Class of July 2015 Part 6
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 132
Finishing up sober day 42. For so long I’ve had no cravings and no AV. That changed on the drive home and that really surprised me. I’m at a new work location with a new grocery store on the way home. You know what I was thinking! Of course, the store is SO convenient and they don’t know me there. A nice anonymous purchase and nobody will be the wiser! I never had the impulse to actually do it but the thought did bother me. I let the thought go but the feeling lingered until I got in my routine and started my run.
I deconstructed the obvious question: WHY TODAY? The answer was my work has been a very stressful mess and I’ve had to do huge amounts to keep everyone connected and the systems running……until today. It was a nice easy, relaxing day and, frankly I actually had the emotions of happiness and contentment.
That feeling has been paired with drinking in the past and like a Pavlovian dog my tiny little brain went into auto-drinko-mode.
I did not buy the wine for the following reasons: 1) I’m in a good pattern, I had planned exactly what I was going to do and that was not in the plan. 2) I substituted the momentary image of enjoying the wine at home with drinking gasoline and slapping myself saying wake-the-F-up idiot! 3) I played the very real end of the tape with me having a headache and my stomach hurting, with indigestion at night and worries about damaging my esophagus. 4) I thought about the vanilla ice crème and Hershey’s syrup I’m having after I eat….MMMM….now that is a new addiction.
But this tells me I gotta watch it and not get complacent.
Tomorrow I’ve been invited for margaritas. I feel pretty Ok with that as I don’t like to drink with work friends. I try to maintain a professional image and drinking is not cool with other professionals.
Shields up!
Have a good sober night folks!
I deconstructed the obvious question: WHY TODAY? The answer was my work has been a very stressful mess and I’ve had to do huge amounts to keep everyone connected and the systems running……until today. It was a nice easy, relaxing day and, frankly I actually had the emotions of happiness and contentment.
That feeling has been paired with drinking in the past and like a Pavlovian dog my tiny little brain went into auto-drinko-mode.
I did not buy the wine for the following reasons: 1) I’m in a good pattern, I had planned exactly what I was going to do and that was not in the plan. 2) I substituted the momentary image of enjoying the wine at home with drinking gasoline and slapping myself saying wake-the-F-up idiot! 3) I played the very real end of the tape with me having a headache and my stomach hurting, with indigestion at night and worries about damaging my esophagus. 4) I thought about the vanilla ice crème and Hershey’s syrup I’m having after I eat….MMMM….now that is a new addiction.
But this tells me I gotta watch it and not get complacent.
Tomorrow I’ve been invited for margaritas. I feel pretty Ok with that as I don’t like to drink with work friends. I try to maintain a professional image and drinking is not cool with other professionals.
Shields up!
Have a good sober night folks!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Right Here Right Now
Posts: 50
Bon voyage Martina, sounds like a trio of a lifetime. Looking forward to hearing more about it!
Bob well done, those fecking cravings are never to far, well done on thinking it through.
Very warm night where I'm stayingand I've woken in the middle of the night, too lazy to take a look at the méteor shower. Will read here & continue to rest the mind and soul.
Have looked so well since giving up the booze in March but I'm run down from work and look like crap this last two weeks.. Boils on my face...not great for the self esteem but I'm repairing here so hopefully they'll start to leave my system.
Everybody here seems to be doing so great clocking up the days, very inspiring indeed. Fantastic!! Days 31 here. 3 months was my best so I'm trucking along nicely. I need down time but I need to be careful too as my plan is to have no plans....! Rest read walk eat sleep and repeat! Have a great weekend July'ers x
Bob well done, those fecking cravings are never to far, well done on thinking it through.
Very warm night where I'm stayingand I've woken in the middle of the night, too lazy to take a look at the méteor shower. Will read here & continue to rest the mind and soul.
Have looked so well since giving up the booze in March but I'm run down from work and look like crap this last two weeks.. Boils on my face...not great for the self esteem but I'm repairing here so hopefully they'll start to leave my system.
Everybody here seems to be doing so great clocking up the days, very inspiring indeed. Fantastic!! Days 31 here. 3 months was my best so I'm trucking along nicely. I need down time but I need to be careful too as my plan is to have no plans....! Rest read walk eat sleep and repeat! Have a great weekend July'ers x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
Woot woot 41 days. 2nd longest sober stint and I will turn it into my longest. 18 days no smokes. So busy with work to think about drinking or smoking.
Stressed but not feeling like I am drowning back into drinking. Feels good to be stressed and little overwhelmed but I just do what I can. I started this calm app. Got a good 10 mind of meditation in. It's weird that I can feel my body. I never really noticed I coild actuaply feel breathing through mydiaphragm before
...
Sounds like everyone is doing well. Have a great night or day!!
Stressed but not feeling like I am drowning back into drinking. Feels good to be stressed and little overwhelmed but I just do what I can. I started this calm app. Got a good 10 mind of meditation in. It's weird that I can feel my body. I never really noticed I coild actuaply feel breathing through mydiaphragm before
...Sounds like everyone is doing well. Have a great night or day!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 737
Shields up indeed! Today was another hectic day at work for me. That exhaustion at the end of the day, of non stop talking to multiple customers, trying to complete repairs and communicate with co workers is a big trigger for me. Today I definitely felt the siren call of the beers in the fridge, but it wasn't too hard to see past that impulse and let it go. I DON'T do that anymore.
It feels like breaking through a wall, there's just more life on the other side. I can be there without a beer in my hand.
It feels like breaking through a wall, there's just more life on the other side. I can be there without a beer in my hand.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
Not sleeping well this time. it wasn't a big issue last time. I think it's the extra emotions on my mind doing it. I wake up and remember and then get full of thoughts that make me sad. Managed about 4 hours last night but feel a kind of sweaty sad mess today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Oh no, that's no good at all. I really feel for you, DD. Lack of sleep is torture. So are feelings of extreme sadness :-( I'm so sorry it's hard right now. I found after a heartbreak the first two weeks were the worst, and then verrrrry gradually, things got better. Hang in there!!!! xxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Congrats on the one month and beyond milestones... You are inspiring to me
Day 6 for me and TGIF. It feels good to say that I have woken up every day this school year well rested and clear headed. It has been an exhausting week between school and my emotions , I've been sleeping so soundly, I don't know how on earth I did it with hangovers. I am very very nervous about the weekend. Av is already chirping in my ear how much I deserve a break after this. I truly love how I feel right now, even my raw emotions. I miss my dad every day regardless but Something about being sober makes it hit me like a brick. I guess I need to go through this, it's part of grief.
I will most certainly be around a lot this weekend especially in about 9 hours when Av will be in full force I am sure.
Have a great sober Friday my friends ...
Day 6 for me and TGIF. It feels good to say that I have woken up every day this school year well rested and clear headed. It has been an exhausting week between school and my emotions , I've been sleeping so soundly, I don't know how on earth I did it with hangovers. I am very very nervous about the weekend. Av is already chirping in my ear how much I deserve a break after this. I truly love how I feel right now, even my raw emotions. I miss my dad every day regardless but Something about being sober makes it hit me like a brick. I guess I need to go through this, it's part of grief.
I will most certainly be around a lot this weekend especially in about 9 hours when Av will be in full force I am sure.
Have a great sober Friday my friends ...
SD 7/3/15 SRJD 7/14/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: The Jersey Shore
Posts: 316
Heading out in about an hour down the Garden State Parkway to Cape May County NJ...will be checking in periodically. RV is packed and the campsite is waiting for us!
Have a great, sober weekend everyone!
Have a great, sober weekend everyone!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: the driftless zone
Posts: 1,017
Only read one page here but so many great things happening!
BBFree- Great job! "auto-drinko mode"- I know it well.
aiu- Whoohoo! (love your name)
letitgo- 41 days, awesome
Upward cbf -Sounds like you both got this thing
BBB- hallelujahs from us- one month, yay.
fabl- You've got momentum now...Good job on starting the school year sober. I'll be starting soon too, and will be trying hard.
Have a great Friday/weekend Julyers.
BBFree- Great job! "auto-drinko mode"- I know it well.
aiu- Whoohoo! (love your name)
letitgo- 41 days, awesome
Upward cbf -Sounds like you both got this thing
BBB- hallelujahs from us- one month, yay.
fabl- You've got momentum now...Good job on starting the school year sober. I'll be starting soon too, and will be trying hard.
Have a great Friday/weekend Julyers.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Right Here Right Now
Posts: 50
Wow, congrats BBB!
DD you just came into my mind as I read "daring greatly" by Brenne Brown. Am on my phone so apologies for typos..
"If we want to be able to move through the difficult disappointments, the hurt feelings, and the heartbreaks that are inevitable in a fully filled life, we can't equate defeat with being unworthy of love, belonging and joy. If we do, we'll never show up and try again"
You and all the July class show such courage in your quests for sobriety so keep on going. You'll come out of this low ebb, that I know for sure.
Happy Saturday everybody on the bus, wagon, quest - whatever you call it. Keep shining x
DD you just came into my mind as I read "daring greatly" by Brenne Brown. Am on my phone so apologies for typos..
"If we want to be able to move through the difficult disappointments, the hurt feelings, and the heartbreaks that are inevitable in a fully filled life, we can't equate defeat with being unworthy of love, belonging and joy. If we do, we'll never show up and try again"
You and all the July class show such courage in your quests for sobriety so keep on going. You'll come out of this low ebb, that I know for sure.
Happy Saturday everybody on the bus, wagon, quest - whatever you call it. Keep shining x
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