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Class of May 2015 Part 7

Old 09-09-2015, 10:41 AM
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Casey - take a nap.

Woke up too early today, went with the hubby to dr appt that's about an hour away, came back laid down, and fell asleep! Had my nap.
Now I'm ready for work later!

Hope you all have a great day!!
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Old 09-09-2015, 06:44 PM
  # 462 (permalink)  
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Checking in. 124 days. Longest sober time in about 13 years. When I hit 8 months, that will break my all time record.

In bed, trying to get caught up on sleep.

Still have anxiety, but at least I know what it is and have techs. That work to manage it.

Like someone said, trying to fill the holes that booze left in me is going to cause some stress.

A little better each day.
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Old 09-10-2015, 07:22 AM
  # 463 (permalink)  
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Starting day 126. Off work again today. I was pretty worthless yesterday, ending up sleeping a whole whole lot. I guess I needed it but I'm not doing that today. Going to an AA meeting across town at noon. Doing laundry at my folks house this afternoon and then having dinner with them. Going to another AA meeting at eight pm. I went to bed at a reasonable hour last night, going to try and do the same tonight. Because I've been working evenings, I've gotten in the habit of staying up until around three in the morning. That needs to stop as it leads to days like yesterday where I have no motivation at all.

Anyways, I'm good overall. How are you?
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Old 09-10-2015, 07:54 AM
  # 464 (permalink)  
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Hi - I'm ok.

yesterday was a bad day at work. I got into an argument with a co-worker, I made a huge oil mess, and a sneak peek at next week's schedule doesnt' look too good, its looking as though the girl I had the argument with is getting the shifts I want. It's tough on my ego and pride, you know, and she'll probably be thinking, ha ha, at me or something as equally immature. I have been trying to let it go and not think about it, but I woke up at 3 am and thought about it til about 4, then when I woke up at 7 I thought about it some more. I can only hope that the following schedule will be better, and that we can at least share the shifts.

Nothing planned for today. I'm off, and might go pick up my son and bring him over for a while.

Hoping on some rain today!
Have a great day, guys!
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Old 09-10-2015, 05:54 PM
  # 465 (permalink)  
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Frustrated w work right now. Schedule not to my liking as well Sagittarius.

Since I am newly sober, I find myself speaking up more when things are not going the way I want.

I'm lucky to have a job after my actions for the last decade plus.

Decided I few minutes ago to just chill out and not make waves. I am not even close to healed mentally. My anxiety peaked today. Felt weak. Scared me a bit.

But, then I hit the gym. Lifting weights, jogging...not weak. Very strong. So that reaffirmed it was anxiety and not anything physical. Very cool.

Casey...I went to an AA meeting last week. They read from the BB. Many folks talked about it as it related to them. We prayed at the end. I got a temp. Sponser.

Do people usually go to meetings to help increase their sobriety strength?

Curious....What do you do at your meetings that makes you want to attend more often?
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Old 09-10-2015, 08:17 PM
  # 466 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by D122y View Post

Casey...I went to an AA meeting last week. They read from the BB. Many folks talked about it as it related to them. We prayed at the end. I got a temp. Sponser.

Do people usually go to meetings to help increase their sobriety strength?

Curious....What do you do at your meetings that makes you want to attend more often?
I didn't start attending meetings this time until around the 40-50 day mark as this May class was enough support for me until folks started dropping like flies in mid-June or so here and I decided I needed something more in my recovery plan.

Currently, I'd say I average three meetings a week. I'm not working an active 12 step program at the moment and am still using SR as my primary source of recovery support, but I definitely look forward to the meetings I do attend as a way to get some face-to-face recovery talk. Plus it's an hour a day when I can get out of my own mind and house and little world and instead focus on others who are also on the road to recovery. I went to two meetings today and both were absolutely amazing.

What makes me want to attend more often? Basically I almost always walk out of a meeting with a feeling of peace and serenity and some assurance that I've made the right decision in removing alcohol from my life. I like that feeling so I keep going back.

Glad you made a meeting and hope you'll give some more a try. It certainly can't hurt and might be a huge help.
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Old 09-10-2015, 10:12 PM
  # 467 (permalink)  
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Congrats to site1Q84 for reaching four months of continuous sobriety today! Hope you're doing well out there on the road!
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Old 09-10-2015, 11:01 PM
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well deserved congratulations site

D
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Old 09-11-2015, 06:38 AM
  # 469 (permalink)  
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Thank you!!!

Still crazy busy but managing to have a little fun in my very short down time and SO glad to be sober for this one!
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Old 09-11-2015, 07:37 AM
  # 470 (permalink)  
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Congrats site!

Hope everyone is doing well.

In thinking about what happened at work the other night, I think that I need to stop thinking so much about myself, and how I want to do things, and blah blah. I am an only child, and selfish thinking is ingrained in me. I have learned over the years, how to put others first, marriage, children, but I think sometimes, I will go too far in that direction, and will start thinking, well what about me?

I need to find the balance somewhere in the middle, where is isn't about me, where we are work to do our job, and who cares who does what as long as it gets done? I think I need some kind of recognition, maybe, or feeling valued, probably a low self-esteem problem.

Anyway, don't know if this makes any sense at all, and sorry to go on about it, I really don't talk about this stuff to anyone, so getting it out helps, so I can have peace about everything and move forward in my life.

Thank you for listening/reading.
Hope you all have a good day...
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Old 09-11-2015, 08:53 AM
  # 471 (permalink)  
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Starting day 127 here. Had a wonderful day off work yesterday. It was very centered around recovery. Over the last few weeks, I'd found myself pulling away from reading/helping others in the Newcomers forum and I was definitely feeling the disconnection towards this place and my recovery so I decided yesterday to start back doing what I did to get sober in the first place. I read all the new threads there and commented where I could. I also went to two AA meetings, both were wonderful especially the evening meeting. That Thursday night meeting is nearly always my favorite of the week. Just a great mix of newcomers and oldtimers who all have valuable things to share about recovery and who all seem genuinely happy to see me. I also spent three or so hours at my dad's house in the afternoon, had dinner with him and my step-mother and nephew. That was nice. It was just a good day. Period.

Back to work tonight. Hopefully the money will be better this weekend than it was last holiday weekend.

sagittarius -- vent all you want. That's what we're here for. I was an only child myself for most of my childhood (gained two baby step-sisters when I was 15) and definitely can vary wildly between thinking too much about pleasing others and wanting it all for myself. Do the best job you can at work with whatever task/shifts you've been given, help others there when you can, and it'll all work out in the end, I'm sure.

Wishing everyone a safe and sober Friday. If you haven't checked in lately, hope you'll do so today. We're here for you whether it's day 1 or day 140. Lot of folks MIA here that I'd love to hear from.
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Old 09-11-2015, 09:03 AM
  # 472 (permalink)  
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Congrats, Site!

Sorry to hear about you guys and work issues. I know that's stressful.

I'm in a crappy mood today. Have been for two days now. I think my current situation is getting under my skin. I hate that I constantly have to rely on someone to help me and then it's on their time and not mine. It's uncovering the extent of how deep my control issues are I guess. I've had more thoughts of drinking the last two days than I have in months.

I've got to find some way to let go and decompress. I'm just not sure how to go about that.
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Old 09-11-2015, 09:22 AM
  # 473 (permalink)  
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I'm sure your situation has to be very frustrating, Copper. But there's no way that drinking could do anything but make it worse.

It's easy for me to say from far away, but maybe focus on some gratitude at having someone to help you, even if it is on their schedule and not yours.

You're in my thoughts and prayers today. Thanks for checking in and know that we're here to listen anytime you need us...
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Old 09-11-2015, 12:37 PM
  # 474 (permalink)  
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Thanks, Casey. I think the biggest part of the problem is that the primary person who could help only does so around her using schedule. She makes a lot of promises to be here but something always comes up. Most times, she just never shows up and I never hear a word why.

Then, I feel like a giant hypocrite because I too am an addict and used to treat my family the same way. It's a vicious cycle of hurt, hypocrisy, anger, etc.

Focusing on gratitude would probably be very helpful. I do appreciate being able to vent and getting input. It helps.
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Old 09-11-2015, 01:37 PM
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Yeah, you definitely can't control someone in active addiction. And I can see where having to rely on another addict could cause extra stress just from how it dredges up your own past actions. Wish I had some better more practical advice to give, but just know I sympathize and you're in my thoughts and prayers...
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Old 09-12-2015, 08:54 AM
  # 476 (permalink)  
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Day 128. Work was very busy last night. Thank goodness. Didn't get home until very late. One girl at work kept pressing me to go hang out with a group of them at a bar after work. It was not a temptation at all. In fact, it sounded like the opposite of fun.

Nothing much else to say. I'm here. I'm sober. Life is good. Work again in six hours. Hope it's just as busy as last night.

How's everyone else?
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Old 09-12-2015, 09:45 AM
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Hey guys
Just saying hi, nothing new, just work Going in a little earlier, so its going to be a long day...

Hope you have all have a great day
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Old 09-12-2015, 10:37 AM
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Thank you again, Casey for your thoughts and prayers.

I'm feeling better today. I can't change people and I should be grateful for what she does do. Besides that, I can't know her inner thoughts and struggles so while she may seem flippant towards me, she is fighting her own battles.

I hope you make good money tonight, Casey.

Hi, Sagittarius!
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Old 09-13-2015, 06:41 AM
  # 479 (permalink)  
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Hi Copper!

Day 71 for me. I just had to check, I haven't been really counting

After I work today, I will have 3 days off. Which is good, but stinks at the same time. Work isn't going as I'd hoped, but I am trying to let go of the bad thoughts and feelings, and hope that things will work out down the road somewhere. It's hard to let go! But I am trying.

I think I will start trying to go through stuff in the basement during my days off. When we moved we just threw a bunch of stuff down there, so I think maybe I"ll go through it. Its something to do.

Hope you all have a great day!
Keep smiling
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Old 09-13-2015, 08:57 AM
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Starting day 129. Yesterday was a work-centered day. It went well again. These last couple of days have been much better at work than last weekend was. Thank goodness.

Slept really really hard last night. I know I had a drinking dream of some kind but am already forgetting the details. That's how my actual drinking went a lot of the time too.

Work again in five hours. I'm guessing it'll be slower with the Dallas Cowboys playing this evening.

Think I'll cook a big old-fashioned breakfast now and try to wake up.

Wishing everyone a safe and sober Sunday...
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