Dee74

You're best to focus on today Torn...thats the only day any of us can really do anything about.

Forever's nothing but a lot of days strung together

It's normal to feel fear, to want back out - but try and relax. You're on the right road - there's no way sobriety can go wrong

I had no idea what I'd be thinking at 5 years, in my first month....

I changed a lot and now I want to be sober.

I hope you'll find the same Torn

forabetterlife

Well, this counseling place is not going to work for me. It was a weekly thing they do where you fill out paperwork and then they call. There was a room full of people and as I looked in, I recognized 2 people from school. I am a teacher and not comfortable with that at all. I'm going to have to find either someone private or go a few towns over. I was so disappointed I cried all the way home and somehow it made me feel better to get it out
I have been to counseling a few times in my life and found it very helpful. I'm actually not nervous about it at all, more looking forward to talking to someone and getting some advice and direction. I share none of my relationship or alcohol struggles with anyone in my life right now. Only SR

Dee74

There will be other counselling options I'm sure FABL. Good luck with finding them.

D

tornrealization

I'm sorry this place didn't work out for you today. I also apologize for interpreting putting it off - as nerves. I'm sure you'll find some help somewhere else.

forabetterlife

Oh that's fine torn. It's more just that I put off doing things like that for myself. I often feel guilty spending time and money on myself rather than for or with my kids. That and just plain old procrastination!

Gazza

Has anyone else read the sticky thread titled 'Under the influence'. just went through it. Was well worth the read.

Good luck finding a counsellor that suits FABL Im sure youll find someone.

cheers
G

LonelyShadow

Sorry to hear that place didn't work out FABL, but hey you went there and made a huge step forward in doing so, it's not a defeat, you just learned something new that's all! I find it's just as important to know what doesn't work as well as knowing what does. Huge amount of respect for getting out there

And Torn hope you're doing good today, you're in my thoughts

LonelyShadow

On the prospect of 'Never again' I usually place the fear and doubt of that concept against the absolute depth of self-loathing and despair that comes with drinking. It's a very big and scary idea to think 'I will NEVER drink again' but why should it be? It's far more ridiculous and unrealistic to think that somehow at some point drinking will become something we can do again, it just doesn't work. Is it going to be easy? Of course not, but I've come to realise that if I'm going to have any chance of living a happy and successful life then alcohol simply cannot be a part of it. It's going to be a challenge, but it's not going to be impossible. 'He who says he can and he who says he can't are BOTH right"

I think it's the AV trying it's last desperate trick to get it's claws into you, begging you like an old friend to come and see him soon. Well I know how it ends, and I didn't come to life to feel sick every day, to be depressed, to shamble around with tired eyes consumed by paranoia, dread and fear. I came here to fight, to get up and get out there and show the world I'm a different creature.

"You don't drink?"
"You're damn right I don't drink"

forabetterlife

That's a great way to look at it LS. This totally resonated with me. It's like there are two opposing forces in our mind. For me, it's my real self - the one who knows how great life is sober, with confidence, optimism, and peace- and my AV- the one who keeps telling me I deserve it, who creates chaos and drama, who steals my sleep and my self-esteem, and makes me look a wreck. My real self knows the truth but my AV keeps saying I'm making too big a deal out of all this and this time will be different. And , no, they cannot BOTH be right.

This is the stuff at need to remember this afternoon when that old friend comes calling to play again. I can't wait until he finally gets the message and leaves me alone!

LonelyShadow

"As I was walking up the stairs
I met a man who was not there
He was not there again today
Oh how I wish he'd go away"

LonelyShadow

I'm not sure if it ever truly goes away, but I do find it gets easier and easier to tackle as time goes on. Each sober day adds a link to the armour, especially days where I do something positive OR do something that would usually send me to the off-licence but I get through sober. Huge relief doing things sober that I previously thought I couldn't handle.

Dee74

I dunno - I'm not troubled anymore and haven't been for years really.
I'm not complacent, but there's been nothing to fight for a very long time

D

DiggingIn

That's should give us all hope! I know it does me.

DiggingIn

Ok Feb friends, I have the potential for a new job starting in May. It would get me away from the situation that led to my drinking, but it is a substantial pay cut. I would keep my current benefits and retirement plan and my time off would transfer over. Say a prayer, I want to make the right decision. I meet with the director on Tuesday.

SoberLeigh

This poem has always haunted me; now, it has even greater meaning, LS.

SoberLeigh

Prayers, absolutely.

SayAnything

I hope it all works out! That potentially sounds like a good solution. I did the same (for different reasons) years ago, going from a night shift position in a big hospital to a small lab that was only open weekdays, no weekends or holidays. It was a big paycut, but it was totally worth it for my sanity!

SayAnything

Is that coming from Dee or Snuffleupa-however you spell it! No matter. Both are wise and have taught me much.

It's good to know that can happen in time.

SoberLeigh

Torn - one of the first things I thought when I woke up today (after "I need coffee") was "Torn starts IOP today!" I am so excited for you!

SayAnything

I just read it, Gazza, and it was quite disturbing, didn't you think? I think, being in the health care field, that kind of information helps me. I can't tell you how many people we see come in with BAL's of .50 and they're walking and talking when they should be in a coma. That's just how much tolerance they've built up. I definitely don't want to get there!