toadie54

Hope everyone is having a great, sober day/night!

DitzyDandelion

I have shared this elsewhere on the forum but just wanted to share with you guys too. Me and the boys out having an adventure in the woods I discovered nearby. So at least I've not been on the sofa crying all day. Got some fresh air found a new place and the dogs loved it. That is my day 7.

BringingBackB

DD your dogs are sooooo cute! Very jealous!

DitzyDandelion

Thanks BBB. They are real little sweethearts. Always there for me.

angd1978

Welcome KeyofC!!!
Sorry for the late congrats BBB! Way to go on 31 days
FABL- I am so proud of you for getting through the first week of school sober and Friday night. You go woman!

Cbf123

Hello! So, for the first time in a long time I missed a day of posting on here. Started getting a cold on Friday afternoon and by yesterday morning I was pretty much dead to the world. Feeling marginally better today, so that's a plus.

It's funny to think that not so long ago, this still wouldn't have stopped me from drinking. 'It'll take the edge off'. Yeah, right.

Anyways, back to bed for me. Well done to all of you who've made it through a Friday and a Saturday without drinking, be strong and try again anyone lurking with a hangover today. Have a fantastic day, Class!

DitzyDandelion

Get well soon Cbf.

Cbf123

Thanks, just a case of the man flu according to the wife :-). Just trying not to pass it on to our little girl.

toadie54

Happy Sunday morning/afternoon/evening class!

Just a short check-in, heading to the beach at Cape May Lighthouse State Park here in NJ.

Have a sober, solid, spectacular Sunday!

DitzyDandelion

Crying again today. Torn between did my drinking break the heart of the love of my life. Or was it all just a relationship I shouldn't have been in and I am romanticizing it as it never had a chance to grow properly. I can fill in the would have beens however I please. Still really regret how deeply I hurt him. I think he did really love me a lot and I completely trashed that. Feel like a terrible person.

letitgo

Hope you feel better DD!

Maybe reach out to him and try to end things on a better note. Appologize to him. I think he would appreciate it and it will make you feel a little bit better. You still have to accept you will not be with him. It's not worth drink over though. Hope you feel better.....

KeyofC

DD I felt the same way. It's been a long hard road but we are working at it. Is he just done you think? Is there hope at all? You'll have to work hard to let go beating yourself up and forgive yourself before you can accept anyone else forgiving you. I'm struggling with all the "self" issues. That it all starts with me and setting boundaries and only dealing with what I can handle at a time.
Apologizing and letting him know you were sick and though not an excuse that you deserve to prove you can be different. It's the tip of "making ammends" that AA talks about. I am early in this recovery as you are too and am told by people I have to be farther along to do the ammends completely. Being sober doesn't come with a finish line. It's a journey. I am an immediate gratification person. Remembering that its a life change is important.

DitzyDandelion

Thanks Key. I think it is just going to take time. I can't think about if there is any hope. It is very unlikely and if I think that way it will make me cling to that. I can't truly heal unless I let it go. I know that. I need to focus on me I just sometimes swing back into the what if pit and it hurts I could hurt someone I cared so deeply for.

KDBnSLC

Today is 2 weeks and a day. I started walking 2 weeks ago and today was 5 miles.
In addition, I added jogging today! Jog/walk/jog/walk (I'll be 60 in a couple of weeks). I experienced, what I've heard is a runner's high. I've been home for a half hour and I'm still feeling euphoric. I'm SO glad I quit. I have a feeling I could become addicted to exercise.

BobBFree33

Sober day 44. Congrats KDB on 2 weeks! Get well soon Cbf.

Busy day today. My second son turns 21 today. Doing the cookout/party thing. No booze in the house and I doubt any will be brought.

Yesterday after a hard run I was thirsty, hungry and it was the wrong time of day. The AV started a thought about getting a drink but I squelched him pretty quickly. I think of my AV as a really clever demon that uses false logic and a slick used-car-salesman approach to sell me "The drinking model". No buying it!

Have a great day today!

DitzyDandelion

I have apologized letitgo. Not sure if he has read my messages or not but I have done my best to say I am sorry.

On a totally different note. If at some point I can afford to get my licence and run it I have been offered a little motorbike. Today I decided what I would call her if I do go for it.

Aletheia - It is a Greek word variously translated as "unclosedness", "unconcealedness", "disclosure" or "truth". The literal meaning of the word ἀ–λήθεια is "the state of not being hidden; the state of being evident." It also means factuality or reality.

While i regret my actions they were born out of a need for truth that I have these days. So much of the past has been wrapped up in being hidden. I have no time for any level of dishonesty now. I think it will be a perfect name for her if I do start riding at some point.

forabetterlife

Dd, I think that's a great idea ! I also want you to know that I think you are handling the situation very well. I know it hurts but you are looking at things realistically and staying sober. Focusing on you is the right thing to do now. The rest will fall into place.
KD, my walking led into jogging a few years ago (I'm 44) and it has done wonders for me. Im not very consistent these days but when I'm really into it, I totally feel that runners high. It's also another reason to stay sober.
Bob- hope you have a great day/ party. Good job recognizing the situation and squashing that desire to drink

I am having more thoughts of drinking today than I have had all week. I know it's because I'm dreading the stress of the workweek, and I often drank on Sundays as kind of an act of denial or rebellion to what is ahead. I know that's the worst thing I could do. I've exercised a lot this weekend and planned to start my diet today. I am thinking I will just be more mindful of my portion sizes and snack less rather thank full blown diet. It's way too early for me in sobriety to spend half my day hungry as well. Hunger is a huge trigger for me .

Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday. It's gonna take all I have but I won't drink today. I don't want to lose my precious sleep or all of my hard work this week

DitzyDandelion

Thanks for the kind words FABL. I know you won't drink. Last thing youd want is to feel all ikky at the start of the work week. I don't need to tell you that you already know it.

BringingBackB

KD and FABL - Exercise has been one of the main big things for me so far. Especially cycling. I find when I'm out on the bike I forget about everything else that seems to richotet around my head for the rest of the day. It's a nice respite. I beat my personal best time today for the 10 mile uphill ride I do from my house, im definitely getting fitter as I sped round today. I've been overtaking people as well!

DD - I agree with FABL in that you seem to be handling the stress of the situation really well. It's great that you post here about it to. It definitely helps me to get stuff out there. A problem shared and all that.. Excited for you for your motorbike! I like the name too. I've always wanted a Vespa Scooter. Maybe that could be a long term goal for me from all the money I'm saving from not buying booze!

I've had a pretty quiet day here. Bike ride this morning. I've been quite indulgent and had a good few hours playing xbox, figured I deserved the time to do whatever it is I wanted to do! Planning on a relaxing soak soon and reading some more of this Buddhist recovery book. If you'd asked me what in thought of Buddhism whilst I was drinking I'd have laughed in your face. I am starting to discover a more spiritual person inside of me than I previously thought. The more I read, the more the Buddhist way of thinking appeals to me. I've an awful long way to go yey though!

B

DitzyDandelion

Exercise is something I need to start getting into I think. The bike will take a while as I need to save for the gear and the CBT of course. Long term goals don't do a soul any harm though . So jealous you can have a soak. No bath in this flat and in the past a long bath with a book has always been one of my biggest go to stress reliefs. I really miss it. Was my little escape place from when I was quite young. May see if I can find some stand up comedy to watch this eve. A good giggle would do me a world of good.

Thanks for the kind words as well I guess I can look back and know I have been though some far worse times in my life and I always bounced back. This only hit me so hard as it started when I was in a really bad place so that little speck of happiness consumed my whole world to the point of obsession. Overall I am still better off than I was a few months ago by a looooooooooooooooong way. A bit wonders whether my subconscious played me and only fell for him to get me out of there. Cause I kind of knew he'd still feel that way when I got in touch. Perhaps he was simply meant to be the escape route rather than my future. I know staying in a relationship straight off like that would not have ended well. Even without all the pressure the circumstances added. Hmmm. Oh well best not to overthink it or I will drive my noodle brain crazy. Onward and upwards.