lorelei

Hey all

Home now, was pretty stressful and could do with a stiff drink :-(
X

LillianGish

Everything I wanted to say is right in this paragraph!

Melina, you're not married, no kids, you have your own place.....

Just be careful with a guy like that. He's mean...so protect yourself and next time press charges if he hits you again.

No one gets to hit one of our tribe!!!

Remember what someone said earlier....sobriety lifts the veil and we see what really is...stuff we hid from and didn't see while drinking.

Big hugs Melina!

LillianGish

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

That would add to your stress.

Talk it through instead...what happened today?

Tallia

Hugs lorelei relax now have a nice bubble bath put your feet up watch some TV no stiff drink allowed ;-) do something you enjoy your deserve it

Bird615

The books helped me to see and understand my codependency a little better. There's also daily meditation books and the one I had helped keep me on track. (and there are other helpful books/resources out there, too)

Dealing with my codependency issues is the same as with my alcoholism or any other addiction, for that matter; for me it's a journey of self-discovery and self-improvement. And most important, to me, anyway, a spiritual journey.

I don't think I'll ever totally overcome any of those things, but I can learn how to change my thinking/perception of things and learn different behaviours/reactions. I have learned a little better to "live and let live".

I don't feel like I'm expressing this very well, but I hope you get my intent of what I'm trying to say.

phoebe64

BLKDIESEL

Now, we know that is just the AV talking and not our Lorelei lol. Take a breath and take a minute, take a walk and destress for a minute and then really think about if you want to do that. Remember you are a "FINISHER"

Yoctopus

Madbird - I think you are expressing yourself fine. I understand everything is a process. I've heard one therapist say "It's all about the journey, because there is no ending until you die." Something like that. I am just really struggling with my emotions and how volatile they are. I swing from full of hope and knowing that the future is Ok regardless, to emptiness and despair thinking that the only future I have is with my fiance or I will physically fall to pieces. I want to work on this. I know that I need to put to use things like meditation and the activities that self help books provide, along with the advice of my counselor. I appreciate you giving me insight into your experience and it provides me with a lot of comfort to know that it is possible to battle these demons simultaneously.

Melina

Rochelle, Tallia, madbird, LillianGish, yoctopus, Thank you all.

Whew. Yep. You're all correct.

I felt bad like I was being all Miss High and Mighty suddenly perfect now that I have a few weeks sober.

Truth is, I haven't been happy with him for a long time and I'm sick of his negative attitude towards everything. He's negative sober, drunk, good day, bad day. I can't fix that and no longer care to try.

I am no longer afraid to go hang out in the crappy apartment I rented on the fly. At least its safe and I can clean it up and make it a real home for myself. And I can move in 8 months if I really don't like it after that.

In my gut, I no longer feel safe with him. I can't trust him with my emotions and I have to admit I am scared of verbal confrontation with him in case it gets physical again. I've tried to downplay it as a one-off because I wanted to stay. I was too afraid of being alone. I constantly talk myself out of expressing my feelings towards him. I tell myself it's because maybe the situation will pass, but it's really the fear of him that makes me swallow my issues in this relationship. And that's just a sick way to live. No joy there and no hope. There is no positive foundation between us for growth. None.

I was very afraid to get sober. And I've been fine. So I dont have to be afraid of starting a life without him. I can get away from him and work on my recovery and enjoy this new life I'm creating. It's a mix of getting back to my old hobbies and interests and incorporating some new cool ones. I'm so excited to do that sober. I can't do it with him because he's a drag.

Thanks everyone, for your thoughtful responses and for crystallizing what I knew to be true.

I may not be perfect but I don't have to stay where I'm miserable.

Mentium

NAH! Of course you couldn't! I hope all is well and the results are good news!

Bird615

You are right and you will continue to be fine. A whole new life awaits you!

Pamel

Lorelei, I am so glad this procedure is over and I hope the results are positive. MRIs....are, well, awful, but useful....

They usually give you Valium (worse, IMO than a martini...) Well, OK, neither is good.

Bird615

lorelei, kick that nasty little AV to the curb!

Melina

Hi Lorelei,

Hang in there. I hope your MRI shows good results.

You're doing great with your sobriety, and your enthusiasm and care for us Septembers is very inspiring.

I hope you get a lot of rest today and tell your AV to stick it where the sun don't shine.

Best,
Melina

Nuway2fly

But of course, you won't have one. Stay strong, Angel of the Septies. That title is not an extra responsibility, by the way. Just an assurance of what you mean to us all.

Indenial618

Day 1 for me. Well not really since I was drinking until 3am last night. I want sobriety so bad. I'm tired of thinking I can drink like a normal person or being scared to be the only one not drinking at a social event which isn't even true because me husband is t a drinker at all and he's fine going out and ordering soda. This way of thinking has made me miserable for over ten years now. Finally ready to give this up for good. I need a the help I can get. Alcohol has never done anything good for me.

Yoctopus

Welcome Indenia! Glad you have decided to join us.

Bird615

Welcome to SR, Indenial!
Here is where you can find some help to get you going on your road to recovery!

lommey

glad your home lorelei hope you get good news soon. the waiting is awful.
welcome indenial and welcome to day 1

workoholic

Melina: Seems to me that you are better off without him. Being alone is better than being uncomfortable and uneasy. You should put your own well being first, he doesn't even seem sympathetic at all. That's my personal opinion nothing else.

Lorelei: Hope your MRI scan is blank.

Indenial: Welcome


Day 18 for me. Did get a craving for alcohol today but no particular type. Kind of unspecific and only lasted 5-10 minutes. Plumbers coming tomorrow morning and will spend all day in my apartment. Gotta find something else to do before my next night shift starts at 16.30 tomorrow. Minor problem, maybe I go to a mall or sleep in my office at work