Thanks, Casey, I appreciate it. The only good thing about today is the realization that I literally felt that switch in my head, and I had to feed it! Anyone else get that? I thought I had this thing beat this time, especially realizing all the material things I've lost because of it...but no.....ridiculousness sets in again.
And when I say I lost everything, I did. I always leased a brand new BMW (On the advice of my tax guy)....for the last 12ish years....had a beautiful house, beautiful furniture....and then about 2013 the recession hit my field, and hit it hard. So what do I do? Drink more! Don't think about such nonsense!
Well, I told them to come get the BMW (repo), had to just give away all my beautiful furniture, lived with my sister for a month, found a new place with a huge yard for my german shepherd (she's the biggest sweetheart in world), but we are living in VERY SCARY PART OF LA. And I've taken the subway.....which, if you have to take the elevator, like I do, because I'm carrying 100 lbs of **** for work, a heavy duty gas mask would save your life! I am not kidding. I'm considering writing a book....something like..."My Year in LA With No Car"....forces you to look at all the grittiness and nastiness of it all.
Where am I going with all this? I don't know....but I really DID lose it all to alcoholism....and it's not easy clawing your way back. And that's why I'm doubly disgusted with myself, because I am so fortunate to have a profession to be able to do that.....but tonight I drank, and drank a lot.
My lesson? If you're like me, and you think you can have that one drink, think again. I'm seriously thinking about drugs at this point. What's that drug that they give to alcoholics? I'm all over it.