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Class of May 2015 Part 7

Old 08-05-2015, 08:21 AM
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Starting day 90 here. Only three more days until I've officially been sober three months.

Yesterday was good. I didn't quite stick to my plan to not leave the house at all. I went and bought some lunch. And then later on I took my laundry over to my dad's because my landlord was here fixing something in my apartment. I always feel weird hanging around the house when he's working on it. But besides those two excursions it was most definitely a home-based day. Did a top to bottom (no pun intended) scrubbing in my bathroom and got a whole lot of reading done including finishing one book and also almost caught up on my television show queue--I watched episodes of Halt and Catch Fire, Masters of Sex, True Detective, Mr. Robot, Deutschland 83, and BoJack Horseman. Cooked some delicious chicken strips with a homemade not-exactly-but-kinda-buffalo sauce. The secret is brown sugar in the sauce. Gives the spice a different slightly sweet kick.

Plan for today is mostly more of the same. I am definitely going to an AA meeting at 8 pm tonight and just might go to one at noon today as well. Though I just opened my front door and it's already brutally hot out there at 10:20 in the morning. Plus it rained hard very recently so it's also humid. So now I'm talking myself out of that noon meeting...haha...

AGAG -- Sorry you decided to drink but glad you have quickly decided that clear-headed sobriety and recovery is the better way. Hope you'll make regular check-ins here a part of your recovery plan again. Wishing you the best today...

D122y -- Building accountability to myself and others by posting on these forums regularly has been my main tool in fighting that same complacency. As long as you keep doing today what you did yesterday to stay sober, all will be good.

And while, yes, booze is a big part of the Las Vegas scene, it's also a big part of the scene almost everywhere in the US and most parts of the world. As you pointed out yesterday in your observations at the baseball game, there are also a great majority of people who don't center their life around booze. We as alcoholics just tend to notice and obsess more on the drinkers and their drinking.

I'm so glad you've joined our class. I always get something out of your posts.

site -- enjoy your meetings!

I'm with you--the further I get from my last hangover, the more I can't believe just how stupid I was to live life crippled like that day after day after day for so many years.

AllieK -- enjoy your staycation and stick close to these forums! Glad to see you helping others on the August thread.

Wishing everyone a happy and sober Wednesday!
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Old 08-05-2015, 09:25 AM
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Hi everyone - just checking in. I'm having a really busy week, so its all about getting stuff done.

Congrats to all who are doing so well and hope you all have a wonderful hump day!!
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Old 08-05-2015, 10:19 AM
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Congrats on one month sober today, sagittarius!
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Old 08-05-2015, 12:10 PM
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And congrats on 90 days Casey!

Gosh, that seems like an impossible amount of time. I remember when a week felt impossible!
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Old 08-05-2015, 06:25 PM
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Hi guys.....It's good to see you all doing so well. I failed big time today. I finally got a car yesterday, and I think the stress of that purchase contributed to it, but I've learned one thing....I am a full-on, no-holds barred, drunk. I finished my depo today and kept getting texts from my dear friend....."meet me at drago....they validate parking!"

So I thought, sure, I'll go there and have a diet coke! I'm sure you know how this ends already. He had a glass of wine waiting for me....I thought, what the hell, and took a sip. No big thing at first, but I finished that glass and the high was truly magnificent. I thought...what the hell, I've already blown it, so I'm planning in my head the whole time to stop on way home......so I stop on way home....not getting into the rest of the details because it just pisses me off.

It really astounds me because I see how productive I've been sober, and how much more I've billed out and the money I've saved, etc, but good god, it was like a goddamn switch going off in my head when I drank that wine......I thought I really had it this time. Maybe I need medication.

Sorry guys....didn't really feel like even looking at this site and certainly not posting about this but got a visitor message from Casey so here I am. Not sure what I will do next, but I know I'm not normal at all now...not even a little bit.
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Old 08-05-2015, 06:38 PM
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Sorry Gina, I know what you're going through. :-(
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Old 08-05-2015, 06:42 PM
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The worst part is I have a 10 am and I'll be hungover, I'm sure....and I don't want another ******* Day 1! I just want today to have never happened. Sorry, just venting....I suppose I'll be relegated to class of August or something now. Stay strong guys!
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Old 08-05-2015, 07:47 PM
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Gina -- glad you checked in. We've all been there. I've relapsed literally hundreds of times.

Put the brakes on. Pour out anything you've got left. Drink a bunch of water. Take a long shower. Eat something if you haven't already. Those things will minimize the hangover somewhat. You haven't lost what you've done over the last 2+ months, you just took a temporary step back. You can't change what happened today but you don't have to make it worse by continuing on with the drinking. Get right back on the wagon with us.

We're here for you.

P.S. Congrats on getting a car. Use that as an example of the positives that have come from your summer of sobriety. Don't beat yourself up, just start moving forward again with us please.
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Old 08-05-2015, 08:02 PM
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And you are most definitely not "relegated" to the Class of August, Gina. I hope you stay right here with us. Recovery is a winding journey, not a straight road, and we're all in this together.
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Old 08-05-2015, 08:15 PM
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Thanks, Casey, I appreciate it. The only good thing about today is the realization that I literally felt that switch in my head, and I had to feed it! Anyone else get that? I thought I had this thing beat this time, especially realizing all the material things I've lost because of it...but no.....ridiculousness sets in again.

And when I say I lost everything, I did. I always leased a brand new BMW (On the advice of my tax guy)....for the last 12ish years....had a beautiful house, beautiful furniture....and then about 2013 the recession hit my field, and hit it hard. So what do I do? Drink more! Don't think about such nonsense!

Well, I told them to come get the BMW (repo), had to just give away all my beautiful furniture, lived with my sister for a month, found a new place with a huge yard for my german shepherd (she's the biggest sweetheart in world), but we are living in VERY SCARY PART OF LA. And I've taken the subway.....which, if you have to take the elevator, like I do, because I'm carrying 100 lbs of **** for work, a heavy duty gas mask would save your life! I am not kidding. I'm considering writing a book....something like..."My Year in LA With No Car"....forces you to look at all the grittiness and nastiness of it all.

Where am I going with all this? I don't know....but I really DID lose it all to alcoholism....and it's not easy clawing your way back. And that's why I'm doubly disgusted with myself, because I am so fortunate to have a profession to be able to do that.....but tonight I drank, and drank a lot.

My lesson? If you're like me, and you think you can have that one drink, think again. I'm seriously thinking about drugs at this point. What's that drug that they give to alcoholics? I'm all over it.
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Old 08-05-2015, 08:27 PM
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The AA meeting I went to tonight was exactly about this topic--what happens when we take that first drink. How our addiction instantly clicks on and we lose all control at that point. Insanity is how the AA "Big Book" describes it.

Go see a doctor if you think you need to. There's certainly nothing wrong with getting more help in facing our addiction.

But don't forget that you've proven over the last two+ months that you can successfully not drink one day at a time. All that stuff you lost to drinking over the last couple of years--you can get it back. You are already starting to after only two months with the car purchase this week. Your drinking tonight doesn't alter that progress in any way. Your continuing to drink after right now just might (and actually probably will) send you right back down that road you described in your last post.

You don't have to take that path. You can get right back on the same road to recovery from your addiction that you've been on all summer. Consider tonight a road bump. One of those gigantic, crappy road bumps that almost makes your head hit the ceiling of your car and makes you curse whoever built the road, but just a road bump nonetheless. You're already over the bump and don't have to go over any more of those bumps as long as you don't take that first drink again.

Drink a bunch of water and try and get some sleep tonight. Take care of your meeting in the morning and then try to figure out what you could have done differently tonight before you made that decision to take that first drink. Keep moving forward. We're here for you.
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Old 08-05-2015, 08:37 PM
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Thank you, Casey. I really needed to hear what you posted and I sincerely appreciate it. Thanks for being here for me (and Allie too of course).

Maybe it was a good thing in a way? I've been subconsciously toying with the idea that I could drink again casually. Today proved that so wrong in epic proportions. Was actually a little scary.

But thank you again, my friend
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Old 08-05-2015, 09:00 PM
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Gina you could pop in the August class too. There's a lot going on over there. It's still early in the month so people (including me) are on shaky ground... It might give you a reminder of what it's like if you continue drinking. The longer you do it for, the harder it is to stop. Casey is right. Shake it off and continue forward. Don't dwell on this. I think it's better if you forget it happened and just continue on your sober journey. Don't let negative feelings about tonight take over.
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Old 08-05-2015, 09:03 PM
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You're right....thanks, Allie.
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Old 08-05-2015, 09:22 PM
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All kidding aside though.....for good comedy, the repubs are debating on Thursday night! And Trump is center stage.....BUT......it's not all laughing matter, unfortunately. Trump is number one with repubs right now.....he could take it....I can see a "Trump/Christie" ticket. (Not sure of spelling on Christie, but you all know who I'm talking about)
And we all know how stupid American people are (Bush...not once, but twice), so I'm kind of getting worried. Still good comedy though....tune in!
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Old 08-05-2015, 11:17 PM
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Watching that debate would probably not be good for my sobriety. I think I'll go to an AA meeting tomorrow night instead.
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Old 08-06-2015, 04:50 AM
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Hi all! Day 90 for me! Just another day with work and all, but I'll definitely hit a couple meetings up after work.


Originally Posted by Ginamarie323 View Post
Sorry guys....didn't really feel like even looking at this site and certainly not posting about this but got a visitor message from Casey so here I am. Not sure what I will do next, but I know I'm not normal at all now...not even a little bit.
You're in the right place, Ginamarie323.

Originally Posted by CaseyW View Post
Watching that debate would probably not be good for my sobriety. I think I'll go to an AA meeting tomorrow night instead.
Oh boy do I hear you there! LOL

CC
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Old 08-06-2015, 04:54 AM
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Glad you decided to come back and post Gina!

I hope you decide to stop again and stick around. How sad would it be if you lost that car you just got to a DUI already?!

I know there's some medication to help with withdrawals, but I don't know about anything long term... I think if there was anything that worked we would all be on it at this point!
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Old 08-06-2015, 07:17 AM
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(((Gina))) I'm glad you posted about this and hope you decide to stick around. I, too, failed several times thinking that I could have "just one." Read here and post often... you can do this!!

Closet... great job on 90 days!!

Casey, keep up the good work here. It has been a big help for me following your posts.

Congrats to all that are doing well, and a great big hug for those struggling.
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Old 08-06-2015, 09:27 AM
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Starting day 91. Last day of three in a row off. Slept in very late, had an intense dream about a friend I haven't talked to in a long time. Maybe I need to call her.

No big plans for the day. AA meeting at eight. I'm kinda craving some good ol' bacon and eggs right now so I'm going to get dressed and head to the store in a few minutes. Mmm...bacon...

ClosetCinephile -- congrats on day 90!

Surrender -- glad you checked in and congrats on day 81! How are things going?

site -- Good morning to you! How are you doing?

Ginamarie -- wishing you the best this morning. Have fun watching Donald Trump's hair tonight.

Hope everyone has a happy and sober Thursday. Remember that you don't have to take that first drink today no matter what, and as long as you don't take the first then you don't have to worry about the second or third or sixth drink that will almost always follow.
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