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Class of July 2015 Part 6

Old 08-16-2015, 12:48 PM
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Know how you feel regarding the bath DD, could have wrote that myself. I've always said it's where I'm at my best! Always used it as a means to get some me time away from everyone, such a good place to read as well.

Let us know what stand up you go for! I watched Reggie Watts on Netflix the other day. He's really different but I loved it. Really like Robin Williams and Louis CK too. Robins stand up on alcoholism is even more haunting now.

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Old 08-16-2015, 02:08 PM
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Originally Posted by forabetterlife View Post
I am having more thoughts of drinking today than I have had all week. I know it's because I'm dreading the stress of the workweek, and I often drank on Sundays as kind of an act of denial or rebellion to what is ahead. I know that's the worst thing I could do.
Oh boy, do I know those Sunday dreads all too well and dulling them with beers all day Sunday. You are in my thoughts as you head into another week.

Feel better cbf!
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Old 08-16-2015, 02:11 PM
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Originally Posted by toadie54 View Post
Happy Sunday morning/afternoon/evening class!

Just a short check-in, heading to the beach at Cape May Lighthouse State Park here in NJ.

Have a sober, solid, spectacular Sunday!
Hey Toadie, how's it going? Still going strong?
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Old 08-16-2015, 02:23 PM
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Hi guys, on Waiheke Island at the moment staying with my brother and have limited access to the internet, but just wanted to check in and wish you all the best. I really get the rebellion thing as a precursor to drinking....a kind of WTF, devil-may-care attitude. Always leads me to trouble! Well done everyone for staying strong :-)
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Old 08-16-2015, 03:17 PM
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Tooshabby, so do you just take a ferry to his house then? It looks somewhat close to Auckland. It looks like a beautiful island from Google images.

FABL I used Sunday as my drinking funday also. Sometimes Mondays suck especially if we go in with that attitude. However they suck much more with a hangover and a case of the mundays...

KDBnSLC congrats on 15 days and getting 5 miles in. That is very impressive.

Toadie tell Pauli D I say hi if you run into him on the jersey shore.

Angd1978 are you starting school this week?

Glad to hear you are going strong Bob!!

DD you are a very good writer. Sorry about your situation. You should write a book or free lance. I really enjoy your posts and you have very cute dogs

Took the family to the fair. Yikes it was 93 degrees out. Booze flowing everywhere. I really wanted a summer shandy. Like a lemonade beer. Just to enjoy the flavor so part of my brain tells me. Anyway I stuck with water.

I was reading the trial sample of the Allen Carr guide to quit drinking. It is good. Debating on getting a nonviolent communication book or the Allen Carr. I am only 25% through the I want to change my life book. But I have lost interest a bit in it.

To be honest I have no idea what the hell I am doing anymore. Sobriety makes question everything. We have had 2 deaths in the family and I am thinking I hope I don't wake up at 40 and feel like I wasted my life. Still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. It's time for some soul searching that's not chemically induced.
Have a good evening!
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Old 08-16-2015, 03:37 PM
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Hi Julyers,

Ex-husband is here, older daughter & boyfriend are here, younger daughter is preparing to go to college and like you, fabl and letitgo, I "loved" drinking on a Sunday night, so today is difficult. But hanging in there.

DD- Sounds like you are doing as well as you possibly can. Appreciate those wonderful pups!

Toady (and Tooshabby too?)- have fun, admit I am a bit jealous

cbf- Hope you're feeling better.

KBD- Congrats on 2+ weeks.

Hope your week starts well, everyone!
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Old 08-16-2015, 04:04 PM
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So much on my mind tonight. It's not even 7pm and I wish I could just go to bed.

Letitgo, I know the feeling. I went from having very few losses to death in my life to losing my best friend, mother in law, and my father within 18 months. It really makes you think about things and life differently.

I honestly didn't realize that Sunday drinking was so common. I thought it was just one my stupid self sabotaging behaviors.

I can feel my life become a seemingly endless to do list, which is what happens to me once I get past the first week. I start to notice more things that need to be done and become compulsive. I feel such guilt if I don't do something I was supposed to or planned to (exercise, clean a room, finish laundry). This pressure I put on myself can lead to me to a f&&);$ck it attitude - and just go buy a bottle of wine. Trying to go easy on myself, but it's become a pattern and we all know how hard they are to break.
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Old 08-16-2015, 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted by forabetterlife View Post
This pressure I put on myself can lead to me to a f&&);$ck it attitude - and just go buy a bottle of wine. Trying to go easy on myself, but it's become a pattern and we all know how hard they are to break.
We are our own worst enemies. I have fallen into this either/or type of thinking. Either I'm drunk and don't care about anything or I'm sober and I care about EVERYTHING! Finding the middle ground is hard.

I've had that very same f**k it attitude and it was a not-so hidden type of self-harm. I would research all the bad stuff that alcohol does to you and make a list. That actually seemed to fuel my self-destructiveness....knowing how bad it is! It wasn't until I started examining my thoughts and behavior patterns that I began to make headway.

Welp, had a good bday party for my son. No drinking by anyone, not even him....as far as I know.....But, according to him I'm kinda stupid :-)
Sober day 44 in the books.

Have a good evening folks.
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Old 08-16-2015, 08:10 PM
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A quick hello, ended up in ER with severe abdominal pain yesterday, once they did all the tests & it subsided they let me go home. Back in for an ultrasound this morning. They're thinking gallstones.
Feeling so tired for too long now & getting fed up. I hope they have some answers this morning. I'm not very good at down & lazy!
BBB what's the name of the Buddhist recovery book? Sounds good.
DD I'm the same about baths. I came home from my mini weekend to a broken bath tap, I had popped in the oils and Epsom salts and was all excited with my book! So disappointing! It's the simple things in life 'eh?!
Ok better get some more zzz' before the poking & prodding.
Oh yes my liver bloods came back normal! That was good news!
X
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Old 08-17-2015, 01:00 AM
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Thank you letitgo. Writing was always the big dream. It is a matter of breaking past a few walls and actually doing it I guess.

Thanks Toki. Huge hugs FABL. You are doing fantastic. Now I am over the first week I am starting to feel like I should be on top of everything I need to do as well. I am trying to not be too hard on myself. I am still wavering between desperately wanting to turn back time. To have back what I had and hold onto it no matter what. Then on the other hand sometimes now I think sod it. Just being me on my own isn't so bad at all. In fact it could be something really special. It could be the time I finally grow and follow all the dreams I set aside while pouring my heart into others. Then I cry again a bit and so on.

Hope you feel better soon already and that it is nothing too serious.

BBB good to hear you are doing well.

Hugs all
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Old 08-17-2015, 02:12 AM
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That sounds good Ditzy, a little self love and compassion is needed while you repair. Speak to yourself like you're speaking to a good friend going through a similar situation. We're all a bit too hard on ourselves and being AF is a great place to start self compassion coz we rock and we're SO strong!!
Happy Monday to all on the thread x
Originally Posted by DitzyDandelion View Post
Thank you letitgo. Writing was always the big dream. It is a matter of breaking past a few walls and actually doing it I guess.

Thanks Toki. Huge hugs FABL. You are doing fantastic. Now I am over the first week I am starting to feel like I should be on top of everything I need to do as well. I am trying to not be too hard on myself. I am still wavering between desperately wanting to turn back time. To have back what I had and hold onto it no matter what. Then on the other hand sometimes now I think sod it. Just being me on my own isn't so bad at all. In fact it could be something really special. It could be the time I finally grow and follow all the dreams I set aside while pouring my heart into others. Then I cry again a bit and so on.

Hope you feel better soon already and that it is nothing too serious.

BBB good to hear you are doing well.

Hugs all
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Old 08-17-2015, 03:27 AM
  # 112 (permalink)  
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FBL - You mentioned last time, that you see life as a tick list and put huge amounts of pressure yourself. That would make things very difficult for me. It's all about life balance. What do you like to do? For me it's cycling, reading or even just playing video games. I have to make that time for myself for my own health.

In SMART it's referred to as a VACI ( Vital Absorbing Creative Interest. Something that occupies you outside of mundane day to day life.

I place a lot of pressure on myself as well and I'm working really hard on learning to forgive myself, and accept I am fallible, as is everyone else. I hold myself to a much higher standard than I would anyone else. With time it becomes very damaging and I am learning that there is a big difference between healthy observing of my actons and intentions, and obsessing/ critiquing them. Being hyper critical of yourself is in essence a self fulfilling prophecy.


Day 33? Here, I can't remember. I'm doing okay. Still sleeping like a log. Some good and positive changs have come out of changing up my meds. Apart from that I'm still off work (still worrying about it needlessly too!). It's my little old grannies birthday today so heading out to lunch with her (lovely chinese restaurant). Bike ride this afternoon to burn some of it off!
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Old 08-17-2015, 05:26 AM
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Hello all. Sorry, I've not had a chance to go through the posts that I've missed. Hope everyone is doing good.

3 weeks in for me today. Feeling good about everything (other than this stupid cold!). Maybe it's because I've been here before and I know the signs a bit better now, but I'm keeping myself from becoming complacent as much as possible. 3 weeks is nothing in the scheme of things, but as a personal milestone, I'll take it.

Best of luck to everyone struggling today. Much love x
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Old 08-17-2015, 07:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Cbf123 View Post
Hello all. Sorry, I've not had a chance to go through the posts that I've missed. Hope everyone is doing good. 3 weeks in for me today. Feeling good about everything (other than this stupid cold!). Maybe it's because I've been here before and I know the signs a bit better now, but I'm keeping myself from becoming complacent as much as possible. 3 weeks is nothing in the scheme of things, but as a personal milestone, I'll take it. Best of luck to everyone struggling today. Much love x
Congrats on 3 weeks! We have the same sobriety date this time around seems to be going slower though, which I guess is good so I can enjoy the rest of summer sober! Summer always seemed a blur (well so did spring, fall and winter lol) when I was drinking. I'm grateful that I am actually enjoying the long hours of the days instead of being **** faced all the time.
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Old 08-17-2015, 09:47 AM
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Day 28 and I am grateful for almost one month! I have been quiet because I don't know exactly what the heck is going on with me right now. I always heard "if you don't know what to do, do nothing" so that's today. I was hoping this feeling would be less and less and I guess it has just not as less as I thought it would be. Great to read about how everybody is doing. Saying a few words to let you know I am being a little quiet but I am still here and still sober!
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Old 08-17-2015, 10:21 AM
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I love that I saw July 2013 right under Us I'm still Here in Florida when I get home I'll count my days . I'm not sober now but I'm willing .u all inspire me.
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Old 08-17-2015, 10:27 AM
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Is there a chance that crazy drunken me trashed that relationship partly cause he was such a none drinker and was so supportive of me going sober? Did drunk me consider him a threat?
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Old 08-17-2015, 11:03 AM
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Originally Posted by DitzyDandelion View Post
Is there a chance that crazy drunken me trashed that relationship partly cause he was such a none drinker and was so supportive of me going sober? Did drunk me consider him a threat?
That may be DD. I often feel like being an alcoholic is like having a split personality. Drunken me has taken over sober me too many times to count. Maybe that is one of the reasons they say this disease is baffling and cunning? FWIW I think you are better off on your own right now. That situation/relationship did sound very healthy or good for anyone. You'll be better off in the long run
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Old 08-17-2015, 11:26 AM
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DD, I agree with Ladybug. From what you have described, it doesn't sound like a relationship that was healthy for either of you. Maybe this is a good opportunity for you to take some time out for yourself and work through things without the added stress of a relationship.

Hope you feel better soon.
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Old 08-17-2015, 01:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Carver View Post
Hey Toadie, how's it going? Still going strong?
Still on track, Carver...hope you are too!

Pauly D? I haven't seen him anywhere!

I've been away for the weekend, just got home today...heading back out in the RV Wednesday for a trip to Delaware till Saturday.

Bowling tonight & tomorrow, will check in later.

Have a good day everyone! Not sure what my days count is, think it's forty something days...
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