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Class of July 2015 Part 6

Old 08-17-2015, 03:22 PM
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letitgo....yes, we take the ferry and it takes about half an hour. Auckland has a beautiful harbour with islands, of which Waiheke is one. We used to go to Waiheke all the time when we were kids. The great thing about it is it hasn't changed much at all in the 40 odd years I've known it. Bit like going back in time. And the beaches are to die for. Great surfing when we were little. It's covered in vineyards though...a bit dangerous!
I can relate to the black and white thinking, and the self-criticism. I suppose the two are related. I'm getting slightly better at being kind to myself. I did feel for a couple of years like I had wasted my life - huge regrets. I just keep trying to return to self-compassion now as much as possible. Seems to be an important key.
Jillain - lol. Funny post.
Bob, you sound like a lovely Dad.
Sounding stronger, DD and FABL :-)
Great to have you here KeyofC and CAGY.
Hey guys, I had this random dream last night that I was out on the street and saw a dog approaching, and I thought "That's Toadie's dog! I didn't know he lived around here?!" How left-field is that?!
Love to all xxx
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Old 08-17-2015, 05:58 PM
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Thanks Bbb, I know balance is the key and I'm trying to be patient with myself. Being sober I notice everything and I am very aware of "why" I drank. It just smoothed the edges. But the price is just way too high anymore.

I considered drinking today more than I have all week. I could feel myself just kind of throwing my hands up in the air, tired of trying so darn hard all the time. But then I thought of my precious sleep and how good I have been feeling both mentally and physically. Thank goodness.

The relief of my relationship being over is strange to me as I am usually so devastated at this point. We didn't even really break up, he just pulled his old cowardly disappearing act. But this time I didn't contact him or chase him. I stopped caring. I had enough. It feels good. Being sober helps and it also keeps me sober because I feel strong. For the first time in 11 years, I can see how he is soooo not good for me and hasn't treated me with the love and respect I deserve in years. I'm not bitter, just over it. It's like a weight is lifted off my shoulders.

Sorry, just had to get that off my chest! I kind of feel like I breaking free not only from my addiction but also to my unhealthy, unrealistic attachment to this man.

And the last thing I want to do is ruin all this good stuff by drinking...., !
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Old 08-17-2015, 06:20 PM
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Wow, FABL. That sounds fantastic!!!
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Old 08-17-2015, 06:32 PM
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Checking in, I've been following the thread but not chiming in much, sorry. I really like knowing how y'all are doing, it keeps me motivated. I'm finishing up day 29 here. I've been kinda hiding out when I'm not working. I've found that I just want to avoid social interaction and for the time being I'm gonna roll with it. I've always been a loner and I think it was the desire to fit in that put me on the road to alcoholism initially. This go around, though, I'm doing whatever keeps my mind furthest from the drink.
I look forward to rediscovering myself and making friends sober, but for now I'm pretty content with my books and movies. Be well! :-)
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Old 08-17-2015, 06:39 PM
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7/0 tonight on the lanes with a mediocre series for me, so I'll take it! Happy for the team! I shot a 191/210/169=570 series...needed a better last game to take $5 from a guy I bet with each week for high score...won the first two games for $3 but my 169 in game 3 was not good enough! I've taken him all 3 games the last 3 weeks so it's all good!
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Old 08-17-2015, 06:41 PM
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Upward, I think that sounds perfectly fine. Especially since you are content being alone right now. I think people get into more trouble when they isolate themselves and are miserable about it, feeling resentful and like they are missing out. . I think being comfortable being alone with ourselves is important.
29 days is fantastic and you sound great
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Old 08-17-2015, 06:54 PM
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I agree, FABL. 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it'. I still have a strong desire to fit in. It's a bit unnerving. Alcohol was a form of self-medication in that regards.
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Old 08-17-2015, 07:00 PM
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Yeah it's wierd to say it but it helps that I was already isolating myself so I could drink the way I really wanted to. I don't have the dilemma of turning my back on my drinking buddies now because I did that a while ago. It's just me and a sober inner dialogue, instead of a drunk inner dialogue...and the www with it's endless supply of cat themed videos to while away the hours
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Old 08-17-2015, 07:02 PM
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Great job on moving along everyone. A bit of a rough day. I didn't eat dinner until late. I felt hopeless, anxious, stressed and if I had a drink it would go away. Had some tomatoe pesto pizza instead and some sprite. Needed a little sugar boost. Did some breathing exercises. Feel much better now and hoping to get a good night sleep.

Unsure if it's still just natural habit to want the drink when I am clocked from work. I guess the stress of going from work to house stuff and getting the kids ready for bed is just stressfull. Everyday the samething. But being drunk just makes feel a tad bit better until I really explode.

I got a 10 min meditation in at lunch. The afternoon went well but i had a mini panic attack when i got home. Too much rush rush rush.
If anyone has tips on decompressing when going from work to rush hour to home I am all ears. I can confirm that this probably my biggest trigger.
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Old 08-17-2015, 07:08 PM
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I find music can help change my mood. I sometimes put it on while I'm doing housework (yawn), and it seems to help.
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Old 08-17-2015, 07:22 PM
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How long is your rush hour? Could you find some compelling pod casts or books on tape that could make being in the car more of a treat?
Or could you hunker down at a cafe for half an hour before hitting the roads?
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Old 08-17-2015, 07:45 PM
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It's different usually an hour commute. I recognize I should have may grabbed a bite on the way home. I bet I can download some audio books to the phone. Thanks for your thoughts
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Old 08-17-2015, 07:57 PM
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Day one on the new contract starts tomorrow and I have meeting/training/meet the teacher all this week. It is going to be a busy one. I am so glad that I decided to give up the drinking because I honestly couldn't see myself plowing through the immense stress that I am under right now with alcohol in my life. Hmmm... it used to be the other way around. I know that getting closer to my higher power has helped me tremendously over the last 40 something days. I never want to go back to where I was in June. That is all!
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Old 08-17-2015, 11:13 PM
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Back up to day 10.

FABL I understand the feeling of relief I am like that about the long term relationship I left. The one I keep getting silly over was never really a relationship lets face it. We were never official as he never left her. My feelings still swing on that but I have removed his contact details from phone and online so that it's easier to steer clear and not be tempted to leave messages. I am darn well adorable and if he couldn't see that or that me living in limbo was hurting me well I am not happy I hurt his feelings but it is a shame he couldn't see how much he was hurting mine.

Still feel kind of run down but I know I need to get up my job hunting motivation and stuff. Can't seem to get going and feel kind of achey and have a sore head. Probably as I am still not sleeping right. Had to lie a bit on my job hunting book and I hate doing that as I do really want to find something. Just been really struggling to get on with anything.
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Old 08-17-2015, 11:43 PM
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Originally Posted by angd1978 View Post
Day one on the new contract starts tomorrow and I have meeting/training/meet the teacher all this week. It is going to be a busy one. I am so glad that I decided to give up the drinking because I honestly couldn't see myself plowing through the immense stress that I am under right now with alcohol in my life. Hmmm... it used to be the other way around. I know that getting closer to my higher power has helped me tremendously over the last 40 something days. I never want to go back to where I was in June. That is all!
Best of luck on the new start! Work (and life for that matter!) is so much easier sober. If only it was as easy to learn straight from the off!

Today I woke up with my first slight mental waver for a while. I didn't think about drinking as such, it was more like blind fear. I thought 'what if I just let my guard down, forget all the bad stuff', but thinking that way isn't going to make anything any easier, and really there isn't a reason to doubt my own 'self', the part of me that ultimately has to make these decisions and not get swept along in stupid passing thoughts.

Onwards and upwards, looking forward to checking off that month next week. Have a great day!
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Old 08-18-2015, 02:44 AM
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Slight slip up this past weekend after 43 days. My longest run in at least 3 years. No real reason, just kinda happened. I'm going to reset my clock but stick with this July class of 2015. This class represents my first real attempt to stop in years so it's my starting point. Thanks for having me.
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Old 08-18-2015, 02:50 AM
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With the weekend in mind therepairman, is there anything you're going to change now?

D
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Old 08-18-2015, 02:53 AM
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Glad your sticking with us repair. Any plans for how to avoid another slip?

I feel so rough today. Think the stress and lack of sleep has let me catch a bit of a bug. Will drag myself out in a bit for juice and nice easy to make food.
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Old 08-18-2015, 03:09 AM
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Repairman - 43 days being the longest stint in 3 years and you say "thanks for having me"?!! I think it's more like we are lucky to be honoured by your presence :-) Don't let this minor blip set you back. Stick with us. You are doing so well!!

Hope you manage to get some kip, DD. I always find eating before bed really helps me sleep. Not healthy, apparently, but helps me sleep, which is healthy :-)
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Old 08-18-2015, 03:12 AM
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Just caught up on you guys! Sounds like progress and self-discovery going on! Prayers to those having a hard time. I m an only child. I tell anyone that I have "only child syndrome". Not spoiled by any means. Just never had to share as a child and still not a big fan of sharing. Course having three kids has taught me I have to share sometimes and have had to teach them how to share. Lol a very daunting task lol. Guess I'm saying I used to like being alone, only child syndrome. Then I got to where fear gripped me being alone. I'm learning to be alone again. I can avoid people's crap and don't have to deal. Right now I'm ok with that, works for me. Husband gone working again, I felt a little relief. I feel bad for saying that because I love him so much. Guess I'm still trying to get a grip on a new me and learn to deal with all these dang emotions that are brand new. The terrible feeling I've had since Friday is slowly fading (thank you God, I know it's you).
Day 29 here! No matter what kind of mess I'm feeling like its 100% better than having a drink!!
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