tornrealization

Thanks for the feedback thoughts and concerns yesterday. I wasn't having a strong day.

I know Dee is right. One day at time. Gazza its right, good thoughts, enjoying sobriety. LS is right, be proud being non drinker. Remember the chaos drinking brings.

SA, yes, IOP and I'm not holding back this time.

I also have faith in long time posts that the thoughts fade. I have yet to see an unhappy long timer.

I had a dream that made Av a monster. He symbolically drove through a fence at a graveyard to get his way faster and with no regards to who was in the car.

Rainy weather, today. Hubby last night still didn't understand my urges to drink, or why two beers is a waste of my time. Told him I don't expect him too. I said remember Sundays. He's said yes, hated them. It was like watching a five year old.
We'll both struggle with this. I should teach him the tape he can use when he thinks I can drink with him.

He likes our new mostly sober life style. He'll still get ripped here and there, but not even close to the monster I would become.

Sorry for the long post. Have a sober Thursday Febbies!

forabetterlife

DI, that sounds like a great solution if you can handle the financial payout without that bringing you additional stress. You need to get away from that situation. The more distance you have and no communication, the better you will feel about everything. Time and distance helps me put things in perspective and focus on the things in my life that I CAN control. So glad you have this opportunity to consider.

tornrealization

DI-I've taken pay and benefit cuts for my sanity. It is so worth it.

It sounds promising to keep vacation and pension. Can you move up ladder faster?

Also need to weigh in growth opportunities for each role.

Sobriety needs to be one, and I'm for anything helps that.

(I took a big cut once to get away from ex, but got my first office job. Same building, huge difference in stress!)

Gazza

its freaky eh.

I kinda thought the disease concept is BS before I read this. Perhaps disease is the wrong word but theres definitly a physical difference which cant be cured. Although that sinclair method says it can reverse it... but you have to drink to do it, I dont know. Sounds kinda risky.

Delphine

I haven't posted in awhile, but I've been reading our thread. I've really been focusing on diet and exercise to hopefully increase my energy and keep the moodiness at bay. Best to you all

SoberLeigh

Hi Delphine - I have missed you; glad that you posted.

Delphine

thanks soberleigh! I have some social anxiety so I have days where I find it difficult to post. I'm always reading though and rooting for everyone

tornrealization

We are rooting for you too Delphine!

forabetterlife

Good to hear from you Delphine. Our thread has been quiet lately. Weekend is coming up, hope everyone is feeling prepared and strong. Some moments are tough but each day does keep getting better in some way or another.

DiggingIn

So many life changes in 11 months. I guess now is the time I find out if I'm tough enough.

But I can't imagine these decisions drunk or hungover!

tornrealization

Hey guys,

IOP was dreadful, it made me angry and sick to my stomach. I posted the experience in Newcomer's thread, so I won't be posting it twice - long ranty read. I do that, doh!

I'm saddened at the same time. I was so nervous, yet hopeful - I felt nervous/sick to go, only to be sickened when I left. I honestly shocked at the behavior I sat through.

I had high hopes, but I'm not sure how this IOP will end. I'm either going to do nothing and leave (seems not right-I'm paying for this), submit a complaint and leave(leaning towards this), or talk to the counselor, **** them off and then won't want to go back.

Oh well. Bad day, my college plan got all messed up too, but that's minor. Just may have to take an extra class. Heh, I actually thought the mess up would mean I could do MORE IOP longer, and I was happy - silver lining? Oh well.

Still sober and happy about it. Actually - my anger didn't really trigger a craving - odd! COOL!

SoberLeigh

I responded on the Newcomer's thread, also. What a nightmare; I am so sorry.

tornrealization

It's OK, just really unprofessional. I will be going one more week but even the excessive swearing is - and if they get asked to tone it down, who's the new guy? Me. They'll know who was whining. Not ideal. The guys were nice as pie to me, I truly believe this is the counselor who was being inappropriate.

I'm actually thinking won't it be fun to say next week -- I want to introduce myself?

Then tell them I live in that dreaded town and my husband is *** race they were complaining about and my kids are also *****, and how hurt I was tonight at the comments that the counselor also made?

I'm not that brave though.

The thing is, even if things are fine next week, do I trust this person's guidance?

Now I'm nervous SR will be "You're being too hard on counselor!" I did post it in the Newcomers on purpose. My anger could be clouding judgement.

The good thing, is I'm planning my first AA meeting tomorrow and feeling better about it after the first guy's sharing.

I'm super happy urges to drink didn't happen!

Dee74

I don't know anything about IOP- it's completely out of my realm of experience.
I hope you'll get some helpful responses torn.

D

tornrealization

Dee, SR never disappoints. I had thought I was trapped - it was that IOP or bust. Now I see, I should find IOP elsewhere, a new group/counselor.

It's like AA right? Not all groups fit all people.

Whew. So that's my next step. Not being a wise guy or causing dramas, but trying to move to a better fit.

SoberLeigh

That's taking the bull by the horns. Well done, torn. Younare a strong woman.

What an experience.

Dee74

good stuff Torn

D

Gazza

TR I'd say not getting triggered is awesome progress. Im gonna go read your post now, Im sorry you had a negative experience.

cheers
G

SayAnything

Read your post, Torn. Good for you for not using such a bad experience as an excuse to drink. I hope you find the right place for you. I don't see how you can benefit from something that causes such negative emotions. I would have felt extremely offended and belittled.

DiggingIn

Torn- that seems pretty inexcusable to me. Hope you find a group that works for you.