Class of August 2015 Pt 2
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Hi Andy. Welcome to the group! You should be very proud of 81 days - that is no easy feat! It sounds like your AV has been telling you the lie that you can moderate, when you in fact know that is not the case. When my AV starts bugging me, I "play the tape through" the scenario that is being presented. Such as, my AV tells me that it would be so nice to sit on the patio in the sun with a cold glass of wine. Sounds nice, right? Sure it does! But I know better than to know one glass of wine isn't all I'd want. I'd have one glass and then get anxious, and have another, and another. I'd get drunk and then pass out and wake up full of regret for thinking i could have just that one glass. That's the kind of thought process that keeps me on track. It can be a frustrating game to play but it's necessary to maintain sobriety.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
It took me a while Andy - but I drank for decades.
The longer you stay sober and the more you work on being happy that way, the less you'll be troubled by those thoughts
You're always worthy BBF. One of addiction's cruellest moves is to try and convince us we're not worthy, which drives us away from the support we needs and stops us trying to stay sober.
Don't fall for that
D
The longer you stay sober and the more you work on being happy that way, the less you'll be troubled by those thoughts
You're always worthy BBF. One of addiction's cruellest moves is to try and convince us we're not worthy, which drives us away from the support we needs and stops us trying to stay sober.
Don't fall for that
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 277
Welcome back, Blackbird.
Well as this day comes to a close, I'm happy to say that I've had two relatively easy nights in a row. We had someone over this evening and, since it was company, I offered up one of the beers hubby has stashed in the fridge. Hubs had one too, and I didn't even flinch. Had water and lemonade.
My husband has been really kind about not drinking at home in front of me and I have really appreciated it. The last time I was sober I felt like I had to hide in my bedroom in the evenings because he always had something to drink. This time we're getting healthier together and he's much more supportive in this way. I think he really gets it that, for me, this is a matter of life or death. My health is so bad from this and I'm so glad he's in my corner this time. It has made it easier.
Well as this day comes to a close, I'm happy to say that I've had two relatively easy nights in a row. We had someone over this evening and, since it was company, I offered up one of the beers hubby has stashed in the fridge. Hubs had one too, and I didn't even flinch. Had water and lemonade.
My husband has been really kind about not drinking at home in front of me and I have really appreciated it. The last time I was sober I felt like I had to hide in my bedroom in the evenings because he always had something to drink. This time we're getting healthier together and he's much more supportive in this way. I think he really gets it that, for me, this is a matter of life or death. My health is so bad from this and I'm so glad he's in my corner this time. It has made it easier.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
I am finding AV tries to have the odd go in the evening. Generally I am feeling ok by then and recognize the silly you can moderate for what it is. What I am finding harder is that lately I wake up just feeling really sad and it takes ages to shift it. I hate waking up to that terrible sense of loss and dread. In some ways it feels worse than waking up hungover. I can understand that and then nothing feels quite real and I know how to avoid it in future. This is hard to understand, feels like reality slapping me in the face hard and I am not sure how to stop it happening.
It is only day 5 and I am hoping it is just that the recover phase is just harder on me this time, of course combined with no longer having someone who loved me out there even if I didn't see him often. That gave me a slice of hope and a few moments of happiness that I can't seem to find in anything else. Plus I know it's my own fault I don't have that anymore.
It is only day 5 and I am hoping it is just that the recover phase is just harder on me this time, of course combined with no longer having someone who loved me out there even if I didn't see him often. That gave me a slice of hope and a few moments of happiness that I can't seem to find in anything else. Plus I know it's my own fault I don't have that anymore.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 397
I struggled somewhat tonight, even contemplating the idea of a drink a couple of times. But I managed to ride it out and accept its just a part of recovery. Acting on it is the problem. I even posted a thread, which helps.
The further away from my last drink I get, the more this is starting to seem like learning to live without drink, than simply quitting.
The further away from my last drink I get, the more this is starting to seem like learning to live without drink, than simply quitting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by lovehoops 
Lilly...Don't beat yourself up. You will see the rewards of sobriety come forward as you ease into things more comfortably while not drinking. Forgive yourself and put the past behind you. We all have made mistakes, probably bad ones, but it's over. Try to focus on today and being a good partner and parent and you will see things change. I know it's hard . I beat myself up with regrets every day and then something small happens...like today 2of my kids (22 and 17 year old) needed my help with big favors that involved a lot of running around for them. I gladly did it and remembered...being available to do this is a gift of sobriety. I could not have helped them when I was drunk and they would have never asked...these were the same kids That 10 years ago I would forget to feed because I would be passed out. I would find them eating cookies and soda for dinner.
Try to get the negative thoughts out if your head.
Have a good evening ..I'm thinking of you
Try to get the negative thoughts out if your head.
Have a good evening ..I'm thinking of you
Lilly
Urban Hermit
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,586
Good morning everyone. Day 12.
Wow, this really is a roller coaster, isn't it? I had a great day yesterday with no headache and no cravings, but woke up with a bad headache and no motivation this morning. I don't have a lot I need to do today, but there are some things I would really like to get done. At least I know I won't drink, so I can cut myself a little slack on the rest.
Hang in there JL2014 -- remember why you decided to stop.
Wow, this really is a roller coaster, isn't it? I had a great day yesterday with no headache and no cravings, but woke up with a bad headache and no motivation this morning. I don't have a lot I need to do today, but there are some things I would really like to get done. At least I know I won't drink, so I can cut myself a little slack on the rest.
Hang in there JL2014 -- remember why you decided to stop.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 754
Andy, some people can drink without issues and some of us can't. Like Swimkim said, it really helps to play it through to the end.
DD, I think it's normal for us to be somewhat sad in the beginning. I think there is a bit of a mourning period as we say goodbye to an old "friend". Clearly not a true friend, but a good bye nonetheless. I also remember it taking a while for joy to return. I am there now...making it through, day by day, and feeling a bit flat lined. I am trying to be patient.
Retread, I too have a fabulous husband who stopped drinking with me. He does not have my problem, and never complained about my behavior before, but was concerned on MANY occasions. I know to count my blessings.
To all who struggle with feelings of worthiness...God doesn't make junk. He made each of us. Each is important.
Have a great day Class. I'm off to day 12.
DD, I think it's normal for us to be somewhat sad in the beginning. I think there is a bit of a mourning period as we say goodbye to an old "friend". Clearly not a true friend, but a good bye nonetheless. I also remember it taking a while for joy to return. I am there now...making it through, day by day, and feeling a bit flat lined. I am trying to be patient.
Retread, I too have a fabulous husband who stopped drinking with me. He does not have my problem, and never complained about my behavior before, but was concerned on MANY occasions. I know to count my blessings.
To all who struggle with feelings of worthiness...God doesn't make junk. He made each of us. Each is important.
Have a great day Class. I'm off to day 12.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,191
As I'm preparing my breakfast this morning, sausage, eggs and toast, I think that back just 10 days ago I would be popping the top on a beer about now. And planning which convenience store I would go to today to replenish my supply!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Morning, All! Some emotional rollercoastering out there. Definitely normal. We've got physical and psychological withdrawals happening, so emotions will be all over the place. Anchor yourself here! It will get better! Hope you all have a good day.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 277
Morning! Getting ready to start another sober day. Feels so good to not have a hangover when i wake up.
Today should be a challenge; I have lots of moving parts at my job right now and it's going to be a very busy day trying to get everything done that needs to be done. I'll likely come home stressed-- big danger zone there. I'm sure I'll be fine but I do expect some cravings. Got lots of lemonade in the fridge, though.
Today should be a challenge; I have lots of moving parts at my job right now and it's going to be a very busy day trying to get everything done that needs to be done. I'll likely come home stressed-- big danger zone there. I'm sure I'll be fine but I do expect some cravings. Got lots of lemonade in the fridge, though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
Feeling ok today but a bit tired. I find I am sleeping enough hours but still feel really worn out. Am amazed at how much more effected I seem to feel than last time. I know I have had a few rough events in between but I think the physical side is far more. Or perhaps I forgot and am rushing to feel like I am picking up where I left off. I may just be remembering how I felt on day ten instead of the reality of day 5.
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