting home from work, eating & going to bed! Boring too!
Well I'm changing that this weekend, am off to recharge the batteries solo. I need to focus inward in order to make some changes to my working hours & demands. I'm working & parenting & losing myself, it's especially noticeable with the booze! I'm going to rest, get fed well, loads of fresh air, some yoga & treat myself to a seaweed bath. The weird thing is that this is a house where I've always packed up wine too...challenge ahead too?
. Ooooooo I must pack and get another days work under my belt & im off!
Hoping also to have more time to digest all your posts too. Day 31 begins x

martina12

Hi all

I'm running around like a headless chicken today as I pack for a 2 week holiday to Vietnam.

Day 45 onwards and upwards gang

m

Dee74

Have a great trip Martina

D

DitzyDandelion

I dozed off and missed the shower.

Dee I agree and on an intellectual level I am aware of this. The ten year relationship I left doesn't bother me at all. It had been dead and painful so very long. It's the man who came and lifted me out of that. Well obviously being unhappy so long that was pretty intense, but he had a girlfriend who he then found out was pregnant. She had been before we met back up but had breakthrough bleeding her first two months so did not realize. Anyway he had stayed crazy in love with me since we dated ten years ago and had always wanted me back. Then it was an odd limbo of him not wanting to risk them breaking up on bad terms in case it was hard to see the kid. Then I got drunk and told her via facebook, then said I was lying. But as she thinks I am crazy woman and blocked me and he just hates me for risking her hating him and him not seeing the baby. That would be the short and curlies of it.

It did feel like falling crazy in love but I am aware there is a good chance I was in love with feeling loved and filling that void created by drinking and an abusive relationship. It was the first bit of feeling happy in so very long. The actual situation made me incredibly insecure especially after she added me on facebook and I saw her gushing about her wonderful partner and what a wonderful life they were having and all happy families and seeing the scan pics go up. It really gnawed at me and I must confess I became very insecure and clingy via messages. I only saw him at most once a week. Even if he had found a friendly way to break up with her he would never have wanted her to know he cheated so we would always have had to lie about our relationship.

In my head I know I was in a very vulnerable place. While I would have rather walked off quietly with dignity it is right for all involved it is over. I should have walked off when he found out she was pregnant as he had been about to split up before that. It hurts it ends with him just refusing to have any contact with me at all. I am still reeling a bit from the ten years of abuse and stress before that. I really don't know where to begin. Struggling to find work especially with a big gap in my work history. Very alone. I know I need to stay single for now. I need to find me and get my head straight. It's the feelings I can't shift even though I know this is for the best.

DitzyDandelion

I guess knowing something in your head is very different to feeling it in your heart.

Tooshabby

Yes - it's that blimming annoying difference, isn't it? Great first step knowing it in your head, the heart will follow in time :-)

SilentCinemaFan

Day 21

I can't believe how many days have passed already. I have been MIA for a while mostly because I've been busy organizing my life.

I recently got a 4K tv for my room and unfortunately I used it tonight to watch a bunch of ultra HD videos on youtube and now I can't sleep. Also the coffee at 5:00PM probably didn't help much either with sleep.

Anyway, since I don't need to be anywhere until 1:30PM today I thought I would just wait until I get sleepy again and set my alarm to later in the morning.

I have been thinking about my aunt and my cousin lately. I'm starting to figure out why I'm so angry with them. For a while, I've been wondering why I said such hateful things to them that morning via text/fb messenger. I used to just think, oh it was all nonsense I was drunk and didn't know what I was saying or thinking. That is true for the most part, but I wanted to really figure out what the source of all that bottled up emotion was coming from. I have a very estranged distant relationship with them despite us all living within 15 miles of each other. It's been that way since I was a child(they are much older than me). I thought maybe they didn't want to spend quality time with me because they didn't like me for whatever reason. It's an insecurity I've always had since I had trouble making friends when i was a kid. (I was an only child and painfully shy). Now that I'm older, they invite me once a year to Thanksgiving and that's pretty much it. During that time, my aunt and cousin reveal random traumatic things nonchalantly like for ex. my grandmother was a major B to my aunt or that my grandmother said a bunch of crap about my mom and dad back in the 1980s that I never knew about. They would go on and on about this for several minutes during the one time a year I get to spend with them. My grandmother died in 2012, and I had a very strong relationship with her. She pretty much raised me until I was 8 years old and I share very intimate memories of her. You can imagine it's a bit awkward when my aunt says all these mean things about her. I never deny that my grandmother had issues, I would tell my aunt that I don't really know what to say when you say these negative things about her to me. Then she would get mad and say "you were the favorite. by the time you were born, she had finally gotten it right and you were the favorite". This made me feel bad as well and slightly awkward.

Anyway, long story short, I think maybe my aunt and cousin have problems having relationships with people from their past traumatic experiences.

The way I think about it, life is too short to hold grudges with others, I'm always willing to work out something even if it's a little morsel of something special. I am not dumb. I know that my aunt and I will never have that incredibly close bond other aunts and nieces have, I have to hope for that occasional moment I guess.

I guess I haven't told you guys that my mom died in 2013. That was my aunts sister. I think that's why the last few years, I've been more frustrated than usual with my family. It seemed like nobody cared about me afterwards and everybody just continued on with their life. I didn't like thinking that because it sounds very selfish but that's how I felt. I wanted to become closer to my aunts on my mom's side but that never happened. I guess I just got very bitter about it over time and kept it inside me since it sounded like such a selfish feeling.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. The lack of sleep and 4K videos of space, northern India, the California redwoods, Dubai, NYC, Burma, and the northern lights tends to make me ponder about things and not be able to sleep. Everyone have a great day and sorry I'm not able to reply much to what everyone's been up to.

Dee74

Congrats on 3 weeks SCF

I hope you'll find as I did that a little recovery really helped you perceive things in a clear way and helps you find, if not solutions, certainly some closure

D

toadie54

Good morning from Northern Ocean County (referenced for FABL)!

Beautiful day here at the Jersey Shore, much to do today.

BBF3, I do use a recumbent bicycle and a traditional bicycle for exercise, just enjoy the walking. No doubt much less impact on the knees using these two options instead of walking.

4 cats are fed and now sitting by the open patio door (inside cats) waiting for chipmunks to stroll by, they get so excited! I open it for them every morning till the AC kicks on.

Sorry...random thoughts popping into my head.

Okay, on to another sober day, kick it hard everyone!

Cbf123

Hope everyone is ok. Read a really interesting piece in the Guardian today, thought I'd share it here (if that's ok, mods?)

http://www.theguardian.com/commentis...outs?CMP=fb_gu

Very relevant! Not had any urges this week but I always like a reminder to keep them at bay. Have a great and sober day everybody

letitgo

Thanks for sharing. That's a great article.

Tooshabby

cbf - thanks so much for posting that great article. Interesting it took her 18 months to really feel the full benefits of not drinking. It helps me appreciate not to expect too much too soon, and that in the early days I just need to tough it out.

SCF, it sounds to me like you definitely have figured it out. All completely logical and understandable. It's a shame some of your relatives don't share your sensitivity. I find in situations like that it helps me to remember that people act in hurtful ways when they are hurting themselves. It doesn't always work, but I do find it helps.

tokidoki

Hello Julyers,

It's hard at the moment to give justice to all the great posts on here, but very quickly:

DD: Sorry about the relationship issues

fabl: Sorry about your issues too.

angd: Yup, I too would like us to definitely lean on each other.

cbf: Thanks for the link. The Guardian seems to be doing a series on drinking- the articles (I read about three of them) are concise, but *good*.

Jillian- I'm in Minnesota. I can't imagine starting school at the beginning of August. Maybe it's a north and south states difference? The summers here are short and beautiful and the winters are *long*. If the legislature decided on starting school early in August, there'd probably be some kind of insurrection.

Gotta run.

Hang in there everyone, and have a great day/night!

callmemilly

Hey I'm still here. Crazy stressful week but I'm relatively okay. Hope everyone has a good night.