Class of August 2015 Pt 2
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: here, now.
Posts: 1,236
"Coming Out"
Day 11. I've spent the day so far inside, but I have to get ready for work and go in after I post this. It'll be another long day, and into the late night, today.
I'm thankful to have gone through the hard, very beginning, although I know I'm still in it. But the detox is done. I posted about the rough night I had last night, and I'm thankful for the responses and for the other posts I took the time to look at today.
It's kind of like pregnancy, where I don't want to "come out" and tell people until I am sure this is going to work. Some part of me feels like that is the AV talking, but another part feels like it's really practical.
I've "come out" before. I'm queer. I came out when I was a kid, and it was not well received, and I went back in, had (wrong) relationships with men for years, and that was a big part of why I drank. I came out as an adult a couple of years ago, after lots of hemming and hawing. I'm now 6 months in a relationship with a really cool woman, who is smart, religious, (I'm not but she doesn't mind) kind, and very grounding for me.
This "coming out" feels not unlike coming out queer. My GF has noticed that I am not drinking, and I am pretty sure she noticed that I drank more than her. I'd show up to meet her at "our bar" already having drank at home, and we'd buy beer and wine to have at my house, and it disappeared, because I drank it, alone, at almost every available opportunity. She never drinks alone at home. She found an old grocery store receipt in a reuseable bag recently and looked at it and said "honey, you were buying A LOT of booze. There's almost no food on this receipt!" I was like, "oh, yeah, I was meeting some friends before we dated." I feel like she knew I was lying. Those two bottles of wine and two six packs were for me alone, at home, for a few days.
Coming out was so scary. It felt like the world was going to end. This one feels similar. Once I do it, she knows, and if I slip, as in relapse, there's no more denial for either one of us. I'm also scared that she will decide that I'm too much of a mess, or that she doesn't want a sober girlfriend, because she's a beer nerd. She loves craft beer. She sips it and enjoys it and shares it and rarely drinks too much, and it never interferes with her life.
I'm not going to do it today. But it's been on my mind, and I wanted to get it out. Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading. I'm REALLY going to the office now. Will check in later on.
xo-B
I'm thankful to have gone through the hard, very beginning, although I know I'm still in it. But the detox is done. I posted about the rough night I had last night, and I'm thankful for the responses and for the other posts I took the time to look at today.
It's kind of like pregnancy, where I don't want to "come out" and tell people until I am sure this is going to work. Some part of me feels like that is the AV talking, but another part feels like it's really practical.
I've "come out" before. I'm queer. I came out when I was a kid, and it was not well received, and I went back in, had (wrong) relationships with men for years, and that was a big part of why I drank. I came out as an adult a couple of years ago, after lots of hemming and hawing. I'm now 6 months in a relationship with a really cool woman, who is smart, religious, (I'm not but she doesn't mind) kind, and very grounding for me.
This "coming out" feels not unlike coming out queer. My GF has noticed that I am not drinking, and I am pretty sure she noticed that I drank more than her. I'd show up to meet her at "our bar" already having drank at home, and we'd buy beer and wine to have at my house, and it disappeared, because I drank it, alone, at almost every available opportunity. She never drinks alone at home. She found an old grocery store receipt in a reuseable bag recently and looked at it and said "honey, you were buying A LOT of booze. There's almost no food on this receipt!" I was like, "oh, yeah, I was meeting some friends before we dated." I feel like she knew I was lying. Those two bottles of wine and two six packs were for me alone, at home, for a few days.
Coming out was so scary. It felt like the world was going to end. This one feels similar. Once I do it, she knows, and if I slip, as in relapse, there's no more denial for either one of us. I'm also scared that she will decide that I'm too much of a mess, or that she doesn't want a sober girlfriend, because she's a beer nerd. She loves craft beer. She sips it and enjoys it and shares it and rarely drinks too much, and it never interferes with her life.
I'm not going to do it today. But it's been on my mind, and I wanted to get it out. Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading. I'm REALLY going to the office now. Will check in later on.
xo-B
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
I am coming out on my own and on my own terms. I am coming out to a few thinking it will help me be accountable for my actions. I don't have to explain or owe anybody anything whether I drink or not. So far it has only been family. Some people don't need to know. My mother in law asked if I wanted a drink a few days after I have stopped and I said "No I don't drink anymore". Period. That's the story. Until I feel like telling more that's it. Now if she had asked I may would have went into somewhat of an explanation. I find it's better to just be blunt and honest. I would say something like my signature says. "I have tried for years to drink like a normal person and I have failed miserably. It's not how much I drink or how often I drink, it's what happens to me after I take the first drink." Something like that. Blunt, honesty. When I start I don't know when to stop. I don't stop until sloppy girl comes out or a fight starts, or someone's leaving, or something gets broken. Nobody wants to live like this and honestly I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Today I have came out to two of my sister in laws. One of which I don't know if my relationship with her will ever be healed. She's pretty pissed at me and from her point of view rightfully so. I was closest to her and her and my brother in law caught and saw a lot of the affects my disease has had on my husband, family, and our lives together. Now all I can do is own it and hope they can forgive and give my dumb butt one more chance. Just venting here..thanks for letting me go on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 831
This idea of coming out as a non-drinker is interesting. In my experience it wasn't a big deal because 1) as soon as I decided that being sober was what I wanted I knew I could not hang out with those "friends" I used to drink with anymore. It took me about 2 months of avoiding everybody and guess what?!? Not ONE of those "friends" contacted me to ask me how I was doing or if I wanted to do something besides drinking. So, I decided to "trash my stash" of drinking buddies. I unfriended all those people from Facebook and deleted/blocked all their numbers from my phone.
I have a second reason but I have to get back to work so stay tuned...
I have a second reason but I have to get back to work so stay tuned...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
Well I have gently but firmly stated my situation to friends and family on Facebook. Without too much detail, just enough to make my position clear. All covered in one nice sweep then with how gossip spreads. I have never liked living with anything hidden and I have been hidden from everyone so long with all the abuse. New life back to being true to me and that means being open.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
Well there are so many ways in which I am starting my life over at the moment and I need to decide who I am. One thing I do know about myself is I am naturally honest and open. So I may as well go forward with that. Plus who knows perhaps doing so will help me feel a little less alone and isolated.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Lots of great posts about "coming out" about not drinking. Bexxed, I really liked the pregnancy analogy. I had never heard that one before! It resonated with me. For a long time I tried quiting but never told anyone so that if I relapsed no one would know and I wouldn't have to come fully to terms with being an alcoholic. Ultimately it really has helped me to come out to my friends when the time is right. When I quit drinking back in April I told my mom and asked her if I could spend the weekend with her. She was beyond thrilled bc she had seen what alcohol has done to me. It really helped to have accountability. For those who may be struggling with coming out, is there someone who has approached you before with concern about your health and possible unhealthy drinking habits? This person will offer you support and help keep you accountable.
As for being invited to events where you will be triggered to drink, my advice is to not go. You may think that you will hurt feelings, but ultimately you have to do everything in your power to protect your sobriety. If you make that your number one goal then everything else will fall into place.
As for being invited to events where you will be triggered to drink, my advice is to not go. You may think that you will hurt feelings, but ultimately you have to do everything in your power to protect your sobriety. If you make that your number one goal then everything else will fall into place.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 21
I admire those with the strength to be open and honest about their choice to live a sober life. Still after many failed attempts I can't bring myself to tell people. I have started running so I'm hoping to use that as my reason for the coming weeks.
My husband is aware I go through periods of being sober and the reason why, however this time I could not be bothered to explain why, for him to listen but not really understand.
The biggest reason I return to drinking is because of fear he will leave me if I choose never to drink again. This time I have said I will have to take the risk, because I will end up killing myself if I don't. It's day 8 for me and last night I think he realised as he had his first sober night with me and again tonight.
Stay Strong Class xXx
My husband is aware I go through periods of being sober and the reason why, however this time I could not be bothered to explain why, for him to listen but not really understand.
The biggest reason I return to drinking is because of fear he will leave me if I choose never to drink again. This time I have said I will have to take the risk, because I will end up killing myself if I don't. It's day 8 for me and last night I think he realised as he had his first sober night with me and again tonight.
Stay Strong Class xXx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
Ditz,
That isolation thing is a trigger from hell for me. I'm trying to learn just to reach out no matter how silly it may come across. You're never alone on her though.
That's kept me from drinking sometimes.
I'm aiming for abstinence. If not, I'll never hold a job and I don't want to lose everything, especially for a "good" feeling.
There's gotta be better way .
That isolation thing is a trigger from hell for me. I'm trying to learn just to reach out no matter how silly it may come across. You're never alone on her though.
That's kept me from drinking sometimes.
I'm aiming for abstinence. If not, I'll never hold a job and I don't want to lose everything, especially for a "good" feeling.
There's gotta be better way .
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,351
I told everyone when I quit, but I was a very public drunk.
Still, some people were very worried for me, so in hindsight I regret making a big announcement.
You can tell people, or you can keep it to yourself - the far more important thing is to stay sober
Very few people, outside of my drinking buddies or my family, ever took issue with me not drinking...it was and still is a non event.
If asked I say 'no thanks I don't drink' and ask for a Coke, and life goes on
D
Still, some people were very worried for me, so in hindsight I regret making a big announcement.
You can tell people, or you can keep it to yourself - the far more important thing is to stay sober
Very few people, outside of my drinking buddies or my family, ever took issue with me not drinking...it was and still is a non event.
If asked I say 'no thanks I don't drink' and ask for a Coke, and life goes on
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 277
I've been telling people on an as needed basis that I'm "on the wagon." They can take away whatever they want from that.
As rough as last night was, that's how easy tonight has been. For the first time since I can remember, I haven't had enormous cravings after work (at least so far). I thought briefly about a drink when I first got home, more out of habit than any sense of craving, then poured myself some lemonade and decided to work on something for a class I'm taking (yes I'm 56 and still in school). Right now I'm taking a quick break from that to check out the forum. Feeling sort of normal tonight, whatever that is. I hope it continues!
Welcome to anyone who is new to the August class. I haven't had time to check out all the posts today but I can assure you all that you'll find wonderful support and guidance here. I think I'll stay in the newcomer's forum forever, myself. I love this bunch
As rough as last night was, that's how easy tonight has been. For the first time since I can remember, I haven't had enormous cravings after work (at least so far). I thought briefly about a drink when I first got home, more out of habit than any sense of craving, then poured myself some lemonade and decided to work on something for a class I'm taking (yes I'm 56 and still in school). Right now I'm taking a quick break from that to check out the forum. Feeling sort of normal tonight, whatever that is. I hope it continues!
Welcome to anyone who is new to the August class. I haven't had time to check out all the posts today but I can assure you all that you'll find wonderful support and guidance here. I think I'll stay in the newcomer's forum forever, myself. I love this bunch
Broken Heart of Gold
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 87
I'm new here...I usually hang out in the "friends and family" forum (check my posts if you'd like to know more)...but I've decided I want to quit drinking and was encouraged to pop in here. Hello!!!
I appreciate everyone's point of view on quitting and the positive energy here! I identify most with the other moms of young kids, however I find it incredibly uplifting to read all of your stories and experiences.
I am recently single and think quitting booze will enable me to be a better mom to my very little people, set me back on the path for success, and help me "quit" my ex too. I hold a lot of resentment and hope I can find other outlets for my frustration besides drinking. I didnt drink while pregnant, so I'm pretty sure I can knock this sobriety thing out of the park with your love & support!
I appreciate everyone's point of view on quitting and the positive energy here! I identify most with the other moms of young kids, however I find it incredibly uplifting to read all of your stories and experiences.
I am recently single and think quitting booze will enable me to be a better mom to my very little people, set me back on the path for success, and help me "quit" my ex too. I hold a lot of resentment and hope I can find other outlets for my frustration besides drinking. I didnt drink while pregnant, so I'm pretty sure I can knock this sobriety thing out of the park with your love & support!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 66
Wow, I'm having a difficult time tonight. I'm on vacation at the lake and normally I'd be drinking right now. My little voice inside me is telling me it would be okay to drink the next few nights and then quit again when I get home... I know from past experience though that it just doesn't work that way. I'm not going to go out and buy any alcohol, I'm just venting about how difficult this is compared to the last week (I'm on Day 7). Thanks for letting me vent.
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