Class Of February 2014 Part 7
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Tonight I went to a beginner's AA. People know who are new and I had several women introduce themselves. I got a list of names and a new smaller AA book. I just shared my days and name.
The lead speaker was someone young who has 2.5 months. His story about finding a higher power really resonated with me. He didn't have one and started simple.
Then people went around the room and responded to his words and spoke about themselves if they wanted.
I had some WOW moments.
I've been doing some uncomfortable things to try and stay sober and really try - not just abstain. I'm already going to ask Hubby that I go to women's meeting tomorrow. It's early so if he waits in car, or just cruises for an hour, we can then get breakfast and still be on target for the movie. He used to do this when I had therapy - otherwise, we'll have to skip breakfast for me to drive back and forth to the same town.
Today - was a good day.
The lead speaker was someone young who has 2.5 months. His story about finding a higher power really resonated with me. He didn't have one and started simple.
Then people went around the room and responded to his words and spoke about themselves if they wanted.
I had some WOW moments.
I've been doing some uncomfortable things to try and stay sober and really try - not just abstain. I'm already going to ask Hubby that I go to women's meeting tomorrow. It's early so if he waits in car, or just cruises for an hour, we can then get breakfast and still be on target for the movie. He used to do this when I had therapy - otherwise, we'll have to skip breakfast for me to drive back and forth to the same town.
Today - was a good day.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 226
Originally Posted by forabetterlife 
Thanks to each of you once again for your support. I find it so difficult to respond to write to people personally in my posts when I am on my phone. It's much easier on my laptop, anyone else experience that? or I am I just very forgetful about who shared what when reading so many posts!
Anyway, I am out of the woods for tonight. Feels good. Not drinking does make me want to go bed early though. I think I'm becoming addicted to how I feel when I wake up in the morning now
Anyway, I am out of the woods for tonight. Feels good. Not drinking does make me want to go bed early though. I think I'm becoming addicted to how I feel when I wake up in the morning now
Congrats and all the best Ladybug
TR no AA meeting would ever be as bad as that crap you had to deal with. Years ago I went to group like that, and got told by this guy who was sharing with the group 'I dont l like it when people look at be 'aunt''. They were also trying to do moderation which wasnt working at all. I never went back only to my private sessions. Was government funded probablly compulsory.
Im all good, had a long sober saturday, joined the library went walking, meditated, practiced banjo, xbox, very full and productove.
Thanks to everyone for their support!
cheers
G
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Happy Saturday Morning Febbies,
Torn, So glad you had a positive experience at AA. You needed that after the discouraging IOP experience. I think that stepping out of your comfort zone to support your sobriety is just what we need to do. I admit I haven’t done much that (beyond using the usual tools such as recognizing HALT or exercising or other ways of beating cravings) in my two years of dancing with sobriety here and there and maybe that is what is missing. You are inspiring me.
Gazza, Sound like a nice Saturday for you, you must be on the other side of the world, being a whole day ahead. Life just seems simpler when we are sober, doesn’t it?
It’s amazing what a difference even only 6 days makes. I don’t think I actually admitted to all of you that I drank last weekend; I was ashamed and just wanted to start over again without rehashing the whole thing. So I am at 6 days (for the hundredth time probably) but feeling determined.
My sister has been encouraging me to train for a 5K. I have tried before and given up at some point, probably because I started drinking again. I’m going to give it a try, but try not to put too much pressure on myself. One thing I have learned about myself is that usually about a week into sobriety, I start feeling confident and set all these goals for myself whether it be house projects, fitness goals, diet, weight loss, or all of the above. Looking back, I see that I often expect too much of myself. Sobriety needs to come first, and just do the best I can with everything else. Because if I start drinking again, all the other balls drop anyway, and I’m back at square one with everything.
I believe I have mentioned that I am a single mother, my ex-husband lives in another state and only sees them a few times a year. Well, my younger daughter told me yesterday that her teacher complimented me. Me? She told her that she remembered her sister (my older daughter) from middle school and said, “You must have great parents to raise such wonderful daughters”. Like most parents, I constantly worry about what I am doing wrong, how could I do and be better for my children. I take some credit, but I have been truly blessed with these girls.
Let’s enjoy a sober weekend
Torn, So glad you had a positive experience at AA. You needed that after the discouraging IOP experience. I think that stepping out of your comfort zone to support your sobriety is just what we need to do. I admit I haven’t done much that (beyond using the usual tools such as recognizing HALT or exercising or other ways of beating cravings) in my two years of dancing with sobriety here and there and maybe that is what is missing. You are inspiring me.
Gazza, Sound like a nice Saturday for you, you must be on the other side of the world, being a whole day ahead. Life just seems simpler when we are sober, doesn’t it?
It’s amazing what a difference even only 6 days makes. I don’t think I actually admitted to all of you that I drank last weekend; I was ashamed and just wanted to start over again without rehashing the whole thing. So I am at 6 days (for the hundredth time probably) but feeling determined.
My sister has been encouraging me to train for a 5K. I have tried before and given up at some point, probably because I started drinking again. I’m going to give it a try, but try not to put too much pressure on myself. One thing I have learned about myself is that usually about a week into sobriety, I start feeling confident and set all these goals for myself whether it be house projects, fitness goals, diet, weight loss, or all of the above. Looking back, I see that I often expect too much of myself. Sobriety needs to come first, and just do the best I can with everything else. Because if I start drinking again, all the other balls drop anyway, and I’m back at square one with everything.
I believe I have mentioned that I am a single mother, my ex-husband lives in another state and only sees them a few times a year. Well, my younger daughter told me yesterday that her teacher complimented me. Me? She told her that she remembered her sister (my older daughter) from middle school and said, “You must have great parents to raise such wonderful daughters”. Like most parents, I constantly worry about what I am doing wrong, how could I do and be better for my children. I take some credit, but I have been truly blessed with these girls.
Let’s enjoy a sober weekend
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 168
LB - congrats!
Torn - glad you had a good AA meeting, were you able to make it to the women's mtg this morning?
FABL - what a wonderful compliment! I've been running on the treadmill with a c25k app on my phone, right now I'm on week 7 (out of 8 weeks), I'm not really looking to run any races though, just running as exercise 3-4 days a week.
Torn - glad you had a good AA meeting, were you able to make it to the women's mtg this morning?
FABL - what a wonderful compliment! I've been running on the treadmill with a c25k app on my phone, right now I'm on week 7 (out of 8 weeks), I'm not really looking to run any races though, just running as exercise 3-4 days a week.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Sleepy dots, I don't really are about my time, I just want to have a 5k race as a goal to keep me motivated. Right now I can barely run a mile straight! Have you tried the nike+app.. I love it! And it has a coaching program too.
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Yes, I did get to the morning women's meeting. They surprised me, because it was 1.25 hours instead of 1 hour. I had a tight deadline to see an early movie.
It was a HUGE group. Also, people noticed I was new so they started asking my name, etc. They are huggers. I went in to shake hands and several of them were like, I don't shake hands, I hug!
Then the group broke into three. I guess group upstairs goes long, another side group, then main group that strictly tries to end on the quarter hour. It went long. The stories were familiar.
I saw a lady with a small notebook. I'm not sure if AA is right for me, but I have wow moments. I'm thinking I'll do the same and write down something I learned or to think about. I also feel so sad and depressed for some of the stories I hear. I was so sad for a lady who just came back into the program after being suicidal and she was crying. I felt terrible. It forced me to reflect though on exactly what I did to end up in the ER - and under crisis watch with the cops. I didn't just get drunk, I had hurt myself in my stupor.
I forget who posted - about AA maybe wasn't for them yet - like their bottom wasn't close to others. I do see one thing in the meetings, the word YET.
FABL - I've read it's worth going to several meetings with AA before deciding if it is something for you. I have gained information, insight. I also feel strange not having a higher power and when there is the hand holding and meeting ending prayer. I figure it's so brief, I can get through it. I'm agnostic and the AA book has a chapter on that I should read.
Also, for training for a 5K, first goal is just to make it. There is the couch to 5K plan. It is 9 weeks of walking/running, three times a week. You can repeat weeks. Plenty of apps on the smartphone. I used RunDouble on my android and can play my music and a voice tells me when to run/walk.
Fun stuff!
We saw Captain America, went to lunch (seated in bar area, but I wasn't longing drinks like normal) and now we're having friends over for game night. Two of them are teetotalers, one of them will have 1-2 and then it's my hubby and BIL. However they were out last night, so should be moderate.
Hubby has decided he wants to do 1 weekend a month with absolutely no drinks with me. I'm glad, he doesn't have too. He's taking the news about AA OK. Kinda complained I wanted to go today but I let him sleep in and went. Then I talked about some stuff. He has the rotten image it's a bunch of homeless bums with teardrops tattooed on their faces go to AA. I told him it's all ages, all kinds of people. I told him about the 70 year old who lead today. He didn't even know what a sponsor was! I'm like, do you really know anything about AA? He said no. I said, well maybe later I'll take you to an open meeting, if I keep going.
I still feel weird, but like I heard in one of the meetings, just do it! I thought the sponsor thing would be hard, but apparently lots of people wanting to do it. I just don't want to do that until I feel some form of commitment. For now, I'm committing myself to go back to the Friday meeting. Saturday- we'll see. Early and all the hugging ..... need to think on that.
I did, however get a 24 hour chip today since I didn't have one. They forced it on me
It was a HUGE group. Also, people noticed I was new so they started asking my name, etc. They are huggers. I went in to shake hands and several of them were like, I don't shake hands, I hug!
Then the group broke into three. I guess group upstairs goes long, another side group, then main group that strictly tries to end on the quarter hour. It went long. The stories were familiar.
I saw a lady with a small notebook. I'm not sure if AA is right for me, but I have wow moments. I'm thinking I'll do the same and write down something I learned or to think about. I also feel so sad and depressed for some of the stories I hear. I was so sad for a lady who just came back into the program after being suicidal and she was crying. I felt terrible. It forced me to reflect though on exactly what I did to end up in the ER - and under crisis watch with the cops. I didn't just get drunk, I had hurt myself in my stupor.
I forget who posted - about AA maybe wasn't for them yet - like their bottom wasn't close to others. I do see one thing in the meetings, the word YET.
FABL - I've read it's worth going to several meetings with AA before deciding if it is something for you. I have gained information, insight. I also feel strange not having a higher power and when there is the hand holding and meeting ending prayer. I figure it's so brief, I can get through it. I'm agnostic and the AA book has a chapter on that I should read.
Also, for training for a 5K, first goal is just to make it. There is the couch to 5K plan. It is 9 weeks of walking/running, three times a week. You can repeat weeks. Plenty of apps on the smartphone. I used RunDouble on my android and can play my music and a voice tells me when to run/walk.
Fun stuff!
We saw Captain America, went to lunch (seated in bar area, but I wasn't longing drinks like normal) and now we're having friends over for game night. Two of them are teetotalers, one of them will have 1-2 and then it's my hubby and BIL. However they were out last night, so should be moderate.
Hubby has decided he wants to do 1 weekend a month with absolutely no drinks with me. I'm glad, he doesn't have too. He's taking the news about AA OK. Kinda complained I wanted to go today but I let him sleep in and went. Then I talked about some stuff. He has the rotten image it's a bunch of homeless bums with teardrops tattooed on their faces go to AA. I told him it's all ages, all kinds of people. I told him about the 70 year old who lead today. He didn't even know what a sponsor was! I'm like, do you really know anything about AA? He said no. I said, well maybe later I'll take you to an open meeting, if I keep going.
I still feel weird, but like I heard in one of the meetings, just do it! I thought the sponsor thing would be hard, but apparently lots of people wanting to do it. I just don't want to do that until I feel some form of commitment. For now, I'm committing myself to go back to the Friday meeting. Saturday- we'll see. Early and all the hugging ..... need to think on that.
I did, however get a 24 hour chip today since I didn't have one. They forced it on me
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 168
Torn - I'm picturing that scene from Tommy Boy: "Brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug!" Lol. I'm glad it was overall a good experience and it sounds like your husband is digesting everything fairly well. How did you like captain America? We don't go see many movies in the theater, but I'd like to go see this one. I like superhero movies, can't wait for the next Avengers movie to come out next year.
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Originally Posted by SleepyDots
Torn - I'm picturing that scene from Tommy Boy: "Brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta hug!" Lol. I'm glad it was overall a good experience and it sounds like your husband is digesting everything fairly well. How did you like captain America? We don't go see many movies in the theater, but I'd like to go see this one. I like superhero movies, can't wait for the next Avengers movie to come out next year.
I'm more into Avengers and Thor.
Thor and Loki!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Sounds like another positive AA experience Torn. It is all helpful and we learn what we need to as we go. Glad your husband is supportive as well, I'm sure that makes a huge difference.
After my "run" this morning, I felt extremely good, so optimistic and strong about everything. Spent the day at the softball field watching my daughters games, which I enjoy so much. But then I came home and it hit me, that familiar emptiness- almost not knowing what to do with myself. That's the feeling that leads to drinking. There was plenty I could have done, I just felt empty and unmotivated. Went to my parents for dinner with my daughter but just kind of faked my way, hiding my sadness. Then I saw something upsetting to me about my ex on Facebook (yes I snooped. What am I , 16?) Now on top of it all, I have that jealous, ugly knot in my stomach and my happiness from this morning is long gone. I won't drink. I want to but I know it will only make things worse. Wish my emotions would settle down. But the rollercoaster of drinking and abstinence just leads to this rollercoaster of feelings too. I have to get through it. This too shall pass.
After my "run" this morning, I felt extremely good, so optimistic and strong about everything. Spent the day at the softball field watching my daughters games, which I enjoy so much. But then I came home and it hit me, that familiar emptiness- almost not knowing what to do with myself. That's the feeling that leads to drinking. There was plenty I could have done, I just felt empty and unmotivated. Went to my parents for dinner with my daughter but just kind of faked my way, hiding my sadness. Then I saw something upsetting to me about my ex on Facebook (yes I snooped. What am I , 16?) Now on top of it all, I have that jealous, ugly knot in my stomach and my happiness from this morning is long gone. I won't drink. I want to but I know it will only make things worse. Wish my emotions would settle down. But the rollercoaster of drinking and abstinence just leads to this rollercoaster of feelings too. I have to get through it. This too shall pass.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 346
FABL, be strong. Remember what he does to you. Way to fight that relationship trigger.
Back home from visiting family the past week. Great fun, but glad to be home. Going back to work and my upcoming meeting plus the thought that I might be turning my notice in this week is weighing on me. Glad to be facing this week sober.
Back home from visiting family the past week. Great fun, but glad to be home. Going back to work and my upcoming meeting plus the thought that I might be turning my notice in this week is weighing on me. Glad to be facing this week sober.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
LB - Congratulations! You'll be in my thoughts every day
Torn - Good job on getting to an AA meeting, I will definitely give AA a go at some point,
FABL - I know that feeling of emptiness well, it's awful and usually develops into all kinds of other negative emotions, and especially the part about hiding your real emotions, it's like you suddenly put on a mask when really what's going on behind the mask is a completly different story, it's terribly lonely. There's a great speech in American Psycho that resonated with me;
"And though I can hide my cold gaze,
and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours
and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable...
I simply am not there."
I think that emptiness is a very human feeling as we search for fulfilment and meaning in our life, as long as we stay on the right path we'll find it. Keep strong, i'm rooting for you
Sorry I havn't been posting much as of late, had a busy couple of days starting my new job and I made a point of hitting the gym or going for a run after my shifts to prove to myself I can keep up my training even with a full time job, it's been AMAZING to be back to work and feeling like a real human being again! It's a big step away from the terrible situation I found myself in last year, on top of that I've added up a lot of life events that i've now gone through completly sober, interviews and starting a new job are stressful, but I'm through the other side stronger for it.
I always have to watch my back however, I have the house to myself this week and my Dad left me £40, as soon as I saw those purple notes I immediatly calculated how much cider I could buy with it. Unbelievable. It was a completly automatic response, reminds me that I may be going in the right direction, but I am by now means out of the woods yet.
Hope all are well out there
Peace
Torn - Good job on getting to an AA meeting, I will definitely give AA a go at some point,
FABL - I know that feeling of emptiness well, it's awful and usually develops into all kinds of other negative emotions, and especially the part about hiding your real emotions, it's like you suddenly put on a mask when really what's going on behind the mask is a completly different story, it's terribly lonely. There's a great speech in American Psycho that resonated with me;
"And though I can hide my cold gaze,
and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours
and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable...
I simply am not there."
I think that emptiness is a very human feeling as we search for fulfilment and meaning in our life, as long as we stay on the right path we'll find it. Keep strong, i'm rooting for you
Sorry I havn't been posting much as of late, had a busy couple of days starting my new job and I made a point of hitting the gym or going for a run after my shifts to prove to myself I can keep up my training even with a full time job, it's been AMAZING to be back to work and feeling like a real human being again! It's a big step away from the terrible situation I found myself in last year, on top of that I've added up a lot of life events that i've now gone through completly sober, interviews and starting a new job are stressful, but I'm through the other side stronger for it.
I always have to watch my back however, I have the house to myself this week and my Dad left me £40, as soon as I saw those purple notes I immediatly calculated how much cider I could buy with it. Unbelievable. It was a completly automatic response, reminds me that I may be going in the right direction, but I am by now means out of the woods yet.
Hope all are well out there
Peace
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
LS, congrats on the job and all the exercise, it can be good to be busy, can't it? Keep yourself on a schedule and a routine, especially if you have the house to yourself. That is a great quote, thank you. I truly believe in karma to a point, that if we keep doing the right things, the right things will find us. Those right things may be internal or external, and they may not be the things we were wishing or hoping for necessarily, but good things nonetheless.
DI, glad you had a nice week with family, now back to reality, right? That can be hard, but like you stated, as long as you are facing it all sober, you will be fine. I know you have some tough decisions and changes to make, we are here for you
Spent the rest of the evening with my daughter talking and watching tv, what could be better than that? By then time I went to bed, I was feeling so much better. Sometimes my mind gets so muddled and becomes wrapped up in thoughts and feelings that I can't control and that aren't good for me.
Grateful to have my first week of sobriety behind me, as you all know that can be the most difficult. Thank you all once again for the support. Not sure I could do it without you.
DI, glad you had a nice week with family, now back to reality, right? That can be hard, but like you stated, as long as you are facing it all sober, you will be fine. I know you have some tough decisions and changes to make, we are here for you
Spent the rest of the evening with my daughter talking and watching tv, what could be better than that? By then time I went to bed, I was feeling so much better. Sometimes my mind gets so muddled and becomes wrapped up in thoughts and feelings that I can't control and that aren't good for me.
Grateful to have my first week of sobriety behind me, as you all know that can be the most difficult. Thank you all once again for the support. Not sure I could do it without you.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Happy Sunday everyone,
Day 14 and doing well. Proud of you, FABL, for getting through last night. It's weird how the strong cravings do pass and then you are left feeling so happy and grateful for not giving in.
LS, glad you are enjoying your new job and new routine!
Had to get another bloodtest yesterday to check my HCG level so hoping for good news tomorrow from my Dr. Guess they are looking for my levels to have doubled since the last bloodtest and if they haven't then that is a good indication I will miscarry. I don't remember having to do all of this when I was pregnant with my daughter, but I guess it's because of my age/previous pregnancy loss? Trying to stay positive.
Going to be a beautiful day here today. Hope everyone is doing well. Sure has been quiet here lately
Day 14 and doing well. Proud of you, FABL, for getting through last night. It's weird how the strong cravings do pass and then you are left feeling so happy and grateful for not giving in.
LS, glad you are enjoying your new job and new routine!
Had to get another bloodtest yesterday to check my HCG level so hoping for good news tomorrow from my Dr. Guess they are looking for my levels to have doubled since the last bloodtest and if they haven't then that is a good indication I will miscarry. I don't remember having to do all of this when I was pregnant with my daughter, but I guess it's because of my age/previous pregnancy loss? Trying to stay positive.
Going to be a beautiful day here today. Hope everyone is doing well. Sure has been quiet here lately
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